Why Are Women Expected to be the Gatekeepers of Virginity?

[Lynx]

Sorry, off topic. SQUIRREL! Ignore me and my sugar beets.

 

[JohnDB]

I always wonder how much social conditioning has to do with it.

I mean, little girls are bombarded with advertising for princess and pony merchandise and anything made for girls is pink and sparkly. Every kids show or move reinforces the notion that "princesses are for girls, trucks are for boys."

If they did a study with kids who had grown up on a farm with both expecting to do farm work and had never seen commercial entertainment or advertisements, would the kids react differently?

I think they just might. Granted, the boys probably still wouldn't have anything to say to each other, lol.

My grandparents were fruit farmers and they were out every day from before sunrise to after sunset. I can still remember seeing my Grandma as a kid, up on the top of an old-fashioned cherry shaker, and she took hold of that tree and shook the bazookas out of it. After God called her home, my Grandpa emotionally described the days when the two of them were young and had just gotten the farm, and how they had measured out all the lines of where to plant to crops together.

My Grandma was beautiful and no doubt feminine, as well as being the only girl out of about 8 boys on both sides of the family. Her biggest fashion splurge was a collection of round plastic earrings she wore every day.

The only things my grandparents watched on TV (they preferred the newspaper) was the news and Lawrence Welk.

My Grandma had absolutely no interest in shopping, jewelry, or makeup, and certainly wasn't into princesses or ponies -- there was too much work to do.

But she also did all the cooking, and when she died, my Grandpa refused to even learn how to use a microwave because that was "woman's work."

One of the biggest concerns we had was that he would starve to death, because he knew everything about growing his own food, but absolutely nothing about how to prepare it.

Life on a farm is very different than urban lifestyles. You don't travel and there's always something to do... entertainment is working together instead of working alone. Completely different mindset. The worries over weather, pests, and market price are the biggest. Not anticipating the latest music or toy or what the neighbors will think....

Well what the neighbors are doing in their fields is of some concern....lol (totally understated)

 

[JohnDB]

Eh? I've never tried them plain myself. All I get is the bag of sugar from the store, sugar that was made from beets.

Now I'm wondering how one bakes a sugar beet... If you bake a sweet potato at low heat for a long time it jumpstarts the conversion from starch to sugar, resulting in a very sweet potato indeed. Wonder if that would work the same for sugar beets... assuming one ever wanted to bake a sugar beet.

Sugar beets have no real taste...and you don't eat them...
They are around the size of footballs and basketballs. Not really going to fit in the oven.

They do make great booze though...vodka and bourbon.

In Idaho they have a very large plant that makes sugar out of them. Huge, huge piles of them are stored outside until they can process them all. The piles look like warehouses themselves... especially when covered with black plastic. (Helps keep them thawed in freezing temperatures)

And if you want to make bourbon you can just use the sugar beets instead of sugar....yeast don't mind...and corn of course. Wheat is good too. But the wheat up there is better for breads than starches... just saying.

 

[kaylagrl]

I always wonder how much social conditioning has to do with it.

I mean, little girls are bombarded with advertising for princess and pony merchandise and anything made for girls is pink and sparkly. Every kids show or move reinforces the notion that "princesses are for girls, trucks are for boys."

If they did a study with kids who had grown up on a farm with both expecting to do farm work and had never seen commercial entertainment or advertisements, would the kids react differently?

I think they just might. Granted, the boys probably still wouldn't have anything to say to each other, lol.

My grandparents were fruit farmers and they were out every day from before sunrise to after sunset. I can still remember seeing my Grandma as a kid, up on the top of an old-fashioned cherry shaker, and she took hold of that tree and shook the bazookas out of it. After God called her home, my Grandpa emotionally described the days when the two of them were young and had just gotten the farm, and how they had measured out all the lines of where to plant to crops together.

My Grandma was beautiful and no doubt feminine, as well as being the only girl out of about 8 boys on both sides of the family. Her biggest fashion splurge was a collection of round plastic earrings she wore every day.

The only things my grandparents watched on TV (they preferred the newspaper) was the news and Lawrence Welk.

My Grandma had absolutely no interest in shopping, jewelry, or makeup, and certainly wasn't into princesses or ponies -- there was too much work to do.

