Are there single Christian girls in Finland ?

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Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
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Everybody, including you.
It should be the other way round really.
What more are you expecting from us?
We have all tried our best to be there for you yet it seems its still not enough.
Coz we could just keep going through the same process again and again with perhaps different people seeking to advise you..yet things end up right where we started again.
We all want what's best for you and offer our help thinking of your best interest..yet you're gaining nothing which isnt a reflection of our kind attempts to reach out to you.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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What do you want about me, seriously ? WHAT DO YOU WANT ?

JUST TELL ME RIGHT IN THE FACE.
It would be nice if you seriously considered all the good advice that people have taken the time to share with you out of their experience in life.

You don't have to actually take the advice, but at least consider it instead of just brushing it aside automatically with arguments.

I mean... They took some serious time and effort to make the replies they posted. They honestly tried to help you. But you keep dismissing all their advice without even thinking about it, as though you are determined to not believe that anything in your life could ever get better.

As much as they have put into these replies they have given you, could you at least read them and consider they might be accurate?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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This most certainly not cyber bullying in the slightest.Of course a person can have particular viewpoints about something that we don't agree with..that happens all the time in life..
Having read the comments here since this thread stated I just sense that things are just going round and round in circles and many of the kind support he has been given he doesn't even respond to or even acknowledge..and even when practical suggestion are being made to really help he doesn't seem to value them either..this has been going on for days now and then even his most recent comments is going back to where it all started again..
Having a particular view point is one thing..but this constant cycle seems unending and we have been gracious and empathetic yet for some reason it hasn't made the slightest difference..plus he is saying that his original question wasn't answered...so what are we to do then,?.Go through the whole thing again and again...then again and again and again..
I just begain to sense that's just a manipulative cycle taking place and also he seems unable to accept any advice given at any level which makes him unteachable at this point in time in this particular matter..as every practical suggestion is refuted.
Iam in no way judging him and neither do I have any ill feeling towards him at all.
Since I have been on CC I have never made comments of this magnitude before regardless of who it is..
I just felt concerned for others who could end up in the same cycle again and again which can easily happen and I guess I mentioned things for their benefit.
Everyone has times when offered advice ect can go unheeded then at some point by Gods grace the penny drops..I wish the same for him.Iam not implying that his evil as a person..I just discerned certain traits from him in this thread which are detrimental to effort to help him..
I myself made many various comments to him..but they haven't been acknowledged which is fine...
Iam also not judging him neither..
I interpreted certain traits which doesn't in any way reflect the whole person.
Please don't take this the wrong way brother. You seem honest and sincere.

But...

I have to agree that calling him manipulative was a bit overboard. He seems dead set on being miserable, but I haven't seen anything I can point to and claim he is manipulative.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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Tennessee
Please don't take this the wrong way brother. You seem honest and sincere.

But...

I have to agree that calling him manipulative was a bit overboard. He seems dead set on being miserable, but I haven't seen anything I can point to and claim he is manipulative.
Misguided perhaps, but not manipulative.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,921
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What do you want about me, seriously ? WHAT DO YOU WANT ?

JUST TELL ME RIGHT IN THE FACE.
Here's the root of the impasse: You want to know how to find and secure a Christian wife. After communicating with you, NONE of us (if I'm wrong about that speak up now) think you would be a blessing to a Christian wife in your current state so we're advising you the many things you can do (and you can pick any one you want to start with) to become more the kind of man who could be a blessing to a Christian wife, which is one of the best ways to attract a Christian wife. But you're convinced that you have no chance or ability to become such a man without that wife and it sounds like you aren't even going to try.

That and this is the singles forum so most of us are the ones who haven't found a Christian spouse for ourselves (and kept them). But all the more logical places to search for a Christian girl when they're hard to find (church, online, christian clubs or organizations) you shoot down and say you won't do.

If you won't undertake any steps toward self improvement and won't try going anywhere (online or offline) there might be a higher percentage of women who are Christian, then we can't help you further. For all the advice we give you're the one who actually has to choose to do something other than wallow in a pessimistic hopeless outlook.
 
Jun 29, 2021
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WOW, So do you expect me to kiss the feet of the guy who is stabbing my back ?

