Married Tomboy Christian Issues

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Depleted

Guest
#41
#41
Levap said:
We should make a club! You know that would be awesome. I could totally handle hanging with girls who want to go shooting, hiking, fishing or camping. I am so glad to find out that there are others that "break the mold" of traditional or stereotyped women. Now if we only lived near each other :)
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I'll pluck and gut, but don't count me in for the shooting or cooking part.

BTW, what happens to those of us who used to be into the be-adventurous crew, but now our bodies just won't let us anymore?

I'm serious. I really could gut and pluck. I never learned how to skin, and when the site goes to the target, all I see is Bambi or Thumper, so I can't shoot. I can eat Bambi and Thumper though.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#42
#42
cinder said:
Doesn't sound like you need counseling, just sounds like you have a personality that's more introverted and doesn't do small talk well. I've found that for me, trying to fake it usually only makes me feel worse, so I'm usually trying to find a way to make "It's not personal; you're just boring me" sound neutral to people who take everything personally. Loneliness may be an occupational hazard of introversion, but unfortunately, being around people for a certain amount of time doesn't automatically make connections happen (oh how I wish extroverts understood this, it's quality not quantity of people I need).
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I wish you could teach me how to say, "It's not personal, you're just boring me" sound neutral. That's got to be better than my approach. (I usually go with, "Okay then. Moving right along." And then I do -- move right along until I find someone more interesting.)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#43
Mar 26, 2014
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#43
Depleted said:
I wish you could teach me how to say, "It's not personal, you're just boring me" sound neutral. That's got to be better than my approach. (I usually go with, "Okay then. Moving right along." And then I do -- move right along until I find someone more interesting.)
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Never said I figured out how to make it sound neutral, just that I ended up trying to accomplish that. Whether it's a good or bad thing, usually I don't connect with the people I need to do that to enough that I care if they think I've been a bit rude or not.
 
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Levap

Guest
#44
#44
Depleted said:
I'll pluck and gut, but don't count me in for the shooting or cooking part.

BTW, what happens to those of us who used to be into the be-adventurous crew, but now our bodies just won't let us anymore?

I'm serious. I really could gut and pluck. I never learned how to skin, and when the site goes to the target, all I see is Bambi or Thumper, so I can't shoot. I can eat Bambi and Thumper though.
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Bahaha! This post has me rolling on the floor! Deal- if we meet up and go hunting, I'll shoot it, you gut or pluck it and I'll cook it, how's that?
 
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Levap

Guest
#45
#45
cinder said:
Never said I figured out how to make it sound neutral, just that I ended up trying to accomplish that. Whether it's a good or bad thing, usually I don't connect with the people I need to do that to enough that I care if they think I've been a bit rude or not.
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I really get it, OH BOY do I get it! I usually don't say anything, I just stand there dumbfounded...thinking internally, please let this end soon...:rolleyes:
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#46
#46
Depleted said:
I'll pluck and gut, but don't count me in for the shooting or cooking part.

BTW, what happens to those of us who used to be into the be-adventurous crew, but now our bodies just won't let us anymore?

I'm serious. I really could gut and pluck. I never learned how to skin, and when the site goes to the target, all I see is Bambi or Thumper, so I can't shoot. I can eat Bambi and Thumper though.
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I see a nice, juicy steak! :eek:
 
CS1

CS1

Well-known member
#47
May 23, 2012
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#47
Levap said:
I don't know if I will find anyone, hopefully *crossing fingers* that can relate. I am in need of encouragement, advice, whatever...

I am almost 30years old, married with 3 kids and one on the way. My husband and I are active in youth ministry and regularly attend church. I have been going through a difficult time because I have always been an introvert( especially with other women), I prefer to stay to myself, I only like to have constructive conversation and meetings. I have been approached recently that I need to find some female accountability, someone that I can "talk to" and confide in... I don't have anyone. I write in a journal if I have a problem, and rarely ever confide in people. I have never got along with women, I do not enjoy girly things, the color pink, decorating, Hallmark holidays, gossips, conversations about how terrible my kids are or how much my husband drives me crazy, where I get my hair done(I don't), I don't enjoy baking or women's groups at church. I have nothing in common with them other than genatalia. Not to say that maybe somewhere there is someone like me, I just haven't found one. When I try to "hang out" ( usually a forced situation) with other women I can never connect to them. I just don't think my brain is wired the same way. I try, don't get me wrong it just always ends up an awkward uncomfortable situation in which I happily retreat to my car when it's all over. I prefer to stay home with my kids, I rarely get away or go in outings... It's just how I am.
But here's the deal. My entire life I've been friends with guys. I play sports, I like camping (even with bugs), I don't mind getting dirty and just enjoying life the girls I meet aren't like that. Now I'm married and it's never been an issue before that I don't have any friends. But that's all I hear from elders and pastors. They want to see me have other married females I can rely on and "pour my heart out to." They say that it's beneficial, spiritually. I am so worn out from feeling like I am being told there is something wrong about who I am. I am not the ideal women because I'm not Betty Crocker, doing crafts with my kids or decorating the house, planning six course meals, longing to go shopping and hanging out with my girl friends.I hate this definition of being a woman. It's terrible. I find it offensive. Alas, there doesn't seem to be anyone remotely like me. So what do I do? I want to be obedient, do the right thing. I know they are telling me this because they care, but it seriously has a way of making me feel degraded.
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You did say you are married correct I can give some advice as as minister, husband, father, and cc member take it or leave it :) .

