Let's Talk About Long-Distance Relationships...

[Tintin]

So chivalry is not dead in Australia. Sounds like Tintin came from Tennessee. Or at least was raised by people who grew up here.

If Skype is faulty, there ARE other video chat programs...

I just live by the belief that I should first honour our Heavenly Father, Son and Holy Spirit, then Arlene and finally, myself. It's much more freeing than having a Do Not list.

Also, when Skype isn't working, we sometimes sneak into the CC Chatrooms and catch up there. We've become pretty good at making people leave the rooms quickly. Probably too soppy/corny.

 

[sassylady]

I couldn't do long distance. I just cannot see how you can have a relationship when you can't spend time doing anything other than email or phone. I think 20 miles is plenty for me. I've tried it farther away and don't care for it.

I can spend 2 or 3 evenings a week with somebody but my experience has been that the men I've dated wanted to see me almost every evening and weekend and I have three children at home (they were younger then) and the men resented the time I needed for space or doing something for my children.

 

[agirlandherguitar]

This is extremely relative! It does depend on who you talk to and whether or not it has worked for them. One of my closest friends had a three year relationship with a man in her city and it ended. She later met somebody from India and they kept a relationship going for three years before they got married! Another friend sustained a five year relationship with somebody from another country but it got very messy and complicated and it didn't last.

There is no hard and fast rule about long distance relationships. There is no hard and fast rule about any relationship, no matter how close or far away you are! Either it works or it doesn't and there are always reasons why and consequences. Others have mentioned it before, but it comes down to trust, faith, commitment, and open communication. If you do not trust each other, have no faith in each other, aren't committed to make things work and severely lack in the communication department then NO relationship will survive. Not to mention that if God is not included at all it probably won't have strong legs to go very far. That is my opinion.

 

[Shouryu]

So chivalry is not dead in Australia. Sounds like Tintin came from Tennessee. Or at least was raised by people who grew up here.

*grabs Lynx by the collar before he can climb any further up on the Tennessee high horse*

If chivalry and honor are hallmarks of being born and raised in Tennessee, then maybe you guys want to work on the loyalty and faithfulness bit.

(I'll give you three guesses as to where The Ex was born and raised. The first two guesses don't count. *smirk*)

 

[butterfly712]

I'm in a long distance relationship,it is very hard,but I just love him so much,and that's what keeps us together,is the love for each other.I'm just glad that he doesn't live too far and in the same state as me.

 

[Loveneverfails]

So anyways, Tintin is visiting in exactly 2 weeks to meet my side of the family. Annnnnddddd at some point we will go shopping to browse at some engagement rings while snickering like school kids. Just to get an idea, of course. Just in case...

To help with your "ideas", of course.

 

[Fenner]

I had a long distance boyfriend, the first year we lived in the same town, after college he went home about 2 hours away. We stayed together for 3 years. He kept putting off any kind of plan for us to live in the same area, it ended. Some work, some don't, that's life kids.

 

[Arlene89]

View attachment 93741

To help with your "ideas", of course.

You know us so well! That is so mega awesome!

 

[Lynx]

*grabs Lynx by the collar before he can climb any further up on the Tennessee high horse*

If chivalry and honor are hallmarks of being born and raised in Tennessee, then maybe you guys want to work on the loyalty and faithfulness bit.

(I'll give you three guesses as to where The Ex was born and raised. The first two guesses don't count. *smirk*)

We have many loyal and faithful people here. We can not be held accountable for a few rogues. We did our best to raise them right, but even Elijah had trouble with his boys y'know.

 

[Loveneverfails]

You know us so well! That is so mega awesome!

Girl I gotchu ;D

 

[live4faith]

How do you know where I live?? And how did you know before I did?? LOL

I knew before you did. Now you know what my curiosity was about. Actually it's closer to 1600 give or take.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I have had long distance relationships before. They can really suck since you can't be with the one you care about and give them a cuddle. Other than I think it can cause trust issues

 

[Lynx]

I have had long distance relationships before. They can really suck since you can't be with the one you care about and give them a cuddle. Other than I think it can cause trust issues

Sometimes an impulsive 2:00am cross-country trip is the only solution.

 

[Oncefallen]

How do you know where I live?? And how did you know before I did?? LOL

I have the gift of Prophecy.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I kind of want to do a long distance relationship because I have this romantic ideal of being able to go to their state/country to visit them and spend time with them, but then at the same time I don't know how hard a separation would be. You know, being so far away from eachother.

 

[Roh_Chris]

1. What, to you, constitutes "long-distance" anyway? For some, it's 30 minutes; for others, halfway around the world isn't a problem.

I was in a long-distance relationship for a year and 3 months. She lived 1,400 miles away from me which took 2 hours and 45 minutes of flying time. To me, LDRs can mean anything from living 500 miles apart to being on opposite sides of the globe.

2. How many times a week/month/year do you feel you'd need to see someone in order to keep up the relationship?

It depends on the status of the relationship. If we are dating, then I am okay with seeing her once in 3 months or during special occasions (birthdays, Easter, Christmas, etc.) There are many ways to keep in touch when we are not together. If we are married, then I would like to be in the same place for at least 70% of the time.

3. I realize this is a subject that is going to have different answers that work for everyone. How important are things money and transportation when considering an LDR? For instance, do you believe there needs to be a way of seeing each other, paying for calls and visits, or are you all right just keeping a relationship through less expensive means, such as internet chatting and Skype?

