Seriously bro are you here to waste eveeybodies time?
Things are just going round and around in circles and you don't seem to fully appreciate people making time to be emphatic towards you and give you options.
You haven't even answered many of the various questions I have asked you in my last to comments here either..
It seems that you just basically want to draw attention to the fact that you longing for a partner and have idolised the whole thing in your heart...and this provides you some measure of comfort/forfillment/satisfaction...but at the same times increases the yearning.Yet any thing that comes close to a solution yet seem to disregard or give reasons why it cannot be done.
Many of us have gone through life and are even older than you and some are still single and have gone through difficult times too yet are still able to function on life thus far.
So the actual situation you are in has itself
become a kind of idol coz I cannot see you showing much appreciation for many of the advice given to you and I even asked you fundamental questions which you just bypassed.🤷♀️🤷♀️
In life what can define a person is not so much the difficulty they are in but their attitude towards it..this can often reveal something about their real character regarding their problem.
Here's some advice mate..if you really want a change in your situation I suggest you go back and re read many of the kind wisdom filled advice and support sent to you this far and value the wisdom,kindness and discernment show in them..then the rest is up to you..
There has to be a point where you have to he told the status quo and i have just told you it..