The Missing Link Between Love and Sex

[secularhermit]

-What do you think that "missing link" is?

The true test of love is the ability to 'trust' one another in a time of a crisis. Love & sex won't matter if the trust factor isn't strong enough.

Trust! in the possitive sense.

 

[secularhermit]

Yes!

Another missing link: GOD + His will. Thanks Gypsy!

Now I have the hunch THERE IS a missing chain...

 

[secularhermit]

1Co 13:7 She bears up under everything; believes the best in all; there is no limit to her hope, and never will she fall.

 

[wisebeardman]

Respecfully, may I ask how often have you bet?

I haven´t loose all (I´m just close to accepting I have nothing to give in turn).

P.S.

Here is where miracles comes to operate in healing.

I learned LONG ago. only bet when you know you can win.

 

[seoulsearch]

I learned LONG ago. only bet when you know you can win.

This is understandable... but it completely excludes any room for faith... which is the entire foundation for the Christian life to begin with.

"Without faith it is impossible to please God."

Now, I'm not saying leap into anything in life on a blind whim. But as much as I'd like to adopt the locked-down, never-be-hurt-or-risk-anything-again philosophy... to do so means you will be living a life that goes against believing in God at all.

 

[secularhermit]

I learned LONG ago. only bet when you know you can win.

Friend I like you for being honest, sometimes cinic, somehow.

I, as a loser, can tell you what is betting to lose but, if you really lose (having nothing) WHERE IS THE LOSS?

I have seen losers win!

I don´t trust me, any more but, if GOD wants you to walk over the ocean, he will send you more than one chance "to bet".

If you want to win (or lose) that is always your decision, NOT GOD´s decision.

 

[gypsygirl]

I learned LONG ago. only bet when you know you can win.

well, i learned a long time ago, that i'd rather earnestly try and epically fail than sit on the sidelines and miss out.

my only regrets in life are the rare, awesome pitches that i never even took a swing at.

ok, enough metaphors for now.

 

[wisebeardman]

This is understandable... but it completely excludes any room for faith... which is the entire foundation for the Christian life to begin with.

"Without faith it is impossible to please God."

Now, I'm not saying leap into anything in life on a blind whim. But as much as I'd like to adopt the locked-down, never-be-hurt-or-risk-anything-again philosophy... to do so means you will be living a life that goes against believing in God at all.

Not so. I just used the brain God gave me and figured out women don't want me. (I was smart enough to figure that out at 16) thus forget about it, its not worth the waste of time.

well, i learned a long time ago, that i'd rather earnestly try and epically fail than sit on the sidelines and miss out.

my only regrets in life are the rare, awesome pitches that i never even took a swing at.

ok, enough metaphors for now.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

 

[gypsygirl]

Not so. I just used the brain God gave me and figured out women don't want me. (I was smart enough to figure that out at 16) thus forget about it, its not worth the waste of time.

1) a lot of stuff i learned at 16 about the opposite sex, relationships and the like needed serious adjustment. as i got older. oh, and i found out that guys are a lot cooler than i originally thought. ; p

2) maybe this is a more comfortable rationalization than admitting that you're afraid of something as scary as trusting a woman.

relationships aren't for the faint of heart. : ) they require courage.

p.s. never assume an entire gender's preference ("...figured that women don't want you"). in reality, you don't need to appeal to the masses. just one. ; )

 

[zeroturbulence]

People have sex without being in love. People can love each other without hopping into bed together. A person can love another person and sleep with somebody else. People who don't even like each other can have sex, and people who are deeply in love can experience times of not wanting to have sex.

I've heard it said that men equate sex with love, but also that men are more capable of separating their emotions from the act itself. I've heard it said that women can't sleep with someone without their emotions getting involved, but then I've heard women tell each other that a one-night stand is the best way to get over a broken heart.

I know that a person's religious views and relationship with Christ play a huge role in how that persons views/thinks of sex, whether they keep their virginity until marriage, whether they are faithful to their spouse, all of that. But even Christians who are strong in their faith and obedient to God face temptation and sometimes lose the fight. So even faith in God doesn't bridge that gap between just loving a person, and just having sex with someone.

There are a lot of contradictory (and false) statements made about sex and about love. In a perfect world, nobody would have sex outside of marriage, and that would be that. But we don't, and the topics of love and sex seem to pop up for a lot of people and it's often embarrassing or painful or too difficult for people to really talk about.

I brought this up because I had a kind of insulting offer made to me by an ex-boyfriend (which I declined) and it got me thinking about how sad it is that such an intimate act as sex is ever done without love, and the skewed perception of what love is that makes anyone feel that if you're in love, you should show it by having sex. I just feel that there's something missing between the two, some key ingredient that ties sex and love together to create the level of intimacy that should only be found within marriage but is often missing even there.

So I have a few questions at this point:

-Have I even made enough sense for you to answer a question on this subject? If not, please tell me and I'll try to explain better.

-Do you agree/disagree/have a different opinion to share on the topic?

-What do you think that "missing link" is?

Call me crazy but I think the missing link is...

Romance!


Not to be confused with bromance! Oh no... never confuse it with that!

 

[wisebeardman]

1) a lot of stuff i learned at 16 about the opposite sex, relationships and the like needed serious adjustment. as i got older. oh, and i found out that guys are a lot cooler than i originally thought. ; p

2) maybe this is a more comfortable rationalization than admitting that you're afraid of something as scary as trusting a woman.

relationships aren't for the faint of heart. : ) they require courage.

p.s. never assume an entire gender's preference ("...figured that women don't want you"). in reality, you don't need to appeal to the masses. just one. ; )

if they had no use for me then, then they have no use for me now.

also I don't attempt to appeal to anyone. If someone likes me as a person or not that is on them I don't care ether way cause no matter who likes me or not I will still go on about my day and eventually ill croak like everyone else.