This is exactly the kind of "Christian" I want to avoid for a relationship. The one who would jump to bed and let the bad pagan atheist drug lord rape them because ohh hes a child of God and we must serve him unconditionally.
This is how, you can find a good Christian girl: ,1 first let your relationship with God be number one and have a relationship with God a faithful one, spend time with God for a couple of weeks without rush, or your marriage with that Christian girl will become an idol,2ask God according to the promise in 1 John 5:14-15. 3 trust in His timing, 4 don’t be like i want the girl to be like this like that, ask God who He has in mind for you, 5 go To church, NOT TO SEE IF THERE IS ANY CHRISTIAN GIRL OUT THERE but to get advice and to be around a community of believers so that you won’t be deceived, and they will help you keep your focus on God more, 6 expect and trust God, to do it. brother change now, that’s better. 7 keep on asking God. you may ask why do I need to put God first again? the answer is here 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7 Jesus said this, remain in fellowship, with Him by prayer and spending time with Him, Jesus talks and teaches and where are His words? In the Bible, how do you remain in Him? Remain in fellowship with Him, be with Him, live close to Him, the living part is important, live close to Him be with other believers, read scripture, pray, fast, worship. Brother so first get the foundation right, Matthew 7:24-27 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” It is also for your own safety that you put God first. then you can start thinking of how to find one Christian girl. And also remember God created Eve for Adam because He saw Adam was lonely, so don’t be discouraged too.
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,452
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Please don't take this the wrong way brother. You seem honest and sincere.

But...

I have to agree that calling him manipulative was a bit overboard. He seems dead set on being miserable, but I haven't seen anything I can point to and claim he is manipulative.
Yes I am being honest and sincere and to be honest there was absolutely no malicious intentions ect.I just began to sense a continual cycle bring repeated over and over again..
we seem to advise hin becsuse we all care about his well being
Then many of the comments are either not even read or acknowledged
Then when he does respond it cause others to seek to almost repeat what someone has already said which he hasnt acknowledged or read
Then others seek to add fresh helpful advice ect..
These are at times again not acknowledged
And so the cycle keeps going and going with no real change if this dynamic..
So that why I began to sense a manipulative cycle coming through..
I'm not saying that it's even a conscious choice to be manipulative but I just sensed it...
Could I be wrong??.Yes of course I could be.
 
Jun 29, 2021
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Brother there are more than 300 replies, go and read some you have ignored many, don’t be impatient. Impatience made Saul rejected, and Saul made a grave mistake. So you too just take your time, nobody is forcing you to get married by 30. Get your priorities right, and please don’t be ignoring the 100’s of advices here brother, take your 45 minutes, before bed. And before that 45 get 5 minutes to pray and before that 5 minutes get 30 minutes to know the Lord, by reading scripture. Allow these things to sink deep, the most that has effected you to sink deep in your heart, look for ways and times you can apply into your life, including the scripture you will read. Don’t be so concerned with a wife, God has His time. You can’t rush God, and nobody is rushing you. So first get your priorities straight then you can start thinking of a wife more seriously, and ask your parents if you want of how marriage is, you said you guys are Like strangers, maybe your bond can get stronger, but put God first. but still you have free will, i encourage and warn you to be more serious about putting God first. God loves you, so be More better with Him, then you Can think of a wife.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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Yes I am being honest and sincere and to be honest there was absolutely no malicious intentions ect.
I do want to say I recognize this and believe you were not being malicious in any way. And I agree that you seem to be a pretty honest sincere and straightforward person. I expressed strong disagreement, but it wasn't intended to be a personal attack.
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
1,452
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I do want to say I recognize this and believe you were not being malicious in any way. And I agree that you seem to be a pretty honest sincere and straightforward person. I expressed strong disagreement, but it wasn't intended to be a personal attack.
Well to put in perspective you were implying that I was cyberbullying with a spiritual veneer ect..which of course had been directed at me...it wasnt just a general statement.
You have every right to express how you feel.
I personally am fine and over 40 years I have been involved in encouraging people and helping out and God has helped me to say what certain traits are and theres one example
There was a very attractive woman in our church who liked a guy..but he wasn't particularly interested in her..yet she became obsessed about him and told many people he was her future husband.
Many people tried to advise her,encourage her for over 5 years but she just wouldn't acknowledge or accept anything people told her..Yet she kept saying things that prompted people to try and advise her even though she wouldn't acknowledge it.Eveyone kept trying to help he and tell her to leave him alone but she just disregarded their advice and even accused many of not helping her whenee know they did.
I began to sense as time went on similar traits as I mention here..Its not saying this woman was evil ect..just recognising certain things that were beind the continual cycle..
I wasn't judging her or the guy here to condem ect...not at all..its is possible to name something relating to an individual without condemning them or holding them in contempt..God knows my motives..

