Obedience about the state of our heart is about lowering the defences.
When we are hurt, we shut people out, we say we do not care, we make sure we cannot be hurt again. We remember who hurt us and hold it against them.
Jesus commands us to see we are just like everybody else, lost, hurt, defended, and because we are like this we lash out and hurt others. I know hurt christian brothers and sisters do this to me, because I touched their pain. I was suprised when this happened but now I understand.
To love them is to forgive them. To love them is to say I do not mind being hurt, because defending yourself shuts down your emotions, who you are, leaves trust far away, does not give love a chance in someone else. If I come up to you defended, closed down bristling with sarcasm and agression, you are not going to open up and be vulnerable, expect healing or a blessing. No, only defence and counter move. Until you obey, you do not know how defended, hurt, alone you really are. It is up to the believer to open up and ask Jesus in.
I will give you an example that breaks my heart, because it is so obvious. A good christian worker shared with someone that their son had just be diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. What a blow and very tragic, especially for a mum.
The person who received the news said, "I wonder why they told me this. I suppose it helps telling others."
They had no clue the benefit of a kind word, or empathy, or crying with those who mourn. Their battlements never would let out such vulnerability or let such a thing surface in them.
But you cannot know love until you have begun to let your heart sing, let the battlements go, let healing in, because the King of Kings has conquered all, and no matter what, literally we are safe with Him.
Obedience is not about earning righteousness, it is about learning to be real, and admitting how enclosed and shut down we all are in this world of sin. I know this is true, I did not know how deep in me it was and how fundamental a part of my family it was. But Jesus has changed everything. This is not about salvation, this is about life and truth.