I am a very strange person. I suppose I owe some explanation to those of you who were not there for my emergence into here.
I grew up as a kid, and when I was seven years old, at an Awana club, my first night, I was introduced to the word of God, and accepted him into my heart. and after that, many things happened, I rejected that concupiescential faith, and lived without God for a time, about 2-3 years. That is in part why I have so many unique beliefs and character traits.
I came to salvation after that period, and it was like a dam broke in my soul, and it was a few months after that, I believe, that I joined. I have been saved for two years, three months, and 19 days. I still suffered, but through the guidance of many wonderful people, including my cc aunty seoul and Mr. sub, along with many others, I was corrected into the right course, and through long months of pain, eventually healed enough to be where I am now.
However, my story is not why I am here today, no, I am here to talk about my weirdness.
So here it is folks. Welcome to the mind of the prince. You have been warned.
Let's see, we must pick somewhere to start, so let's start here....
I have/had multiple personality disorder. It is traceable back to about 5 years ago, but has moved around in severity. It mostly came to a head when William passed away, and I split into 3 main categories; Blood, to manage painful memories, self-harm, etc, Tears, to manage grief, pain, loss, the past, and Darkness, to hold the monster that threatened to consume my soul. Also ICE, to maintain a calm, cool face in front of the world. They used to have a their own volition, a little free will, and sometimes I would do things as one or another and not remember. I still have them, but they have mostly been absorbed by me. sometimes one can break out, and I use them to influence my writing for specific themes. But for a while it got really weird and my friends would avoid me just a little.
I also have done some pretty stupid things. At a men's retreat, I pulled an all nightery with some friends, and we basically consumed about 40+ bottles of powdered drink mix, mostly the caffeinated kind. (that's a lott of caff) I think that changed how caffeine works for me, because now it is a mental stimulant, not a physical one, that I generally use to improve my writing. It effectively slows down time for me. Speeds my mind up, really. I recently discovered caffeine pouches, like nicotine pouches, but better, and a lot cheaper than energy drinks. I am using one right now. I generally consume about 2-400 mg a month, although that varies. in August, I had ~200, September none, October so far, ~200, although a friend gave me a drink with 300mg (!) to try, so I'll get a lot more this month. I prefer it in shots of 180 on an empty stomach, as it takes effect faster and is more potent.
I have the strange ability to monitor and control burning use, so I can slowly meter it out or burn it quickly for a shorter, more powerful boost to focus and speed. I treat energy the same way, as a pool, and I can store up both it and exhaustion, so if I need it I can briefly have a burst of energy, or I can fall asleep anywhere. I manage them carefully, so I don't run out of energy, because that sucks.
I write, and it gets beautifully weird real quick.
"A fragment of Glass falls from the sky..." "slowly, so slowly it descends" "He remembers" "The fragment hits the cold, unforgiving asphalt, and it shatters..." "like the glass, he, too, had shattered, when pushed over the edge"
I am a self-identified Metalhead, a subculture of Goth, and it shows, slightly. I wear my hair long, although I am getting it cut,
and I wear skull iconography, and I have a couple band shirts. I am also obsessed with swords, for semi obvious reasons. I wear dark clothing and black slim jeans on occasion, although not to church, also for obvious reasons.
And I listen to music that a lot of my fellow Christians don't believe is compatible with salvation or being a 'good' Christian, even though most of it is Christian music.
I have a lot of unorthodox beliefs, most of which are not worth arguing about. For example, I don't believe that removing your hat to pray is necessary, as removal of the hat is a cultural symbol of respect, and if there is no respect, then to remove the hat would be to lie. Also, the command in the bible is right next to one for women to cover their heads, which is not done any more.
I also don't believe that dating is commanded either way in the bible, it is simply a matter of wisdom. And for me, I have seen fallout from that (explained more deeply in the suicide prevention thread) that makes me want to stay clear of that whole mess. However, I did have a girl tell me I have a hot voice one time, which is a good memory. (what? it was a weird thing to say, but I'll take any compliment I can get.)
I read a lot, and I absorb my characters into myself. for example, my multiple personality disorder was originally absorbed from a character in a book.
I have advanced paranoia, and that manifests as extreme carefulness, an inability to trust anyone, even and especially myself, etc.
Losing William hurt me so bad, I basically went into shock until this February, when it finally hit, and I sank into deep grief. I can safely say it was one of the worst times of my life (top 5, 3 even!) Time stretched and bent, and I lost track of my mind in that time. I was normal all day, and then during the night I grieved and silently cried myself to sleep. Proverbs 14:13; in the midst of laughter there is grief, and in mirth there is sorrow.\
Sometimes I wonder how much of my life is based simply because of something that he said or something he told me. for example, I only listen to Christian metal, mostly, because he passed away before I got around to asking him for recommendations for secular music.
You know, the thing that I almost think I most desire is to know where his vessel is buried, so if I ever visit I can pay my respects.
I am also a very imbalanced person. I have an undiagnosed weak stomach, so there are a lot of things I can't eat or shouldn't eat, that were fine recently.
I have a profoundly weird sense of taste, so I simply cannot eat honey unless it is certain local varieties, not an allergy, just it tastes awful. And My sense of taste is unusual too. Certain things fluctuate from good to bad, so right now I cannot eat peanut butter, it tastes like stinkbug butt. (don't sleep with your mouth open and you will never have to know) For a time, beef of any kind tasted like death. And yes, death has a flavor and a scent. This stems from losing an uncle when I was young. That affected me in many deep ways. for one, funerals are physically painful to me. I can smell the death, in many cases. I have considered becoming vegan, and likely will, once I move out, because I can't handle the taste of meat in many cases. it tastes and feels like death. And the way we Americans like our red meats is both disturbing and disgusting. I do not like meat that is not cooked in the slightest, even if it 'preserves the flavor' I like my meat thoroughly slightly pink, not dripping with blood.
I also employ the British 'u' quite a lot, comes from reading British novels I suppose.
Oh and I am a manga fan. *not* anime. I really enjoy a good manga, the characters are cute and I enjoy the Japanese art style. I also think that I could probably pull off an anime character for a cosplay
which I think would be really cool. I am a fan of animations on youtube like JaidenAnimations or Odd1sout.
And I don't have a Friend. I have y'all here (@seoul
) and some friends my own age too in person, but no one who I can really be myself around, except for myself. which is lame, just me and myself.
So this is as much of me as I can think of under the influence of a collective 100 mg of caffeine. thanks to anyone who cares enough to read my rambling thougths about my own quirks.
Anyone want to try to compete?
Comment with your strangest quirk to be entered to win an lol emoji.
