Why Are So Many Christians Still Single?

[cinder]

Maybe we should also ask why are so many Christians divorced?

Does bring up the interesting question of whether christians aren't marrying, their marriages aren't lasting, or people are turning to God when their marriages fall apart? I'd be interested in seeing those statistics. By how often people attend church as well since lots of people will say they are christian but only attend church twice a year.

 

[CarriePie]

Thank you so much!!!

Yup, that's me right there in the picture in my post, holding all that corn right over that piping-hot volcano!!

Everyone get your popcorn buckets ready!!

It took me a while to grow the scruffy facial hair, but I'm sure @CarriePie will approve.

(Seriously, thank you, I appreciate the kind words.)

Well, hello there *swiftly raises eyebrows repeatedly* That beard is poppin'!!

 

[HeIsHere]

I hear that a lot. I often hear it when Christians are trying to "caution" young singles about marriage. However, apparently, according to some studies I've seen, Christians that are active in their Christian life and go to church regularly actually have significantly lower rates of divorce than non-Christians.

People who "nominally" identify themselves as Christians divorce at similar rates, though.

I was thinking across time, but yes seems true many are nominal Christians.

 

[seoulsearch]

I think some people have the idea that dating is somehow too "worldly" or something, and thus not something that Christians should be doing. I mean, the Bible does talk about marriage, but it doesn't actually say anything, really, about how to get married, or how people should get married. The Bible doesn't even mention "praying for your future spouse."

According to some people, you shouldn't date at all, and instead pray for God to lead you to the "right one." Which implies that there's some sort of "soulmate" out there who God intended just for you. Of course, the Bible doesn't teach us anything about "soulmates" (see 1 Corinthians 7:39, for instance)

That's how people came up with "courtship," because it just seemed "holier." They might have said things like "Dating isn't in the Bible, you know." OK. Is "courtship" in the Bible?

So sure, you could conclude that dating is wrong and that the only way to find God’s "one and only match" is to wait for some sort of "sign from God." I'm sure lots of people who go that route end up waiting.....and waiting....and waiting.....

Sure, dating is more of a cultural phenomenon than a "Biblical" one. But just because it’s not found in the Bible doesn’t mean that we can’t apply biblical truth to our dating relationships.

If you try to look up the differences between "dating" and "courtship," well, it can get kinda weird. Apparently, if you choose to date, you're not committing to marriage. In contrast, if you choose to "court," it means you're both prepared to make a commitment to marriage.

Huh?

I don't know if the whole "courtship" movement is still around, but it seems to me that the people who pushed that also pushed the idea that dating is for heathens, pagans, etc. If you choose to date, well, it means that you're selfish, impulsive, immature, don't care about commitment or boundaries. Weird how this stuff became normalized in some churches during that period. Courtship also seemed to involve the convenient and comforting idea that God will orchestrate some epic love story without the Christian having to lift a finger. Gee, wouldn't that be nice?

And, of course, lots of women have been taught that a "real man" should be the one to make the first move, and if he doesn't, then he's unworthy of consideration. Now, I do, personally, think that guys should initiate, just because that's what, according to statistics at least, women do, expect, but, again. A lot of this stuff is more "cultural" than "biblical."

Of course you can date while honoring God. And you don't have to engage in weird rules about side hugs, no kissing, chaperones, or committing to marriage on your first date.

I completely agree that in most cases, "courtship" just seems like a word meant as a substitute for "dating" that sounds more "spiritual."

Thank you for articulating this in a way I've thought about for years, but could never really get out!

I've never liked "courting" (spending time together intending to marry,) or "dating to marry." It's like, "Please, can I get some breathing room first to at least get to know this person??!!!"

And if I can get super uncomfortable here -- one of the things I hate about those terms is because if you're already put on a path to thinking about taking off on the flight to marriage, there's no time to even enjoy the slow coast along the runway.

Most people, even the most devout, when thinking about someone they're going to marry, will think about sex -- which is to be expected.

Now I'm not judging how others think, but I don't go around thinking about having sex with my friends. There is no way I want to just meet someone, not have any time -- and that might be a long time -- and have to start thinking RIGHT OFF THE BAT that this person might be seeing me in my most vulnerable state, and thinking about me in that way. NO THANK YOU! That would scare me to death RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

Even if I have an attraction to someone, I need TIME for feelings to DEVELOP without pressure, and to see if the feelings actually become stronger. I'm not automatically thinking about us settling down with a white picket fence and baring all. And I REALLY don't want anyone thinking that way about me either when they don't know me or don't know me all that well. ("Well... We're courting -- gee, how do I think this person is going to be in bed?!"

It's just not something I want to have to think about right away, or have someone thinking about me, when we don't know each other's full names or life histories.

Of course, we're all human and we all have our thoughts -- we have to answer to God for that.

