Divorce?

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kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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Which scripture supports the statement below?
1 Corinthians 7:15- But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

Colossians 3:19 -Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it

Psalm 11:5 -The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.

2 Timothy 3:1-8 - ...for people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.


1 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Galatians 5:19-21-Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

James 1:19-20- let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

James 1:26-If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.



God does not expect a person to stay in an abusive marriage. I;m not saying simply an unhappy marriage. I'm saying emotionally or physically abusive marriage. God in no way expects a person to remain in danger and fear for their and their childrens lives. And Christians who tell them they should are putting them in grave danger.
 
May 1, 2019
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I hesitate introducing the fine details of the scriptures here regarding what a divorce is, but here is a small peek into what caught me by surprise as I looked closer at the manuscripts on the matter.

First, it is important to recognize that God Himself is a divorcee. Jer 3:8 I believe He had Hosea perform the legal paperwork.

Second, a divorce requires two actions in order to be Official or complete. 1. A writ of divorcement and 2. Putting the woman out of your house. The only exception to the "writ of divorcement" is when a woman commits adultery (ANOTHER VERY INTERESTING STUDY) . The thinking here is that that woman is not to be given legal standing to "remarry", so she is simply "put away/or out of the mans house without the paperwork.

"Putting away" was considered an act of violence against a woman Mal 2:16 because she would be forced to survive on her own, not easily done in most cultures or in ages before the industrial age we are in now, or remarry without a writ, usually to another race or culture as Israelite men would not have her hence forcing her to commit "adultery"!

It is critically important in this study to look carefully at the Hebrew or Greek words as the translators have put the word "divorce" where it often should be "put away" and visa versa which confuses the whole matter!

ESSENTIALLY God HATES "PUTTING AWAY" It is a cruel act against the woman exceptions excluded!

That is enough for most to get on the right path to deciphering the truth about divorce.
 

JesusLives

Senior Member
Oct 11, 2013
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I remember begging my first husband to please go to counseling with me, but he said he didn't need anyone telling him what to do and I did everything I could think of to fix the marriage. Lost a bunch of weight because I thought I wasn't appealing to him, read self help books to try to fix me and make myself a better wife. Kept my mouth shut as to not cause an argument and keep the peace until I couldn't keep my mouth shut and would explode with frustration.

I went on vacation without him to Florida to visit a relative and a girlfriend who lived there and sat on the beach and contemplated my 6 year marriage. How I wanted to have children and he didn't but we had discussed this before we were married and I had wanted 4 and he had wanted 0 and he said we would compromised and have 2. Then we got married and at one point he said to me if I got pregnant he would divorce me.

I understand how you can feel so lonely and frustrated and confused with someone that you have loved and thought loved you and then find out you probably were never really on the same page. I came to the realization on that beach in Florida that the marriage was over and asked for a divorce when I got back as I was emotionally wrecked by that time and again I asked him to please go to counseling and give it one more shot but he said if you don't move out I will so I left and our 6 1/2 year marriage came to an end.

Three months later he was remarried and eventually had two children. I on the other hand stayed single for 35 years and swore to myself I'd never go through another divorce even if it meant never getting married again. I would like to say that I turned to God during this heart break but I turned away from God because I thought I had done everything right.

I had married a pastor's son we attended church from the outside everything looked perfect but on the inside it was all broken. I had the Pastor from our church come to my work place while I was working to ask me if Mike had just cause to get remarried and I was horrified that he would come to me while I was working and ask a question like that. I wanted to cuss at him but knew he was a supposed man of God and showed respect and said maybe we have both been on the wrong side of the fence. But I had not cheated on my husband I was not loved by my husband...

I found out years later that they were trying to de-church Mike because of his quick remarriage but I had quit going to church because I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone there with my problems since my Father-In-Law was a minister and didn't want to fuel any gossip so I was alone and broken hearted.

It was a horrible ordeal and I do understand what you are feeling and the loneliness and brokenness that goes along with it. Please learn from my mistake and don't shut out God while you are going through this sad time. Pray to Him and make Him your confidant. I remember thinking it felt like I had died but was still alive to see what was going on. I even gave away all my hand made Christmas ornaments as it felt like life was over for me as if there was never going to be another Christmas. Later I wanted to kick myself for all those beautiful things I had given away because life does go on even after divorce.

It took me almost a lifetime to get over my divorce but I met a wonderful man on this very chat site and we have been married for 4 1/2 years now and I'm glad I had the 35 years to heal and allow God to finally come in and fix my broken heart. Please just keep close to God now because He knows you better than anyone and understands fully the brokenness you are feeling right now. Hold His hand and never let go of it. He is the only one who can fix what is wrong and He loves you.
 