Is sound like to me you and your husband are pretty dynamic in your ministry ? And they are maybe trying to groom you for Pastoral ministry beyond Youth. That is what it sounds like. That being said. The accountable person if it is not your husband Primarily secondary should be a women :). And guess what :) the Lord has one in Mind for you that will be to your liking or I should say that will build you up :) FYI :) JUST ask The Lord :). HE made you that way for a reason :) You complement your Husband. some times people are in all good intentions just wrong :). But pray and ask the lord what it is HE wants you to do with your husband and HE will show you :).
 
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Depleted

Guest
#48
#48
Levap said:
Bahaha! This post has me rolling on the floor! Deal- if we meet up and go hunting, I'll shoot it, you gut or pluck it and I'll cook it, how's that?
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Perfect!
 
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Depleted

Guest
#50
#50
CS1 said:
You did say you are married correct I can give some advice as as minister, husband, father, and cc member take it or leave it :) .

Is sound like to me you and your husband are pretty dynamic in your ministry ? And they are maybe trying to groom you for Pastoral ministry beyond Youth. That is what it sounds like. That being said. The accountable person if it is not your husband Primarily secondary should be a women :). And guess what :) the Lord has one in Mind for you that will be to your liking or I should say that will build you up :) FYI :) JUST ask The Lord :). HE made you that way for a reason :) You complement your Husband. some times people are in all good intentions just wrong :). But pray and ask the lord what it is HE wants you to do with your husband and HE will show you :).
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Wow! Really? That never dawned on me that it was preparing her for more in the future. Since you seem to understand this, (and I'm not being facetious, I really do think you understand this), why can't they just say this to her?

Now this sounds more like "Find a woman like you that you can relate to and it will help you and hubby's ministry in the long run."

That sounds like good advice. "Pour my heart out to" sounds gossipy.

One thing I think I'm catching on to with this thread is I'm not the only woman out here that doesn't get subtle. If people just tell us what we need to now, often times we get "Wow. I really needed to know that. Thanks."
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#51
#51
Depleted said:
Deer or cow? I'll eat deer, but I don't do cow anymore. (Or were we talking hossenfeffer?)
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Well, I've never shot a cow, so I'm not sure what that looks like in the crosshairs...but remarkably similar, I'm sure! :p But I'm a venison gal myself. :D
 
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Depleted

Guest
#52
#52
Tinuviel said:
Well, I've never shot a cow, so I'm not sure what that looks like in the crosshairs...but remarkably similar, I'm sure! :p But I'm a venison gal myself. :D
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It looks like Elsie, The Borden Milk cow.

(And this is why I can't hunt. All animals look like cartoon characters until they're on my plate. lol)
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#53
#53
Depleted said:
It looks like Elsie, The Borden Milk cow.

(And this is why I can't hunt. All animals look like cartoon characters until they're on my plate. lol)
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Lol...poor Elsie...No, seriously though, if I hunted just for the sport of it, I never would have gotten even as far as target-practicing. Knowing that it will help provide food is helpful. :)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#54
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
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#54
Depleted said:

One thing I think I'm catching on to with this thread is I'm not the only woman out here that doesn't get subtle. If people just tell us what we need to now, often times we get "Wow. I really needed to know that. Thanks."
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I'm job hunting now, and you have no idea how much I wish I could get honest feedback about why I wasn't the ideal candidate. People not being up front with what they want and intend just feels so inauthentic and deceitful to me (even when it's not done with that intent).
 
CS1

CS1

Well-known member
#55
May 23, 2012
12,331
4,054
113
#55
Depleted said:
Wow! Really? That never dawned on me that it was preparing her for more in the future. Since you seem to understand this, (and I'm not being facetious, I really do think you understand this), why can't they just say this to her?

Now this sounds more like "Find a woman like you that you can relate to and it will help you and hubby's ministry in the long run."

That sounds like good advice. "Pour my heart out to" sounds gossipy.