I'm just someone who generally gets to know people slowly -- which is part of why I'm single. Most people wouldn't want to take as much time as I do, even in friendships -- and I certainly understand that.

It just seems like there needs to be some leeway between "Hi there," and "Ok, now we're signed, sealed, and stuck together forever!"

I personally like to know the runway goes on for a while, and past a lot of scenery (situations in life you see if you can work through together BEFORE you ever get married.)

But that's just me, and I understand that most probably have a different view.

 

[CarriePie]

I've never liked "courting" (spending time together intending to marry,) or "dating to marry." It's like, "Please, can I get some breathing room first to at least get to know this person??!!!"

And if I can get super uncomfortable here -- one of the things I hate about those terms is because if you're already put on a path to thinking about taking off on the flight to marriage, there's no time to even enjoy the slow coast along the runway.

I think you have a wise way of looking at it. I especially agree with this part^. Dating/courting to marry just feels like a lot of pressure, especially in the beginning stages. If the two of people are allowed to just be and just enjoy the moments when they're together without pressure, I think it helps to take everything in.

There's a state park where I love to hike. There are various trails there, some easy and some longer and more difficult. I like to go there, pick a trail and just see where it takes me, see what experiences I have, see what wildlife I see, see what the terrain is like. Take it all in. I think of situations in life as sort of like being on a hiking trail. Some trails are more picturesque and some are really rough, but they all teach us something. There's nothing wrong with taking your time on the trail (relationship) and taking in all that there is to see and experience. And sometimes we find out that the trail we're on is definitely not the trail for us, and that's okay.

 

[RodColeman]

I completely agree that in most cases, "courtship" just seems like a word meant as a substitute for "dating" that sounds more "spiritual."

Thank you for articulating this in a way I've thought about for years, but could never really get out!

I've never liked "courting" (spending time together intending to marry,) or "dating to marry." It's like, "Please, can I get some breathing room first to at least get to know this person??!!!"

And if I can get super uncomfortable here -- one of the things I hate about those terms is because if you're already put on a path to thinking about taking off on the flight to marriage, there's no time to even enjoy the slow coast along the runway.

Most people, even the most devout, when thinking about someone they're going to marry, will think about sex -- which is to be expected.

Now I'm not judging how others think, but I don't go around thinking about having sex with my friends. There is no way I want to just meet someone, not have any time -- and that might be a long time -- and have to start thinking RIGHT OFF THE BAT that this person might be seeing me in my most vulnerable state, and thinking about me in that way. NO THANK YOU! That would scare me to death RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

Even if I have an attraction to someone, I need TIME for feelings to DEVELOP without pressure, and to see if the feelings actually become stronger. I'm not automatically thinking about us settling down with a white picket fence and baring all. And I REALLY don't want anyone thinking that way about me either when they don't know me or don't know me all that well. ("Well... We're courting -- gee, how do I think this person is going to be in bed?!"

It's just not something I want to have to think about right away, or have someone thinking about me, when we don't know each other's full names or life histories.

Of course, we're all human and we all have our thoughts -- we have to answer to God for that.

I'm just someone who generally gets to know people slowly -- which is part of why I'm single. Most people wouldn't want to take as much time as I do, even in friendships -- and I certainly understand that.

It just seems like there needs to be some leeway between "Hi there," and "Ok, now we're signed, sealed, and stuck together forever!"

I personally like to know the runway goes on for a while, and past a lot of scenery (situations in life you see if you can work through together BEFORE you ever get married.)

But that's just me, and I understand that most probably have a different view.

Yeah, I grew up in Christian communities all my life but nobody ever tried to teach me about courting. Maybe that movement was dying out as I hit adolescence. Probably for the best, haha!

I never understood "dating to marry," either. Dating is all about evaluation. Yes, the Bible doesn't talk about "dating." But it has lots to say about evaluation. The Bible does give us some principles for relationships. The problem is, we don't want principles. We want steps. We want to learn the right "method." Of course, dating doesn't work like that, because it involves human beings. And human relationships are too dynamic for things like "courtship" to be some kind of magic solution.

Maybe that's why people liked the idea of courting, because it seemed like a "process" that could make you feel like you're "doing things the right way."

And, yeah, for sure, a really important to ask in any romantic relationship is whether or not you enjoy spending time together. Sometimes that can take a while to learn and realize.

I don't go around thinking about having sex with my friends.

You know, that's a really good point.

On a somewhat related note, a lot of couples, including Christians, I'm sure, can wonder if they're "sexually compatible" and then wonder that, if they're not, the relationship might not be a good idea. Of course, it's not really all that complicated, is it? If one partner is a man, and the other partner is a woman...then, uh, yes, you're sexually compatible.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

Guys, I just thought about something. How about presentation? Maybe your appearance doesn't invite attraction?

