Husband would rather masturbate than have sex with me

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presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
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IqUOTE="shittim, post: 3801922, member: 249410"]Of course the bride posting this on the internet doesn't look like great confidentiality of the marriage relationship, perhaps that is how she is driving him off?[/QUOTE]
Wecan use anontmous handles here.

There was another forum where I saw a wife postedshe had the same problem. She did not guard anonymity because she had a face pic, a very pretty one at that. Apparently there are men, even with attractive wives who want to sleep with them, who ger addicted to the dopamine rush that comes from watching porn, who would rather watch porn and masturbate, than sleep with their own wives, even if their wives are pretty and want to sleep with them.

Like I said earlier, it is counterintuitive.

I guess they get so addicted to watching something extreme that the real thing no longer interests them.

There are probably men who choose to sin and watch porn after their wives reject them who would prefer sex. But we cannot assume all married porn-watching men fallinto this category.

I have read that some counselors will have porn addicts go cold turkey from all porn and forms of sexual release, telling the wife not to sleep with er husband. That does sound right to me because of 'defraud ye not' unless they both agree to it.

There was a 'Christian counsellor' show on the radio where I to live. I just caught the tail end of it on two or hree occassions. Some of the things they said bothered me. One coumselor advised a woman that f her husband was verbally abusive like that she needed to leave him. Suggesting something like that based on only hearing one side of the conversation seemed rather dangerous to e. The Bible says let not the wife depart from her husband. The woman could have, in her sad state, been quoting a few statements e had made in arguments over years of marriage, but generally spoke of her kindly. The ounsellor wouldnot ave known that.
It may be possible to go to a 'Christian counselor' whose toolkit includes saying do not sleep together and leave ypur spouse. Especially if hey draw more rom do I cal phsychology than scripture.

I would not ay ere can no lue psychology. I have taken grad seminar in psych. or my own field, though ot clinical psych. But I have read that marriage counselors in general have low success rates. I also knew one who left is wife for another woman. So I would advise doing a lot of research on someone before entrusting so much to them. And expect deliverance to come through obedience to the word of God.
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
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The door swings both ways, very seldom is a "marriage problem" only one persons fault. You accuse of blaming her while you are blaming him.
The wo,am always blames the man, the man seldom if ever blames the woman.
no one knows if he has "an addiction" but some here who claim Christ quickly rushed to that judgement. We don't even know if the post is genuine.
If it is genuine, we don't even know if something has happened to her that has led her to drive him away. They made a vow to G-d in the marriage ceremony, we know the adversary will go all out to attack this vow, he will work on both, not just one.
That is timeless, just as relevant today as when the OP was made.

Unless this is his first time using porn,and it seems that is not the case,then he does have an addiction. Porn is extremely addicting,this is a fact that is well known. There are reams of articles giving advice on how to break this addiction,you can Google it.

To make the statement "we don't know if something has happened to her to drive him away" is extremely judgmental. You are blaming the wife for an addiction the husband has. Did he have it before he married? Was he sexually active before he married? Were they both? Many issues can spring from past sexual experiences. Sex isn't always easy for a couple to discuss. Not every couple is good at communicating. There could be various reasons for the situation that we don't know about. We do know that porn is addicting and the husband has that issue. That needs to be dealt with because usually the reason is deep within the person and they need help to cope with that issue. So let's stop with blaming posters that come here for advice. It gives them a sour taste for Christians, it may make the problem worse and they may not seek help they need. If you can't help without blaming simply say you are praying for them and leave it at that.
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
3,513
1,517
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On behalf of the Original Poster and myself, I have to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed reading ALL the posts - even the good, the bad and the ugly!

All of you have amazing insight and a beautiful genuine caring heart! Thank you! :love:

I have discovered that laughing is an incredible life giving "dopamine" chemical release in the brain and it has no "guilt or shame" side effects! So, let's see........hmmmmmm :unsure:

Porn, sexual addictions..........or laughter? Definitely, laughing - big o belly laffs is my drug of choice. LOL!

