My experience with my husband's porn struggles

[p90powa]

You and Kisses should be looking into the reality of porn in regards to women. Women who leave the porn industry all have the same story. Women are promoted as the 'stars' but in reality, behind the scenes they are nobodies. Frequently mistreated and are nothing more than sex dolls for men to use and make money off of. They are shown no respect or decency. I don't see how that is the 'ultimate power trip'.
Also, porn is something that you grow more into. You may start out with naked women pictures, but then it escalates to videos of sex. Then from there you never know what path you may end up on. Animals, B&D, S&M, child porn, rape or other fetishes. Once again, i fail to see the 'empowering' aspect of this.

Yes that's true. But if you can't control your urges to watch animals, child porn and rape, that is entirely your fault. As much as I HATE HATE HATE bdsm, as long as it's consensual it's legal. Sure it's also the uploaders fault for posting it, but you didn't have to watch it. And I feel sorry for these women, but I know it sounds horrible, at the same time I don't. They wanted to do it in the first place. They should research into it more and know what it's really like. However if it's just an educational video, or a genuine couple just trying to do something that they like, then I don't see the problem. As I like to say, to each their own as long as it's not illegal or just down right sick.


Edit: I have a feeling this will start a really big argument and I don't want to anger anyone so if you want I will shut up. I am merely stating my opinion

 

[Ugly]

Yes that's true. But if you can't control your urges to watch animals, child porn and rape, that is entirely your fault. As much as I HATE HATE HATE bdsm, as long as it's consensual it's legal. Sure it's also the uploaders fault for posting it, but you didn't have to watch it. And I feel sorry for these women, but I know it sounds horrible, at the same time I don't. They wanted to do it in the first place. They should research into it more and know what it's really like. However if it's just an educational video, or a genuine couple just trying to do something that they like, then I don't see the problem. As I like to say, to each their own as long as it's not illegal or just down right sick.


Edit: I have a feeling this will start a really big argument and I don't want to anger anyone so if you want I will shut up. I am merely stating my opinion

Sorry, but everything you said is spoken like someone who has no experience in life.

So sin is based on legality now. Interesting. This thread is amazingly frustrating. It's amazing what Christians deem appropriate. I won't be back here.

 

[Kisses1990]

You and Kisses should be looking into the reality of porn in regards to women. Women who leave the porn industry all have the same story. Women are promoted as the 'stars' but in reality, behind the scenes they are nobodies. Frequently mistreated and are nothing more than sex dolls for men to use and make money off of. They are shown no respect or decency. I don't see how that is the 'ultimate power trip'.
Also, porn is something that you grow more into. You may start out with naked women pictures, but then it escalates to videos of sex. Then from there you never know what path you may end up on. Animals, B&D, S&M, child porn, rape or other fetishes. Once again, i fail to see the 'empowering' aspect of this.

I think it depends on what era your talking about. I think there was probably more abuse back in the day. But porn has come a long way and it's pretty celebrated now. There are entire porn conventions where you can get the stars autograph and meet them in person. They have award shows and stuff. Of course there are always going to be abuse, and that goes for any situation in life. It's gonna happen. But I think (and know) for the most part, these women are treated great. Sure, you can find the unfortunate cases. They are out there. But if you look it up, women get paid something like 300x the amount that males get in the business. The men are disposable. The women are the ones selling the product. Many of them are very wealthy. Or would be if they hadn't made bad business agreements or lost it all because of drugs or gambling or whatever their vice may be.

The rest of the world may not care about them, but women are pretty much treated like royalty in the porn business. But of course it depends on what company you work with. If you are with some no name place, maybe you will be mistreated. I won't name the major corporations, but they treat their women well. Don't think for a second they are mistreated in Hugh Hefners Playboy Mansion lol.