But she also did all the cooking, and when she died, my Grandpa refused to even learn how to use a microwave because that was "woman's work."

One of the biggest concerns we had was that he would starve to death, because he knew everything about growing his own food, but absolutely nothing about how to prepare it.

Lol, my father sounds very much like your grandfather. We always said he'd starve to death by the microwave if anything happened to mom. Well last year mom took cancer. I help as much as I can, but I also have a home to care for. Dad had to learn to make meals. My hubby and I almost cracked up when he told us he had "cooked" supper by putting frozen food on a tray and put it in the oven. He said "I think I cooked"! I said "no dad, you warmed but nice start. lol

I wouldn't say I was much into princesses growing up. We played a lot outside. My father was into music, my sister and I both followed him into ministry. By 16 I was already in traveling ministry, not full time but it ended up that way. So I wouldn't say I was a typical girl. I know more about fixing things than hubby. lol Our light switch stopped working one day. I took the plate off, saw it was wired wrong, shut off the power and fixed it. Last year we bought a new bbq and hubby lost patience trying to put it together. He went downstairs to chill out and an hour later when he came back I had it finished. But my father wasn't good at fixing things so I learned to do a few things. I'd say I'm feminine, considering I've spent most of my life dressed up and on a stage.

 

[herkamer63]

You sure are an interesting one, Herk.

To sum up your posts, you've tried to tell me: what question I should have asked in my thread, how I think, and now, how I feel.

Do you do this to other people as well?

Well, if it makes you feel better, Herk, keep on going.

I'm not here to stop you.

No I actually don't do this to other people, but I get the feeling you do, based on what I'm reading. Part of what I do for living is to observe and get a feel for people. Your responses and line of questioning is no different than the people I deal with on a day to day basis. Honestly, if anything, I think someone(s) hurt you. If that's true, I'm sorry that you had to go through it. But it's no excuse to try and accuse all men of playing double standards in regards to what you ask.

Have I been hurt? Yes, on multiple occasions. Do I blame all women for doing it? No, because I know there are good women out there. I just had the rotten luck of being interested and/or dating bad ones that I didn't know were horrible people. Right now, there's a woman that I know who might be dropping hints that she likes me. I like her too, but my hesitance in going out with her is she has been married before and I don't know what happened that caused the divorce. I'm hoping she wasn't the one, but I can't say for sure that's the case. But there are some good signs coming from, such as she's very involved with her kids and her grandkids (she had her first child at 18 y/o, 43 now) and being kind to my brother with autism. Does that seal the deal? No. I need to see where her heart is with God and if she has a good relationship with him.

Either way, in terms of going out on a date, I shouldn't be this hesitant, and there are other men that are the same way. We would prefer women to stay abstinent until marriage. Adultery is a sin. We understand there are certain circumstances where women may not have predicted, but just to go and do it, knowing the consequences, is very different. I argue the same thing about men. Many of us do need to restrain ourselves. The bad ones, typically, set the good ones up to get hurt, with or without knowing it. So, yes, it's annoying to for women (and men) to hear to not have sex before marriage, but it needs said, especially in a secular society we live in today. God's Word and plan for us is far important than what a group of non-believers have to say on the contrary.

 

[JohnDB]

Lol, my father sounds very much like your grandfather. We always said he'd starve to death by the microwave if anything happened to mom. Well last year mom took cancer. I help as much as I can, but I also have a home to care for. Dad had to learn to make meals. My hubby and I almost cracked up when he told us he had "cooked" supper by putting frozen food on a tray and put it in the oven. He said "I think I cooked"! I said "no dad, you warmed but nice start. lol

I wouldn't say I was much into princesses growing up. We played a lot outside. My father was into music, my sister and I both followed him into ministry. By 16 I was already in traveling ministry, not full time but it ended up that way. So I wouldn't say I was a typical girl. I know more about fixing things than hubby. lol Our light switch stopped working one day. I took the plate off, saw it was wired wrong, shut off the power and fixed it. Last year we bought a new bbq and hubby lost patience trying to put it together. He went downstairs to chill out and an hour later when he came back I had it finished. But my father wasn't good at fixing things so I learned to do a few things. I'd say I'm feminine, considering I've spent most of my life dressed up and on a stage.

