Hey Singles,
Just had a few thoughts on my mind today. I was thinking back to an old thread in which women said that one thing they looked for in a potential husband was a protector. One male poster asked why, because, as he said, we're not living in the days of hunting and gathering, and so, he reasoned, "What would women need to be protected from?" Today I was thinking of an answer to that question.
Normally I like to set the tone with a personal story--please note that the example here, however, is something made up and is based on a set of experiences I have heard or gone through myself. I won't give a specific example due to privacy issues, so you'll have to take it at face value.
Carrie is a 26-year-old employee at a company where the normal dress code is a polo shirt and khakis. Definitely nothing too short, high, low, or skimpy going on there, and Carrie always dresses as a modest Christian woman. She has been working there for 2 years. She minds her own business, cares about others, and is hard-working.
For several months, Jim, a co-worker in his 50's who has been with the company for 25 years and has more seniority than almost anyone else there takes an interest in Carrie, who works in another area of the company. She wears glasses and her hair in a conservative bun, and one day, Jim tells Carrie that conservative hairstyles like hers are "hot" and that she looks like a "professional secretary". He doesn't use "controversial" words like "sexy" or "naughty", but continuously tells her how "pretty" she is and calls her "Secretary", even though she has asked him to call her by her real name. Both Carrie and Jim are single.
Jim technically never does or says anything "inappropriate" but he's growing bolder in his comments, even asking Carrie to come work for him in his department. He's been known to say some "borderline" things to other women over the years but the company has never done anything to him because technically, he's not doing anything "wrong", and he is considered to be an important person there whom they would fight to keep.
Carrie has considered calling human resources, but what can she say? "A long-term employee keeps telling me how pretty he thinks I am and refuses to call me by my own name." He's not doing anything "inappropriate" to her and she doesn't have a way of proving it anyway.
How do you feel about something like this going on? To me, this is screaming with red flags all over the place and I would hope that I would be strong enough to encourage the person to stand up for themselves or get out altogether.
1. If you were Carrie's boyfriend, what would you do? Would you advise her to look for a new job and support her in that, even if it meant she would be out of work for a while, or would have to take a pay cut?
2. If you were Carrie's husband, and you'd just bought a new car, were paying for your child's medical condition, and were barely paying your rent/mortgage as it was, what would you want Carrie to do? How would you support her?
3. Ladies, the situation can easily be flipped around. I've heard stories of men who have women at work who "talk to them a little too much", or are "a little too friendly" in their words, gestures, and demeanors. If the man you were dating was facing this, what would you advise him to do?
4. Ladies, if you were married to him... and especially if he was the breadwinner in your family, would you encourage him to look for another job? Again, what if this meant he'd be out of work for some time (possibly even a year or more... we all know how hard it can be to find a job) or had to take a significant cut in pay, especially if he was the only one working?
I don't know what everyone else's experience has been, but unfortunately, to me, it seems all too common, and I've known some people who have gone through a lot worse--from a young woman whose boss threatened her for refusing his advances to a man who was being patted on the backside by a female co-worker.
This, to me, answers the question as to why so many women (and maybe men as well) are drawn towards someone they perceive as strong, independent, and yes, even protective.
We might not be living in prehistoric times, but unfortunately, we still often have to deal with uncivilized behaviors in our everyday lives.
I would love to hear your stories, comments, and personal strategies as to how you have, or would, deal with these types of situations. If you are the person who has been harassed, how did you handle it? Who supported you, and what did they do to back your decisions?
(For now, I've given up trying to give quick one-line summaries of my threads because I feel it's important to read the context before answering. Those who skip past the original post are still welcome to voice their thoughts, but I think the "flavor" of the thread is lost without even reading what inspired the thread to begin with.)