The reason why it's a power trip, as I already explained, is that as the girl, you OWN the stage. ALL eyes are on you. It's like a performance. You are acting and you are trying to upstage your peers. You feel like a goddess. Men gravel at you for your attention. It CAN be a power trip. I can understand that it may not be for all. But some women really enjoy the feeling of being wanted sexually by every single man in the building.

 

[colalella2891]

As a guy I can say that this is very common, unfortunately... I struggle with it myself. I'm much better than I was, I no longer watch porn. But sometimes if i'm depressed or something I give in to my flesh, but not from porn. So I can feel like it's a great start, but I still have some ways to go. I'm also still young so I have much to learn about the Holy Spirit.

I also hate porn... It does guys no good either, it just destroys us. And most guys don't even realize what it does to them. Also, I had very high standards because of it too... I was shallow. A wise friend of mine (one of the most spiritual people I know) told me that if you let that imagery from porn affect what you want in a mate, then you won't want them when they come along. That really hit me. That goes for girls too though... The men in porn are hard to live up to as well... Basically porn is just not good for everyone.

And I've had thoughts about the future and how I want to treat my future wife. My parents recently separated, and my dad just wasn't a very good husband. Of course my mom had some fault in it too, and she knows that, but I really want to be the best husband I possibly can be. Although you're struggling right now, I am glad that people like you can share your hard times so people like me can learn from them.

All I can say is hang in there, and keep holding it before the Lord. Keep praying, no matter how long it takes. Don't give up on him. I'll also be praying for ya. God Bless.

 

[Kisses1990]

So if he's going to sin, she should join in? That way it's ok? I thought lust was a sin, but i guess not.

lust is a sin with your spouse?

 

[p90powa]

Sorry, but everything you said is spoken like someone who has no experience in life.

So sin is based on legality now. Interesting. This thread is amazingly frustrating. It's amazing what Christians deem appropriate. I won't be back here.

I don't have any experience in life. So sure my opinion might change. Never said I did have experience. As I said I am merely expressing my opinion. And I never said I was a Christian. But I also never said I was some sex freak either. Merely expressing my opinion and you are expressing yours. I just agree to disagree.

 

[Kisses1990]

So sin is based on legality now. Interesting. This thread is amazingly frustrating. It's amazing what Christians deem appropriate. I won't be back here.

It's frustrating to me that you would leave this thread. You didn't even get a chance to read my response to your question about how it can be considered empowering. It reminds me of a thread I just made about having anger towards people that hang up on me on the phone. It seems like you are hanging up.

 

[colalella2891]

I didn't read the whole conversation, so if i'm off-topic I apologize...

Porn is sin yes, but in my opinion if 2 married people who are in love want to watch it together, re-enact it, learn new stuff, try stuff out, etc. with each other, then it seems like it would be okay. I personally don't know what's right and wrong about all that though...

It guess it just depends on personal preference. I'm not gonna judge people for what they do in their private lives.

 

[p90powa]

It's frustrating to me that you would leave this thread. You didn't even get a chance to read my response to your question about how it can be considered empowering. It reminds me of a thread I just made about having anger towards people that hang up on me on the phone. It seems like you are hanging up.

Well if he wants to leave, it's fine. I understand I might have upset him and that feels bad, but I was only merely expressing my opinion. I hope he knows I didn't like have it out for him or anything, I just merely said my opinions.

 

[Nautilus]

You and Kisses should be looking into the reality of porn in regards to women. Women who leave the porn industry all have the same story. Women are promoted as the 'stars' but in reality, behind the scenes they are nobodies. Frequently mistreated and are nothing more than sex dolls for men to use and make money off of. They are shown no respect or decency. I don't see how that is the 'ultimate power trip'.
Also, porn is something that you grow more into. You may start out with naked women pictures, but then it escalates to videos of sex. Then from there you never know what path you may end up on. Animals, B&D, S&M, child porn, rape or other fetishes. Once again, i fail to see the 'empowering' aspect of this.

