Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

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calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
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Anaheim, Cali.
I wanted to get married in The Little Wedding Chapel but Darlene vetoed that idea. Instead we got married in our room at the Hilton across from Circus Circus. No Elvis either. Nice spiritual Christian minister though. Free Thanksgiving Day dinner too because we got married in their hotel. Nice peeps there all around.
We might have sent the minister, witness and/or photographer. We did that too.
 

pottersclay

Senior Member
Aug 13, 2015
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I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?
How can anyone say that a witnessed union between husband and wife is expensive.

There are several marriage celebrations in the bible but not one that says it has to be elaborate and expensive.
But it does say it is to be witnessed publicly and before the Lord.
A family picnic.....with friends and neighbors. Or a select few from both immediate sides and a man of God .

I have this conversation often with my 2 nieces and others in my family.
They like to visit but do not stay over nite even though it's a long drive. I don't allow them to sleep together under my roof. Even though they have been together for yrs.😱😱😱

Common law couples is what the world calls it . I call it a cop out. I mean how can someone say they love you and promise the world to ya but won't make a life long commitment in public in front of God.

Who did adam invite?😂😂😂😂😂😂
 

calibob

Sinner saved by grace
May 29, 2018
8,189
5,417
113
Anaheim, Cali.
I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?
No. All they usually have to do is get whatever liscense or certificate is required where ever they decide to get hitched, find a Judge, Justice of the peace or a minister registered in the same locality. And; 'Go for it!

The expensive part comes from options like gown & tux, flowers, music, cake, guests... That's what made weddings so popular in Vegas. People run away to get married there to avoid expenses, family and or social interference and extravagance. After the deed is done and the marriage is consummated. They're married nearly everywhere in the free world. IOW It's final!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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No. All they usually have to do is get whatever liscense or certificate is required where ever they decide to get hitched, find a Judge, Justice of the peace or a minister registered in the same locality. And; 'Go for it!

The expensive part comes from options like gown & tux, flowers, music, cake, guests... That's what made weddings so popular in Vegas. People run away to get married there to avoid expenses, family and or social interference and extravagance. After the deed is done and the marriage is consummated. They're married nearly everywhere in the free world. IOW It's final!
like gretna green in uk.
in nz people just dont bother eloping (where is there to elope to in nz anyway? ) courthouse marriage is enough for most.

I think believer and unbeliever marriages are the problem as usually the bride wants it to be in church but the groom is like no.
though it seems nowadays non church weddings are more expensive than church ones.
.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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? You got married in jail? Or was there a chapel in the jail.
What was your crime, if you dont mind my asking. I am sure youve thoroughly repented of it and Jesus set you free.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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my now married friend said shes still paying off the wedding
she started joking about getting divorced.

?!
 
Dec 31, 2020
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The history of the ring in the marriage ceremony, the good, the bad, the ugly and the expensive:

Originally, only the woman was forced to wear a wedding band which was heated before it was placed upon her finger where it was meant to be permanently worn as proof that she was owned by her husband. OUCH!

Obviously, this changed over time to where the ring was no longer heated and couples had the option of mutually exchanging rings which made jewelers very happy.

The diamond in the engagement ring was meant to be worth six months of the groom's present wages as proof that he could provide for the woman to whom he had proposed. Both the engagement ring and the wedding ring were meant to provide a minimum source of money for the woman if her husband died during a time when there were no respectable occupations available to women by which they could provide for themselves. As I understand, the standard still remains that the stone in the engagement ring traditionally is a diamond equal to at least six months of the proposer's wages. This is due more to the skyrocketing cost of care in the elder years. Although, the way things cost now, even the money you would get from selling your rings would not get you much care. The 'least of these' and 'the fatherless and the Widow' need the help of the church now more than ever.

The Wedding party/dinner:

In some cultures, the wedding party/dinner could last for a week or more. Different cultures had different practices. Consummation of the marriage was part of the marriage ceremony and if consummation did not take place, then the couple was not considered to be married even if there had been an exchange of vows. As I understand, this is still true today at Jewish weddings performed at synagogues where there is a room provided for the couple to use.

Most Gentile weddings do not include consummation of the marriage before the beginning of the wedding party/dinner, though some can still last for days (example: Polish wedding parties). This can make wedding caterers and musicians happy to varying degrees.


The dark origins of the Honeymoon:
The tradition of the Honeymoon evolved out of the practice of bride kidnapping which has occurred in the past all over the world at some point in history or another. Men would get dressed in full armor before riding off to snatch a bride and take her somewhere for a month or more that was far enough away from friends and family to where he would not have to worry about acts of retribution or his captive being rescued. In some cases, when the 'bride to be was willing to be snatched', it was called an elopement and when the bride was not willing, then men would just say 'do not take the sheep that has been bitten by the wolf from the wolf!' Later, the bride would be forced to marry her kidnapper or be considered ruined.

