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Wood-Note
Guest
The Bible calls us to be of the same mind so.. ^ What he said ^
On a serious note, those are the primary factors that would worry me. If God is calling me to do so, I'll endure, but the legality of it along with the strained relationships that might come with it are just..
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah
Guest
Just a few thoughts. As others said before, I do think it's a case-by-case situation. Some things to consider when dating someone with kids (I had a relationship with a guy who had 3 boys, the two youngest living with him, and the mother of the youngest two had passed away about a year before I met him):
1. Are you willing to give a good chunk, if not the majority, of your time and money to the relationship? Depending on the situation, you will, whether intended or not, at the least, become a parent-figure, if not a parent.
2. As mentioned before... Are you willing to be supportive through court dates and possibly crazy fights with exes? In my case, the mother's parents were constantly fighting the father at every turn, which meant lots of legal fees. For which I contributed a good share... because I felt that taking care of his kids was part of my responsibility. (He was an alcoholic. It got to the point where I was practically raising them alone.)
3. Any loving parent will tell you their children come first. Are you willing to be seen as the third, fourth, eighth, etc. person in the relationship? Because you will always come AFTER the kids. Some people are willing to sacrifice this and can do it well. I'm not sure I could do it again... entering into a relationship knowing from the get-go that I have to stand in line. I could be wrong, but I feel that many times another single parent would be a much better candidate because they know the ropes from experience a lot better than I do.
4. Are you willing to fight uphill battles for as long as it takes? The two boys I became a parent to were being bounced back and forth between at least two other households, all with very lapsed sets of rules--each one trying to "win" the kids' love, so one set allowed them to run around like feral creatures of the wild, and the other bought them every toy, gadget, thing a kid could ever want.
When you're trying to instill discipline, that's a huge downhill river you're trying to swim against. The kids were often dropped off at my house for stretches of time, despite my protests... and one of the kids, at 3, was still not potty-trained. I used to set an alarm several times during the night and wake him up to go because I guess no one else cared to pay attention to the fact that he still wore diapers most times. I found that in this case, a person has to be willing to give up their own needs and health in order to properly raise the children.
Then there was also the fact that at age 3, the youngest was still not talking. The grandmother talked about getting him tested for this, that, and the other... I tried my best to make it a point to talk to this child and coax words out of him... and feeling so proud when he finally said "Bay-bee!!" and "Night Night." Once he started talking, he never stopped. All he needed was for people to take the time to work with him.
But I was in way over my head, and with the father becoming worse, I was on the verge of snapping. I had long passed the point of loving the kids and resenting the father... But every time I tried to leave, he said things like, "But the kids need you." It became a rope around my neck.
I am NOT AT ALL saying all parents are like this. It's a case-by-case scenario, and I do believe that people should be given fair chances without having the past held against them.
I just want others to be aware of some things they may face that they might not have considered otherwise.
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Shouryu
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Jullianna
Guest
Viola has a point about crazy ex-spouses. Although that would probably make me want to love and protect the kids all the more....so it would be quite an emotional investment.
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MrMalby
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Ugly
Guest
Oh be nice Ugly, there are lots of incredibly gorgeous nice christian girls on these forums!
I don't see where i said anything bad about any of the women here. All i pointed out was a statement like that tends to make a bad first impression with women.
The fact that I am a mother myself then yes I would date a man that had children. I have in the past, and it all worked out fine. The guy I am with now doesn't have children which is totally different for me. Luckily he loves kids, and my son adores him.
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buckeyegirl700
Guest
I would because I am a single mother. It also would depend on the situation. If the man I wanted to date had a football team of kids the answer would be no.
I have been in a situation before where I dated a guy who had a daughter around my sons age, and he treated my son like crap and treated his daughter like a princess. When favoritism is shown like that I tend to have issues, but he was just a jerk altogether.
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SeatBelt
Guest
...and in this way, she may be my millstone forever.
Honestly, even if I so ever try to date again, the realities of my ex may be the ultimate date repellent.
Not sure if I should fully inform ladies about her early on, (thus guaranteeing no 2nd date, Ever... or maybe no 1st date, Ever...) or if she is the sort of thing that one should never say much at all about and let the truth slowly trickle to the surface.
so, you saying you want to set a date? (lmbo, I coudn't even type that with a straight face!)
