I want God to care about me having a wife. I want God to care about my loneliness. I want God to help me find the right partner. I know I have failed at life and only by the grace of God can I move forward. HElp me Lord. O Lord what do I do... i need out of this deep dark pit.
Please God-- hear me
- Thread starter daniel_pecheur
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Howdy Daniel and welcome to the forum.
In my experience women usually avoid excessively needy guys. If you give her the impression you are going to be clingy, that you will smother her with attention and need her all the time, it seems like you'll have a hard time finding a girl.
Of course I'm single, so what do I know? I could be wrong. But from what I've observed, I think you should tone down the needy aspect a bit if you want to find a girl.
In my experience women usually avoid excessively needy guys. If you give her the impression you are going to be clingy, that you will smother her with attention and need her all the time, it seems like you'll have a hard time finding a girl.
Of course I'm single, so what do I know? I could be wrong. But from what I've observed, I think you should tone down the needy aspect a bit if you want to find a girl.
Going by your posts, you almost entirely post about vague notions of how horrible your life is. And even expressed a disbelief God will change anything, at one point.
Looking through that a woman will see nothing but a person obsessed with themselves. And a person whose life is in shambles. Perhaps these are the reasons you haven't met anyone.
If you can't change your own situation what woman would believe you'll be a stronger provider for them? Or a good leader? Or father?
Getting a wife won't fix anything for you, you'll simply drag someone else down.
Focus on taking action to improve your life and yourself so you can become someone who actually has something to offer.
Looking through that a woman will see nothing but a person obsessed with themselves. And a person whose life is in shambles. Perhaps these are the reasons you haven't met anyone.
If you can't change your own situation what woman would believe you'll be a stronger provider for them? Or a good leader? Or father?
Getting a wife won't fix anything for you, you'll simply drag someone else down.
Focus on taking action to improve your life and yourself so you can become someone who actually has something to offer.
well i regret posting the stupid thing. you make a number of assertions about me, some perhaps fair, some perhaps not. but it doesn't seem like you are interested in whether or not you are being fair or loving. i never shouldve posted it. you dont know me or what's going on with me and i realize that posting such things only invites these types of responses which could be given on any non-Christian forum as well.
It is what it is.
Mostly people around here are not out to deliberately hurt you. They're trying to help. And that's what we see, so that's what we tell you.
You can only delete or edit posts for five minutes. After that, the post is permanent.
Yeah... now I see that... i will be more mindful in the future. i see i left myself open. made myself too vulnerable and exposed weakness and let others judge me accordingly. not that your words were an attack. the other response was much more abrasive. but i realize i havent been using my best judgment as much as I should... i've allowed dark thoughts to dominate me too much. i've allowed too many agreements with the enemy regarding my situation. i get the whole thing. the neediness. the self-absorbed image. i dont want any of that to be attached to me....
i guess it's just really hard being at this stage in life realizing i still have a ways to go... and i dont know how things will get better or how long it will be before anything does get better.
You may regret starting this thread, but would you have gotten blunt and direct feedback otherwise? Consider carefully the feedback you have received; don't just dismiss it because on the surface it might seem abrasive, for "iron sharpens iron" by abrasion.
Don't focus on "getting" a wife (or even a girlfriend). Instead, focus on becoming the man that Jesus wants you to be. Until you are, every woman in the world would be right to avoid you because you aren't ready.
You may regret starting this thread, but would you have gotten blunt and direct feedback otherwise? Consider carefully the feedback you have received; don't just dismiss it because on the surface it might seem abrasive, for "iron sharpens iron" by abrasion.
Don't focus on "getting" a wife (or even a girlfriend). Instead, focus on becoming the man that Jesus wants you to be. Until you are, every woman in the world would be right to avoid you because you aren't ready.
point taken. I appreciate your caring.
I met my wife on this site who is also a member shortly after I joined in 2014. I understand full well about loneliness. Don't despair.
Precious friend, Daniel, I will pray for you; God Is A Wonderful Heavenly
Parent Who Cares About all of His Children; have you yet "thanked Him"
for the following part Of His Plan you are trusting in?:
“Giving thanks unto The Father, Which Hath Made us meet
[ worthy ] to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:
Who Hath Delivered us from the power of darkness, and Hath
Translated us into the kingdom of His Dear SON: In Whom
we have Redemption Through His Blood, even the forgiveness
of sins” (Colossians 1:12-14 cp 1 Thessalonians 5:19).
+"Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing
give thanks: for this is The Will of God in Christ Jesus
concerning you." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
Possible help?: Grace Word for our infirmities! Excellent point!:
Of course, we all "still have a ways to go" continually "growing In God's
Grace," Correct?
Prayer is 'good,' but let us not neglect God's Word for our "hearing of faith", ok?
Have you yet considered prayerfully and carefully His Word Of Truth, and this
first step in that 'growth' According to God's Plan, and His Approval?:
Basic Distinctions of God's prophecy vs His Mystery
Grace, Peace, Mercy, And Love!
Amen.
Half of my post was having you look through a woman's eyes and see what they see when they look at you.
