Do ‘looks’ matter to YOU?
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I hope I won't be offending anyone, because I personally believe that the only people who can actually say that looks don't matter are blind.
And even then, I wonder, what are blind people attracted to? The sound of someone's voice? The way a person smells, or the rhythm of their walk as they shuffle across the room? These are questions I've always wanted to ask, because after all, blind people get married, too.
As someone who feels the pressure of singleness to try to somewhat maintain one's looks (I had a friend who got married and said, "I can't wait to be able to just let myself go!"), it can be a very miserable journey. I pass up about 95% of the things I'd really rather prefer to be eating (goodbye cheeseburgers, fries, and crispy tacos with extra cheese; hello boiled spinach and eggs), I don't like exercise but I do it because I know it helps, and I do have to be a bit obsessive at times, because otherwise my weight goes through the roof.
So, it would be nice to find someone who cares about weight, nutrition, and exercise as well because if I wound up with someone who sits on the couch eating Doritos all evening, I'd gain 20 lbs. the first month.
The thing I think about though, as calibob illustrated, is that looks change over time. I've written several threads in the past with pictures of popular young Hollywood stars... and then have shown current pictures in which they're 30 pounds older and 80 pounds heavier. People don't find them nearly as attractive in that state.
I know a couple who have been together a very long time, and the husband is picking at the way his wife's face has aged--while seeming to forget that he himself has aged as well and put on a lot of weight (she, however, is thinner than when they met.)
The best example I ever saw of love over looks was of an article about a young, very beautiful, model-looking couple who got married... and the husband was in the military and lost half his face during an explosion. Doctors did what they could, but of course, he looked completely different--and she still loved him.
One of the things I wonder about now that I'm older is, "Sure. He looks good to me today..."
"But will I have a Godly enough heart to think that he looks good 20 years from now? And, even more honestly... Would I have a chance of looking good to him and keeping him faithful?"
And even then, I wonder, what are blind people attracted to? The sound of someone's voice? The way a person smells, or the rhythm of their walk as they shuffle across the room? These are questions I've always wanted to ask, because after all, blind people get married, too.
As someone who feels the pressure of singleness to try to somewhat maintain one's looks (I had a friend who got married and said, "I can't wait to be able to just let myself go!"), it can be a very miserable journey. I pass up about 95% of the things I'd really rather prefer to be eating (goodbye cheeseburgers, fries, and crispy tacos with extra cheese; hello boiled spinach and eggs), I don't like exercise but I do it because I know it helps, and I do have to be a bit obsessive at times, because otherwise my weight goes through the roof.
So, it would be nice to find someone who cares about weight, nutrition, and exercise as well because if I wound up with someone who sits on the couch eating Doritos all evening, I'd gain 20 lbs. the first month.
The thing I think about though, as calibob illustrated, is that looks change over time. I've written several threads in the past with pictures of popular young Hollywood stars... and then have shown current pictures in which they're 30 pounds older and 80 pounds heavier. People don't find them nearly as attractive in that state.
I know a couple who have been together a very long time, and the husband is picking at the way his wife's face has aged--while seeming to forget that he himself has aged as well and put on a lot of weight (she, however, is thinner than when they met.)
The best example I ever saw of love over looks was of an article about a young, very beautiful, model-looking couple who got married... and the husband was in the military and lost half his face during an explosion. Doctors did what they could, but of course, he looked completely different--and she still loved him.
One of the things I wonder about now that I'm older is, "Sure. He looks good to me today..."
"But will I have a Godly enough heart to think that he looks good 20 years from now? And, even more honestly... Would I have a chance of looking good to him and keeping him faithful?"
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Taking it further, what about when a quick wit fades? What about when a person's memories and the very personality fade?
There is this one elderly couple who used to come to McDonald's where I work multiple times a day, every day. Sometimes they would only get an ice cream cone, but they were always there. We watched as the wife succumbed to alzheimer's right before our eyes. The husband kept taking care of her long past the point where she had become a caricature of her former self. When he finally put her in a nursing home it was because she had reached the point where he was no longer able to take care of her.
What keeps people together when what attracted them to each other fades? It can't just be the memory of what the person used to be.
Excellent point, Lynx. The last sentence make me choke up a bit.
Your post reminds me of a story I read about a couple in which the wife had Alzheimer's disease and didn't even recognize her husband anymore. Sometimes she would scream in terror because she didn't know who he was. And yet, he had given up his prominent position at a Christian college to care for her every single day. He would feed, bathe, and dress her despite that fact that she would fight him constantly.
They weren't even that old--late 60's, I think. But it had been like this for years and there was no end in sight. Last month I visited an assisted living home with some older relatives. One of the couples in the "Memory Care Unit" was probably only around 55.
As I get older and start to watch couples around me going through these kinds of things, it makes me wonder what God was thinking when He created marriage, because He knew things things like this would happen.