Somehow, much later, this tradition became a romantic expensive trip that newly married couples took someplace beautiful in the world to pretend that marriage for a short time is this ideal existence free from cares and full of relaxation, entertainment and pampering. which made the travel agents very happy.

Bride kidnapping still happens today in certain parts of the world and sometimes it is in the form of elopement.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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huh friend didnt even have a honeymoon as they couldnt afford it.
Which is probably just as well.

I thought it was mean to be for consummation (the honey moon) and it was meant to be in time with ovulation or something (hence honeyMOON) as no way would you be marrying at the wrong time of the month.
 

Camess

Well-known member
Aug 11, 2020
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I personally believe that a wedding should be a simple affair between CLOSE family and friends, to celebrate the bride and groom's decision to share their lives and responsibilitie with each other. It doesn't matter where it happens or what they wear. The bride and groom should have equal say. My own sibling got caught up in all the wedding frenzy, and in the end didn't even enjoy the wedding! Why do it? Why invite a 1 or 2 hundred people that u rarely see or even don't know? Who cares what's "proper"? To be honest, if I ever get married I'd rather have my dad marry us outside in nature with a few friends and close family. Forget everything else!
 
Dec 31, 2020
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The term 'Honeymoon' refers to the European custom of giving newly weds a month's supply of mead (fermented honey and water) in order to insure their marriage would be sweet and happy for a month. So, I suppose the saying 'Well, I guess the honeymoon is over...' really means 'looks like the mead is all gone.'
 

Lisamn

Active member
Dec 29, 2020
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I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?
People can usually afford what they want. I think its society saying you don’t have to be married that continues the trend..saying you’ll be poor if you get married is an excuse not to do it. I think it says more about a person’s relationship than it does about getting married.

My cousin didn’t want to marry her boyfriend because she said he had things he needed to work on before she would marry him. They were able to have twins together though, she was getting older and wanted kids.

And I married my husband and we were both poor...
 
Dec 31, 2020
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Who performed Adam and Eve's marriage?

Even though you no longer get taxed extra for being married, how young you are when you get married still has an effect on your economic well being. It is not just the cost of the marriage ceremony, the reception afterwards and the honeymoon. Everything else that comes with married life and having a family costs significantly.

Doctors and hospitals make the pregnancy and delivery of children alone big business. Our society is no longer very family friendly and both parents are almost always forced to work. The cost of daycare is outrageous. Baby food, diapers, childrens' clothing and shoes, healthcare, school supplies and after school care can really put a strain on the pocketbook if neither parent can get a stable work schedule which will allow them to be home with the kids. People, parents or otherwise, have a hard time getting time off from work in order to go to church anymore. I do not believe in coincidences. This system does not favor parents raising their children. Someone out there wants someone other than you raising your children.

At one place where I used to work, my coworkers used to tell a horrible joke about the place- 'how it was known to bring couples together and then break marriages apart' due to how supervisors would intentionally schedule married couples to where the couples never had any time with one another at home with their families on purpose. Sometimes, one spouse would be scheduled on the night shift and the other spouse on the day shift constantly. Some workplaces will do this once you 'get married' and not everyone can just quit and go someplace else; at least, not right away.

If one spouse has been blessed with a high enough paying occupation to where the other spouse can stay at home, then you are blessed. However, most companies are not going to give that position to a young person...even if they are newly graduated out of college due to age discrimination.

There are other high expense issues which an older couple may need to deal after they have waited to be able to afford to marry. Fertility could be a problem. Another possible expense could be taking care of one or more children that might be born with problems due to the age of both parents.

None of this is meant to be my justifying people 'living in sin'. Rather, this is meant to raise awareness for the church so that they might provide help where it is needed.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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People can usually afford what they want. I think its society saying you don’t have to be married that continues the trend..saying you’ll be poor if you get married is an excuse not to do it. I think it says more about a person’s relationship than it does about getting married.

My cousin didn’t want to marry her boyfriend because she said he had things he needed to work on before she would marry him. They were able to have twins together though, she was getting older and wanted kids.

And I married my husband and we were both poor...
I dunno, not these days, newly weds definitely cannot afford a roof over their heads.
what part of the world do you live in where housing is affordable?!
 
Dec 29, 2020
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I dunno, not these days, newly weds definitely cannot afford a roof over their heads.
what part of the world do you live in where housing is affordable?!
I didn’t say affordable...I said that usually you can afford what you want....however that comes to pass. But I don’t think that getting married is unaffordable...maybe getting married how you always dreamed of it is?
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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I didn’t say affordable...I said that usually you can afford what you want....however that comes to pass. But I don’t think that getting married is unaffordable...maybe getting married how you always dreamed of it is?
I suppose, I think people dream of different things, btw its wasnt me getting married.
The couple in question always seem to have financial issues though, they do seem to have some conflicts over how their money is spent.