Having been on this site for 10+ years and reading all kinds of views and outlooks from women what I stated is reflective of what I've seen women say over and over during that time.
You don't find changing views a helpful practice? That there's nothing to learn from it?
I also pointed out that getting a wife won't fix things. This is an idea that had been brought up and discussed countless times on this site, including by those that have been divorced. Time and time again it is shown that marriage doesn't improve a person or their life, and instead is more prone to bringing people down. That's not a personal attack against you, it's simply a fact, and an important one for any unhappy person seeking marriage.
And lastly I encouraged you to change things and improve your life and self. That's good advice for everyone, but moreso for some than others.
At no point did I judge you, nor assume anything about you or your life. I gave you real world facts to consider.
And before you think I don't understand your mindset, I used to have a similar mindset. I've had depression my whole life and when I was younger it was bad. I often had thoughts of killing myself for many years.
And now that I'm older my own life is in shambles. And I still have the depression. But I learned better how to cope with things. And in some cases simply had to learn to accept things I couldn't change.
So it's possible to learn and grow and change and that may even open up new doors to improve other areas of your life.
And I did some dating in all those years and I can say I'm glad none of them worked out. It's really only been in recent years that I feel I've become someone that could actually be a decent husband and not drag someone else down in my own problems.
Having been on this site for 10+ years and reading all kinds of views and outlooks from women what I stated is reflective of what I've seen women say over and over during that time.
You don't find changing views a helpful practice? That there's nothing to learn from it?
I also pointed out that getting a wife won't fix things. This is an idea that had been brought up and discussed countless times on this site, including by those that have been divorced. Time and time again it is shown that marriage doesn't improve a person or their life, and instead is more prone to bringing people down. That's not a personal attack against you, it's simply a fact, and an important one for any unhappy person seeking marriage.
And lastly I encouraged you to change things and improve your life and self. That's good advice for everyone, but moreso for some than others.
At no point did I judge you, nor assume anything about you or your life. I gave you real world facts to consider.
And before you think I don't understand your mindset, I used to have a similar mindset. I've had depression my whole life and when I was younger it was bad. I often had thoughts of killing myself for many years.
And now that I'm older my own life is in shambles. And I still have the depression. But I learned better how to cope with things. And in some cases simply had to learn to accept things I couldn't change.
So it's possible to learn and grow and change and that may even open up new doors to improve other areas of your life.
And I did some dating in all those years and I can say I'm glad none of them worked out. It's really only been in recent years that I feel I've become someone that could actually be a decent husband and not drag someone else down in my own problems.
everything you said may have been correct. i have no doubt your intentions were good. the point for me is i opened myself up to something i didnt need to do. i realize it was stupid to make my post. it was simply unnecessary. i actually dont make any claim that i have an especially horrible life. i am in a very bad state of mind and feel stuck at an impasse and feel very dissatisfied with the way life is turning out-- but for what it's worth that's quite distinct from thinking I have it worse than most people, which i dont think. the main lesson for me here is that i shouldnt have been impulsive, shouldn't have behaved so pathetically and invited the responses that only remind me of how far i am from where i should be.
It's all good, dude. You did something you regret, you manned up about it, now you're good to go. You're hearing from people who wish the best outcome for you who understand issues like yours and it just could very well be that God Himself put you and them in a same place to hear from each other. What an honor. You must be pretty important.
Loneliness stinks, but there's something that's far worse. However, when I realized this and got saved, God proved every day that He was with me. The only days He did not was because I didn't open my spiritual eyes to Him. Here's where I would start.
We have MUCH to be grateful for.
Happy Thanksgiving!
hmm I just wonder what husbands actuually do with wives when they have them. Is there some kind of thing where the wife is chained to her husband? And why do husbands seem to need more than one.
Isnt it better to have friends? I dont know why people are so lonely these days dont they have brothers and sisters or live in families anymore? Or go to school, you are never far from anyone if you go to school, in fact most schools are so overcrowded with students that many must want to drop out and get away so they can be alone and hear themselves breathe.
not saying that its a horrible thing to have a wife but think about the wifes perspective and whether you actually have a house for that wife to inhabit. I think wives need somewhere to live dont they, usually in houses. I have never heard of an apartmentwife. The other word for them would be 'mistress" or 'kept woman'
Isnt it better to have friends? I dont know why people are so lonely these days dont they have brothers and sisters or live in families anymore? Or go to school, you are never far from anyone if you go to school, in fact most schools are so overcrowded with students that many must want to drop out and get away so they can be alone and hear themselves breathe.
not saying that its a horrible thing to have a wife but think about the wifes perspective and whether you actually have a house for that wife to inhabit. I think wives need somewhere to live dont they, usually in houses. I have never heard of an apartmentwife. The other word for them would be 'mistress" or 'kept woman'
The first 2 places we lived were apartments. Now we live in a manufactured home.
And this wife’s perspective: I wanted to marry my husband. I like being with him lol.
And this wife’s perspective: I wanted to marry my husband. I like being with him lol.