Don't Touch Me

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If I met someone online that I liked enough to want to meet in person, it would be wierd to me not to hug them.
 
I guess for myself whether a hug would be appropriate in greeting someone that I was meeting for the first time (in person) from the internet would really depend on the nature of the relationship. I've had the pleasure of meeting a handful of people from chat and for most of those meetings I would say that a hug would have been made for an awkward moment since most of them are casual acquaintances. The one person I met that a hug would have been appropriate for ended up making the moment awkward because they wouldn't let go.
 
Oncefallen + The Neverending Hugger... floating on a wooden raft in the middle of the ocean = "Never... Let... Go..." "Ill never let go!" *starts humming theme song from "Titanic"* :D *ducks and runs*
 
Seoul, I'm grateful that I swallowed my coffee prior to reading your post since liquids and sensitive electronic equipment don't mix well.
 
Oncefallen said:
Seoul, I'm grateful that I swallowed my coffee prior to reading your post since liquids and sensitive electronic equipment don't mix well.
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I'm just considerate that way, Oncefallen. I try to wait until AFTER people have had their coffee before I crack my jokes! :D

(Plus, the caffeine boost makes them more likely to actually find them funny.) ;)

P.S. I hope that your coffee Will Go On... And On.... :D
 
These are terrific replies.

Seoulsearch, your first response made a lot of sense to me.

I do have to say that I don't spend a lot of time corresponding with men before I meet them.

Mainly because meeting someone in person tells me so much more than just talking on the phone or emailing. I've learned that someone can put up a relatively good front via the internet or over the phone. Then I invest a bunch of time in "getting to know them", meet them and find out they are nothing like I thought and rue my wasted time.

So these men are men that pass my initial filter, I may speak to once or twice on the phone, email about 4 times tops, and then meet in person.We are one step away from stranger. Thus I'm not really into hugging.

Anyways, it was good to read the different perspectives, thanks everyone for your replies! :)
 
Crimson_Lark said:
I'm single. I would like to be married. Thus I invest part of my time and energy in meeting men.

The problem is when I am introduced to someone via the internet and then we meet in person
they want to hug me when they first see me. What the heck?!?

These guys are one step away from stranger. Who hugs almost strangers?
Hugging the gas station attendant would actually be more natural, I know that guy better and we've had more conversations!

It's not sexual, I'm wearing my winter coat and a scarf. Are these
just strange lonely men? Are they socially awkward and think hugging an almost stranger is normal? Is it cultural?

It makes no sense to me. Please someone explain this odd behavior.
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It's ok Crimson. A hug doesn't mean sex. Maybe in this country if we did more hugging, we do less shooting! I'm sure Jesus hugged and still does. I'm sorry, but I just don't understand when people want something, such as marriage, but then they won't even ingage in a simple handshake or hug. Oh by the way, please stay in the states. In a lot of countries, it's custom to hug in greeting, both men and women, and sometimes even a double kiss to the cheek.
Huggs :) GB
 
I like to be hugged by a few close friends at church when I see them; however, I also understand someone needing time to warm up. I suppose the answer for someone who needs time to get to know people before a hug would be to communicate that to them. By telling them, you give them the information they need to accomodate your comfort level. Peace.
 
I guess I'd agree with the ones saying why is it weird to exchange a quick friendly hug? now if someone came to hug me and gave me a big bear hug and wouldn't let go right away, that would start feeling weird to me! But I'm also a big believer in respecting others personal space... If you're not comfortable hugging people on your first meeting there is no reason you should have to :)
 
Hi all GBU

LARRRRKYYYYYY hi

Larky to be honest i have to ask the question ,,
,,are you sure your ready to date ???

you say these guys are the ones who have passed you 1st fillter ,,,and these are the men you want to meet

,,,,so if they have passed your first filter why not give a friendly hug ?
,,,you also say there one step away from a stranger ,,,,but they could well be one step away from being your hubby as well ,,

,the men you meet are also taking a big chance on you as well remember they dont know you also
,,, so they try to be friendly ,,,,,now from there point of view ,,,they are meeting an ice cube
,,, and not someone who is warm nor even friendly ,,,

,,so maybe you need to rethink a little on how you come accross to them as well
,,,,some men you may want to meet again could well be the guys you have just put down by your cold attitude

,,,,so maybe ponder just how they feel a little ,,,,


Larky i wish you all the very best and hope you meet the man of your dreams GBU


BADDOG
 
BADDOG said:
,,,,so maybe ponder just how they feel a little ,,,,
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I have to agree. You don't want to give them the impression that you think they're yucky/creepy/gross.

I think it would be okay, though, to say (in the online message where the two of you set up the meeting), that you're really not a hugger.

Or, if the thought of hugging them repels you, maybe you don't have a strict enough filter on the ones you choose to meet?
 
Seriously, a hug is that offensive? In my opinion, women tend to change their rules as they go along. Women have no problems hugging strangers at all depends on who the stranger is. If a woman likes the way a man looks, his persona or his position or status in life she has no problem with a hug. I see it and hear it all the time, how women react differently to high profile men.
 
flight316 said:
Seriously, a hug is that offensive? In my opinion, women tend to change their rules as they go along. Women have no problems hugging strangers at all depends on who the stranger is. If a woman likes the way a man looks, his persona or his position or status in life she has no problem with a hug. I see it and hear it all the time, how women react differently to high profile men.
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Definitely not true. The last time I didn't feel comfortable about a guy hugging me was because he talked about himself and the success he'd had in life, whether it be with money, women, or whatever... without showing any interest whatsoever in my life. He obviously thought I was just some other chick who was going to swoon over him for whatever reasons he thought made him such a catch. The email exchanges we had had been great. The conversation in person... not so much. Email lets both people have a turn to talk. In real life, you might not get that chance. I listened to him talk about himself pretty much the whole time. I most certainly didn't feel like hugging him at any point during the meeting.

Sometimes we don't want to hug someone simply because he's just not a very considerate person.
 
Baddog, I think you have misjudged me.

Most of the men have asked me out a second time and some of them are now good friends. So I don't think I am making them feel badly.
The reality is you can be friendly and not be into hugging every person you meet. Hugging is a preference.

 
Crimson_Lark said:
Baddog, I think you have misjudged me.

Most of the men have asked me out a second time and some of them are now good friends. So I don't think I am making them feel badly.
The reality is you can be friendly and not be into hugging every person you meet. Hugging is a preference.
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well that's just crazy! weird inappropriate touching from a complete stranger being unwanted? That's just crazy!
 
I agree with PopClick, Jullianna and SeoulSearch. If I was willing to date a guy, I'm sure I'd immediately lighten the mood by hugging him first, if it seemed to fit. If you'd rather not, then yeah, just tell him right away (before meeting in person) that you don't like hugs.
 
Has anyone considered the fact that maybe these guys are hugging because, in their eyes, they think most women are comfortable with that? Imagine a single guy who doesn't have much luck with women. He watches TV, and learns from there that when most women greet their friends, they give them a hug. Some of these guys could just be trying to fit in. Unless they are players, most men are more awkward than women.
 
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