One thing I think I'm catching on to with this thread is I'm not the only woman out here that doesn't get subtle. If people just tell us what we need to now, often times we get "Wow. I really needed to know that. Thanks."
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great question,

the problem i think is people who learn how church women, waives, pastors wives are to be, have created ALLL though well intended a false precption of how they are to be. Think about IF the sister is Quiet they want her to be more vocal , but as soon as they disagree they want her to be silent and use scripture to do it LOL. God plan for ministry is to stretch us but HE is not looking to break our spirit in doing so. This fellowship could be a temporal growth period and God could be getting them ready . I do not know but FYI everyone hates change but other people want to change us :)
 
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Depleted

Guest
#56
#56
cinder said:
I'm job hunting now, and you have no idea how much I wish I could get honest feedback about why I wasn't the ideal candidate. People not being up front with what they want and intend just feels so inauthentic and deceitful to me (even when it's not done with that intent).
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I worked for over two decades and had over a dozen jobs. (Scary part, I had one of those jobs for nine years.) Yeah, I do know what you're feeling during job interviews. Job interviews are like school homework. In both cases, I haven't done either in decades, but still catch a thrill when I'm reminded others still have to. (I can still sing along at the top of my lungs with Alice Cooper whenever I hear "School's Out!" especially with the line "school's out forever!") I wouldn't wish job interviews on an enemy, and I don't even have enemies.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#57
#57
CS1 said:
great question,

the problem i think is people who learn how church women, waives, pastors wives are to be, have created ALLL though well intended a false precption of how they are to be. Think about IF the sister is Quiet they want her to be more vocal , but as soon as they disagree they want her to be silent and use scripture to do it LOL. God plan for ministry is to stretch us but HE is not looking to break our spirit in doing so. This fellowship could be a temporal growth period and God could be getting them ready . I do not know but FYI everyone hates change but other people want to change us :)
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No. People hate change?


(Didn't you and I have this conversation recently? lol)

I really have absolutely no problems with change... as long as someone else is doing it waaaaaaaaaaaay over there, and then it benefits me.
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#58
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#58
Levap said:
You do pose a very interesting question, does the issue go deeper? I really don't know to be honest. I can tell you that it has always bothered me that I can't get along with the majority of women. I only know of one, but that's because she is like me (more masculine), she is a mechanic and we go mining in abandon caves for fun.
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I'll be honest here, that sounds wonderful. :O Like, wow. I used to go to sleep at night and dream of spelunking. My hat's off to you.

Levap said:
I don't know why perhaps I have had the bad luck of the draw when it comes to females, the ones I get around are gossipy. It doesn't seem that they try to be but they never have anything important to talk about, when I try to bring up important/meaningful conversations they always change it to something petty. I don't mind talking to women in like a Bible Study type atmosphere, it's productive and focused (or easier to control the conversation to a purposeful topic). In fact, I love teaching. It's just being friends with women is not my thing. Even growing up my mom would make me wear a dress for church and I just remember bawling and being miserable the whole time. She would force me to play with her best friend's girl child and I was not interested in dolls or make-up. I would sneak off and play basketball with the boys. I want to relate because we are all God's children but, I can't find anything. Maybe I just need counselling lol
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I can see how that would grate on you. I despise small talk, particularly about other people. Sounds like you want to have actual conversations, where facts and ideas are discussed. *sigh* I will pray for you, that you will suffer the gossipers well. God bless you. I hope you like the site! -JIM
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#59
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#59
cinder said:
I'm job hunting now, and you have no idea how much I wish I could get honest feedback about why I wasn't the ideal candidate. People not being up front with what they want and intend just feels so inauthentic and deceitful to me (even when it's not done with that intent).
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Employers are afraid of a lawsuit -- that's why they won't tell you why they didn't hire you. (At least, not honestly)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#60
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#60
Depleted said:
You're single AND in your 30's? Oh my. Let me fix you up with...


LOL

An adult and single in a church. Whoa! I really feel for you. Have you met anyone who doesn't feel a need to try to "fix you up with?"
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Let's just say that people who try this only try it once with me before suffering the full force of the INTJ super death glare (which is worse than the neutral face and reduces anyone who suffers it to feeling like they just got caught doing the unthinkable and want to melt away and hide). I'd also ask them point blank to defend their choice and give solid reasons why I should consider the guy they recommend. Or as I try to explain about why I don't get too much unwanted male attention: I give off the I'll kill you, make you look like an idiot in front of everyone, and then knock you into the middle of next week vibe.

Ok truth is I'm really pretty nice and polite when people are the same, but have no problem telling people that my personal life is absolutely none of their business if they start trying to discuss things I don't want to discuss (or just give advice without getting my perspective first). So there are a couple gals that I might talk to about romantic interests and all the rest will only get a response if they ask with general curiosity and along the lines of " you never talk about it, but I'm wondering if you want to get married or if you plan to remain single". Let's just say you know you're a really good friend if you get a complicated and in depth answer to that question.
 
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