I have to think of all the threads we have here every week in which people confess, "I can't control my sexual urges!" And everyone shouts in unison, "Get married, because it's better to marry than to burn with passion!"
But what happens when sex in a marriage isn't even possible anymore, because one spouse is incapable, or to continue to do so would be to abuse them?
Maybe God makes many of us live with the things that trouble us... Because He knows that even greater challenges would come with marriage.
Or maybe you have to know what loss is before you can really appreciate it when you get to Heaven. "You never know what you have until it is gone."
If Adam and Eve had known what the world we know now would be like, would they have picked the fruit off that tree? Knowing what we know now, when we get to Heaven I think it will be impossible to find anybody who would rock the perfect boat.
If Adam and Eve had known what the world we know now would be like, would they have picked the fruit off that tree? Knowing what we know now, when we get to Heaven I think it will be impossible to find anybody who would rock the perfect boat.
do looks matter to me? well... let's see...
during my teen years, i always liked hispanic guys because after all, i grew up in a predominately hispanic community. 1st year of college, i reeeeeally liked looking at this guy: tall, white, black frame glasses. and it all changed after that lol. i had a type i liked: tall, white guy with glasses who plays the guitar.
my definition of handsome will be different from another woman's definition. but guess what! i don't care for her definition lol. "whatever floats your boat!"
my husband is tall, white, wears glasses and plays the guitar and other instruments. he is the funniest guy i know and the sweetest! he is always handsome regardless of the day and time of day. apparently, i'm his type. on some days, i don't know how i managed to attract him, but he likes me and wants me around. lol.
during my teen years, i always liked hispanic guys because after all, i grew up in a predominately hispanic community. 1st year of college, i reeeeeally liked looking at this guy: tall, white, black frame glasses. and it all changed after that lol. i had a type i liked: tall, white guy with glasses who plays the guitar.
my definition of handsome will be different from another woman's definition. but guess what! i don't care for her definition lol. "whatever floats your boat!"
my husband is tall, white, wears glasses and plays the guitar and other instruments. he is the funniest guy i know and the sweetest! he is always handsome regardless of the day and time of day. apparently, i'm his type. on some days, i don't know how i managed to attract him, but he likes me and wants me around. lol.
Well as far as looks go if we are talking about if it would make me not date someone or not I would say no. For me I don't date just to date or to not be single I only do so for love I want the real thing and if you love someone you love them for who they are not what they look like. However as far as looks go like if we are getting dressed for something I enjoy helping to pick out things that would good on her. Like with Stephanie while lots of kinds of necklaces would look great on her pearls just seem to be spot on for her.
I believe Lynx has a point. It is a fact that we each are attracted to certain features. I honestly believe that was designed into each of us. I also believe what Lynx hit on was point. Say there is this man. His smile to me lights up the room. His eyes smile, he walks and stands with confident, he is well groomed. He takes care of himself. He has a kind heart. Yes, before someone says you can't see that. I believe you can. Who they are radiates from the inside out. It is visible. You can see it in his skin, eyes, smile, walk and talk.
And yes there is the instant sexual attraction. The carnal side of attraction. We pass someone and think their appearance is sexy. That to can be body figure, smile, eyes, facial features ECT...
Now for me personally, if they dont take care of themselves. That is a turn off. This is what it says to me. " I don't care about myself " then how could they care about me. No, I'm not talking a lean-mean muscle machine. I have known many skinny men having heart attacks. Im talking about how one takes care of their body, mind and soul. Do they eat right ( not dieting, healthy moderation), are they regularly active, are they mentally and emotionally healthy. ( if wounded, have they taken the time to heal. Not just bury it or push it aside) do they have a healthy stable walk with the Lord, or are they on the fence and wishy washy. For me as a woman, my mate would be the head of our home. If he can't take care of himself. Then how would he care for his home?
Anyway point being, there are many attributes that attract us to a person.
And yes there is the instant sexual attraction. The carnal side of attraction. We pass someone and think their appearance is sexy. That to can be body figure, smile, eyes, facial features ECT...
Now for me personally, if they dont take care of themselves. That is a turn off. This is what it says to me. " I don't care about myself " then how could they care about me. No, I'm not talking a lean-mean muscle machine. I have known many skinny men having heart attacks. Im talking about how one takes care of their body, mind and soul. Do they eat right ( not dieting, healthy moderation), are they regularly active, are they mentally and emotionally healthy. ( if wounded, have they taken the time to heal. Not just bury it or push it aside) do they have a healthy stable walk with the Lord, or are they on the fence and wishy washy. For me as a woman, my mate would be the head of our home. If he can't take care of himself. Then how would he care for his home?
Anyway point being, there are many attributes that attract us to a person.
Amen..like every struggle in life..with or without sex etc for whatever reason..God helps us through and has a purpose..we just have to TRUST Him
Looks are very important as there is such a thing as beauty. If a woman has a beautiful heart that will transcend to the outside as well. It is true also that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
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I have noticed that looks can grow on me when I get to know them better as a person.