6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...

[blue_ladybug]

Peter, I apologized for offending you, so why are you still stuck on it? Let it go and move on. This IS a public forum and opinions WILL be expressed and differed with. If you can't handle that, then as the saying goes, get out of the kitchen. You accuse ME of being angry, yet here you are, ranting on about what I said to you. People ask us for advice and opinions, and they expect the truth. If they can't handle raw, blatant truth, then they shouldn't post and ask for truthful opinions.

 

[PeterJens]

I've never denied that I can be harsh sometimes. In fact, I admit it quite often. But even Jesus was quite harsh sometimes, to the point of "searing" words.

Blue. Unfortunately I hear self justification as if you are the righteous anger of the Lord, when you are not.
Jesus only got angry over either speaking words that the enemy intended or abuse of sacred ground.
Jesus is very careful about anger in the sermon on the mount. It is so strong I find it hard to take in.

"But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment." Matt 5:22

But when I began to think more deeply about it I realised I cannot stand in judgement over another unless it is obviously sin. Brothers and sisters share from their hearts, and often the words can convey meaning they did not intend.
Equally who am I to say the Lord did not intend this to be shared in this way.

All I can do is reflect how things come across to me.

In our house group we have a counsellor who suggested doing a course on grieving. A lot of people have in the church lost people close to them and not come to terms with it. A friend was sharing with someone about this course and it came out that this other person had an issue about it. Since then they have been going along to discover what is happening and work through their experience.

Unfortunately harshness often causes such issues to stay hidden and lost. So I want to encourage you, to be careful about these things and encourage those who have something to share, to just share and wait to see what it might bring.

Harshness also often goes back to a root of bitterness and pain that is unresolved. So all I can suggest is to work through such issues, because only blessing can come as a result.

So I think harshness like this is sin and Jesus talks against it, the apostles etc. So be careful how you tread.

 

[PeterJens]

Peter, I apologized for offending you, so why are you still stuck on it? Let it go and move on. This IS a public forum and opinions WILL be expressed and differed with. If you can't handle that, then as the saying goes, get out of the kitchen. You accuse ME of being angry, yet here you are, ranting on about what I said to you. People ask us for advice and opinions, and they expect the truth. If they can't handle raw, blatant truth, then they shouldn't post and ask for truthful opinions.

Thankyou, but I missed the apology. I hope I am not ranting. This situation raised an interesting relationship point, how we treat each other with respect. You feel you are talking "raw, blatant truth."

My experience is those who are so convinced they have arrived have not, and the truth they hold is very much their own version, which they feel they must blast everyone else with. I am trying, and probably failing to grasp the role of pain and past experience on how we deal with each other, and to try and encourage us to grow more in fellowship.

Another confrontational member liked iron sharpens iron, but again they were very keen to put down and put people in their place. But when it came to love and openness, it was an insult to talk about this. I call this spiritual blindness, literally.

When I was a child what spoke to me was Jesus talking to the woman caught in adultery. It was the complete understanding of guilt mixed with forgiveness. I hope we can aspire to such handling.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Let's stop making this thread about me, and get back to focusing on the OP. There's no self-justification in admitting I can be harsh. I don't know where you get that from. You've voiced your opinion on how I and others come across to you. Point taken. Harshness can ALSO be a GOOD thing, and the OP thanked me for being so blunt with her. So chew on that awhile before you bag on me again.

 

[jsr1221]

Rather than going back and forth on on someone else's thread, can we acknowledge the fact it looks like this woman already made up her mind, and she (in my feeling) isn't going to be coming back to see this? More prayers rather than a meaningless discussion on a thread that asked for help.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Rather than going back and forth on on someone else's thread, can we acknowledge the fact it looks like this woman already made up her mind, and she (in my feeling) isn't going to be coming back to see this? More prayers rather than a meaningless discussion on a thread that asked for help.

She's coming back. If you'd read back a page or two, you'll see she's deleting her account here and making a new one..

 

[jsr1221]

She's coming back. If you'd read back a page or two, you'll see she's deleting her account here and making a new one..

I'm a little late to the party, so yeah I wouldn't have noticed this.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Thankyou, but I missed the apology. I hope I am not ranting. This situation raised an interesting relationship point, how we treat each other with respect. You feel you are talking "raw, blatant truth."

My experience is those who are so convinced they have arrived have not, and the truth they hold is very much their own version, which they feel they must blast everyone else with. I am trying, and probably failing to grasp the role of pain and past experience on how we deal with each other, and to try and encourage us to grow more in fellowship.

Another confrontational member liked iron sharpens iron, but again they were very keen to put down and put people in their place. But when it came to love and openness, it was an insult to talk about this. I call this spiritual blindness, literally.

When I was a child what spoke to me was Jesus talking to the woman caught in adultery. It was the complete understanding of guilt mixed with forgiveness. I hope we can aspire to such handling.

