Before we started talking, it had been 4 years since this guy had been in a relationship. And before that he'd had 9 gfs. He was 30 yrs old. He'd just begun really following the Lord the year before we met so all of his relationships were before this.
Hi HIH,
Everyone here has already given you stellar advice, so I just wanted to comment on this one detail.
It sounds like he was definitely a newer Christian and maybe he didn't know or even consider that deleting pics of his old girlfriends was a good way to clean the slate. I didn't have many boyfriends and I held on to pictures as a way of reminding myself that I'd found someone in the past, so hopefully this meant I could still find someone in the future. I was putting my faith in the past and not God.
One day, years later, God convicted me and I got rid of any pictures of any guy I had an attachment to, even childhood crushes. It was tough. I remember I had some pics from summer camp I really wanted to keep, but they included a counselor I had a huge crush on and God said, "Those have got to go!", even though it had been 15 years or more.
Now, it might just be a me thing, as I do tend to get attached to people and sometimes God will have me go through and get rid of certain things I'm apparently too emotionally drawn to.
But it took years to do this and again, it might be something more specific God convicts in me, and might not be as strict in others.
Since this guy you were around was a newer Christian, maybe God hadn't convicted him of deleting his pictures yet -- I'm not saying you should have had to accept it, I'm just saying, maybe God would have said he needs more time to be able to let go.
We would all be rich if we got a dollar every time someone quoted, "Do not be unequally yoked." But that's always spoken in the context of a believer with an unbeliever.
One of my frustrations with the church is that they never talk about being unequally yoked with another believer who is at a very different stage in their Christian walk. I've experienced this and personally feel it can be detrimental to relationships, because one person might have the time and experience to know certain things aren't right, but the other person has yet to learn this.
Now of course, believers in different stages MIGHT work out -- but I still think it's important to be mindful of where each person is in their journey.
Years ago, I was friends with a guy who was a new Christians (about 2 years,) but had to say no to dating because of our different stages. He was in a stage of discovering how rewarding it was to give in the name of the Lord. But he was also hooked on the feeling and attention it can bring, to the point where he was giving away so much, he needed help himself.
He was a great guy and had only the best of intentions. I tried to him about it, but he insisted that as followers of Christ, we are to help others -- and I think he was becoming very co-dependent on the reactions he got when he gave.
I could see very quickly that it would soon come down to me paying his bills while he gave what he had away, chasing that feeling of people's appreciation, and I knew this was not going to work.
4
3
