Can't accept my girlfriend's past

[trofimus]

Well, that's basically it. She has a sexual past she doesn't regret, which I can't accept. I thought I'd be alright with it, but when you love someone, it becomes a true nightmare, that just ruins the relationship. I've discussed it with her, she knows how much it hurts me, but she just keeps saying it's something that is in the past. Yet she never apologizes, and she doesn't feel guilty, cause at the time, she was in love with that guy. I know she really has bigger problems with God than me, but I love her and I can't just let go of her.
I've read a dozens of articles on accepting your girlfriend's past, consulted with friends and random strangers on chats, some of which were Christian.

I want to know what you guys think about that. What should I do? Should I leave her? Should I pray she finds peace and realizes what a mistake she made? I know we all have sins, and I highly regret mine, why can't she?

Yeah, girls today think that "love" is a reason for loosing their sexual purity.

If you are still unmarried and if you do not have peace with this girl, I would recommend you to find a virgin so that you can have peace in your mind.

What reason is there to stay with this one?

I do not know how long you are with her, if weeks, your pain can go away with time, if you are 3 years together and you still do not see any solution to that, you will probably never will.

If you have dificulties to find a better one and you have problems with the fact you are not their first, consider to stay single and painless. Its better as the Bible says.

 

[preacher4truth]

If you are still unmarried and if you do not have peace with this girl, I would recommend you to find a virgin so that you can have peace in your mind.

What reason is there to stay with this one?

I do not know how long you are with her, if weeks, your pain can go away with time, if you are 3 years together and you still do not see any solution to that, you will probably never will.

To be fair to his potential new virgin bride, would he not also have to re-virginize himself?

 

[trofimus]

To be fair to his potential new virgin bride, would he not also have to re-virginize himself?

Depends ... maybe he is a virgin, maybe he can find a virgin girl that does not require him to be a virgin too..

BTW how can you be re-virginized?

 

[FranC]

Got married at 19. Still married. All good. Don't know if I'm normal, but I guess not lol.

LOL

It's better.
You grow up together.
No problem getting used to each other.
Then you get older and guess what?
He'll Always seem Young to you and V V.
Hang in there - no matter what.

 

[preacher4truth]

Depends ... maybe he is a virgin, maybe he can find a virgin girl that does not require him to be a virgin too..

True and perhaps.

BTW how can you be re-virginized?

I'd dare not google that!

 

[Paulie]

And no, I do not get involved in sexual acts cause I'm kinda asexual so I really don't need it -> I don't practice it.

For the person suggesting I should re-virginize-or-whatever-it-is myself

And did I ever say I'm not wrong? Why do you people get so hostile? I already said it, if I thought I was right I would never seek advice and guidance in the first place.
I know I'm not a good role model. But does that necessarily make me blind? Am I somehow unable to see the hypocrisy in others?

 

[tourist]

For the person suggesting I should re-virginize-or-whatever-it-is myself

If you click on Reply With Quote on the post of the person that you're referring to this quote with the name of the person who wrote it will be included in the post that you write. After you write your post just click on Post Quick Reply.

 

[TemporaryCircumstances]

For the person suggesting I should re-virginize-or-whatever-it-is myself

And did I ever say I'm not wrong? Why do you people get so hostile? I already said it, if I thought I was right I would never seek advice and guidance in the first place.
I know I'm not a good role model. But does that necessarily make me blind? Am I somehow unable to see the hypocrisy in others?

You came here to ask why she had a problem.
Read your first post.
And okay, you think you're wrong? Are you going to change and stop trying to shove her past in her face?

You are able to see the hypocrisy in others but not yourself.
Please, try to see this.
Your girlfriend is discouraged by Christians that don't act correctly. Could she possibly be discouraged by someone she loves right now acting in such a negative way to her because of her past and not looking at the present her?
YOU are the Christian in her life. YOU have the most influence right now.
Not the people in the church because she doesn't go there. But she lives with you, or hangs out with you or whatever the situation may be.

 

[FranC]

This is going to be unpopular, but that never stopped me posting my opinions. Do you love her? If you never talk to or see her again, would it break your heart? When you imagine life without her, does it make you die a little inside? If you answer "yes", then try to work it out.

