Marriage...expensive or just the wedding?

[Lanolin]

I think its more stresssful than it needs to be if you that type of person who wants everything perfect.
Like those bridezilla people who have meltdowns over broken fingernails.

You want it outside and it rains. You hire entertainment and they dont show. The bride is late, nobody sits where they meant to...babies are crying, children are getting restless, your rellies getting rowdy..divorcees are meeting up with their exes...
You run out of wine...

Prince william's wife Kate at least had some experience with a party planning business. Harry's wife was an actress so, probably used to backstage dramas and smiling for cameras. Its that kind of thing, a very public occasion. Not everyone wants that though.

we are talking about people who cant afford to hire a planner though. Planners can charge $1,500 a DAY. and we know some weddings would take more than one day to plan.

 

[JohnR7]

the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

That is pretty absurd. The only thing we need to be married is a marriage license. They are getting to be expensive now days and can cost as much as $65. Otherwise everything else is optional. There are churches that will let you use their church for free. Esp if you attend on a regular basis. There are people who will perform the service for free. Most pastors are on a salary and are paid by the congregation. Even a lot of them do free premarital counseling. It would be nice to order some food and have a little reception, but you do not need to do that to be married. Also you only need one witness to the marriage as far as I know. Often if people support you in the marriage they will offer to pay for a part of it as a gift. My wife got her dress from her best friend. Someone could donate whatever they want in the way of cake and so on. You could order some pizza or fried chicken to feed people. It does not need to be fancy. If people want to be there to be a part of the wedding then they should contribute something toward the wedding to make it a nice event. The last wedding I attended my son and his friends played the trumpet for them. I set up some cameras and took some photos for them and they had other people take photos with their phone. So it really does not cost that much. It all comes down to how much do you want to pay for a reception and how much do you want to pay to feed people.

 

[Lanolin]

I think sometimes people have champagne tastes on a beer budget and they just dont know how to live within their means, but theres probably other reasons and people just give that one as their excuse.

I think some men might be surprised to learn their fiance doesnt actually want a wedding. I dont think I would want one to be honest. But I have given up trying to figure out my friends mysterious fiance who shes been wanting to marry for years.

if anything happened God forbid I just think about their son. He needs a dad who wont just run out on him or his mum. THose who are unmarried can just leave and say they arent really my children.

 

[Princesse]

Actually, I’m discussing myself. I have no jurisdiction over others. It’s impossible to speak for everyone. We can articulate our circumstances or recall experiences we’ve had with other couples.

But we can’t apply a one-size-fits-all philosophy given the varieties in demographic and customs Christianity possesses. Expecting someone to think and feel the same is unrealistic.

 

[Lanolin]

Well thats true just be clear about that.
What may be just ordinary expense to some people is unobtainable for others I guess.
I think if youve already got a mortgage to pay off then a wedding on top of that is gonna break the bank. Unfortunately you do have to choose. My friend does get stressed about finances, they arent well off but her fiance is a spender and shes a saver...
I guess it depends on what each wants I supose she wont feel married without the church ceremony and he was reluctant because church had bad associations with his family. Cos they could have married at the registry for a couple of hundred bucks.

The issue I see is are church weddings more expensive than other kinds? I suppose it depends which church. Some churches have a set ritual that you are meant to follow. Bit they shouldnt be so expensive that it prohibits people from marrying.

I suppose its like funerals too, some funerals are more expense than they need to be and so many choose no burial at all but cremation, because its cheaper. To me thats wrong again cos people are making a gain of it, and also giving people options that arent in their best interest or acceptable. It then becomes like only the rich can afford to get married, and to have a christian burial.

I live in an area were the majority of people I know, because they are not christians do not choose to marry and just live together. Its cheaper I guess. Then christianity somehow has this reputation for being only for the middle class people who can afford it.

 

[Princesse]

No one can control their beginning and that influences many life choices. Especially in early years. If you come from a large family the realities of wedding planning may be strikingly different than an only child or lone sibling. The same holds true if you’re footing the bill or your parents.

It’s a domino effect based on the starting point. Money mindsets are heavily influenced by upbringing. In response to good or bad examples or direct instruction.

Everything you do today will impact your child’s future. Especially inaction. That’s what Habbakuk meant by lacking vision. You are determining their fate and your own. A failure to plan is why so many are wringing their hands today. Money doesn’t fall from the sky and your neighbor has his own challenges. Benevolence enables society to enjoy services that would be cost prohibitive.

Once upon a time your job didn’t exist. Books were inaccessible by most. Save those with the means to purchase them. Nothing is free. Someone is paying and the majority doesn’t hail from Christian charity in the US. They aren’t funding hospitals, libraries, museums, or arts organization. They may contribute some but the bulk hails from wealthy patrons,

The most affordable way to marry is the justice of the peace. The couple could have a small reception elsewhere. Pastors average 60 to 80 hours per week depending on the congregation size and extra hands. Shepherding includes sick visits, counseling, weddings, funerals, executive duties, and preaching.