My wife is almost as bad as your father...and it is of some concern. (I'm 17 years older than her)
I do all the real cooking...she can do some but she isn't really comfortable in there. Heat and eat is her forte.

I just made a pan of yeast risen cinnamon rolls...put in a bit of cardamom in the dough as an experiment...(it's good)

I have warped her taste buds to no end. We loathe eating out anymore.

So what is she going to eat after I'm gone? Kinda worried about that one.

 

[JohnDB]

No I actually don't do this to other people, but I get the feeling you do, based on what I'm reading. Part of what I do for living is to observe and get a feel for people. Your responses and line of questioning is no different than the people I deal with on a day to day basis. Honestly, if anything, I think someone(s) hurt you. If that's true, I'm sorry that you had to go through it. But it's no excuse to try and accuse all men of playing double standards in regards to what you ask.

Have I been hurt? Yes, on multiple occasions. Do I blame all women for doing it? No, because I know there are good women out there. I just had the rotten luck of being interested and/or dating bad ones that I didn't know were horrible people. Right now, there's a woman that I know who might be dropping hints that she likes me. I like her too, but my hesitance in going out with her is she has been married before and I don't know what happened that caused the divorce. I'm hoping she wasn't the one, but I can't say for sure that's the case. But there are some good signs coming from, such as she's very involved with her kids and her grandkids (she had her first child at 18 y/o, 43 now) and being kind to my brother with autism. Does that seal the deal? No. I need to see where her heart is with God and if she has a good relationship with him.

Either way, in terms of going out on a date, I shouldn't be this hesitant, and there are other men that are the same way. We would prefer women to stay abstinent until marriage. Adultery is a sin. We understand there are certain circumstances where women may not have predicted, but just to go and do it, knowing the consequences, is very different. I argue the same thing about men. Many of us do need to restrain ourselves. The bad ones, typically, set the good ones up to get hurt, with or without knowing it. So, yes, it's annoying to for women (and men) to hear to not have sex before marriage, but it needs said, especially in a secular society we live in today. God's Word and plan for us is far important than what a group of non-believers have to say on the contrary.

You can always say "no".... you don't have to agree to have sex. You can resist...it is possible. And you won't necessarily have any repercussions for doing so. Maybe some positive ones. You aren't a teenager anymore. You can control yourself.

 

[kaylagrl]

My wife is almost as bad as your father...and it is of some concern. (I'm 17 years older than her)
I do all the real cooking...she can do some but she isn't really comfortable in there. Heat and eat is her forte.

I just made a pan of yeast risen cinnamon rolls...put in a bit of cardamom in the dough as an experiment...(it's good)

I have warped her taste buds to no end. We loathe eating out anymore.

So what is she going to eat after I'm gone? Kinda worried about that one.

Oh no! Bless her heart! Get her a crockpot and a can of cream of chicken soup. She'll be cookin' in no time. lol
I'm not talented at cooking or baking, but I do notice how horrible restaurant food is now that I do the cooking. I was a very late bloomer in the kitchen. Don't worry, she won't have your talent but she will be ok.

 

[seoulsearch]

Sorry, off topic. SQUIRREL! Ignore me and my sugar beets.

Don't make me report you for derailing the thread.

 

[Lynx]

No I actually don't do this to other people, but I get the feeling you do, based on what I'm reading. Part of what I do for living is to observe and get a feel for people. Your responses and line of questioning is no different than the people I deal with on a day to day basis. Honestly, if anything, I think someone(s) hurt you. If that's true, I'm sorry that you had to go through it. But it's no excuse to try and accuse all men of playing double standards in regards to what you ask.

After complaining so much about how unfair women are to men, now you accuse her of having the same double standard you have repeatedly displayed?

This is the first time I have ever seen a double double standard. A double standard about double standards. This has to be some kind of record or a historic moment or something.