I'll agee with most of this, but I dont see the connection of how BDSM or other fetishes could be wrong as long as they only consist of two consenting adults.

 

[Rodger]

I am writing this for several reasons. First and foremost, so other husbands and wives can read my experience, and know they are not alone in this struggle.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary this April. We have two wonderful children, a boy born 2009 and a girl born 2012. He works long hours to provide and I stay home to be with our kids.

I didn't know of my husband's pornography issues until we had been married almost a year. From there on out things just started to spiral down.

It started when I was going through his web browser on his cell phone (at his request) to find something, and found pornographic websites in the history. I waited until we were back home to ask him about this and reminded him how much I despise pornography. He quit for a while, or got better about hiding it. We didn't have another run in until a few months later, and it became a cycle. It stops for a while, but then rears its ugly head again a few months later.

My husband is a good man. He provides for his family in every way possible. It's just that sometimes his flesh gets the best of him. I have explained time and time again how his porn viewing makes me feel. It's not just the fact that he does but mostly that he hides and lies about it.

I understand the nature of addiction all too well. I am sober, of prescription pills and alcohol, 5 years now. I was previously in a relationship with a guy who was also a substance and alcohol addict. He was also very abusive; physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually. I come from an extended family of alcoholics. I understand addiction. I've lived it.

I HATE PORN. I believe it gives unrealistic expectations of sex. I also feel it diminishes my role as wife, in that if he needed to be sexually stimulated, he should receive that stimulation from me, not by looking at pictures of nude women doing lewd acts on his phone while he's stored himself in the bathroom at 4 o'clock in the morning. It is degrading to my self esteem. If he were fully satisfied with me, he would not need to do this. It's stressful to me, because i'm constantly caught up in "performing" or trying to equal up to what he views to keep him interested. I find myself compromising my own thoughts and feelings trying to please him. Needless to say, all of this accumulates and causes depression. It affects every facet of our lives. I struggle with my feelings of anger and hurt. My sex drive has plummeted. I get extremely jealous, and start to question things when his routine changes, like coming home from work late.

Every morning I have to wake up and choose how I am going to let this affect me. I have to choose if I am going to let it get to me or not that day. I can only take it one day at a time. Some days are better than others. Some days I consider divorce, some days I'd just rather lay down and die. I know in my heart these things are not the solution. I wonder when and where will be a turning point? All I can do for now is give it to God and pray for my husbands strength battling this problem, my strength to stay strong and continue to do what I believe to be true.

Please pray for my family and others in similar situations.

You left out a few things in your description of your husband.

Is he a Christian?

Do you have a church home and attend on a regular basis?

Both of those whould go a long way in helping him fight theis problem.

I reccomend that you dress your children, and go to a Bible preaching church every Sunday and ask him to go with you. IF he refuses, you go anyway.

You have to start somewhere and this is the best place to begin..............with the Lord on your side!

 

[Kisses1990]

Can I post what I find to be an informative video about the morality of porn? It does have some vulgar language.

 

[Fenner]

I don't really understand the big deal. He's not cheating on you. It seems like you would be inventing a huge problem when there is not one if you left him for this. If he is a great guy and this is his only fault in your opinion, it's really not that big a deal. It could be a LOT worse.

See, porn literally does not hurt you at all physically. It can only hurt you mentally for various reasons. I think maybe it only has as much power over you that you let it. The downward spiral is quite obvious to me. But it's not for the same reasons as others think. What I see here, is that your husband is slightly more open minded than you. He personally, morally, does not have a problem with porn. But you have the problem with it. He really likes it, so now he feels he has to do it in secret/lie about it. It's easy to misunderstand this as him being the wrong one, but some people just really like porn and you can't understand that because you don't like it. So you should try to be a little more open minded about it and not worry so much. Then what happens is you said it kills your sex drive because you worked your self up about it emotionally thinking its really a big deal. That just makes him want to look at porn even more because he isn't getting enough from you.

