If they are indeed not sexually intimate, what is the problem. They obviously have a shared interest in music, and they may have discovered other shared interests. He is months away from being legally adult. By the time he is twenty any age difference will loose all significance. If he is mature for his age and she is not; they may well form a romantic attachment; and it may work out well for them both if they make a sincere commitment to each other.
Teen son with 26yo woman
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Well, there are a lot of unknowns here, at least reading up to here, which is as far as I'm going to read. There are boundary issues to consider, such as if the lady musician/singer is in a position of authority in the church, especially over the son. Is she a teacher? Is she a professional lady with a college degree? Is she military? Is she a simple gal from a country church who works at Mcdonald's? Is she a high school grad? Is she mature for her age? Is she immature for her age? What is her age of emotional maturity? There could be hidden issues, such as maybe issues in her family's past, or maybe the son is mature for his age? I tend to agree with this poster, up to a point, but just because someone is old enough for boot camp,
may not mean they are mature enough for such a relationship.
The lady's morality and character could be an issue, but, it sounds like they are taking the high ground.
I think what caught my eye, was that my father left me alone at a hotel once when I was a socially clueless 13 or 14 year old. The only other person to socialize with was a much older girl alone on vacation who liked to lounge around the pool all day floating on an air mattress. This was a much different situation than a high school aged male student and a 26 year old musician peer. But, it turned out to be a positive memory of a first girl friend. It definitely would not have been the same if roles were reversed.
I would just let it coast for a few weeks, and let the two musicians test the waters on their own, and see if they will seek out an independent pastor at another church or someone else for counseling. If they find true love, then 9 years apart is not scandalous, as long as she is not taking advantage of his immaturity, if that is an issue, or his age. It might depend on what attracts them. His stature might be an issue also--his height, etc... Does she sees him as a man of God? Or does she see him as a teen? If they are attracted by mutual Christian love, then it might go well--
Then again, you might want to consider the movie, "First Knight."
"All things work together for good, for those who love God, and are called according to His purpose..." (Romans 8:28)
Here is a discussion from another forum on the subject:
"I recently developed this strong freaking feelings for this woman at church who is 9 years older than me. It's annoying because I have a million reasons not to ask her out" (person asking question)
Three answers:
"Your P.S. is the key issue, not the 9 year age difference, though that will come into play at some point if you choose to pursue this woman.
You're a bull in a china shop--tread very carefully here. Start slow with group gatherings (Bible studies, church group outings, etc.) and find out what you can about her. A woman 9 years older than you may have complications in her life that prohibit the relationship you are looking for. Get to know this lady as a person before asking her out. Use the group outings to strike up conversations afterwards. When/if it feels right, ask her out for coffee or perhaps lunch after church.
I'm guessing you're in the 18-25 demographic. Nine years is pretty huge gap, but not insurmountable. If nothing else, you will gain wisdom and patience from this experience (if you do it right)."
"You're both adults. If you're both compatible, then there is no issue. A nine year age gap is no big deal.
I happen to know more than a few married couples that have slightly larger age gaps and they seemed to have happy marriages."
may not mean they are mature enough for such a relationship.
The lady's morality and character could be an issue, but, it sounds like they are taking the high ground.
I think what caught my eye, was that my father left me alone at a hotel once when I was a socially clueless 13 or 14 year old. The only other person to socialize with was a much older girl alone on vacation who liked to lounge around the pool all day floating on an air mattress. This was a much different situation than a high school aged male student and a 26 year old musician peer. But, it turned out to be a positive memory of a first girl friend. It definitely would not have been the same if roles were reversed.
I would just let it coast for a few weeks, and let the two musicians test the waters on their own, and see if they will seek out an independent pastor at another church or someone else for counseling. If they find true love, then 9 years apart is not scandalous, as long as she is not taking advantage of his immaturity, if that is an issue, or his age. It might depend on what attracts them. His stature might be an issue also--his height, etc... Does she sees him as a man of God? Or does she see him as a teen? If they are attracted by mutual Christian love, then it might go well--
Then again, you might want to consider the movie, "First Knight."
