Teen son with 26yo woman

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7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
3,407
489
83
Florida
#41
LOL. The brain of a 17 yr old is not yet fully developed.

Just because they are in the "church" does not mean they are pure. There are far more pretenders than possessors in the "church".

For the cause of Christ
Roger

exactly so

I'm not sure I would believe them saying they are not intimate

but that's just me...and all the times that kind of story turned out to be false

one in particular comes to mind where the woman just somehow managed to get pregnant while swearing no sex ever
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
3,407
489
83
Florida
#42
I must say, I can't believe some of the answers I'm reading about this couple.

Lemme break this down so we can get a better view.

1. Worship band. It's a well- known fact that church choirs have their problems with adultery, let alone a "worship team", or especially a "worship band". "Band" speaks of a more liberal worship approach, and with that, a lesser spiritual maturity level. I know that sounds judgmental, but that's the usual. I've sang in a
youth choir & a worship team, & I've seen it.

2. This son has probably been dating this full grown woman since he was 16. Which generally speaking means:

  • The woman is lonely
  • The 17 yr old is immature for such a relationship. 17yr old girls are usually more mature, & most of them can't handle such a relationship nowadays.
  • Did I mention he's 17? An immature mind with hormones raging, with the libido of a jackrabbit. Somebody explain to me how they're NOT having sex!
  • They want it kept hidden because they've known what they've done. Yeah, to them it looks real bad.

3. Then there's the 3 friend dinners/suppers. It's quite common to have a third person around to throw off suspicion of a real relationship happening. After a while the 3rd person leaves because they're comfortable thinking no one suspects a thing.

Sorry to break the news to you, but you've been had.

Now, about not telling anyone. That idea's messed up from the floor up. The pastor should have been notified as soon as you found out. Why didn't you ask HIM what to do instead of coming to a chat site to ask complete strangers?

My advice to you is to break this up before she's pregnant & the church is damaged because of the sins committed.
It's as easy as calling the police & saying this woman has been dating my son behind our backs. They will "check it out", scaring the woman away for good.

Time's running out...

and this 'sounds' so harsh

but I agree

been there (worship band etc) and seen it all :p
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#43
I don't know if it's still all that bad. I met my ex wife when she was a month into being 17, I was in my 20s. We got a couple of good kids out of it.
And my husband did the same thing. And, lo and behold, they had a couple of wonderful kids too, but it too didn't work out.

18, by all definitions, (except for drinking and smoking), is an adult in America. That's the magical birthday when we can no longer go completely Mama Bear.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#44
I am thinking "worship band" and "worship team" might be used interchangeably in the context of the first post. Nevertheless, this kind of shaming prevents people reaching out and seeking support. Perhaps the person may consider leaving this church or not, but saying someone blew it with their child is harsh.
Meh. That's just Huckle. He thinks everyone is wrong and evil but him.
 
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
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#45
This is you as a parent reaping what you've sown.
You belong to a liberal, worldly church.
You allowed your 13-year-old son to participate
in a "worship band" with adults, including women.
A "worship band" is essentially a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing rock band.
Rock bands fornicate, get tattooed, and do drugs.
So you blew it with this kid, but if you have younger ones,
it's not too late to disassociate yourself from this "church
in Pergamos" and seek out a "church in Philadelphia".
Your blade must be getting dull by now. Why not take some time off to sharpen it? (Frankly, you need your tail whipped for a posting like that.)
 
Last edited by a moderator:

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
11,804
593
113
#46
and this 'sounds' so harsh

but I agree

been there (worship band etc) and seen it all :p
I agree.

I just saw another news story of a 26 y/o "Christian" woman in bed with a teenage boy. Complete with photos of her in bed with him.

Even so come quickly Lord Jesus.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 

Huckleberry

Senior Member
Aug 25, 2013
1,634
53
48
#47
Your blade must be getting dull by now. Why not take some time off to sharpen it? (Frankly, you need your tail whipped for a posting like that.)
Which part has you so chapped?
The part where I rightly tell her she blew it with this kid?
She threw him to the wolves when he was 13.
The kid's 17 now, and less than eight months from being an adult.
The genie's out of the bottle and won't be put back in.
I just tell it like it is.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Sep 14, 2017
900
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0
#48
Your blade must be getting dull by now. Why not take some time off to sharpen it? (Frankly, you need your ass whipped for a posting like that.)
Frankly, I think you were cussing & calling his behind that instead of his donkey.

It looks like you have a front door of your own to sweep around.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,423
410
83
#49
And my husband did the same thing. And, lo and behold, they had a couple of wonderful kids too, but it too didn't work out.

18, by all definitions, (except for drinking and smoking), is an adult in America. That's the magical birthday when we can no longer go completely Mama Bear.
You know, in common law, which rules when there is a lack of specific legislation, getting married or providing for your own care, makes you an adult too. Right now in Virginia, we have females as young as 14, considered adults. They changed the law last year, if a girl is under 18, the marriage license has to come under judicial review, but they will still issue it. What is funny is, a guy has to be 18 to marry, no exceptions.
 

joefizz

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2017
13,684
481
83
25
#50
I must say, I can't believe some of the answers I'm reading about this couple.

