I need help and I don't need help from people telling me to do things which I cannot do. Please I ask you to accept these immutable premises: [list of premises, summarizing with]
If you are unwilling to accept these premises, then you can't help me. I promise I am telling the truth.
Hi Christian Person,
You said you've sought help from other sources -- may I ask what other sources have you tried? Churches, counseling, online fellowships? Your struggle sounds very similar to some regular posts we get here in which people are asking for help for the exact same, or at least very similar, issues. If you scroll through Singles, Family, and Miscellaneous, you're bound to see several other thread titles that are similar. And if you can't find any in particular that you can relate to, feel free to leave a message on my profile page and I can direct you to at least one or two.
Please know that I am not in any way trying to mock your concerns, but you've very obviously given the readers an ultimatum. I'm not sure what your knowledge or stance is regarding Christianity but you do seem to be very familiar with the belief that pornography is sin and the only means of sexual expression for a Christian is within marriage.
It seems like you're telling us, "I know all the rules, but unless you can tell me something outside the rules in order to get me what I want, you're of no help to me (and phooey on you all for being so useless.)" Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about that, but your post comes across as a bit combative and demanding.
You've only allowed for one avenue through which you will accept an answer, and the answer you want to hear is, "Tell me how I can have sexual intimacy with a woman, or the equivalent to it, but without working or getting married and in a way that meets all the conditions I'm setting before you."
Unfortunately, none of us can tell you that. God's ways are God's ways, and I know that's not the answer any of us want to hear at various times throughout our lives, but what you're asking of your audience is kind of like asking someone to tell you how to rob a bank without getting caught. You're asking if there is some alternative way to get what you want, and none of us can give you the answer that you're seeking.
The thing is, even if you felt you could get married, marriage, as much as the oft-quoted passage makes it sound ("For it is better to marry than to burn with passion," - 1 Corinthians 7:9) is not a complete answer to all of life's situations either. As much as it makes it sound like marriage is somehow the doorway to never-ending sexual fantasy and exploration, ask any married Christian, and I doubt that's what they will tell you.
As was mentioned, if you read through some of the threads and posts here, you'll even read about some people who are married and still not able to have sexual expression within their marriages, and so now not only are they living without sex, but unless something changes, they're in a permanent situation. The one positive thing about being single and open to possibly marrying is that at least the situation could change someday, but those who are married are in it for life.
You might be familiar with the story of Paul, a former enemy of the church who became one of Christ's most adamant followers (and wrote a good percentage of the New Testament.) The Bible says that God purposely gave him a thorn in the flesh, and though Paul begged God to remove it 3 times, God said no, because, "My power is made perfect in weakness," (2 Corinthians 12:9,) and that this thorn in place kept Paul humble and reliant on God.
I personally suspect that almost every Christian has some kind of thorn, and in your case, sexual desire might be it. I'm very sorry to hear that this is causing such misery. I'm sure many here can relate, but the unfortunate thing is, God only gives one answer to sexual expression, and it doesn't have any loopholes.
One thing I think God has taught me a long time ago, and is still teaching me, is that everything has a price, and if you can't pay the price, then you're trying to steal something that God says we can't otherwise have. Sex is one of those things. The price that must be paid for sexual expression is basically your whole life, because God says that in order to qualify as someone who can participate in it, you have to get married, and marriage is for life.
This is something I've thought about a lot. How many of us are at the point where we are willing to literally pay the price to have sex -- because it costs our entire lives, and for as long as we live. And the kicker is, it's not even a guarantee that one will even get sexual expression within marriage. A spouse could become disabled, pregnant, sick, lose their memory -- a whole host of things could go wrong -- and then you're right back to square one: someone learning to live without sexual expression.
I have some other things I would like to share but unless I have grossly misinterpreted, I think you're in a mindset of only being willing to hear what you want to hear. I know you might think that no one understands because you have a daily struggle with desire, but many of us have our own thorns that we also deal with daily.
My personal thorn is food, and it's something I fight on a daily basis as well, so I understand what it's like to fight what may feel like a natural impulse 24/7. And the kicker for me is that I just can't stop eating altogether, though I often wish I could. Unfortunately, it seems like God has asked many of us to deal with something every day that reminds us just how weak we are, and how much we need Him.
One thing I have learned though through my own struggles is that there are so many other people who would love have my thorn instead of their own. While it's a weekly struggle for me in grocery stores, pacing up and down anxiously over and over about what I can and can't buy or what I can and can't eat and what happens if I "eat the wrong things," God reminds me that there are thousands of alcoholics and drug addicts who would probably tell me they would love to trade addictions with me. I have zero attraction to smoking, drugs, and would be fine never having alcohol again for the rest of my life, but put a package of my numerous trigger foods in front of me and my heart will start racing with anxiety.
Sometimes when I feel most panicked and at the height of my own misery, God reminds me to pray for someone else who is dealing with another type of addiction, because they might be suffering 100 times more.
I know the battle is never-ending and it often feels like dying would be an easier solution.
I'm very sorry you're going through this, and I'll include you as someone to pray for in the midst of daily struggles. I hope that maybe if you pray for others who also suffer from unquenchable desires, it might help you as well.
Please keep us posted on how you're doing.