Stop apologizing

[Sirk]

You may be right, I can't remember Jesus ever apologizing for anything? He didn't even apologize to the Pharisees after offending them repeatedly. I guess he had nothing to apologize for? Although, he did say; "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do". So the trick to never needing to apologize is to never screw-up . Saying "I'm sorry" is a defense for all our inadequacies and mistakes. But certainly, its as much of an over-used expression as "Have a nice day".

He never even said he was sorry for someone's pain. He asked questions and led them to the light. They chose to follow or not follow.

 

[coby]

Philosophically, I believe that more damage is done in the world by people hanging onto pride and failing to apologize than by simply apologizing.

As a public school teacher, I've apologized often to parents when I've done no wrong. Which is better, for me to stamp my foot and stand on the principle of "being right," or for me to apologize (because that's what they want), thereby allowing them to LISTEN to my larger point regarding their child? Since I have the greater good in mind, the only thing injured by my apology in that situation is my pride.

I consider it an act of submission. It's not my problem that the world considers submission to be WEAKNESS. God doesn't see it that way. So, I align myself with God's view of this sort of thing. If others want to approach people in terms of power--getting it, and maintaining it, I can't control that. However, I'm not interested in viewing people that way, so I try to be open to doing what serves the greater good over my feelings at the moment. (Mind you, I don't always succeed, but it is a goal of mine).

Yes I agree, but it depends on the situation. I'm not too proud to do it. What I do is look for something I really did wrong and apologize for that or if it offended them, sorry, didn't mean to.

 

[Sonflower]

I'll say it since I'm just guessing and you don't have to acknowledge if I'm right or wrong. I was imagining that person was your mother, father, sister, brother, grandparents, or family member you lived with or, at least, had to visit every weekends and longer during vacations. Someone you're stuck being around even when you had no choice.

I'm thinking one of my brothers. (I've got four, so if anyone ever did find this, I'm not giving which one. lol) It cost me plenty to have that mindset. (Physically, emotionally, and psychologically. I can't say spiritually, because I wasn't born again until I was 16.) I'd rather have this mindset than spend my life being a doormat.

One of my sayings is, "I'm not passive-aggressive. I'm aggressive." I do not suffer fools lightly. And I may well be the fool, but rather a fool than a doormat. He was training me to be a doormat. Didn't work.

You are seeing it one way. There are multiple ways to have the mindset of you are an annoyance and this person would be happier if I weren't in the world, without being a total doormat. Again, context is missing. I just wanted to convey to the creator of the post my thanks for this post with small context. Now, assumptions are being made that aren't true.

 

[Sirk]

You are seeing it one way. There are multiple ways to have the mindset of you are an annoyance and this person would be happier if I weren't in the world, without being a total doormat. Again, context is missing. I just wanted to convey to the creator of the post my thanks for this post with small context. Now, assumptions are being made that aren't true.

Assumptions are bound to be made and us humans have a tendancy to engage in black and white thinking in a, plethora of varying circumstances. And your welcome, thank you for understanding the message I am conveying.

 

[coby]

My kids say I am wrong to say "I am sorry, but you have to lay the table." What I am saying is I do not like being a dictator, but I know it needs to be done, so I am expressing regret of having to force a situation, but I do.

I suppose when God judges mankind and us, he could apologise first, but I do not read that in scripture. Facts are facts.

Maybe we have just got too scared of the back biting that comes when we force an issue so try and head it off with sorry.
It would probably be more honest to ignore the sorry and just be forceful, because though one regrets the need to do the action, it has to be done.

I need to grow up, and count the cost, and bite the bullet and not excuse my action before the attack. That is probably devaluing the response, and taking away their ability to complain, which is not respecting their rights. I must stop saying sorry, I am so sorry to have to tell you this all, but I know I must, but it fills me with so much regret to have to dare to be assertive.

Ok I am not sorry. If it needs to be said, say it, do it. If people backlash, it is their problem. This site is teaching me this lesson, and for a number I am not sorry over what I said, it had to be said.

Had that too. As if it is evil to teach your kids. God tells us to do it because it's good for them. A woman who helped me said: it's not nice to not teach them boundaries. It's wanting to be liked. It's not nice at all. That set me free. I was raised that it was a sin to get angry. God only says if you get angry don't sin. If I never got angry or set a boundary they'd walk all over me. Don't spare your rod LOL. And then I waited and waited and in the end got an outburst which isn't really christian.