Lemme break this down so we can get a better view.

1. Worship band. It's a well- known fact that church choirs have their problems with adultery, let alone a "worship team", or especially a "worship band". "Band" speaks of a more liberal worship approach, and with that, a lesser spiritual maturity level. I know that sounds judgmental, but that's the usual. I've sang in a
youth choir & a worship team, & I've seen it.

2. This son has probably been dating this full grown woman since he was 16. Which generally speaking means:

  • The woman is lonely
  • The 17 yr old is immature for such a relationship. 17yr old girls are usually more mature, & most of them can't handle such a relationship nowadays.
  • Did I mention he's 17? An immature mind with hormones raging, with the libido of a jackrabbit. Somebody explain to me how they're NOT having sex!
  • They want it kept hidden because they've known what they've done. Yeah, to them it looks real bad.

3. Then there's the 3 friend dinners/suppers. It's quite common to have a third person around to throw off suspicion of a real relationship happening. After a while the 3rd person leaves because they're comfortable thinking no one suspects a thing.

Sorry to break the news to you, but you've been had.

Now, about not telling anyone. That idea's messed up from the floor up. The pastor should have been notified as soon as you found out. Why didn't you ask HIM what to do instead of coming to a chat site to ask complete strangers?

My advice to you is to break this up before she's pregnant & the church is damaged because of the sins committed.
It's as easy as calling the police & saying this woman has been dating my son behind our backs. They will "check it out", scaring the woman away for good.

Time's running out...
This post is quite hilarious due to so many "presumptions"and besides the parents "already have decided" on what actions they are taking concerning the Op's circumstance.
 

joefizz

Senior Member
Apr 23, 2017
13,684
481
83
25
#51
I must say, I can't believe some of the answers I'm reading about this couple.

Lemme break this down so we can get a better view.

1. Worship band. It's a well- known fact that church choirs have their problems with adultery, let alone a "worship team", or especially a "worship band". "Band" speaks of a more liberal worship approach, and with that, a lesser spiritual maturity level. I know that sounds judgmental, but that's the usual. I've sang in a
youth choir & a worship team, & I've seen it.

2. This son has probably been dating this full grown woman since he was 16. Which generally speaking means:

  • The woman is lonely
  • The 17 yr old is immature for such a relationship. 17yr old girls are usually more mature, & most of them can't handle such a relationship nowadays.
  • Did I mention he's 17? An immature mind with hormones raging, with the libido of a jackrabbit. Somebody explain to me how they're NOT having sex!
  • They want it kept hidden because they've known what they've done. Yeah, to them it looks real bad.

3. Then there's the 3 friend dinners/suppers. It's quite common to have a third person around to throw off suspicion of a real relationship happening. After a while the 3rd person leaves because they're comfortable thinking no one suspects a thing.

Sorry to break the news to you, but you've been had.

Now, about not telling anyone. That idea's messed up from the floor up. The pastor should have been notified as soon as you found out. Why didn't you ask HIM what to do instead of coming to a chat site to ask complete strangers?

My advice to you is to break this up before she's pregnant & the church is damaged because of the sins committed.
It's as easy as calling the police & saying this woman has been dating my son behind our backs. They will "check it out", scaring the woman away for good.

Time's running out...
And thanks so much for labeling every 17 year old guy as "immature with hormones raging" and "libido of a jackrabbit"(don't even have to look it up a very common prejudice stereotype,presuming that young guys all just can't keep themselves under control and just run after sexual urges toward their opposite gender looking to fulfill them) a tired old saying that gets tossed around in some way because sure there aren't immature girls or women,guys are always the sex crazy ones,if that were true then why are there so many true story documentaries of females getting with guys so "early" in life?
The answer:Guys just like Females have the capacity to be "mature" or "immature" and even impulsively have sexual intimacy or not,17 is an age not a mystery solved,for example at 17 I didn't seek any sexual relations,and even at 25 I'm not seeking any because "I wanted and still do want a serious relationship not some immature one night stand".
Although for some an impulsive relationship can become a "mature relationship" for instance I have a cousin that at 14 or 15 got with a girl he liked about his age and she got pregnant,but instead of their relationship falling apart my cousin got 2 jobs,graduated high school,has multiple kids and he compared to my cousins that are in there thirties and him in his twenties is one whom is "more mature" and still doing great where as other relationships of my cousins are irresponsible so called adults having kids and not taking care of their children,age can play a factor in a relationship's downfall or uplifting,but the age itself tells next to nothing if you know next to nothing about the individual,and even then you can't "be sure" how things will end up,like I honestly thought my impulsive cousin wouldn't be able to handle a relationship and child at such a young age but he decided he would do whatever he could for his new family and things ended up great.
It's not our ages or genders that makeup "who we become" it is our "choices" and "experiences" that shape our lives not how old or young we are in general,because what an individual goes through in this walk of life,can change them to what you may not predict,and we all no matter what age still have "much to learn" God knows all but we don't and so we must "consider" what is "true" not "presume" and "speak out" because we may "hurt someone" without knowing it instead of help them.
 

stand2

Senior Member
Dec 6, 2017
289
20
18
#52
My older brother passed away last year. Virtually everyone in town attended his service. He was loved and respected by many.His accomplishments, too many to mention. He met, dated, married and enjoyed 46 years of his life with a wonderful woman. He was 18 when he married........she was 17.......so much for the "maturity" argument. Thanks for your insight, Joe.
 

