Husband would rather masturbate than have sex with me

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Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
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Okay, the OP already explained all the pain a wife goes through when her husband is neglectful. So, I won't go into that. However, I wonder if the husband goes through any pain?

How painful is it to be addicted to masturbation and not your wife? What mental, emotional and spiritual pain do men suffer from if they desire themselves and not a real woman - their wife?
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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I have no idea. Never been married, and the few boyfriends I had were all sex addicts. Addicted to having sex with anything female.. It's a wonder I never caught anything from them..
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
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I have no idea. Never been married, and the few boyfriends I had were all sex addicts. Addicted to having sex with anything female.. It's a wonder I never caught anything from them..
blue, I love how open and straight forward you are! You are a joy and wonderful fresh air!! :love:(y):giggle:
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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blue, I love how open and straight forward you are! You are a joy and wonderful fresh air!! :love:(y):giggle:
Ha ha.. I could be ALOT more open and straight forward.. but I'd probably get banned.. lol

I'm not one to sugar coat stuff, or beat around the bush.
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
4,812
2,366
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Okay, the OP already explained all the pain a wife goes through when her husband is neglectful. So, I won't go into that. However, I wonder if the husband goes through any pain?

How painful is it to be addicted to masturbation and not your wife? What mental, emotional and spiritual pain do men suffer from if they desire themselves and not a real woman - their wife?
@shittim - I am very grateful that you have been trying to help us to understand that women can also cause men pain. Will you share your thoughts regarding my question?
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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In an earlier post, I wrote that maybe they had been molested/abused, or possibly caught a parent cheating or masturbating/ watching porn. Or, maybe they think it's better to look at porn rather than physically cheat or be with ANY woman, even their wife or girlfriend. OR maybe they get a better..uhhh.. pleasure out of playing with themselves.
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
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1st and foremost you MUST understand that your husbands sinful addiction has NOTHING to do with you. It doesn't matter how attractive or sexy you are, once this monster is unleashed it is almost impossible to get under control permanently WITHOUT the Holy Spirit.
Imagine how you feel when you are really turned on. Now imagine getting that feeling in almost an instant by a tv commercial, a magazine picture, a guy(for you) simply walking by or just THINKING about it,.... this is how many men feel who are trapped in a sex addiction.
This is how it was for me. The addiction only grows and is NEVER satisfied. No matter how much he tries to stop he won't be able to. The ONLY thing that ever worked for me was the realization that every second of every day we must make a choice to either feed our flesh (sinful desires) or feed our Spirit. We can't feed both at the same time. Feeding our Spirit through DAILY prayer, praying together as husband and wife, DAILY Scripture reading, fellowship with other Christians, and helping others in various ways will starve our fleshly desires. It IS NOT a once and done change of life.

I pray in Jesus name that this advice helps and you and your husband find a renewed love for each other.
PennEd, thank you for your post. It was a great help to me.

It caused me to understand that any addiction is mental torment and hinders us from being able to function correctly. Addiction is very painful to both men and women.
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
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So, in trying to understand "addiction" I find that I am drawn to these verses:

Ephesians 6:11-13 King James Version (KJV)
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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I understand verse 11, but to me, verse 12 means that we fight not only against the devil, but also against govts, high officials..
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
4,812
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I understand verse 11, but to me, verse 12 means that we fight not only against the devil, but also against govts, high officials..
Ephesians 6:11-13 King James Version (KJV)
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Addiction - any form of addiction, is spiritual warfare - it's demonic - the spiritual wickedness in high places.

There is natural wickedness in high places - these are the governments and high officials of the land but, they are in the "natural."

Paul is speaking of the "spiritual" wickedness in high places meaning authority. The desire of sin is to have dominion (authority) over us but, Jesus came so that we can have dominion over sin.
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
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Like what God told Cain in Genesis after his sacrifice was rejected by God.

Genesis 4:6-7 New International Version (NIV)

6 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?

7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
4,812
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In my journey through this so far, I have found incredible encouragement and insight in the following, perhaps these will help someone, too:

Holy Bible
Isaiah 54:5-6 New International Version (NIV)
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The Lord will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.

There are many Bible verses but this one is really special to me.

Books
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
The 4 Seasons of Marriage by Gary Chapman
How to Stop the Pain by J. Richards


Videos
Yo Mama by Mark Gungor
Tale of Two Brains by Mark Gungor


Ministries
Marriage Today with Jimmy and Karen Evans
Family Life Today with James Dobson
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
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Ok, this is not the right place to be asking this question, simply for the fact you have a lot of immature and younger people here, My advice would be to seek out your pastors wife and have a friendly discussion about this :) Or some women in your church that you trust and can talk openly and freely with :) Sorry i cannot give you more information.
NO, it is perfectly acceptable to ask this on here!!
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
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My daughter's first husband, had an addiction to porn and to role playing dungeons and dragons, and attracted demons as a result, they brought my daughter to the point of suicide. She was a beautiful young girl, only 19 years old, I am so very thankful that she got out of that marriage, safely, even though it took several years to heal from the abuse, it greatly affected her self esteem and confidence in her self as a person, I recommend that you do whatever it takes to make him stop and if he does not, I would get out, and salvage your self esteem.
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
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I would agree with this. I used to be in the same area as your husband, but I took a free biblical Christian counseling course at settingcaptivesfree.com and I've been free of the sin ever since. This sin is harder than you think to get rid of. I'd suggest sending him to the "way of purity" course on this website, and he may see freedom if he implements the biblical principles laid out to him.

God Bless,

~Will
I wanted to share the website with others, but it is no longer up, or at least my browser could not find it,
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
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The addiction is real, and as stated above, spiritual. If said person has been born again, then the sin is tearing him apart. Self loathing, feelings of being inadequate, of failing
the woman you love, and married. And even worse, paralyzed, to love. Unable to say or show what is in the heart.
Open communication, and prayer is the first step.
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
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I wanted to share the website with others, but it is no longer up, or at least my browser could not find it,
Since that post is from 2014 and he hasn't logged on since 2016 I'm guessing he won't respond.
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
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no one knows if he has "an addiction" but some here who claim Christ quickly rushed to that judgement. We don't even know if the post is genuine.
If it is genuine, we don't even know if something has happened to her that has led her to drive him away. They made a vow to G-d in the marriage ceremony, we know the adversary will go all out to attack this vow, he will work on both, not just one.
That is timeless, just as relevant today as when the OP was made.
 

JustEli

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
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To clarify, I was speaking in general, not them specifically.