As if I couldn't say it enough: I do not know if I will ever date again. Period.
But, to try on the shoes of the hypothetical, I will say that were I dating, I would certainly consider someone with kids. However, Should I ever date someone with kids, it would be on the condition that we handle their kids the same way I insist mine would be handled: The kids have no reason to know about a dating relationship unless it is getting Serious enought to be looking towards the selecting of rings. Most kids from single parent homes have enough abandonment issues without adding to that layers of "Will you be my new Daddy?" (or Mommy, apply as needed) when we all know that dating someone is Not a guarantee you marry that person.
At her suggesting, one time in the course of the past year, I met with someone and her daughter for what I thought was to be a playdate for the kids. Her daughter, however, flocked to me like nothing else, latched on to my arm, and gave me the "New Daddy!" look... I totally wanted to flee, for her sake more than mine.
Personally, I'm not afraid of crazy exs. To me marrying a man with children is accepting the ex as family as well. Now, I'm not saying I'd invite the woman over for thanksgiving dinner, but she and I would be sharing the mother role. I would respect her place in their lives and cope the best I could. However, if she's crazy crazy, I would protect those kids and my husband. I would fight and do whatever I could to limit the damage Ms Crazy Pants was inflicting. No one messes with the people I love. I may be a mut ethnically, but the vast majority of my bloodline is crime family related. 
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SeatBelt
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Hmmm, I seem to have fallen asleep wearing the hypothetical shoes... it occurs to me to post that I would not date someone with an infant. Pregnancy can be such a roller coaster time, and for those unprepared for it (and really, WHO is prepared...) the same can be said of the first year or three. IMHO, if the kid is below a certain age, the mom either (1)stands a significantly higher chance of getting back together with the dad, (2)has no business focusing on needs other than the child, and her own Actually needs - as opposed to he desire to date, and/or (3)is probably a little bit much more drama than I care for, especially if there is any chance that there may be some lingering postpartum. Yeah...
Also, I'm not saying that I would insist that she have kids the same ages as my kids... but there are some stages of parenting that I've done twice and am not in a rush to sign up for a third time. I'll not totally rule out going through that again if I was to have an additional child/children that were biologically mine... but at least then I would have the biological imperative reminding me why I am enduring a child in that phase of life. Kids are wonderful. There's just these little phases... if you're a parent, you may be able to Name your favorite phases you would like to skip next go round.
Also, I'm not saying that I would insist that she have kids the same ages as my kids... but there are some stages of parenting that I've done twice and am not in a rush to sign up for a third time. I'll not totally rule out going through that again if I was to have an additional child/children that were biologically mine... but at least then I would have the biological imperative reminding me why I am enduring a child in that phase of life. Kids are wonderful. There's just these little phases... if you're a parent, you may be able to Name your favorite phases you would like to skip next go round.
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Catlynn
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Hahaha I would be okay skipping my daughter's current phase of not wanting anyone but mommy, being suddenly afraid of EVERYthing when she wasn't afraid of anything before and whining. I don't like whining. I'm good with this phase passing quickly. However, she's still totally cool, obedient, loving and learns quickly. I also know that she won't always think that I'm the center of the universe and will soon care more about friends and activities than cuddling with me on the couch, so I can't complain.
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SeatBelt
Guest
ok, I'll put this one out there and let yall judge on me all you want.
I'd not date someone with "too many" kids (let's leave that number to be undefined, at least for now).
So, you can judge me all you want on that, but the price is, you must fruitfully engage int he conversation, starting with:
Do you have a "too many'?
I'd not date someone with "too many" kids (let's leave that number to be undefined, at least for now).
So, you can judge me all you want on that, but the price is, you must fruitfully engage int he conversation, starting with:
Do you have a "too many'?
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Jullianna
Guest
Parts of this thread remind me of a certain Miranda Lambert song about crazy ex-GFs. Started to post a link...but..not language appropriate
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Catlynn
Guest
I live in the town where she's from. They have a Miranda Lambert store...how strange is that?!
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SeatBelt
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