As far as shared values are concerned, there are many people who are not Christians who behave more like Christians than professed Christians behave. You probably share more values than you think.

It's really not complicated.

I don't have time now, but there is a poem I would like to share. It starts "If I were a king in Babylon, and you were a Christian slave."

I think this is it:


Or ever the knightly years were gone
With the old world to the grave,
I was a King in Babylon
And you were a Christian Slave.

I saw, I took, I cast you by,
I bent and broke your pride.
You loved me well, or I heard them lie,
But your longing was denied.
Surely I knew that by and by
You cursed your gods and died.

And a myriad suns have set and shone
Since then upon the grave
Decreed by the King in Babylon
To her that had been his Slave.

The pride I trampled is now my scathe,
For it tramples me again.
The old resentment lasts like death,
For you love, yet you refrain.
I break my heart on your hard unfaith,
And I break my heart in vain.

Yet not for an hour do I wish undone
The deed beyond the grave,
When I was a King in Babylon
And you were a Virgin Slave.
William Ernest Henley

 

[blue_ladybug]

It seems as though you're unable to see the hypocrisy in yourself.. You want a girl who hasn't had sex yet, and won't until marriage. But yet, you're with a girl who you KNOW has had premarital sex and you can't get past that fact. It's stuck in your craw like a chicken bone.. And no one here is hostile. We're giving you practical and biblical reasons why you should NOT continue to be in this relationship. You say she loves you like no one else except mommy ever has. What about God? HE loves you far more than this girl ever will.

For the person suggesting I should re-virginize-or-whatever-it-is myself

And did I ever say I'm not wrong? Why do you people get so hostile? I already said it, if I thought I was right I would never seek advice and guidance in the first place.
I know I'm not a good role model. But does that necessarily make me blind? Am I somehow unable to see the hypocrisy in others?

 

[Samsara]

Hi there,
I pray that God gives you the strength to completely forgive your girlfriend for her past. We ALL sin. Only Jesus is perfect. We are to love and forgive as Jesus does. I believe you will get past this. May love conquer.

 

[Paulie]

You came here to ask why she had a problem.
Read your first post.
And okay, you think you're wrong? Are you going to change and stop trying to shove her past in her face?

You are able to see the hypocrisy in others but not yourself.
Please, try to see this.
Your girlfriend is discouraged by Christians that don't act correctly. Could she possibly be discouraged by someone she loves right now acting in such a negative way to her because of her past and not looking at the present her?
YOU are the Christian in her life. YOU have the most influence right now.
Not the people in the church because she doesn't go there. But she lives with you, or hangs out with you or whatever the situation may be.

Yes, I WANT to change, I've read plenty of Christian articles on that topic, but I can't just magically be okay with that. I don't know HOW to change that! Of course I'm willing to do it, I just can't see how. There's no 12 step program for that, yeah, but I'd be good if there were some secure steps I can take in that direction.
Yes, you can say "read the Bible, you'll have your answers", or "read it again, seek deeper", well, I've tried that. Am still trying. But no, that's a problem I have since I heard about her past and that's more than half an year ago. Tried different methods, nothing helped so far.

 

[preacher4truth]

For the person suggesting I should re-virginize-or-whatever-it-is myself

That would be me!

And did I ever say I'm not wrong?

Admitting wrong isn't the end all. You're still wrong and are unforgiving. You accuse your significant other, expect her to live as a believer, don't forgive her and feel she owes you forgiveness for her past actions prior to knowing you. So, admit all that wrong and make amends with yourself.

Why do you people get so hostile?

No one is being hostile, you're over reacting.

I already said it, if I thought I was right I would never seek advice and guidance in the first place.

If you are seeking guidance, as you say, why are you then still not accepting that guidance while continuing to justify yourself?

Methinks you're really looking for justification. You've been given good counsel and the advice is about fixing you, but you want none of that and carry on "looking for guidance" still. Probably no one here is going to scratch your ears fella.

I know I'm not a good role model. But does that necessarily make me blind? Am I somehow unable to see the hypocrisy in others?

You need to see your own hypocrisy, as until you get the log out of your own eye, you're insufficient to pluck splinters:

You're probably correct that you don't love her how you should. In fact it is apparent, and you are incapable.