You want everything to be free but that’s a fallacy. Someone is offsetting the costs through large donations or free services. Businesses have overhead expenses and staff who must be paid. You’d need an immensely skilled congregation and contribution from everyone to make it happen. That’s on top of work schedules, child rearing, caring for relatives, and downtime.

In my opinion, idealism is meaningless if you’re resting on your laurels. You’re presenting problems and my natural response is this. What are you going to do about it? If you’re disturbed by something and it doesn’t relent, see if the burden is from Him and get to work.

Do something. Complaining and saying this is wrong doesn’t change things. It’s just another voice joining the others. God empowers us to do His will. He doesn’t do the work on our behalf.

Maybe you can develop a service for affordable weddings, funerals, or life events. Trying is more redeeming than expecting others to handle the problem instead. It’s up to you.

 

[Lanolin]

well affordable weddings that is what Im saying again dont you even read my posts princesse?

My friend does not have a big family, her only brother died and her dad died last year so shes only got her mum. Her fiances family is in another country. Her aunties and uncles are not christians. Shes the only one in her immediate family.

she goes to a church that is very well off but I dont go to her church as I dont agree with some of their doctrines. She has visited mine a few times for bible study and I have been to hers, which is very traditional, I mean her british culture is that weddings are done in a certain way, she doesnt know anything else.

Chinese culture is very clear on who is to pay for the wedding, it will be the grooms family. But in western culture it is the brides family.

 

[Lanolin]

I cannot change a culture but I do try to understand it.

I am not complaining but I cannot change MY culture to suit other people. I can only understand the complexities of it through talking about it. There is so much of that and if you do not have the power to change laws or traditions then what do you do.

You stand up for justice and let your voice be heard because God is listening and people are listening and there will be someones who cares, even if you yourself dont.

 

[Lanolin]

proncesse you come form the US but you dont understand what its like to live in a place not the US. sorry.
so you cannot apply your laws to somewhere that operates differently.

You also assume that everyone can do something but most people have limited means to do things. not everyone has a private education but we still pay our taxes that are meant to be spent on essential services like health and education and libraries. we dont have philanthropists chucking money at everything, but if there are sime people that are, well maybe you want to reconsider what you are chucking money at.

 

[Lanolin]

a lot of people cant help where they were born and what culture they are born into. Thats reality.

we as christians if born again, actually can make a difference. Because we are BORN again.so if theres a minsitry needed, like affordable weddings, we get together to make it happen.
if theres homeless people stealing food from church we realise theres a problem. So we do something about it like provide community meal for free. Thats what my friend did.

God made it happen and gave her the idea, she was just the hands and feet.

I have no problem with putting on a party on limited budget. Thats just what we do in church.Many hans make light work. there are lots of peoole out there who have no family to provide for them, so their church family is everything, and their Heavenly Father is everything. Jesus didnt turn water into wine for a fee. He didnt charge for miracles.

 

[Princesse]

You are too swift to say what someone understands or knows because their experiences differ And demonstrate the same in your replies frequently. Most users aren’t from your vicinity and what holds true for you may not apply to another.

Do you understand the difference between assumption and personal experience? Can you grasp the reality that no two live the same around the globe? Have your reading exploits carried you beyond your world or validated the perspective instead?

No one needs firsthand experience to develop awareness about topics outside themselves. They expose themselves to different philosophies to gain insight. This is how many charities get their start.

I don’t understand your reasoning. When you pose a question based on things I’ve written about myself and provide feedback and suggestions, I assume the subject is clear to both. If my response doesn’t mesh with your own it’s not my fault.

It’s not my responsibility to agree with you.
It’s not my intention to validate your comments.
It’s impolite to suggest I’m unaware because your desired response was unmet.

Please desist in saying I’m assuming this or that. You can’t substantiate that claim and its really in poor taste.

Most residents of the US are pretty clear about disparities. We hear about them all the time. Whether we’re in the group they’re discussing or fall in another. We aren’t clueless. Nor am I.

 

[EleventhHour]

idealism is meaningless if you’re resting on your laurels.

I am thinking if someone is "resting on their laurels" then their idealism my have in fact been fruitful and not meaningless, however they certainly may have become complacent because of their achievements.

 

[Princesse]

I am thinking if someone is "resting on their laurels" then their idealism my have in fact been fruitful and not meaningless, however they certainly may have become complacent because of their achievements.

That doesn’t imply their laurels are related to the subject being discussed.