I thought about my sister who is a financial advisor. When she started out, she had problems drawing clients to sign on with her and she thought it might be her presentation. So she went to a consultant to learn to present herself better in all the ways, how she dresses, carries herself and when presenting plans.

She followed the consultants guidance and she got better and got more clients!

So maybe it's also that. Think about how to improve your presentation: how you carry yourself, your attitude and appearance. Sometimes a different hairstyle can magically transform you and also clothes.

Joyce Dewitt from "Three's Company" comes to mind. Her original hairstyles were so dated, but when she got a new hairstyle, it was practically night day. She still carries that hairstyle and it never got stale looking on her. She sports the same hairstyle even now except she let it go all white - and she still looks strikingly lovely!

 

[HeIsHere]

Yeah, I grew up in Christian communities all my life but nobody ever tried to teach me about courting. Maybe that movement was dying out as I hit adolescence. Probably for the best, haha!

I never understood "dating to marry," either. Dating is all about evaluation. Yes, the Bible doesn't talk about "dating." But it has lots to say about evaluation. The Bible does give us some principles for relationships. The problem is, we don't want principles. We want steps. We want to learn the right "method." Of course, dating doesn't work like that, because it involves human beings. And human relationships are too dynamic for things like "courtship" to be some kind of magic solution.

Maybe that's why people liked the idea of courting, because it seemed like a "process" that could make you feel like you're "doing things the right way."

And, yeah, for sure, a really important to ask in any romantic relationship is whether or not you enjoy spending time together. Sometimes that can take a while to learn and realize.



You know, that's a really good point.

On a somewhat related note, a lot of couples, including Christians, I'm sure, can wonder if they're "sexually compatible" and then wonder that, if they're not, the relationship might not be a good idea. Of course, it's not really all that complicated, is it? If one partner is a man, and the other partner is a woman...then, uh, yes, you're sexually compatible.

Modern dating started in the 1920's imagine that for centuries "dynamic" people courted.

 

[RodColeman]

Guys, I just thought about something. How about presentation? Maybe your appearance doesn't invite attraction?

I thought about my sister who is a financial advisor. When she started out, she had problems drawing clients to sign on with her and she thought it might be her presentation. So she went to a consultant to learn to present herself better in all the ways, how she dresses, carries herself and when presenting plans.

She followed the consultants guidance and she got better and got more clients!

So maybe it's also that. Think about how to improve your presentation: how you carry yourself, your attitude and appearance. Sometimes a different hairstyle can magically transform you and also clothes.

Joyce Dewitt from "Three's Company" comes to mind. Her original hairstyles were so dated, but when she got a new hairstyle, it was practically night day. She still carries that hairstyle and it never got stale looking on her. She sports the same hairstyle even now except she let it go all white - and she still looks strikingly lovely!

I'm sure appearance plays a role. I mean, that's how lots of relationships start, don't they? "Oh, she looks pretty." Or "Oh, he looks cute." I mean, when women lie on their dating profiles, they often do it by posting pictures of themselves when they were younger or thinner. In other words, girls know what guys want, generally.

So appearance does play a role. In a way, it's kind of a foundational stepping-stone, or one of them. I'm sure for lots of people (guys, especially), physical attraction may be, and often is, the initial cause of interest. But there’s nothing necessarily "unspiritual" about that.

Some people think physical attraction is too "worldly" a concern for the "true believer," or too "shallow." These people like using phrases like "godly character." These people might also, not want to admit that physical attraction is a big factor in determining your interest.

It's not a bad question to consider, though. Often, in biblical texts about married couples, the author will comment about how handsome or beautiful they are. Yes, physical attraction shouldn't be the main criteria, but it's a good question to ask.

For part of my life as a teen and young person, I used to be pretty shy, awkward, slouched a lot, didn't know how to carry a conversation, had unkempt hair, and didn't dress well. I was also intensely interested in things that nobody really cared about, haha. And, lo and behold, I never sensed any interest from the opposite sex. Crazy, right? Then I worked to change some of these things, and talking to women (and people in general) was easier and less intimidating. Who knew?

But, yeah, a man or woman’s physical appearance only plays one role, among many, in what makes them attractive or appealing. Its role is big initially, like the very first time you see someone, when all you know about them is what you see. A girl with supermodel-good-looks might lose most of her charm, or the "overlooked" girl might be perceived as more and more undeniably beautiful. I've experienced both things.

And if men resolved to only marry someone who checked every box on their physical attraction list, then I'm sure most of these men would remain unmarried. And besides, looks don't last, anyway.

 

[Integrity]

Why are so many Christians still single?

same reason there are so many different sects I assume. Not all are of Christ

 

[Churchgoer]

I completely agree that in most cases, "courtship" just seems like a word meant as a substitute for "dating" that sounds more "spiritual."