 

[Sirk]

Had that too. As if it is evil to teach your kids. God tells us to do it because it's good for them. A woman who helped me said: it's not nice to not teach them boundaries. It's wanting to be liked. It's not nice at all. That set me free. I was raised that it was a sin to get angry. God only says if you get angry don't sin. If I never got angry or set a boundary they'd walk all over me. Don't spare your rod LOL. And then I waited and waited and in the end got an outburst which isn't really christian.

Anger is a God given emotion. It is an indication that a boundary has been crossed or a core belief has been violated. To act out of anger is an attempt to force sorrow on the person who did those things to you. To act out of truth let's God work on that persons heart.

 

[Sirk]

Being sorry fir the purpose of caretaking another person emotional state or wanting them to like you puts yourself beneath others and creates an attitude of self loathing. Self loathing leads to depression. Isn't depression just anger at oneself for the mistaken notion that you're not good enough?

 

[PoetMary]

In my case it turns into a bad habit and I apologize when there is no need instead of saying thank you. I hear ya tho. When someone is hurt I authentically am sorry. I am just choosing to convey it differently so that I stop putting myself beneath people in instances where an apology is not warranted.

We do end up developing this verbal habits that reflect our inner selves. Clearly (judging by the response of many here) you aren't the only one who has used "I'm sorry" in that way. Unfortunately, there are too many people who maneuver through the world apologizing for their existence. Plus, "I'm sorry" can become reflex and meaningless (as another poster pointed out), so it makes sense to be mindful of saying what we genuinely mean.

 

[nu2see]

Being sorry fir the purpose of caretaking another person emotional state or wanting them to like you puts yourself beneath others and creates an attitude of self loathing. Self loathing leads to depression. Isn't depression just anger at oneself for the mistaken notion that you're not good enough?

We do end up developing this verbal habits that reflect our inner selves. Clearly (judging by the response of many here) you aren't the only one who has used "I'm sorry" in that way. Unfortunately, there are too many people who maneuver through the world apologizing for their existence. Plus, "I'm sorry" can become reflex and meaningless (as another poster pointed out), so it makes sense to be mindful of saying what we genuinely mean.

Gosh, this has been fun! And very enlightening.
Unfortunately, I've gotta go for now.
I'M SO SORRY I CAN'T STAY HERE READING! LOL
Hopefully I can pick up what I miss later on.
God bless everybody here, and I mean that, unapologetically!

 

[Sirk]

There are so many people in this world who's spirits have been shattered by a significant person in their life....I being one of them. And because my spirit was broken at an early age, I attracted or was attracted to people who did the very same thing to me. From my perspective, those relationships were an attempt to gain the love and acceptance I craved from the person who I needed it from the most when I was young. I learned to be sorry for my failures and I attached my failures to my value as a human being. This post was not meant for everyone...it was meant for those who needed it.

 

[notuptome]

Are offended by this thread topic? If so, how?

Just confused as to how we can find so many ways to feel sorry for ourselves.

Low self esteem is a real problem for many folks. If we misunderstand humility as taught in the bible then we become paralyzed and unable to witness for Christ. We fear offending those we witness to rather than offending the One we witness of.

A secular teacher and business leader summed it up nicely when he said "confidence comes not from always having to be right but not fearing to be wrong". Peter McIntyre.

Jehovah God said His word goes forth and accomplishes that to which He has purposed it and does not return unto Him void. This is the word of God that we are to proclaim. Does it offend? Yes because light scatters darkness. Do men like the light? Some turn from it preferring the darkness.

Isa 55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

If I say something mean and malicious then I should feel remorse and apologize. if I say something from Gods word that offends then I cannot apologize. The Holy Spirit is the One who separates the intents and He is never wrong, mean or malicious.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[notuptome]

There are so many people in this world who's spirits have been shattered by a significant person in their life....I being one of them. And because my spirit was broken at an early age, I attracted or was attracted to people who did the very same thing to me. From my perspective, those relationships were an attempt to gain the love and acceptance I craved from the person who I needed it from the most when I was young. I learned to be sorry for my failures and I attached my failures to my value as a human being. This post was not meant for everyone...it was meant for those who needed it.