Mar 13, 2019
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Well I haven’t been on here for awhile. Update...my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t want to try and make things work he just wanted out. After much begging and pleading he reluctantly agreed to go to counseling but only went 2 sessions, once together and once alone based on the counselors recommendation. He made no effort at either session and the counselor told me he was an emotional abuser and a narcissist and he had a lot of problems he would have to deal with which he wasn’t going to do before our marriage would have any chance. I’m waiting on him to move out of our house but he’s been very clear he doesn’t want to try he just wants a divorce. In the process of all this I found messages between him and a woman that was a mutual friend that it seems he’s been having an affair with. I would still appreciate any prayers, this is very tough for me. There are days I feel like I can’t make it through this and I just pray for God to help me.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,877
4,445
113
Well I haven’t been on here for awhile. Update...my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t want to try and make things work he just wanted out. After much begging and pleading he reluctantly agreed to go to counseling but only went 2 sessions, once together and once alone based on the counselors recommendation. He made no effort at either session and the counselor told me he was an emotional abuser and a narcissist and he had a lot of problems he would have to deal with which he wasn’t going to do before our marriage would have any chance. I’m waiting on him to move out of our house but he’s been very clear he doesn’t want to try he just wants a divorce. In the process of all this I found messages between him and a woman that was a mutual friend that it seems he’s been having an affair with. I would still appreciate any prayers, this is very tough for me. There are days I feel like I can’t make it through this and I just pray for God to help me.

I'm so sorry to hear this but I'm glad that the truth has come out and you finally know where you stand. I have a dear friend, a pastor's wife,whose husband abused her and cheated on her. I was very close with her and could have never imagined he would ever have done such a thing. He left her and is living with his lover, the music minister in the church they had attended together. She is going through a divorce at this moment. I live too far to visit with her now but she is on my FB page. She puts on a brave face but when she can't cope she messages me and I told her to let it all out. Whatever she needs to say, her hurt, anger, tears, I'm there to listen and not judge. Often into the early hours of the morning we have talked. I'm heartbroken for her. And because my sister is going through the very same thing, it makes me even more empathetic. I hope you have a good friend that just...listens and prays for you, with no judgement. I know so many here are praying for you.

I find that usually when a man (a woman also) begins to change, refuses to talk, shuts down and is belligerent and abusive in a marriage, either emotionally, physically or both usually there is cheating going on. I fear this is the case for my sister. I hope you can find a new life and happiness now that you are free of this man. Hugs, and blessings, believing for better things ahead sister.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
17,903
9,854
113
Well I haven’t been on here for awhile. Update...my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t want to try and make things work he just wanted out. After much begging and pleading he reluctantly agreed to go to counseling but only went 2 sessions, once together and once alone based on the counselors recommendation. He made no effort at either session and the counselor told me he was an emotional abuser and a narcissist and he had a lot of problems he would have to deal with which he wasn’t going to do before our marriage would have any chance. I’m waiting on him to move out of our house but he’s been very clear he doesn’t want to try he just wants a divorce. In the process of all this I found messages between him and a woman that was a mutual friend that it seems he’s been having an affair with. I would still appreciate any prayers, this is very tough for me. There are days I feel like I can’t make it through this and I just pray for God to help me.
Sorry to hear this. I'll be praying for you... and your husband.

Not sure if I suggested this before... you might consider signing up for the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org. I found it helpful, even though I discovered it long after my marriage ended.
 
Mar 13, 2019
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I'm so sorry to hear this but I'm glad that the truth has come out and you finally know where you stand. I have a dear friend, a pastor's wife,whose husband abused her and cheated on her. I was very close with her and could have never imagined he would ever have done such a thing. He left her and is living with his lover, the music minister in the church they had attended together. She is going through a divorce at this moment. I live too far to visit with her now but she is on my FB page. She puts on a brave face but when she can't cope she messages me and I told her to let it all out. Whatever she needs to say, her hurt, anger, tears, I'm there to listen and not judge. Often into the early hours of the morning we have talked. I'm heartbroken for her. And because my sister is going through the very same thing, it makes me even more empathetic. I hope you have a good friend that just...listens and prays for you, with no judgement. I know so many here are praying for you.

I find that usually when a man (a woman also) begins to change, refuses to talk, shuts down and is belligerent and abusive in a marriage, either emotionally, physically or both usually there is cheating going on. I fear this is the case for my sister. I hope you can find a new life and happiness now that you are free of this man. Hugs, and blessings, believing for better things ahead sister.
Thank you, I truly appreciate your kind words and prayers. I’m holding to Gods promise, He will never give us more than we can bare. I never thought my husband would do this, I was totally in shock, still am.
 