Some people equate talk with doing or they’re happy to raise the issue but prefer others to take up the work.

It’s the difference between X is terrible and X is terrible and here’s what I’m doing or how I’m getting involved.

 

[EleventhHour]

That doesn’t imply their laurels are related to the subject being discussed.

Some people equate talk with doing or they’re happy to raise the issue but prefer others to take up the work.

It’s the difference between X is terrible and X is terrible and here’s what I’m doing or how I’m getting involved.

Yes some people do equate talk with doing .... no doubt.

 

[Princesse]

Yes some people do equate talk with doing .... no doubt.

I think most have been in a meeting or two where this is obvious.

 

[EleventhHour]

I think most have been in a meeting or two where this is obvious.

Everyday ...LOL

 

[Whispered]

I often come across couples who arent married but just live together, and they might be together for many years, even have children and buy a house together. But they just arent married. And when I ask why, the most common reason given is its too expensive to get married.

Is it really?

And sometimes its even christian believers who say this.

So how are we to think of marriage is it only for the rich? Only if the hsuband is willing to provide for his household, what does this say about people who dont marry yet live like they are married. They are too poor? Can weddings be cheaper or why not just register at an office. Or does it all need to be done in church. Why is it so expensive? People say they'd rather spend the money on a house. But what does that say about priorities? Have a wedding, be married and be homeless, or not marry and have a roof over your head. Can one have both?

We lived together before we were married. In total with his suit purchase and my wedding dress, the marriage license, it was less than $300.00. We were married in his sisters gorgeous backyard and she provided the candles that lit the path to the altar there. My dad paid for the pastor services.

Some people think it is too expensive to get married due to the community property laws should they get divorced. Depends on the state one lives in at the time of course.
If anything it is less costly being married. Our car insurance rates dropped when we telephoned to let our insurer know we were married. Why? Because the insurance services consider you to be an "adult" when you marry. More responsibility, less risk.
Tax rates drop also. So no, it isn't more expensive to get married. Rather, it is more costly to just live together. None of the monetary benefits apply.

 

[tourist]

I think sometimes people have champagne tastes on a beer budget and they just dont know how to live within their means, but theres probably other reasons and people just give that one as their excuse.

I think some men might be surprised to learn their fiance doesnt actually want a wedding. I dont think I would want one to be honest. But I have given up trying to figure out my friends mysterious fiance who shes been wanting to marry for years.

if anything happened God forbid I just think about their son. He needs a dad who wont just run out on him or his mum. THose who are unmarried can just leave and say they arent really my children.

At most, an engagement should last months and not years. This guy obviously no intention of ever marrying her.

 

[Princesse]

At most, an engagement should last months and not years. This guy obviously no intention of ever marrying her.

I recall several articles and a book (The Dating Manifesto) that tackled this issue. The consensus was too many waste time in lengthy relationships and engagements which never move beyond that stage. I think most people are aware within a year’s time if they can see themselves spending their lives with you or not.

My experiences echoed their sentiments.

Person A: Met on a forum. He initiated contact. Daily discourse (1 message) revealed similarities and mutual interest. We spoke by phone within three weeks and he addressed meeting in person shortly after.

Person B: Met in a forum. He initiated contact and acknowledged his interest. Daily discourse (multiple messages). Desired to build a friendship then determine compatibility and see if it should be explored.

Person A was direct, knew what he wanted, and laid everything on the table.
Person B wanted lots of time and attention with no end in sight.

A’s are my preference. I would never have a B. That time is better spent with someone who knows what he wants and is willing to act on it.

They noted several scenarios with multi year connections which ended. The other party met another and was engaged a year later. We determine what we’ll tolerate in our relationships.

 

[tourist]

I recall several articles and a book (The Dating Manifesto) that tackled this issue. The consensus was too many waste time in lengthy relationships and engagements which never move beyond that stage. I think most people are aware within a year’s time if they can see themselves spending their lives with you or not.

My experiences echoed their sentiments.

Person A: Met on a forum. He initiated contact. Daily discourse (1 message) revealed similarities and mutual interest. We spoke by phone within three weeks and he addressed meeting in person shortly after.

Person B: Met in a forum. He initiated contact and acknowledged his interest. Daily discourse (multiple messages). Desired to build a friendship then determine compatibility and see if it should be explored.

Person A was direct, knew what he wanted, and laid everything on the table.
Person B wanted lots of time and attention with no end in sight.

A’s are my preference. I would never have a B. That time is better spent with someone who knows what he wants and is willing to act on it.

They noted several scenarios with multi year connections which ended. The other party met another and was engaged a year later. We determine what we’ll tolerate in our relationships.

I agree with you. At a certain point you either know what you want in regards to a respective spouse or you don't. Being tentative leads to wasted years and causes anxiety.