I too was offended on church property at a very young age. God healed me many years later and saved me from my sins by grace through faith. I'm a different person since that day.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[Sirk]

Just because you may have offended someone isn't necessarily a reason to apologize either. Getting to the apology too quickly is like trying to land a plane that hasn't reached its destination yet....or in some cases, mooring a ship to another ship that is sinking..... or putting a period at the end........... of an unfinished sentence. Seeking more information by asking questions, listening and getting ALL of the information out is key. Remaining non-judgmental and sincere about receiving the others perspective is what gets you to the sacred ground of another persons being....and that is where real love and connection resides and where a true apology can be made if warranted. Jesus considered you....didn't He? Even though He has the answer, He STILLS considers you and your heart. He is soft and gentle with you. His burden is light

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider another (listen, learn, be open) better than you consider yourself.

You already know how to consider your own perspective inside and out.

Or you can just say I'm sorry and move on and continue in shallow platitudes. Our God is one of deep connection and so should we strive to be.

 

[coby]

Just because you may have offended someone isn't necessarily a reason to apologize either. Getting to the apology too quickly is like trying to land a plane that hasn't reached its destination yet....or in some cases, mooring a ship to another ship that is sinking..... or putting a period at the end........... of an unfinished sentence. Seeking more information by asking questions, listening and getting ALL of the information out is key. Remaining non-judgmental and sincere about receiving the others perspective is what gets you to the sacred ground of another persons being....and that is where real love and connection resides and where a true apology can be made if warranted. Jesus considered you....didn't He? Even though He has the answer, He STILLS considers you and your heart. He is soft and gentle with you. His burden is light

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider another (listen, learn, be open) better than you consider yourself.

You already know how to consider your own perspective inside and out.

Or you can just say I'm sorry and move on and continue in shallow platitudes. Our God is one of deep connection and so should we strive to be.

Once I posted funny pics in a lighthearted nonsense thread and a guy got furious. It made absolutely no sense. Nothing to apologize about, but God told me I had to. Turned out he had brain damage. Later he apologized. It was really good.
When someone is controlling and does that, well you can't please everybody. If people don't like who you are or how you talk and demand you act as they find pleasing so be it. Bye!

 

[Sirk]

Once I posted funny pics in a lighthearted nonsense thread and a guy got furious. It made absolutely no sense. Nothing to apologize about, but God told me I had to. Turned out he had brain damage. Later he apologized. It was really good.
When someone is controlling and does that, well you can't please everybody. If people don't like who you are or how you talk and demand you act as they find pleasing so be it. Bye!

Did the guy ask or demand you to apologize?

 

[Sirk]

Thanking them for making me a better teacher would be a lie. Also, they don't want to be thanked. They want me to apologize because little Johnny got upset. They want Johnny's FEELINGS to be acknowledged. Imagine this scenario: Little Johnny goes home hacked off at a particular grade he has received. He complains to his parents and inaccurately reports so his parents are convinced that Johnny has been unfairly treated by the mean, mean teacher. They are HOT! They shoot me a hateful email about how I'm a terrible teacher and how dare I give their Johnny such a grade.

At this point, am I meant to say, "Thank you so much for helping me be a better teacher?" They aren't helping me be a better teacher. They're reacting to misinformation. So, that would be a lie.

OR could I say, "I'm so sorry Johnny was upset. It is upsetting to get a grade that is lower than what you expect. Here's what happened..."

The thing is, I *am* sorry that Johnny was upset. I get that when we have disappointed expectations, it can be painful. My reply and apology are SINCERE.

I also get what you've been saying about apologizing and that it has transformed your thinking. My way may be different than yours.

Isn't saying sorry to them when As you stated I did nothing wrong, also a lie?

 

[coby]

Did the guy ask or demand you to apologize?

No not at all. He called me childish and christians were horrible people and only making stupid fun, but he didn't ask me to apologize. I didn't ask him either. He just did. Asking for an apology is so stupid.

 

[coby]

Isn't saying sorry to them when As you stated I did nothing wrong, also a lie?

No why?
I am so sorry I hurt your feelings but you still get a 0 because it was horrible LOL.

 

[Depleted]

You are seeing it one way. There are multiple ways to have the mindset of you are an annoyance and this person would be happier if I weren't in the world, without being a total doormat. Again, context is missing. I just wanted to convey to the creator of the post my thanks for this post with small context. Now, assumptions are being made that aren't true.

Nah. Guessing wasn't true. For me? That happens the vast majority of the time.

 

[Sirk]

No why?
I am so sorry I hurt your feelings but you still get a 0 because it was horrible LOL.

Hahahahaha!