Mar 13, 2019
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Sorry to hear this. I'll be praying for you... and your husband.

Not sure if I suggested this before... you might consider signing up for the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org. I found it helpful, even though I discovered it long after my marriage ended.
Thank you, I appreciate it. I will certainly check out the devotional.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
34,419
12,111
113
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Tennessee
I remember begging my first husband to please go to counseling with me, but he said he didn't need anyone telling him what to do and I did everything I could think of to fix the marriage. Lost a bunch of weight because I thought I wasn't appealing to him, read self help books to try to fix me and make myself a better wife. Kept my mouth shut as to not cause an argument and keep the peace until I couldn't keep my mouth shut and would explode with frustration.

I went on vacation without him to Florida to visit a relative and a girlfriend who lived there and sat on the beach and contemplated my 6 year marriage. How I wanted to have children and he didn't but we had discussed this before we were married and I had wanted 4 and he had wanted 0 and he said we would compromised and have 2. Then we got married and at one point he said to me if I got pregnant he would divorce me.

I understand how you can feel so lonely and frustrated and confused with someone that you have loved and thought loved you and then find out you probably were never really on the same page. I came to the realization on that beach in Florida that the marriage was over and asked for a divorce when I got back as I was emotionally wrecked by that time and again I asked him to please go to counseling and give it one more shot but he said if you don't move out I will so I left and our 6 1/2 year marriage came to an end.

Three months later he was remarried and eventually had two children. I on the other hand stayed single for 35 years and swore to myself I'd never go through another divorce even if it meant never getting married again. I would like to say that I turned to God during this heart break but I turned away from God because I thought I had done everything right.

I had married a pastor's son we attended church from the outside everything looked perfect but on the inside it was all broken. I had the Pastor from our church come to my work place while I was working to ask me if Mike had just cause to get remarried and I was horrified that he would come to me while I was working and ask a question like that. I wanted to cuss at him but knew he was a supposed man of God and showed respect and said maybe we have both been on the wrong side of the fence. But I had not cheated on my husband I was not loved by my husband...

I found out years later that they were trying to de-church Mike because of his quick remarriage but I had quit going to church because I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone there with my problems since my Father-In-Law was a minister and didn't want to fuel any gossip so I was alone and broken hearted.

It was a horrible ordeal and I do understand what you are feeling and the loneliness and brokenness that goes along with it. Please learn from my mistake and don't shut out God while you are going through this sad time. Pray to Him and make Him your confidant. I remember thinking it felt like I had died but was still alive to see what was going on. I even gave away all my hand made Christmas ornaments as it felt like life was over for me as if there was never going to be another Christmas. Later I wanted to kick myself for all those beautiful things I had given away because life does go on even after divorce.

It took me almost a lifetime to get over my divorce but I met a wonderful man on this very chat site and we have been married for 4 1/2 years now and I'm glad I had the 35 years to heal and allow God to finally come in and fix my broken heart. Please just keep close to God now because He knows you better than anyone and understands fully the brokenness you are feeling right now. Hold His hand and never let go of it. He is the only one who can fix what is wrong and He loves you.
As you know, my first marriage lasted 6 1/2 years too so I surmise that is about par for the course for those that get married young for the first time.

"You have been wonderful so far and it's more than I hoped for...
...and I intend to hold you for the longest time."
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
34,419
12,111
113
66
Tennessee
Well I haven’t been on here for awhile. Update...my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t want to try and make things work he just wanted out. After much begging and pleading he reluctantly agreed to go to counseling but only went 2 sessions, once together and once alone based on the counselors recommendation. He made no effort at either session and the counselor told me he was an emotional abuser and a narcissist and he had a lot of problems he would have to deal with which he wasn’t going to do before our marriage would have any chance. I’m waiting on him to move out of our house but he’s been very clear he doesn’t want to try he just wants a divorce. In the process of all this I found messages between him and a woman that was a mutual friend that it seems he’s been having an affair with. I would still appreciate any prayers, this is very tough for me. There are days I feel like I can’t make it through this and I just pray for God to help me.
This guy needs to put out on the curb for trash pick-up. What a jerk.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
34,419
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Tennessee
But surely you agree that in a marriage, people have responsibilities, the wife to her husband, and the husband to his wife. I'm not saying divorce is the answer, but if the husband isn't addressing the wife's needs, particularly in regards to children, or at least trying to produce children, which is one of the primary purposes of marriage, I'd argue he is being unfaithful.

