Wife gets pregnant, now wants to leave me.

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Locoponydirtman

Guest
Paternity test!

Demand one.
Get your lawyer to get a court order.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,860
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She's an unfit mother, and obviously can't handle taking care of him whether he's fussy or not.. I agree with Locopony, get a paternity test done ASAP.
 
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Locoponydirtman

Guest
My suspicion is that she got pregnant by somebody else, she wants to go be with him, and she wants you to foot the bill, because he is a deadbeat.

That is why she is talking all that mess about being friends and everything and hanging out.
 
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Locoponydirtman

Guest
I'm sure that there ain't none of this that you wanted to hear. The sad thing is some folks are just trifling,
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
2,691
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You know... I really am struggling to believe that she is a Christian, that she knows Him... and if she has committed adultery then scripturally you are free to leave and re-marry one day someone who is not abusive...
in my prayers
God bless
This is the truth, and Jesus said we will know them by their fruit. It is clear she is not in Him, can't be. She can't be in Christ when she is seeking to feel the spiritual void with the excitement of the flesh. She can't be born again and cling to sin so hard.

I feel the need to be clear here, it's not some slip that I would say this about. If cheating happen, and even if she no longer wanted to be with you it could be handled "better", but her continuous stay in sins bed strongly suggest she is not saved and does not know Jesus. That's the problem is she is seeking to fill that void by the flesh as we all do, but with our eyes open by the grace of our King, we know the flesh can NEVER satisfy. It's so sad and tragic because of the wake of disaster and heartache she leaves behind her to chase something that will only end the same way. I praise God for fathers like you man, and I pray He guide you to all peace. My prayers are with you brother.
 
May 7, 2019
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Update

I did a Paternity test and I am the Father.

My wife started back at work and now my Buddy is in a at home daycare. I work from the house. She doesn't like being alone so she would be in the room with my and the baby. I can't get any free time away from her other than work. If i have a event that i'm doing or anything she invites herself along. Even when i had to drive to get paperwork across town she will join me. It's fine and it was great we spent time when we were Married and she was faithful but it's just hard for me to look at her the same. I still sleep in her room either in her bed or on the floor.

We still get along other than if her cheating situation is brought up. That is getting worse :( The cheater had his mom buy him tickets to come for V-day. Obviously my wife's mom and I would not let him stay here. She is staying with him and it sucks :( So i will have lots of baby time this weekend because he will be with me. It seems like i'm numb to it now. after she makes bad decision by bad decision it's just the norm now.

Our home dynamic is strange, even the other day her mom asked me if she stopped cheating and we were back together because my wife still acts like we are best friends and has me do things that you would not do with someone who isn't you husband. (not sexual things) Her Mom is still supportive of me and tells everyone I'm a great dad. She is pretty upset about this weekend as well. But she won't tell my wife that.

Memorial day is our official move date. I'm counting down the days. I can't wait to go back to WA. She will have to live with me for a year but we will have much more room there. I just know when this is all over it will be weight off my chest. I just hope she doesn't change her mind about moving

I'm still doing well. I had some church members over Sunday and this weekend i'm doing the announcements at church so I'm getting more active. I signed up for a disc (frisbee) tournament in two weeks so i have something to drive for and spend some time improving at.

Baby is doing great. He can do real smiles now and stick his tongue back at me. I take him everywhere with me so he travels a lot. We got baby pictures
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
2,691
815
113
44
Update

I did a Paternity test and I am the Father.

My wife started back at work and now my Buddy is in a at home daycare. I work from the house. She doesn't like being alone so she would be in the room with my and the baby. I can't get any free time away from her other than work. If i have a event that i'm doing or anything she invites herself along. Even when i had to drive to get paperwork across town she will join me. It's fine and it was great we spent time when we were Married and she was faithful but it's just hard for me to look at her the same. I still sleep in her room either in her bed or on the floor.

We still get along other than if her cheating situation is brought up. That is getting worse :( The cheater had his mom buy him tickets to come for V-day. Obviously my wife's mom and I would not let him stay here. She is staying with him and it sucks :( So i will have lots of baby time this weekend because he will be with me. It seems like i'm numb to it now. after she makes bad decision by bad decision it's just the norm now.

Our home dynamic is strange, even the other day her mom asked me if she stopped cheating and we were back together because my wife still acts like we are best friends and has me do things that you would not do with someone who isn't you husband. (not sexual things) Her Mom is still supportive of me and tells everyone I'm a great dad. She is pretty upset about this weekend as well. But she won't tell my wife that.

Memorial day is our official move date. I'm counting down the days. I can't wait to go back to WA. She will have to live with me for a year but we will have much more room there. I just know when this is all over it will be weight off my chest. I just hope she doesn't change her mind about moving

I'm still doing well. I had some church members over Sunday and this weekend i'm doing the announcements at church so I'm getting more active. I signed up for a disc (frisbee) tournament in two weeks so i have something to drive for and spend some time improving at.

Baby is doing great. He can do real smiles now and stick his tongue back at me. I take him everywhere with me so he travels a lot. We got baby pictures
We love you brother, and I don't know how God is going to use this to glorify Himself to you, but brother I see His Spirit all over you. I pray you find rest in the chaos, and my He bless you and you child forever, and I'll be praying still.
 

protenen

New member
Sep 3, 2021
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I'm sorry your family had to suffer. I can't imagine how hard it's to hear that from your loved one. The only advice I can give you is to go to a holy father and tell him about your problems, and he can help your wife deal with her fear. She is acting this way because she is afraid of a serious relationship and being abandoned, like in foster homes. And you are doing the right thing, keep proving your love to her and taking care of her, go to the doctor and consult about pregnancy and which vitamins to take during early pregnancy.
 