So basically it sounds like you are just your worst enemy. Have you ever actually watched it? What is your problem with porn exactly? I agree if it becomes this huge addiction then something is definitely wrong. But for the most part, people just watch it a little for entertainment and it doesn't really become an issue in their lives.

And another this is you being so judgemental on him will just turn him away and want to look at it even more or far worse. Just try to relax and talk about it and understand some people really like it. If you watch with him it could even spice up the relationship. And there is no stds, no cheating, no problems. It's a pretty innocent thing in my opinion.

It might might be innocent to you but to her it's destroying her marriage. I'm a married woman and I want my husband to lust after me not a woman having sex with another man or woman. I understand some couples watch porn together and if that's what they both enjoy fine. But this is an issue that's hurting her deeply and it would be awful if her marriage was destroyed by it.

God Bless

 

[HEstolemyheart]

I don't really understand the big deal. He's not cheating on you. It seems like you would be inventing a huge problem when there is not one if you left him for this. If he is a great guy and this is his only fault in your opinion, it's really not that big a deal. It could be a LOT worse.

See, porn literally does not hurt you at all physically. It can only hurt you mentally for various reasons. I think maybe it only has as much power over you that you let it. The downward spiral is quite obvious to me. But it's not for the same reasons as others think. What I see here, is that your husband is slightly more open minded than you. He personally, morally, does not have a problem with porn. But you have the problem with it. He really likes it, so now he feels he has to do it in secret/lie about it. It's easy to misunderstand this as him being the wrong one, but some people just really like porn and you can't understand that because you don't like it. So you should try to be a little more open minded about it and not worry so much. Then what happens is you said it kills your sex drive because you worked your self up about it emotionally thinking its really a big deal. That just makes him want to look at porn even more because he isn't getting enough from you.

So basically it sounds like you are just your worst enemy. Have you ever actually watched it? What is your problem with porn exactly? I agree if it becomes this huge addiction then something is definitely wrong. But for the most part, people just watch it a little for entertainment and it doesn't really become an issue in their lives.

And another this is you being so judgemental on him will just turn him away and want to look at it even more or far worse. Just try to relax and talk about it and understand some people really like it. If you watch with him it could even spice up the relationship. And there is no stds, no cheating, no problems. It's a pretty innocent thing in my opinion.

I'm much to angry to politely respond to this response at the moment...

 

[PennEd]

I am writing this for several reasons. First and foremost, so other husbands and wives can read my experience, and know they are not alone in this struggle.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary this April. We have two wonderful children, a boy born 2009 and a girl born 2012. He works long hours to provide and I stay home to be with our kids.

I didn't know of my husband's pornography issues until we had been married almost a year. From there on out things just started to spiral down.

It started when I was going through his web browser on his cell phone (at his request) to find something, and found pornographic websites in the history. I waited until we were back home to ask him about this and reminded him how much I despise pornography. He quit for a while, or got better about hiding it. We didn't have another run in until a few months later, and it became a cycle. It stops for a while, but then rears its ugly head again a few months later.

My husband is a good man. He provides for his family in every way possible. It's just that sometimes his flesh gets the best of him. I have explained time and time again how his porn viewing makes me feel. It's not just the fact that he does but mostly that he hides and lies about it.

I understand the nature of addiction all too well. I am sober, of prescription pills and alcohol, 5 years now. I was previously in a relationship with a guy who was also a substance and alcohol addict. He was also very abusive; physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually. I come from an extended family of alcoholics. I understand addiction. I've lived it.