Laughing together can create a bond. It seems anything that causes "dopamine" to be released can create a very strong mental, emotional and physical bond and I so do LOVE to LAFF! :LOL::love::ROFL::giggle:

So, it seems the body craves "dopamine." How can I have "dopamine" in healthy ways?
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
7,283
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A brother that was on this site several yrs ago told me about this guy and his book "Eyes of Honor". Not sure about his other Biblical beliefs, but I think he is spot on with this issue. Here is a short video that I highly recommend to those struggling with lust:

 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
13,956
1,909
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A brother that was on this site several yrs ago told me about this guy and his book "Eyes of Honor". Not sure about his other Biblical beliefs, but I think he is spot on with this issue. Here is a short video that I highly recommend to those struggling with lust:

Any idea how that brother is doing? I miss that gruff old man. rofl
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
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I just found this website and it seems very practical:
https://helloendless.com/10-ways-to-increase-dopamine-to-boost-your-productivity/

Here's some of the things it says:

Increase Dopamine = More Productivity
What’s dopamine? Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that our brain produces to nudge us into doing stuff. It’s the main reason why we can focus and achieve great things even if the payout isn’t immediate or obvious.

And don’t worry, you can’t even take dopamine since it’s something your brain produces for itself. But what you can do is increase dopamine in your system to help you stay focused, productive and motivated.

Aside from being the ultimate motivator, having a constant supply of dopamine in your system has a few other fringe benefits:
  • Helps you lose weight.
  • Makes you feel more alive.
  • Improves your memory.
  • Stops self-destructive behavior including certain addictions.
  • Counteracts depression.
  • Lets you resist impulsive behavior.
  • Helps you avoid Parkinson’s disease
The website gives a long list of foods to eat and activities.........I think doing them would be helpful to anyone struggling with ANY type of addiction. I'm definitely going to do them! :love:(y)
 

kaylagrl

Senior Member
Oct 18, 2014
13,956
1,909
113
I just found this website and it seems very practical:
https://helloendless.com/10-ways-to-increase-dopamine-to-boost-your-productivity/

Here's some of the things it says:

Increase Dopamine = More Productivity
What’s dopamine? Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that our brain produces to nudge us into doing stuff. It’s the main reason why we can focus and achieve great things even if the payout isn’t immediate or obvious.

And don’t worry, you can’t even take dopamine since it’s something your brain produces for itself. But what you can do is increase dopamine in your system to help you stay focused, productive and motivated.

Aside from being the ultimate motivator, having a constant supply of dopamine in your system has a few other fringe benefits:
  • Helps you lose weight.
  • Makes you feel more alive.
  • Improves your memory.
  • Stops self-destructive behavior including certain addictions.
  • Counteracts depression.
  • Lets you resist impulsive behavior.
  • Helps you avoid Parkinson’s disease
The website gives a long list of foods to eat and activities.........I think doing them would be helpful to anyone struggling with ANY type of addiction. I'm definitely going to do them! :love:(y)

While I have no doubt this site is of benefit there are other issues that could cause this. Sex drives aren't always the same in couples. A woman nearing menopause has physically and phycological changes that could affect her sex drive. Some men have issues with performance and feel they cannot speak to their wives about it. Many reasons this could be happening. An open and honest discussion is needed to find what is issue really is.
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
993
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I understand verse 11, but to me, verse 12 means that we fight not only against the devil, but also against govts, high officials..
To me verse 12 means spirits of wickedness, influencing the minds of men
The door swings both ways, very seldom is a "marriage problem" only one persons fault. You accuse of blaming her while you are blaming him.
The wo,am always blames the man, the man seldom if ever blames the woman.
In my daughters case, it was absolutely, positively & completely her husbands fault, she was young, beautiful, a virgin, and completely in love with him, he on the other hand was completely absorbed in self, with no consideration for her feelings or desires at all.
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
993
217
43
Yes, Lafftur, I have found them to be right on with all their posts, they are very beneficial.
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
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"we don't know if something has happened to her to drive him away"
So, many of the women here are quick to blame him, but when a man suggests it may be a shared problem I am "judgemental".
Alas, men do not always blame the woman, but the women ALWAYS blame the man!
 

Lafftur

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2017
3,513
1,517
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"we don't know if something has happened to her to drive him away"
So, many of the women here are quick to blame him, but when a man suggests it may be a shared problem I am "judgemental".
Alas, men do not always blame the woman, but the women ALWAYS blame the man!
Hmmm..........:unsure: How do men AND women fall into the "blame game" trap? If I'm blaming someone, even myself then I'm not focused on possible solutions. The "blame game" is nothing but a trap.
 

shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
1,967
656
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YES INDEED!
and this goes back to what I posted, men do not always blame the woman, women tend to always blame the man.
I did not blame the woman, looking to both individuals for the
solution was the mention, and boy did the women jump on that!