 

[Nautilus]

Ugh, why do I do this to myself... Here I go with my counter opinion.

I honestly don't think there is a link between love and sex. I've loved girls in the relational sense and never had sex with them. I have also had sex with people I've never loved. Both experiences have their pros and cons. But there was no loving someone less because a a lack of sex and no feelings of love formed from having sex.

Now on the other hand, there is something magical about both at the same time. It's not so much a link but rather just a combination of feelings that all happen at one time. It's clear that sex was intended for commited couples(married) to enjoy. But I do think the two can happen exclusively, even if I don't practice that anymore.

P.S. I feel bad I have to add it, but I think it will keep certain people off my back. Yeah pre-marital sex happens, I'm not encouraging it, but I feel it would be foolish to ignore previous experience from such times that someone either wasn't saved or say perhaps backsliding.

 

[secularhermit]

1) a lot of stuff i learned (...)

oh, and i found out that guys are a lot cooler than i originally thought. ; p

(...)

p.s. never assume an entire gender's preference ("...figured that women don't want you"). in reality, you don't need to appeal to the masses. just one. ; )

No matter the claims an old and "wise" guy I could be?

 

[tourist]

The missing link is that to make love there must be love that comes from God that is shared between the two. Otherwise, it is just sex.

 

[tourist]

relationships aren't for the faint of heart. : ) they require courage.

I fully agree.

 

[sassylady]

I think a deep trust is important in the Christian marriage. Our sex life was wonderful until I found out my husband had betrayed me (a lie, not cheating). It was never the same after that.

 

[secularhermit]

I think a deep trust is important in the Christian marriage. Our sex life was wonderful until I found out my husband had betrayed me (a lie, not cheating). It was never the same after that.

Once we (husbands) have received a tea spoon of that SORDID medicine, "we" get soon healed from that DISEASE and, the advantage of courtship / dating is that we know EACH PERSON first hand, her/his likes, to avoid receiving a kick around butts so, THE BEST is being friends.

Sex might change by time and use, but emotional and economical needs long up to the last breath.

Hope GOD help us find HIS ANSWERS, not ours.

 

[Gojira]

People have sex without being in love. People can love each other without hopping into bed together. A person can love another person and sleep with somebody else. People who don't even like each other can have sex, and people who are deeply in love can experience times of not wanting to have sex.

I've heard it said that men equate sex with love, but also that men are more capable of separating their emotions from the act itself. I've heard it said that women can't sleep with someone without their emotions getting involved, but then I've heard women tell each other that a one-night stand is the best way to get over a broken heart.

I know that a person's religious views and relationship with Christ play a huge role in how that persons views/thinks of sex, whether they keep their virginity until marriage, whether they are faithful to their spouse, all of that. But even Christians who are strong in their faith and obedient to God face temptation and sometimes lose the fight. So even faith in God doesn't bridge that gap between just loving a person, and just having sex with someone.

There are a lot of contradictory (and false) statements made about sex and about love. In a perfect world, nobody would have sex outside of marriage, and that would be that. But we don't, and the topics of love and sex seem to pop up for a lot of people and it's often embarrassing or painful or too difficult for people to really talk about.

I brought this up because I had a kind of insulting offer made to me by an ex-boyfriend (which I declined) and it got me thinking about how sad it is that such an intimate act as sex is ever done without love, and the skewed perception of what love is that makes anyone feel that if you're in love, you should show it by having sex. I just feel that there's something missing between the two, some key ingredient that ties sex and love together to create the level of intimacy that should only be found within marriage but is often missing even there.

So I have a few questions at this point:

-Have I even made enough sense for you to answer a question on this subject? If not, please tell me and I'll try to explain better.

-Do you agree/disagree/have a different opinion to share on the topic?

-What do you think that "missing link" is?

I think it depends on the couple and their mood. I see nothing wrong with a married couple just having sex because they're feeling a potent itch and need it scratched. That's what your spouse is for. Getting extremely personal here.... I had that with my late wife and dang it was gooood. But, probably it was because she was my wife and my honey that that kind of sex could be so good. I had a sinful encounter almost seven years ago, and despite how physically perfect this women was, I did not get nearly as much satisfaction from that experience as I got with my beloved. And, God hammered me with conviction on top of that.

The "hook-up" is deeply overrated, IMO. I find that marital sex, even if it's based on pure physical lust for one another, can be extremely satisfying and can bless the marriage, too.

 

[Gojira]

Ugh, why do I do this to myself... Here I go with my counter opinion.

I honestly don't think there is a link between love and sex. I've loved girls in the relational sense and never had sex with them. I have also had sex with people I've never loved. Both experiences have their pros and cons. But there was no loving someone less because a a lack of sex and no feelings of love formed from having sex.

Now on the other hand, there is something magical about both at the same time. It's not so much a link but rather just a combination of feelings that all happen at one time. It's clear that sex was intended for commited couples(married) to enjoy. But I do think the two can happen exclusively, even if I don't practice that anymore.

P.S. I feel bad I have to add it, but I think it will keep certain people off my back. Yeah pre-marital sex happens, I'm not encouraging it, but I feel it would be foolish to ignore previous experience from such times that someone either wasn't saved or say perhaps backsliding.

I sympathize. In forums like this, you have no control over your audience, and so you run the risk of stepping on a person covered in landmines, or, just swathed in self-righteousness and hyper-spirituality. I've run into that sort of things in plenty of other sites like this, including christian ones.

I encourage and respect tactful transparency, but you do that knowing that you may attract a few bees salivating to sting you.

 

[Lynx]

Ah MissCris and Shouryu and gypsygirl. How we miss them. We even miss didymos.

Those were some good times in the forum. We could banter without getting blasted by pharisees back then.