Thank you for articulating this in a way I've thought about for years, but could never really get out!

I've never liked "courting" (spending time together intending to marry,) or "dating to marry." It's like, "Please, can I get some breathing room first to at least get to know this person??!!!"

And if I can get super uncomfortable here -- one of the things I hate about those terms is because if you're already put on a path to thinking about taking off on the flight to marriage, there's no time to even enjoy the slow coast along the runway.

Most people, even the most devout, when thinking about someone they're going to marry, will think about sex -- which is to be expected.

Now I'm not judging how others think, but I don't go around thinking about having sex with my friends. There is no way I want to just meet someone, not have any time -- and that might be a long time -- and have to start thinking RIGHT OFF THE BAT that this person might be seeing me in my most vulnerable state, and thinking about me in that way. NO THANK YOU! That would scare me to death RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

Even if I have an attraction to someone, I need TIME for feelings to DEVELOP without pressure, and to see if the feelings actually become stronger. I'm not automatically thinking about us settling down with a white picket fence and baring all. And I REALLY don't want anyone thinking that way about me either when they don't know me or don't know me all that well. ("Well... We're courting -- gee, how do I think this person is going to be in bed?!"

It's just not something I want to have to think about right away, or have someone thinking about me, when we don't know each other's full names or life histories.

Of course, we're all human and we all have our thoughts -- we have to answer to God for that.

I'm just someone who generally gets to know people slowly -- which is part of why I'm single. Most people wouldn't want to take as much time as I do, even in friendships -- and I certainly understand that.

It just seems like there needs to be some leeway between "Hi there," and "Ok, now we're signed, sealed, and stuck together forever!"

I personally like to know the runway goes on for a while, and past a lot of scenery (situations in life you see if you can work through together BEFORE you ever get married.)

But that's just me, and I understand that most probably have a different view.

I believe when God put 2 people in marriage path, God will create scenarios that urge the 2 to marry.

When there is no scenarios to marry, that also means God want one to enjoy single time.

 

[RodColeman]

I believe when God put 2 people in marriage path, God will create scenarios that urge the 2 to marry.

When there is no scenarios to marry, that also means God want one to enjoy single time.

I don't know if God controls our love lives to that extent, or controls who we marry. I think God, to a large degree, leaves these things up to us.

But, I've droned and on about that in this forum already.

 

[Churchgoer]

I don't know if God controls our love lives to that extent, or controls who we marry. I think God, to a large degree, leaves these things up to us.

But, I've droned and on about that in this forum already.

When I was younger, yeah I probably think as you do.

But after so many years, I realize all under His divine plan.

The sun, moon, earth are not a coincidence. Our life path neither.

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't know if God controls our love lives to that extent, or controls who we marry. I think God, to a large degree, leaves these things up to us.
But, I've droned and on about that in this forum already.

NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!

You can't stop now!!!

What am I going to do with all this popcorn??!!!



Everybody knows you can't eat popcorn without drama!!!

And it tastes even better when the drama is purposefully manufactured!!!

 

[CarriePie]

I believe when God put 2 people in marriage path, God will create scenarios that urge the 2 to marry.

When there is no scenarios to marry, that also means God want one to enjoy single time.

I remember something that @Butterflyyy said about this over 2 years ago. It's still stuck in my head. I was even able to find her post from May 13, 2024...

I believe with all my heart that because I have prayed for God to bring His choice of man to be my husband, that He will. I reckon if God knows the number of hairs on my head then He would also care about who I marry. It is extremely difficult to wait, sometimes…however, tiredness can worsen it… and I know the Lord has always been there for me to depend on. There is a void in my heart only Jesus can fill even if I had the best husband in the World. I guess ultimately the answer lies in truly trusting Him. Hope deferred makes the heart sick… so I don’t want to lose hope, it’s a precious thing. God bless

I think she has a point. I think if we put our full trust in the Lord and His guidance, He will definitely guide out footsteps. As scriptures says: we might plan the way, but He directs our steps.
And like Butterflyyy said, if He even knows the number of hairs on our head, then why not something this important?

 

[Churchgoer]

I remember something that @Butterflyyy said about this over 2 years ago. It's still stuck in my head. I was even able to find her post from May 13, 2024...


I think she has a point. I think if we put our full trust in the Lord and His guidance, He will definitely guide out footsteps. As scriptures says: we might plan the way, but He directs our steps.
And like Butterflyyy said, if He even knows the number of hairs on our head, then why not something this important?

Absolutely, we are not a coincidence. Our mom and pop got together not a coincidence.

 

[RodColeman]

NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!

You can't stop now!!!

What am I going to do with all this popcorn??!!!

View attachment 296917

Everybody knows you can't eat popcorn without drama!!!

And it tastes even better when the drama is purposefully manufactured!!!

Hey, don't tempt me! I think you've had enough popcorn for now.