I HATE PORN. I believe it gives unrealistic expectations of sex. I also feel it diminishes my role as wife, in that if he needed to be sexually stimulated, he should receive that stimulation from me, not by looking at pictures of nude women doing lewd acts on his phone while he's stored himself in the bathroom at 4 o'clock in the morning. It is degrading to my self esteem. If he were fully satisfied with me, he would not need to do this. It's stressful to me, because i'm constantly caught up in "performing" or trying to equal up to what he views to keep him interested. I find myself compromising my own thoughts and feelings trying to please him. Needless to say, all of this accumulates and causes depression. It affects every facet of our lives. I struggle with my feelings of anger and hurt. My sex drive has plummeted. I get extremely jealous, and start to question things when his routine changes, like coming home from work late.

Every morning I have to wake up and choose how I am going to let this affect me. I have to choose if I am going to let it get to me or not that day. I can only take it one day at a time. Some days are better than others. Some days I consider divorce, some days I'd just rather lay down and die. I know in my heart these things are not the solution. I wonder when and where will be a turning point? All I can do for now is give it to God and pray for my husbands strength battling this problem, my strength to stay strong and continue to do what I believe to be true.

Please pray for my family and others in similar situations.

I will pray for you and your husband. Please forgive me if I repeat what someone else might have said. 1st and foremost you MUST understand and believe that your ability to satisfy your husband has NOTHING to do with his porn addiction. Imagine how you feel when you are really turned on. Now imagine that merely watching a commercial, seeing a picture in a benign magazine, a neighbor walking down the street etc.. got you in an excited state. This is the state, to a lesser or greater degrees that most men experience. Now you add in the incredibly easy availability of any kind of porn available and you have a recipe for an addiction incredibly hard to control. It feeds itself and usually only grows worse and unfortunately the hunger many times lead to more than porn, but ACTUAL sex with others. I AM NOT SUGGESTING YOUR HUSBAND HAS I am merely telling you that when the flesh is constantly fed it is NEVER satisfied. I had a porn/sex addiction for decades. It almost completely destroyed me and hurt my wife immensely. I can tell you after trying virtually EVERYTHING to control this monster the ONLY thing that works for me is to feed the Spirit instead of the flesh. One or the other WILL be fed. If I forget or neglect to feed the Spirit for even a day the flesh comes roaring back. And not only does the sinful sexual desires nudge their way in, but so does other sinful behavior like anger and strife, foul language, bit of drinking. The Lord has blessed me with a patient, loving, and committed wife and I thank Him for her. Pray DAILY with your husband. Read the word with him DAILY, and please remember THIS IS IN NO WAY YOUR FAULT!

 

[silverdollar]

porn is the saddest thing in the world.
guys at work are always looking at porn, saying hey hey look at this. i find it disgusting.
the slutty women in those films are a turn off, and who wants to look at some dude.

 

[secularhermit]

I am ONE who let his marriage spoiled. I asked my ex-wife to see it, because I expected more from her and, at the long run, she went with another. I lost my children and, by God, I overcame those problems: Jealousy, hate and the emotional failure divorce leave with people.

I'm glad you ARE STRONG. And you will win, because of God.

 

[colalella2891]

porn is the saddest thing in the world.
guys at work are always looking at porn, saying hey hey look at this. i find it disgusting.
the slutty women in those films are a turn off, and who wants to look at some dude.

It's not just at places at work, it's all over cable too... It's always on those movie channels late at night, like HBO, Cinemax, etc. So yeah temptation is just constantly there.

Fortunately I haven't watched porn in a while, but still it's no wonder so many guys get hooked on porn, it's just everywhere now... At work, on the internet, on tv, in magazines, etc. It really is just sad.

 

[unclefester]

The reason why it's a power trip, as I already explained, is that as the girl, you OWN the stage. ALL eyes are on you. It's like a performance. You are acting and you are trying to upstage your peers. You feel like a goddess. Men gravel at you for your attention. It CAN be a power trip. I can understand that it may not be for all. But some women really enjoy the feeling of being wanted sexually by every single man in the building.

Philippians 4:8 ... Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Matthew 6:21 ...For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.


You're in my prayers today.

 

[silverdollar]

a christian girl says those things? idk that's wack