Maiafly

New member
Mar 23, 2022
6
3
3
Hello,
My wife 24F and I 25M have been trying to have a baby.. She was so excited for us to start a family and telling church friends about it...I love her and was wanting a baby as well... Right after she got pregnant she met this guy online on a game...I felt like we were both happy and just 1 day out of no where she just flipped. She started to act very unlike her and crazy, within 2 weeks of talking to him she told me she loved him and she wanted a divorce and had bought a plane ticket to visit him.. Then a week later she found out she was pregnant...she is making crazy choices she would have never done before. Every day I could get a happy or very mad wife. A little back story is she has had a rough past with 20 plus foster homes. I personally think her issues are with her past or pregnancy hormones.. I'm not a perfect man but I try and be the best husband I can. I'm drop dead in love with her. Her grandma made her refund the tickets thankfully. This guy smokes, has no job and lives with his mom and is not a citizen. im shocked and confused.. I have been reading and applying to my life the love dare book from fireproof .. We get along but it's killing me she has another man and I don't know what I did wrong, she tells everyone a different story and can't keep her lies straight. Any advice, really want my wife back and I am heart broken and depressed ... I told the baby doctor about the erratic behavior and they signed us up for counseling.. She had previously refused to go, I'm glad she convinced her but she is very unwilling to try anything . I have been in talk with our pastor and he has helped me, she won't talk with him... Now she is even questioning her faith and she is a good Christian woman. Should I continue to be nice and do everything I can for her?
It's been the worst month or so of my life and sad she is unwilling to work on our marriage.. I don't want a split family and still in love with my wife.
She had spent time in multiple foster homes so that she must be very insecure. As @blue_ladybug
said, she was infatuated with a man online who may have made false promises to her. I think you should let her feel how much you love her. I once almost broke up with my boyfriend too. I suddenly lost my passionate feelings for him, I was obsessed with my new co-worker who brought me a cup of coffee every afternoon. I guess that might be freshness for someone rather than love. When my boyfriend proposed to me with a DR ring which only could be customized once in lifetime, I was ashamed of my behavior. I know how he loves me and now he is my husband.
 
Feb 24, 2022
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I feel so sorry for you, man. It's heartbreaking to read this. I can see that you've done everything in your power and sought for help, but since you're both consenting adults, only God can change the heart, so pray for that, meanwhile contact her close gal pal if there's any and persuade her to talk some sense into your wife. If there's no improvement, then try to find out if the kid is yours or that man's. If it's that man's, then there's no turning back, you have to cut her loose.
 
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Oblio

Guest
This thread has reminded me of how horrible it can be...how horrible it was. The last day of my marriage was the last day I hurt myself.
Otto, though it's been nearly 2 years since you've been here, I pray that you and your baby...and your baby's mother, are doing well. Sigh!
 
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SimpleSheep

Guest
Brother...my goodness that was a read! I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know you may not even read this but in case you do...

You need some backbone. You cannot let her walk all over you the way you have. What kind of a man lets his wife go sleep with another man for the weekend? You don't respect yourself...so that's why she feels comfortable disrespecting you. I'm not saying for you to go beat her. But I am saying you need to walk away from this. Fight for full custody and leave it in God's hands.
I know God hates divorce...but he also hates adultery. That is what your wife is doing to you.

You have a much better chance of winning her over by respecting yourself instead of just giving in to whatever she wants. Honestly though, if I were you, I would much rather be a single dad for life than to be married to this woman. She sounds like a nightmare. She's an immature, adulterous, lazy, entitled, brat. Once you have a child, your life isn't about you anymore. It seems to me that this woman doesn't understand that. I don't care how many foster homes she was in, she's a mom and she needs to grow up and raise her son.
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
7,856
1,447
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Brighton, MI
First of all, she does NOT have "another man". What she has is an online infatuation with a guy who probably has made false promises to her, such as marrying her and giving her anything she wants. Online "romances" rarely work out, and this guy will soon move on to another naive mark.
Is there a way to trace his past history of doing what you speak of? Would the Wayback machine work in anyway?
 

TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
7,856
1,447
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Brighton, MI
I am trying to focus on my wife and the upcoming child. My question is how often should I mention to my wife that what she is doing is wrong? Once a week? Everyday? And how invasive should I be to stop what's going on?
Try contacting the administration of the game website. Maybe, he has minor lined up to mess with. I am not telling you to say your wife is a minor.
 
Mar 4, 2020
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Wife gets pregnant, now wants to leave me.
Have you and her considered going to a therapist? Thoughts, emotions, feelings, and behaviors are closely linked and influence/reinforce each other. Often by just changing your thoughts you can cause a chain reaction that results in positive emotions, feelings, and behaviors. You might not even need a therapist for this, imho, if you can accept and understand that a poor foundation can topple the whole tower. I hope you're doing well.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
5,493
2,152
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How about you post something useful?
The OP is, has been, and likely will continue to be gone.

I'd imagine that he is currently in the midst of child support payments or discovering the joys of single parenthood.
One of the things that happen when you don't know and understand a spouse before you marry them.