Money and transportation are very important. I would not compromise on safety and comfort when it comes to food, transport and stay. I would factor in the cost of maintaining the relationship and then weigh it against the worth of the relationship. My only question is 'Is she worth all that I spend for her?' If the answer is yes, then I would like to use all means possible to keep in touch, as long as it is within our monthly budget.

4. What if one person has no way of contributing towards the costs and the other one will take on the brunt of the expenses?

Since my ex had just started earning, I was the one who did most of the spending. I spent money on the phone bills, flight tickets and hotel bills. She paid for the food and the transportation whenever she had the money. I was completely okay with it because I knew her situation. However, right now, I would like to be in a relationship where we both can contribute 50-50. I would like it to stay the same way even after marriage, until the kids come along.

I am not averse to being in a long-distance relationship. As long as she is trustworthy, I don't need to know where she is, what she is doing and who she is with. In the end it comes down to the same question 'Is she worth it?' I am sure the one I fall in love with, will be more than worth it.

 

[thecreationtutor]

Hard topic - I had an interest in someone who was long distance,, every time we would be close to meeting, something would go wrong, we'd get in an argument and we wouldn't meet. The last time it happened we were on good terms, and she said yes, only to later back out in not the most gracious fashion

I decided that it was best for us to part ways, I saw in good clarity there.


As far as now, i have moved 1200 miles several times for a job, why not a lady? God has seen me through.

A good solid Christian woman who is Godly, and for the most part has gone through suffering, testing and trials only to come forth as Gold, that's super attractive. I know of one girl on here, that I see Christ in, and she's amazing

The problem, is I am not sure what I could add to her life, any more than what Christ is doing in her life. I don't get to talk with her much, don't know how I would even start that convo, or if it's even possible.

Meanwhile I like to read and respond to things she says because it encourages me, and I hope I do the same.

 

[thecreationtutor]

Sometimes an impulsive 2:00am cross-country trip is the only solution.

lol about to do 1200 mile trip back home to Florida tomorrow from visiting family in NY

 

[violakat]

Hard topic - I had an interest in someone who was long distance,, every time we would be close to meeting, something would go wrong, we'd get in an argument and we wouldn't meet. The last time it happened we were on good terms, and she said yes, only to later back out in not the most gracious fashion

I decided that it was best for us to part ways, I saw in good clarity there.

Wow, I just now saw this. We both have had similar experiences with attempts at long term relationships, except with mine, it wasn't arguments but one person having panic attacks. Yes, I know, I was stupid at the time and kept giving the other person another shot. Don't ask me why.

Anyway, to make a long story short, at some point I realized we weren't going to work out and basically told him so. And he pretty much agreed. We hadn't contacted each other in months, when out of the blue he e-mailed me to let me know that he moved about 4 hours away from where I lived and wanted to meet up. By this time, I had decided I didn't want a relationship with him, (much less anyone else at that point) but as he hadn't mention anything along that line, I decided to wait a see if that was what he was wanting or if it was more friendship. He kept backing out of meeting me for one reason or another, and finally messaged me that he did want to pursue a relationship but was having panic attacks. Which is when I knew I had to say something. And he didn't take it well. And, while I wanted to really basically back slap him, e-mail style, I knew that this would not be a good thing to do. Fortunately, I had a couple of friends on here who knew about him and had been giving me advice all along about how to handle the latest situation. (Thank you Ugly, Foreverforgiven.) They also helped me to keep from getting into a verbal argument with him, after I had told them that there was no chance for a relationship. It's been, I guess a couple of years since then.

Anyway, what I've learned a lot about attempting LDR is that, if someone drops off the face of the Earth for no reason, leave it be. Do NOT ATTEMPT CONTACT. (Which was my initial mistake after, he had a panic attack and left.) If I had just left well enough along, and listened to my inner voice, much less advice from friends, it probably wouldn't have ended up in the way it did.

Seoul, I'll answer your questions in another post, so as to keep this short. (or at least not three pages long.)

 

[violakat]

1. What, to you, constitutes "long-distance" anyway? If they live about 4 hours away, that's a Long Distance Relationship. If they live only an hour away, it's not, as most places you drive to is about an hour away.

2. How many times a week/month/year do you feel you'd need to see someone in order to keep up the relationship? It depends on the person and distance. Eventually, one of us would have to move to the other person's area, and we would see each other regularly, if the relationship were to become serious.

3. I realize this is a subject that is going to have different answers that work for everyone. How important are things money and transportation when considering an LDR? I don't believe either one of us should be forced to pay for the other person's expenses. If I go to visit him, I should be able to pay for hotels, travel, etc. And the same for him. However, I also don't believe people should be forced to go all out expense wise, to entertain others. A simple walk in the park, a small picnic, things like that, can be just as fun and special, as say renting a yacht. (Having never been on a yacht, I'm just assuming that it's fun.)

4. What if one person has no way of contributing towards the costs and the other one will take on the brunt of the expenses? Once again, different things work for different people. I'm not a millionaire. And while I probably already answered this question in number 3, I will say, that there are some extenuating circumstances where I would considered someone who could not contribute financially. More then likely, this is someone who's disabled, and therefore on a limited income or who had just recently lost a job and was actively looking for employment. They would have to be someone that was closer, say a city a couple of hours away, as expenses in traveling does add up. I wouldn't be so willing if that person lived in another state, and certainly not in another country.