"But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that." 1 Corinthians 7:28 Sadly, you have troubles either way. But some in the church make being single even harder than it should be, by telling singles if you even think about sex, you have sinned. Or they use "Stay away from every kind of evil. " 1 Thessalonians 5:22 They use that verse for anything they don't like.
Paul's warning on marriage 1 Corinthians 7:28
- Thread starter JohnB
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Maybe I'm misreading or misunderstanding you, and I'm sorry if I am, but, to my way of thinking, a man who is "thinking about sex" with a woman that he's not married to seems to be selfishly objectifying her to a means of satisfying his own carnal desires. That woman is somebody's daughter, and, hopefully, one of God's daughters. She should be treated and thought of respectfully.
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It is certainly possible to think about sex without lusting; people who say otherwise are simply moralizing. That said, it is also common to think about sex in inappropriate ways, and Paul is making clear that is sinful.
Sadly, many people are broken or immature regarding this issue, and fall into one of those two extremes, making sound instruction and healthy discussion difficult outside of tightly-restricted contexts such as a counseling or marriage-prep session.
Sadly, many people are broken or immature regarding this issue, and fall into one of those two extremes, making sound instruction and healthy discussion difficult outside of tightly-restricted contexts such as a counseling or marriage-prep session.
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Oh I am well aware of a few of those "worldly troubles", unfortunately so is she! 
Anyway, God created real human beings with real feelings and drives. These were given us to serve his purposes. Equating those feelings with lust is an error. Lust is not the feelings. Lust is an inappropriate action on those feelings. God wants us to deal with these gifts appropriately and real trouble comes when we fail to do so.
I once met a man who confided to me a severe marital problem he was having. His wife believed that if he even momentarily glanced at another woman it was an act of adultery. His marriage was in shambles. Adultery does not occur in the mind and neither does lust. They may begin there, but when we quickly turn away from those inclinations we please God.
A sin requires an inclination and an action. Adultery and lust and all other sins are actions.
Anyway, God created real human beings with real feelings and drives. These were given us to serve his purposes. Equating those feelings with lust is an error. Lust is not the feelings. Lust is an inappropriate action on those feelings. God wants us to deal with these gifts appropriately and real trouble comes when we fail to do so.
I once met a man who confided to me a severe marital problem he was having. His wife believed that if he even momentarily glanced at another woman it was an act of adultery. His marriage was in shambles. Adultery does not occur in the mind and neither does lust. They may begin there, but when we quickly turn away from those inclinations we please God.
A sin requires an inclination and an action. Adultery and lust and all other sins are actions.
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Oh I am well aware of a few of those "worldly troubles", unfortunately so is she!
Anyway, God created real human beings with real feelings and drives. These were given us to serve his purposes. Equating those feelings with lust is an error. Lust is not the feelings. Lust is an inappropriate action on those feelings. God wants us to deal with these gifts appropriately and real trouble comes when we fail to do so.
I once met a man who confided to me a severe marital problem he was having. His wife believed that if he even momentarily glanced at another woman it was an act of adultery. His marriage was in shambles. Adultery does not occur in the mind and neither does lust. They may begin there, but when we quickly turn away from those inclinations we please God.
A sin requires an inclination and an action. Adultery and lust and all other sins are actions.
Anyway, God created real human beings with real feelings and drives. These were given us to serve his purposes. Equating those feelings with lust is an error. Lust is not the feelings. Lust is an inappropriate action on those feelings. God wants us to deal with these gifts appropriately and real trouble comes when we fail to do so.
I once met a man who confided to me a severe marital problem he was having. His wife believed that if he even momentarily glanced at another woman it was an act of adultery. His marriage was in shambles. Adultery does not occur in the mind and neither does lust. They may begin there, but when we quickly turn away from those inclinations we please God.
A sin requires an inclination and an action. Adultery and lust and all other sins are actions.
Finding another person physically attractive is not lust; it is, as you say, a God-given inclination. Unfortunately, because we are fallen human beings, it is easy for us to cross the line.
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I was dating a man awhile back, a preacher in fact. He was so very handsome, I'll admit. He quoted scripture and prayed with me. He also was funny and articulate. All good things. I was like, this is so wonderful.
Well, toward the end of the evenings, I started suggesting we not kiss. I asked that because, every time we did, he started taking liberties with where he touched and how he kissed. It seemed clear that there was what appeared to be an intention to create lust. I don't know, maybe I am a prude but I don't think it was appropriate.
He suggested we get married quickly to solve the delima, but I refused to rush to the alter. We had barely started dating.
Since we parted one month later, he married another. No judgement, he seems very happy and so does she.
Anyway, I think it is important how to move with those normal thoughts, and how we also avoid having them in the first place. I think it is ok to find ppl attractive, without lusting. However, I believe that we should take nec precautions from playing with fire.
I believe the man should respect a woman and her personal relationship with Christ, and vice versa. I think that if a man or woman wants to partake in heavy petting right away, maybe this is a good sign to move on, that it is a red flag.
I hope that I have not offended anyone or shared too much. I just wanted to give my female perspective.
Well, toward the end of the evenings, I started suggesting we not kiss. I asked that because, every time we did, he started taking liberties with where he touched and how he kissed. It seemed clear that there was what appeared to be an intention to create lust. I don't know, maybe I am a prude but I don't think it was appropriate.
He suggested we get married quickly to solve the delima, but I refused to rush to the alter. We had barely started dating.
Since we parted one month later, he married another. No judgement, he seems very happy and so does she.
Anyway, I think it is important how to move with those normal thoughts, and how we also avoid having them in the first place. I think it is ok to find ppl attractive, without lusting. However, I believe that we should take nec precautions from playing with fire.
I believe the man should respect a woman and her personal relationship with Christ, and vice versa. I think that if a man or woman wants to partake in heavy petting right away, maybe this is a good sign to move on, that it is a red flag.
I hope that I have not offended anyone or shared too much. I just wanted to give my female perspective.
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The verse on lusting goes beyond just looking and thinking. It's about planning on sinning. It's the difference between wanting to rob a bank and drawing up plans to rob a bank. You can think about it all you want, it's when you get to the stage of drawing up a map. planning a day and route.
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The verse on lusting was given in the context of not committing adultery.
Matthew 5
27Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. 30And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
No married man or woman should be thinking about having any sort of sexual relations with anyone other than their spouse.
Matthew 5
27Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. 30And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
No married man or woman should be thinking about having any sort of sexual relations with anyone other than their spouse.
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I don't think Jesus would approve lusting after virgins to be appropriate either. Also, at that time, all women probably above 14 or 15 were married. There were not many single women past this age. I believe the assumption in Jesus' quote is that most/virtually all women were married.
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