"All things work together for good, for those who love God, and are called according to His purpose..." (Romans 8:28)
Here is a discussion from another forum on the subject:
"I recently developed this strong freaking feelings for this woman at church who is 9 years older than me. It's annoying because I have a million reasons not to ask her out" (person asking question)
Three answers:
"Your P.S. is the key issue, not the 9 year age difference, though that will come into play at some point if you choose to pursue this woman.
You're a bull in a china shop--tread very carefully here. Start slow with group gatherings (Bible studies, church group outings, etc.) and find out what you can about her. A woman 9 years older than you may have complications in her life that prohibit the relationship you are looking for. Get to know this lady as a person before asking her out. Use the group outings to strike up conversations afterwards. When/if it feels right, ask her out for coffee or perhaps lunch after church.
I'm guessing you're in the 18-25 demographic. Nine years is pretty huge gap, but not insurmountable. If nothing else, you will gain wisdom and patience from this experience (if you do it right)."
"You're both adults. If you're both compatible, then there is no issue. A nine year age gap is no big deal.
I happen to know more than a few married couples that have slightly larger age gaps and they seemed to have happy marriages."
hey bro-- I appreciate honesty, and I laughed when i read your short post, my first laugh of 2018. But, I don't see how this is a "completely worthless contribution." Lot's of people here agree with this, that an age difference of 9 years is not scandalous if they are in love and are taking the high ground and seeking God's will. It depends on how mature and how much of a man, the 17 year old is. He might not consider his love for a fellow musician to be "completely worthless."
Like MarcR here agrees: you didn't attack him, just me--everyone only hates just me... I think it's because I'm right here--
"If they are indeed not sexually intimate, what is the problem. They obviously have a shared interest in music, and they may have discovered other shared interests. He is months away from being legally adult. By the time he is twenty any age difference will loose all significance. If he is mature for his age and she is not; they may well form a romantic attachment; and it may work out well for them both if they make a sincere commitment to each other." --MarcR above post
Like MarcR here agrees: you didn't attack him, just me--everyone only hates just me... I think it's because I'm right here--
"If they are indeed not sexually intimate, what is the problem. They obviously have a shared interest in music, and they may have discovered other shared interests. He is months away from being legally adult. By the time he is twenty any age difference will loose all significance. If he is mature for his age and she is not; they may well form a romantic attachment; and it may work out well for them both if they make a sincere commitment to each other." --MarcR above post
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Wow. I guess I just learned I'm a left-handed unicorn... Not sure how I feel about that!
I think there are always more women than men at most churches, but I honestly don't think men are so rare at every church. I can think of many single, widowed, divorced, and family men at my church of all ages who are very dedicated to the Word. But then, maybe my church is an anomaly...
I think there are always more women than men at most churches, but I honestly don't think men are so rare at every church. I can think of many single, widowed, divorced, and family men at my church of all ages who are very dedicated to the Word. But then, maybe my church is an anomaly...
Interesting dilemma. I guess I feel like there's an appropriate level of age difference and that line shouldn't be crossed. The man I thought was "the one", was sleeping w a 21 yr old waitress from his work. He's 58. All I can say is EWWWWWW! He has a 37 year old daughter. We were together for 4 years and he was very busy. I had no idea. It's taken me a long time to get over it. I still will never agree w his decision and feel that he is morally bankrupt, but I have accepted it and moved forward w my life.
Your son sounds like he is a good boy. But alas, he is still a BOY. Easily led astray. The flesh is a powerful draw to a healthy young man. I think your Pastor could be of great help in situations like this. I know mine would be. Reach out and ask for guidance.
I will pray for you and your boy. Blessings
Your son sounds like he is a good boy. But alas, he is still a BOY. Easily led astray. The flesh is a powerful draw to a healthy young man. I think your Pastor could be of great help in situations like this. I know mine would be. Reach out and ask for guidance.
I will pray for you and your boy. Blessings