I agree that loving ourselves is not a commandment, as it comes naturally. But if someone is acting unfaithfully in a marriage, I'd reason it's valid reason to involve the doctors, counsellors or church elders. Yes?
I would have to say that the primary purpose of marriage is for companionship and not procreating. Older couples past child bearing age get married also. If a spouse is unfaithful the person to see is a divorce attorney and not your doctor or church elders, assuming you attend church.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
16,877
4,445
113
Thank you, I truly appreciate your kind words and prayers. I’m holding to Gods promise, He will never give us more than we can bare. I never thought my husband would do this, I was totally in shock, still am.

As I say to my pastors wife friend, I can only imagine how shocking it would be. An old song says "Tears are a Language God Understands. He does carry us, even when we can't feel it. I hope you will keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing. I know you will get through <3
 
Mar 21, 2019
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I would have to say that the primary purpose of marriage is for companionship and not procreating. Older couples past child bearing age get married also.
Not really sure on this. You don't need to get married to have companionship. And there's nothing wrong with two guys, or two girls, or any number of people, being companions. This also gives those pushing for sodomite "marriage" ammunition. Nothing wrong with two dudes being companions. But if marriage is primarily for companionship, then one might even marry one's dog.

I think if one accepts that the primary purpose of marriage is procreation, then all the other prohibitions around marriage (not marrying the same gender, or one's uncle, or one's dog) make sense. But I do acknowledge that older couples get married.

If a spouse is unfaithful the person to see is a divorce attorney and not your doctor or church elders, assuming you attend church.
I guess it depends on whether one values the marriage, or whether one is just trying to maximise the cash payout one can trade it in for. If the latter, then I guess the divorce attorney makes sense. ;-)
 
May 1, 2019
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Not really sure on this. You don't need to get married to have companionship. And there's nothing wrong with two guys, or two girls, or any number of people, being companions. This also gives those pushing for sodomite "marriage" ammunition. Nothing wrong with two dudes being companions. But if marriage is primarily for companionship, then one might even marry one's dog.

I think if one accepts that the primary purpose of marriage is procreation, then all the other prohibitions around marriage (not marrying the same gender, or one's uncle, or one's dog) make sense. But I do acknowledge that older couples get married.

I guess it depends on whether one values the marriage, or whether one is just trying to maximise the cash payout one can trade it in for. If the latter, then I guess the divorce attorney makes sense. ;-)

Marriage is for the purposes of "The State" only! Matrimony is the term for two (man and a woman) to make vows before their community and God that they agree to the terms of His (Gods) order and intention to their union. Be fruitful and multiply being the primary purpose and the companionship that ensues can also be seen as a part of the benifit of the offspring as well as the community that the offspiring florish in as well as service to Gods Kingdom plans. Companionship according to the laws and intent of our Creator is emblematic of His order which the offspring will be immersed in and continue in.
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
31,200
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Be fruitful and multiply
God blessed them, and God said unto them,
Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth
(Genesis 1:28)

what if the earth is already replenished?


if my wife had a hysterectomy, should i divorce her and find a wife able to bear children?
 

ToastAndTea

Well-known member
Jul 31, 2018
301
382
63
Well I haven’t been on here for awhile. Update...my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t want to try and make things work he just wanted out. After much begging and pleading he reluctantly agreed to go to counseling but only went 2 sessions, once together and once alone based on the counselors recommendation. He made no effort at either session and the counselor told me he was an emotional abuser and a narcissist and he had a lot of problems he would have to deal with which he wasn’t going to do before our marriage would have any chance. I’m waiting on him to move out of our house but he’s been very clear he doesn’t want to try he just wants a divorce. In the process of all this I found messages between him and a woman that was a mutual friend that it seems he’s been having an affair with. I would still appreciate any prayers, this is very tough for me. There are days I feel like I can’t make it through this and I just pray for God to help me.
I'm truly sorry to hear of your current struggles. While I cannot offer practical advice in the area of marriage in this regard, just know that your Heavenly Father is very near to you at this time. While we don't really understand why such things occur, He holds your life in the palm of His hand.

Psalm 34:17-20 is for you:

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
 
Mar 13, 2019
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I'm truly sorry to hear of your current struggles. While I cannot offer practical advice in the area of marriage in this regard, just know that your Heavenly Father is very near to you at this time. While we don't really understand why such things occur, He holds your life in the palm of His hand.

Psalm 34:17-20 is for you:

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
Thank you I appreciate your kind words and scripture.
 
May 1, 2019
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God blessed them, and God said unto them,
Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth
(Genesis 1:28)

what if the earth is already replenished?

if my wife had a hysterectomy, should i divorce her and find a wife able to bear children?

Greetings posthuman,

Your first sentence is an incomplete question. Please phrase your complete question.

Your second question is a "what if" I can think of a thousand more what if's, but I see no wisdom in addressing them.

Do you have a point you wish to make regarding my comment?