Christ must not have forgiven you much. You sound like the servant who was forgiven much but demands everyone else repay him, or he casts them in prison, Matthew 18:21-35.

Some more points to ponder:

You are like diablos, accusing others.

She doesn't owe you forgiveness for her past.

You're wanting a non-believer to live like a repentant Christian when your own behavior shows not even you live like one.

I am not saying these things to give you info, but that you'd yourself repent. You are on an unsustainable path.

 

[tourist]

Do you believe that your girlfriend will remain faithful to you for the entire relationship whatever form it takes? If so, then there should not be a problem.

 

[TemporaryCircumstances]

Yes, I WANT to change, I've read plenty of Christian articles on that topic, but I can't just magically be okay with that. I don't know HOW to change that! Of course I'm willing to do it, I just can't see how. There's no 12 step program for that, yeah, but I'd be good if there were some secure steps I can take in that direction.
Yes, you can say "read the Bible, you'll have your answers", or "read it again, seek deeper", well, I've tried that. Am still trying. But no, that's a problem I have since I heard about her past and that's more than half an year ago. Tried different methods, nothing helped so far.

Then don't be with her. Don't put her through that.

 

[Paulie]

Do you believe that your girlfriend will remain faithful to you for the entire relationship whatever form it takes? If so, then there should not be a problem.

No doubt about that.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Well, no wonder nothing has helped so far. There's only ONE method for being able to forgive her. That is to pray to God and ask HIM to give you the ability to do so. Although she doesn't need YOUR forgiveness--she needs GOD'S forgiveness and she'll never have that because she's not a Christian. And why do you need to forgive her anyway? It all happened long before you entered her life. It's obvious that you can't get past the fact that another guy had your girl, before you did, and THAT is truly the reason why you can't forgive her.

Had she known you would enter her life someday, maybe she wouldn't have had sex. But she's not a psychic and people DO make mistakes. Everyone here has something sordid in their pasts, that they wish they hadn't done. Obviously she doesn't share that mindset and never will, so you're on the losing end of this, no matter what you do.

Yes, I WANT to change, I've read plenty of Christian articles on that topic, but I can't just magically be okay with that. I don't know HOW to change that! Of course I'm willing to do it, I just can't see how. There's no 12 step program for that, yeah, but I'd be good if there were some secure steps I can take in that direction.
Yes, you can say "read the Bible, you'll have your answers", or "read it again, seek deeper", well, I've tried that. Am still trying. But no, that's a problem I have since I heard about her past and that's more than half an year ago. Tried different methods, nothing helped so far.

 

[trofimus]

You said you do not need "it". That you are kinda asexual.

Then, do not marry. Bible says so clearly. You will be spared many worries, pains, problems etc.

 

[preacher4truth]

Yes, I WANT to change, I've read plenty of Christian articles on that topic, but I can't just magically be okay with that. I don't know HOW to change that! Of course I'm willing to do it, I just can't see how. There's no 12 step program for that, yeah, but I'd be good if there were some secure steps I can take in that direction.
Yes, you can say "read the Bible, you'll have your answers", or "read it again, seek deeper", well, I've tried that. Am still trying. But no, that's a problem I have since I heard about her past and that's more than half an year ago. Tried different methods, nothing helped so far.

You need to see your own sin, not hers. That's the problem. Once you see your own wickedness, hypocrisy, un-Christlike and un-Christian walk, then you'll see clearly. All you can see now is her sin while you live an unforgiving, arrogant, accusatory life that expects others to live the Christian life who are lost while you don't yourself.

You probably see yourself as a good person. That is troublesome considering the above.

Meditate on Matthew 18:21-35. You are that unforgiving servant.

 

[trofimus]

You need to see your own sin, not hers. That's the problem. Once you see your own wickedness, hypocrisy, un-Christlike and un-Christian walk, then you'll see clearly. All you can see now is her sin while you live an unforgiving, arrogant, accusatory life that expects others to live the Christian life who are lost while you don't yourself.

You probably see yourself as a good person. That is troublesome considering the above.

Meditate on Matthew 18:21-35. You are that unforgiving servant.

Adultery and similar sexual sins is not something you just "forgive" and everything is OK.

Thats why even Christ said that divorce in such a case is legitimate.