I dont know if all couples are like that are they are just more vocal about it.

in most marriages, they want to own their property together and not just be renting or doing things seperately right? Otherwise its just a convenient living arrangement. Its a huge investment to have a home together. Which I believe is most couples dream, more so than a wedding. But having a wedding can cut into that.
 
Dec 29, 2020
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I suppose, I think people dream of different things, btw its wasnt me getting married.
The couple in question always seem to have financial issues though, they do seem to have some conflicts over how their money is spent.

I dont know if all couples are like that are they are just more vocal about it.

in most marriages, they want to own their property together and not just be renting or doing things seperately right? Otherwise its just a convenient living arrangement. Its a huge investment to have a home together. Which I believe is most couples dream, more so than a wedding. But having a wedding can cut into that.
It seems that a lot of people want it all...a big wedding, a big house.. etc. We are after all told to go after our dreams. We don’t seem to teach our kids to manage money...just go after our dreams.

I think it’s hard for people to figure out finances. We all have such differing opinions about how our money should be spent and if you aren’t on the same page...it‘s going to lead to arguments. Some people solve that by having different bank accounts and they each put in their money to pay the bills.

Just like we don’t tell our kids that marriage is hard...and you will have conflicts in it.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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I think having separate accounts, might be a good idea.
Say if you are married, you each have your own individual accounts, to spend on whatever, and then a mortgage/rent/housing account which you both contribute to.

I never really got what some people would do, and this was that wives got treated shabbily by their husbands because they earned less and were given less to live on, but had to account for the main daily expenses like food, clothing etc. Then the hubby would buy an expensive toy like a car or boat or yacht for his own fun while the children's shoes say were falling apart. Or the roof was falling down. Then they would get into arguments about that, the husband claiming the jet ski or whatever was for wellbeing or fun for the whole family or something.

Or how some wives had to lie to their husbands about their grocery expenses so that they could buy gifts or clothing. Um why didn't they just have a fixed amount set aside each week, like living allowance or something?

Anyway the whole wedding thing is much harder to do if the couple themselves find that they are the ones that are paying for it. Most couples do not have the resources. If the in-laws or parents are paying for it all, I wouldn't be complaining about a thing.

Then it comes down to, whether the in-laws and the parents don't recognise the marriage and aren't willing to contribute anything or host a wedding at all. For many couples thats just hard reality - their families may be in another country, or ill, deceased, or just not have the money.
 
Dec 29, 2020
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I think having separate accounts, might be a good idea.
Say if you are married, you each have your own individual accounts, to spend on whatever, and then a mortgage/rent/housing account which you both contribute to.

I never really got what some people would do, and this was that wives got treated shabbily by their husbands because they earned less and were given less to live on, but had to account for the main daily expenses like food, clothing etc. Then the hubby would buy an expensive toy like a car or boat or yacht for his own fun while the children's shoes say were falling apart. Or the roof was falling down. Then they would get into arguments about that, the husband claiming the jet ski or whatever was for wellbeing or fun for the whole family or something.

Or how some wives had to lie to their husbands about their grocery expenses so that they could buy gifts or clothing. Um why didn't they just have a fixed amount set aside each week, like living allowance or something?

Anyway the whole wedding thing is much harder to do if the couple themselves find that they are the ones that are paying for it. Most couples do not have the resources. If the in-laws or parents are paying for it all, I wouldn't be complaining about a thing.

Then it comes down to, whether the in-laws and the parents don't recognise the marriage and aren't willing to contribute anything or host a wedding at all. For many couples thats just hard reality - their families may be in another country, or ill, deceased, or just not have the money.
I don’t know if having your own account is a good thing as we are supposed to be one flesh and that says two fleshes to me...but people also don’t want to fight over finances either.

Do problems in marriage come down to the curse? Because a man is supposed to leave his mother and father but cleave to his wife..yet the curse says he will rule over his wife.
Genesis‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭
Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.​

We also must not rule out sin in marriages.

I still maintain that people can afford what they really want and that not wanting to afford a wedding has more to do with rebelling against God’s good for us then anything else.

‭‭
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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mm can't really comment on the friends marriage for that one, since the now husband was the one that was stalling, while I'm friends with the wife, and was sure she didn't want a big wedding, just that it be in church.

I can't truly see from his POV but I just try to understand it.

I think a lot of couples are unequally yoked in that sense of just not being on the same page.

Having a separate mortgage account but having indvidual spending accounts seems to work for most people. I can't imagine being married, yet having to ask the breadwinner for money every single time I wanted to buy something. I know that keeps people accountable, but it also kinda makes people unequal and lording over each other. I don't know what the ideal solution would be though.

All I know is when people come to me and start moaning or stressing about their finances because spouse spent this or that or doesn't want to do this or that.