7seasrekeyed

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
3,407
489
83
Florida
#53
right

well the op should take great comfort in the fact that a few have beaten the odds and made it

no one else read the papers and understand the facts of life these days?

making an arguement for an exeption is simply that. an exception

my grandmother married at 16 to a man in his 20's and had 3 children before the age of 20

EVERYBODY in Europe was into that prior to WWII

nowdays, sex at 13 is not shocking anymore. a few kids without marriage is also not shocking

well how dee doo...abortion is not shocking. alot of people are fine with the 3rd trimester...off with his head

man

wake up

WHY is the op concerned? she should be
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,607
425
83
#54
Which part has you so chapped?
The part where I rightly tell her she blew it with this kid?
She threw him to the wolves when he was 13.
The kid's 17 now, and less than eight months from being an adult.
The genie's out of the bottle and won't be put back in.
I just tell it like it is.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

just remember, brother, you are 'telling it' like you sees it'!!!
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
7,607
425
83
#55
Frankly, I think you were cussing & calling his behind that instead of his donkey.

It looks like you have a front door of your own to sweep around.
==============================================================

this is part of our 'refining'!!! = when Jesus calls, we all have to open the 'front-door', so to speak...
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
7,411
534
113
#56
I'm not sure scripture really covers this, so I'll just give my personal opinion.


My personal opinion is that having an age gap of a few years isn't such a big deal...
unless one of the people is extremely young.

So in this case, if I was the parent, I'd be concerned.
I do think it's biblical, and reasonable, and probably necessary, to be involved in the life of your 17-year-old when he's making big decisions that can impact his life.

My advice would be to absolutely get involved in this.
But "get involved" could mean a lot of different things, and whatever you do should probably be done with a lot of care and wisdom.

I think talking to the pastor a lot is probably a good idea.
 
Jan 5, 2017
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#57
I echo some of the others: there is a reason they don’t want their relationship to be known, and the reason is a good one. I too am surprised that she would want to date someone so young – maybe she is immature. Anyway, I would talk to her, talk to your team leader if that person is mature enough to handle something like this, or to your pastor if they aren’t. Things need to be squeaky clean if you are handling worship. Sneaking around having a questionable relationship isn’t that. Good luck.
 

angelheart007

Junior Member
Mar 2, 2017
11
0
0
#58
This is a very sensitive situation for sure. I'm thankful you and your husband are on the same page and have spoken to your son. Have you spoken to the other person? My first inclination would be to speak to her and let her know how y'all feel and what the expectations are and what you are prepared to do if it does not stop. My prayer is the situation will be resolved before getting out of hand and there are more far reaching consequences. Hugs and prayers from Texas
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
3,639
50
0
#59
Hey, I would appreciate some advice guys. My 17yo son has played in our churches worship band for 4 years. He spends alot of time with the other band members, all adults, and has developed good friendships with all of them. Over the last 6 months he has been spending alot more time with 2 other band members, going to lunch n dinner together. Lately the threesome has become a twosome, my son and a 26yo lady. I asked him today and he admitted they were dating but insisted they were not intimate and that God was in the center of their relationship. I'm in shock and am not sure how to respond. I'm concerned that a 26yo would want to have a relationship with a 17yo. No one at church knows, and I'm not sure if I want to talk to my pastor about it.

If there were a 26-year-old man interested in a godly 17-year-old girl, friends, but interested in each other, I'd probably advise him to go talk to her dad. With the ages reversed, it just seems a bit weirder. It would be hard for there not to be a role-reversal in terms of submission and leadership if they did get married-- not saying it has to be that way. Anyway, it would be challenging in some ways if they actually got married.

What are your sons views on dating? I think most Americans have it all wrong on the purpose of dating, thinking dating for recreation is okay, rather than dating with an intention to find a marriage partner. What have you taught your son about this?

I told my kids no dating until they get old enough to get married. In the country we live in, this is less challenging than it would be in the US because there seems to be less social pressure on them to date. Dating too young opens up all kinds of temptation to fornication, and what good is it to date people you have nearly 0% chance of actually marrying?

Why don't you have a talk with the 26-year-old, point out your son is a minor? The fact that she is dating an underaged teen and the parents have this conversation might jolt her a bit to realize that...yes.. she is 26 and this is a high school aged teenager.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
3,639
50
0
#60
LOL. The brain of a 17 yr old is not yet fully developed.
They say the brain isn't fully developed until 25-years-old. I suspect some people's brains never fully develop. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to get married.

Practically, I do not like this age difference because of the potential relationship dynamic. The scenario with the man being a bit older makes more sense, IMO. At 17, most men aren't even close to being able to support a wife, either, so why rush to date?