Peter, you ARE ranting. Re-iterating your point a million times is ranting. On this subject of domestic abuse, I speak from first-hand experience. YOU DON'T. You're just someone who offered an uninformed opinion on the matter, and that's why I called you a bystander. You've never been domestically abused. I have. Several people who posted on here have been. That makes us a bit wiser and more qualified to give advice, issue warnings, and be blunt with the OP. I've spoken to the OP on here and in pm, and she thanked me for being so open and blunt with her. So sometimes being harsh actually works. Like I've said before, I don't play the sugar coat gloss game. I play the open, honest and blatant game. If people can't handle hearing the raw ugly truth, then sorry, but that's on them, and not me. BTW, only GOD is my judge, so stop berating me for saying something that YOU deem to be harsh.

 

[jsr1221]

Hey knucklehead....everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Calling her nuts is outa line. You don't know what her upbringing was..if she was abused as a child. Be nice buddy.

I grew up in an abusive situation just like she did... And I know all the signs.. So the upbringing thing lacks a little bit there. It's more of a passive approach by her, and thinking she isn't worth anything more than what's happening right there.. Which is a really sad and dangerous way to love your life.

 

[jsr1221]

She's coming back. If you'd read back a page or two, you'll see she's deleting her account here and making a new one..

Having said that though, I'll believe it when I actually see it. Like I said, she can have all the plans or take the steps in the world. Won't matter until she actually does it.

 

[AnneNoel]

Miss Soconfused is going to do what she wants. Period. She isn't ready to leave him, it will take much more damage for her to leave him.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Having said that though, I'll believe it when I actually see it. Like I said, she can have all the plans or take the steps in the world. Won't matter until she actually does it.

She's already given me her new user name..

 

[AnneNoel]

all these thread proves is women love their "Bad boys", doesn't matter how much advice they get they want to try and change him.

Until you realize that REAL love won't hurt. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

 

[jsr1221]

Until you realize that REAL love won't hurt. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

It doesn't change the fact what he said had Merritt.. You were in this type of situation, so you used to have that same exact thinking I'm pretty sure. Most women in those situations usually do. I agree your post is what real love is.. That's actually one of my favorite verses.. But it doesn't change the fact that sc81 was right.

 

[AnneNoel]

It doesn't change the fact what he said had Merritt.. You were in this type of situation, so you used to have that same exact thinking I'm pretty sure. Most women in those situations usually do. I agree your post is what real love is.. That's actually one of my favorite verses.. But it doesn't change the fact that sc81 was right.

Yes, I did have her mindset & know what she is thinking. This is why I'm saying what love actually is...

 

[blue_ladybug]

It doesn't change the fact what he said had Merritt.. You were in this type of situation, so you used to have that same exact thinking I'm pretty sure. Most women in those situations usually do. I agree your post is what real love is.. That's actually one of my favorite verses.. But it doesn't change the fact that sc81 was right.

Umm, sc81 is ONLY concerned that she WAS living with this dude. He's not at all concerned with the fact this jerk put her in the hospital. Just sayin'.. so sc81 needs to get his reasoning straight..getting her to safety is more important than the fact she was living with him.

 

[PeterJens]

I'm planning my exit. Trust me. But, report him? It will ruin his career and potentially make him lose his own kids...who he sees every other weekend. He (from what I know) had never hurt anyone physically before. I can tell by his reaction, too.

Soconfused2 There is a good reason why people who have serious responsibility over other peoples lives must never be an abusive personality let alone a physically abusive one, because people die as a result.

If this man manages to break your fingers without realising it, what is going to happen to others or is currently going on in his life. He literally does not deserve his position and should be arrested and brought before a judge.

Yes this is harsh, but this is because he is dangerous and has sinned against you, caused you real physical harm. You are merely a victim of this breakdown, for whatever reason, it happens all over the world, and you are just another victim who needs safety.

 

[jsr1221]

Umm, sc81 is ONLY concerned that she WAS living with this dude. He's not at all concerned with the fact this jerk put her in the hospital. Just sayin'.. so sc81 needs to get his reasoning straight..getting her to safety is more important than the fact she was living with him.

I was just referring to that comment.. It is a trend, after all. Women (not all) generally go with the bad boys, and endure this type of abuse over and over again. It's just a fact. Sad fact, yes, but still a fact. I don't want to continue commenting or else I'd be guilty of doing the same thing I posted asking for others to not do.

 

[soconfused2]

Thank you for all of this feedback. For those that think I wasn't responding ... Because I wasn't listening... That's not true.

I had surgery yesterday and have been recovering. The doctor was able to straighten it. But it may never bend fully again.

I talked to my aunt about this (psychologist) and she just tells me I need to hang on to the anger.

She's right. I think the anger over this will help me stay strong. No one deserves to be disfigured. He calls it an "accident"

Obviously he was yanking MY bag from MY hand. He may not have meant to purposely break my hand... But he had lost control. He said he didn't hear me say my hand... My hand. You are hurting me.

I went to church and also received the anointing of the sick before surgery. God has been watching out for me. I just need to trust in him.

 

[kaylagrl]

it wasn't just a "bad relationship", she is LIVING with a man outside marriage and against Gods command, you don't expect God to bless that kind of union.

it's getting to the stage now that the average "christians" lifestyle is not different to non-christians, she is in a wrong relationship and really his actions ultimately aren't the factor because even if there was no problems she should not be living with him. from the first page people should have been telling her to leave because it is wrong what she is doing, but they've been more focused on what he is doing

Several of us told her to leave because it was a wrong relationship. If you dont read you dont know what has been said.