 

[seoulsearch]

No I actually don't do this to other people, but I get the feeling you do, based on what I'm reading. Part of what I do for living is to observe and get a feel for people. Your responses and line of questioning is no different than the people I deal with on a day to day basis. Honestly, if anything, I think someone(s) hurt you. If that's true, I'm sorry that you had to go through it. But it's no excuse to try and accuse all men of playing double standards in regards to what you ask.

Have I been hurt? Yes, on multiple occasions. Do I blame all women for doing it? No, because I know there are good women out there. I just had the rotten luck of being interested and/or dating bad ones that I didn't know were horrible people. Right now, there's a woman that I know who might be dropping hints that she likes me. I like her too, but my hesitance in going out with her is she has been married before and I don't know what happened that caused the divorce. I'm hoping she wasn't the one, but I can't say for sure that's the case. But there are some good signs coming from, such as she's very involved with her kids and her grandkids (she had her first child at 18 y/o, 43 now) and being kind to my brother with autism. Does that seal the deal? No. I need to see where her heart is with God and if she has a good relationship with him.

Either way, in terms of going out on a date, I shouldn't be this hesitant, and there are other men that are the same way. We would prefer women to stay abstinent until marriage. Adultery is a sin. We understand there are certain circumstances where women may not have predicted, but just to go and do it, knowing the consequences, is very different. I argue the same thing about men. Many of us do need to restrain ourselves. The bad ones, typically, set the good ones up to get hurt, with or without knowing it. So, yes, it's annoying to for women (and men) to hear to not have sex before marriage, but it needs said, especially in a secular society we live in today. God's Word and plan for us is far important than what a group of non-believers have to say on the contrary.

If I just skip over the first paragraph (because I would like to answer it, but I won't,) this was a good post, Herk.

I really am sorry that you've been around some women who hurt you, and I applaud you for giving this current woman a chance and that you want to find out more about her and her story. I agree with you that finding out what caused the divorce is crucial. And I absolutely loved that part about how she is kind to your brother with autism.

I hope it all goes well!

Please keep us informed if you would like, ok?

 

[Lynx]

Don't make me report you for derailing the thread.

Those who live in Glass houses should not throw bricks. Want me to go back and compile evidence about your derails? You know I'm a nerd. I will happily spend hours gathering the evidence.

 

[seoulsearch]

Those who live in Glass houses should not throw bricks. Want me to go back and compile evidence about your derails? You know I'm a nerd. I will happily spend hours gathering the evidence.

It's a terrible day for everyone when One Nerd Threatens Another.

I wonder how many people would buy tickets to a "Nerd vs. Nerd" fight.

Don't you have a pocket protector to find?

 

[Lynx]

You would lose by default when I remotely reformatted all your computing devices.

 

[JohnDB]

Alright!
Enough now!
All you nerds put your calculators back in your hip holsters.

 

[seoulsearch]

Alright!
Enough now!
All you nerds put your calculators back in your hip holsters.

Dang nab it.

Which one of you called The Nerd Police?!

We want names, numbers, and social media contacts of everyone who spoiled the fun!

*Just to be safe and avoid stirring up suspicion, Seoulsearch stealthily hides her beloved old calculator.*

Actually... that would be a lie. I am DEFINITELY NOT one of those math-y, tech-y, electronic-y (in other words, useful) kinds of nerds!

 

[Lynx]

Which is why it would be so easy to win this showdown. I bet you don't even have custom security running on your computers, just some off-the-shelf program.

 

[seoulsearch]

Which is why it would be so easy to win this showdown. I bet you don't even have custom security running on your computers, just some off-the-shelf program.

Well, it's an antivirus program that I pay for rather than the free ones out there (I figure you get what you pay for most times,) so does that count?

Also... Are you identifying yourself as a hacker?!?

 

[tourist]

Ugh at every holiday table my father wanted beets. I tried them as a kid and hated them. So much so that I haven't tasted them again to see if my taste changed. I don't even like the look of them. Don't know why I had to add that information...

I'm not a beet peep either.

 

[Dino246]

Ugh at every holiday table my father wanted beets. I tried them as a kid and hated them. So much so that I haven't tasted them again to see if my taste changed. I don't even like the look of them. Don't know why I had to add that information...

Beets me!

For the record, and because it's so thoroughly off-topic, I like beets.

We now return to our regularly-scheduled hijacking.