Anyway ..the guy still wasn't interested in her though he was single..
However...Sadly he died in 2019..😔😔
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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Here's the root of the impasse: You want to know how to find and secure a Christian wife. After communicating with you, NONE of us (if I'm wrong about that speak up now) think you would be a blessing to a Christian wife in your current state so we're advising you the many things you can do (and you can pick any one you want to start with) to become more the kind of man who could be a blessing to a Christian wife, which is one of the best ways to attract a Christian wife. But you're convinced that you have no chance or ability to become such a man without that wife and it sounds like you aren't even going to try.
Ok, I have thought about this again. The problem could be that I dont know how to change. Sometimes I do want to change but I simply dont know where to start. Maybe you could try giving and explaining me the steps on how to become the guy a Christian girl would like. Please. Give me a second chance. The reason I tend to reject peoples advice is because I often come to the qustion "what if this doesnt work" and feel unsure about it. This happens especially when the advice is brief and not developed. When you tell me "get closer to Christ" this only creates a worm of doubts in my head on how can I actually do or even consider this. Instead, you could develop each of your points one by one and give advice on how can I start and proceed towards becoming a better person, answering several of the possible doubts and concerns that could arise from it. Often its my insecurities and doubts what makes me skeptical about the validity of the advice. A more developed advice could help me answer some of my doubts and get a more positive approach to it. My rejection often stems from fear which comes from insecurity. Its not me who decides to simply reject the advice, its my lack of certainty what pressures me to go the no way road.
That and this is the singles forum so most of us are the ones who haven't found a Christian spouse for ourselves (and kept them). But all the more logical places to search for a Christian girl when they're hard to find (church, online, christian clubs or organizations) you shoot down and say you won't do.
The same problem here. Doubts without answers. You say "go to church". And what if I find no girls of my targetted demography ? Because I have gone to church for years and do not remember seeing one. I dont go now but theres nothing indicating the situation has changed. Girls between the ages of 18-27 are the least religious demographic group in Finland, so theres a very high statistical chance I will still come with empty hands. You say "search online". But here the drawbacks are even bigger. Im too tired to explain all of them now but I could do if you ask. So I would like to get better answers. Maybe theres something I could do yet. Maybe theres a solution. But I need to know about it. One thing is clear, I will never date online. It brings me bad memories about my uncles exwife.
 

Kauko

Active member
Jul 14, 2021
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Have you been to all the churches in Finland?
I have been in several and found no one in any of them.

Ok, alright, so are you telling me to go to Joensuu and search in their churches ?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,964
4,771
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Ok, I have thought about this again. The problem could be that I dont know how to change. Sometimes I do want to change but I simply dont know where to start. Maybe you could try giving and explaining me the steps on how to become the guy a Christian girl would like.
Observation: What you are doing is not working.

Logical course of action: Do something else.

Objection: Something else might not work.

Logical reason to do it anyway: It might work. That has to be better than what you are doing now, which is not working at all.

Objection: But what if it doesn't work?

Logical course of action: Try something else, else. Keep trying something elses until you find one that works.

Objection: Why can't I just skip straight to the something else that WILL work?

Resigned answer: Ain't no such thing. Different something elses work for different people. You have to keep trying something else until you find the one that works for you.

But you DEFINITELY need to try one of those something elses. What you're doing now is not cutting it.
 
May 25, 2015
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I have been in several and found no one in any of them.

Ok, alright, so are you telling me to go to Joensuu and search in their churches ?
No, like I told you earlier, I'm saying that you need to change your mindset. Because with such a negative mindset, a) no one is going to find that attractive, 2) you will remain single with such a mindset.

*shrugs*
 
Feb 24, 2021
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From what I've read from you and I'll be rather blunt, it is desperation bordering on creepy obsession with this imaginary girl you conjured up in your head. You need to take a step back , take a deep breath and figure it out. Use this time to work on yourself and make yourself a better person. Desperation is not sexy my friend. Best of luck to you , stay strong
 

Kojikun

Well-known member
Oct 5, 2018
4,236
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The Finns (as well as other Europeans in general) are generally very comfortable with nudity. This in itself is quite contrary to Christianity, which values modesty. I think the European attitude toward nudity explains in part why they might also be very open in their sexuality. It goes back to culture.
The opposite is true as well. To prudish of a culture leads to much sexual tension and leads to people who are very scared and uncomfortable with intimacy. Ive learned this just looking for a date as a Christian. You are meant to wait till married and some how expected to control yourselves until its for sure. Than you rush to marry to have sex than realize you dont have feelings for them or your not good in bed or something. I think kinda just sucks anywhere you live. Life just sucks basically 😅
 

Kojikun

Well-known member
Oct 5, 2018
4,236
2,562
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The Finns (as well as other Europeans in general) are generally very comfortable with nudity. This in itself is quite contrary to Christianity, which values modesty. I think the European attitude toward nudity explains in part why they might also be very open in their sexuality. It goes back to culture.
Its also a very western thing to immediately associate nudity with sex or porn. Nudity doesnt have to be sexual in nature.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,921
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Maybe you could try giving and explaining me the steps on how to become the guy a Christian girl would like. Please. Give me a second chance.
You can have as many chances as you do rereads of my previous posts where I gave plenty of example starter steps, just pick one and try it for a month or two and see if you like the person you're becoming when you do that practice. They're not going anywhere (and if you go to my profile page or use the little search magnifying glass in the upper right, it's really easy to find just my posts). If you want more in depth guidance than that, you would do best to get involved in a church and ask one of the older guys (preferably one who has a life like one you would want to have some day) to take you under his wing and guide you. Because success isn't measured by getting a girl; it's measured by becoming a better man.