In this fallen world, we are always continually healing from hurts of the past, in all stages of our lives. Except when we aren't healing at all. When we are at a total stand-still.
I am becoming more and more concerned about a friend that I have who went through a very similar experience as me (affair, abandonment, etc) except her situation occurred many many years ago. Like... 35-40 years ago.
What alarms me is that she is so very unhappy in life. She is one of those people who is NEVER doing "well" when you ask. She immediately responds with all of her woes. Never in the 14 years I've known her has she told me she's doing well, or feeling well, or is happy. She just has this huge dark spirit of pain and misery hovering over her.
After many conversations with her I realized that she never healed or got over the failure of her marriage. It is a daily struggle for her, even after all these years. She told me this week that she drove past her ex-husband's house and noticed he'd put a new roof on, and this just sent her into the darkest depression. She wept, talking about it. She never remarried, is very much alone, and has a lot of bitterness and sadness over her ex and her divorce.
I can totally relate to the struggle of course... but I am so heartbroken for her, because I feel that if she would just forgive this man and put this all behind her, she might find some happiness. I wonder if she realizes that she hasn't ever forgiven, and hasn't ever let go. How do we know when we are healing properly? Do you feel that it would be beneficial for someone to tell her that she needs to let go? Would that seem insensitive? I know that her pain is very real and alive, but it is literally crippling her quality of life and I don't think she realizes it at all.
It makes me wonder if people who are stalled in their healing process realize it or are oblivious to it. I wonder how much is situational and how much is personality (the ability to get up and move on in life). I wonder how their lives would look if they had been able to deal with the issues and find closure for themselves. I wonder how we can help them.
I am becoming more and more concerned about a friend that I have who went through a very similar experience as me (affair, abandonment, etc) except her situation occurred many many years ago. Like... 35-40 years ago.
What alarms me is that she is so very unhappy in life. She is one of those people who is NEVER doing "well" when you ask. She immediately responds with all of her woes. Never in the 14 years I've known her has she told me she's doing well, or feeling well, or is happy. She just has this huge dark spirit of pain and misery hovering over her.
After many conversations with her I realized that she never healed or got over the failure of her marriage. It is a daily struggle for her, even after all these years. She told me this week that she drove past her ex-husband's house and noticed he'd put a new roof on, and this just sent her into the darkest depression. She wept, talking about it. She never remarried, is very much alone, and has a lot of bitterness and sadness over her ex and her divorce.
I can totally relate to the struggle of course... but I am so heartbroken for her, because I feel that if she would just forgive this man and put this all behind her, she might find some happiness. I wonder if she realizes that she hasn't ever forgiven, and hasn't ever let go. How do we know when we are healing properly? Do you feel that it would be beneficial for someone to tell her that she needs to let go? Would that seem insensitive? I know that her pain is very real and alive, but it is literally crippling her quality of life and I don't think she realizes it at all.
It makes me wonder if people who are stalled in their healing process realize it or are oblivious to it. I wonder how much is situational and how much is personality (the ability to get up and move on in life). I wonder how their lives would look if they had been able to deal with the issues and find closure for themselves. I wonder how we can help them.