Chatting someone up

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,786
1,884
113
#1
What creeps you out about how people talk to you, particularly if you are single?

I have found in the workplace its men who cant handle a lady who is single and not interested in them (sexually) Its hard to be professional when your supposed workmate wants to not be professional and chat you up.

What do you do in those situations?
You could tell the management, but management might not even care, and you could either lose your job for telling the truth, or have them disciplined but they could make life tough for you.

This is what people DONT warn you about on the job, particularly for younger women. Older men just see them young women as fresh meat. Prey.

Its not a modern day thing, because even back in Bible times Boaz was looking out for Ruth, he didnt want other men chatting her up. But who really wants to marry their boss? I mean really? Do we know if by him marrying her she still had to work in the fields? I expect so, but treated better cos you need all hands on deck when its the barley harvest. Do we need to be married to stop other men checking us out?

Cos I dont know if being married really stops it. Would you go after a married woman or man? Or someone who has a had a string of previouses? The woman at the well who had five husbands...didnt seem to stop hanging round creepy men an nearly lumped Jesus in with them.


How refeshing to have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex who IS NOT sizing you up. If Jesus knows all we ever did there is no need for anyone to be nosy and ask us constantly if we are single. The intersting thing is how Jesus responded to this woman...call your husband, for he knew he wasnt meant to talk with her. The disciples were suprised to see him talking with her and you wonder if they thought he was chatting her up. But no, he was simply asking for her to give him a drink.

No innuendo at all, and no creepy advances.

Now I know christian chat is just that, christian Chat. Can you imagine if it was NOT christian chat and everyone was just chatting everyone up and being creepy instead of having good comversations in Christ!
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
3,213
1,232
113
#2
All this really does is make me wonder what horrible things have happened to you to give you such a negative perspective on men and life?

In an attempt to bring balance to the thread, I'm sure some of the guys would also like to have us discuss:

How can they know that the woman they're interested in isn't going to accuse them of harassment or inappropriate behavior if they express that interest?

What makes a person come across as creepy? How do we distinguish between socially awkward and creepy as socially awkward people probably aren't going to express their interest in the approved social ways?

How can men be strong manly men and still combat this socially embedded idea that men only interact with women socially to try to sleep with them?

And then yes, what sort of recourse do people (men or women) have when someone is being aggressive and persistent with their unwanted advances / interest?
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,108
804
113
#3
While we're on the topic, a lot of men in the workplace are intentionally avoiding their female coworkers because of the risk of being "metoo'd". And a lot of vocal women in the media are claiming that men are "punishing" women for the whole metoo thing. They can't possibly fathom that men by and large are doing a risk-assessment. Why put your career and reputation on the line because your well-meaning behavior is misinterpreted?

We men were told to improve our behavior around women and to stop being so boorish. Most of us listened. And now, women are upset that we won't approach them or talk to them. Well what did you think would happen?

:cautious::unsure:
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,786
1,884
113
#4
Well there was this one guy who wanted to divorce his wife who he had a baby with and implicate me in his affairs.
Another time in the last job I had one of the guys was asking way too many personal questions on my very first day of the job, he did that to all the women, and was 'sleeping' with some of them and boasting about it. He also told me he had wet dreams about me.

Another job i had it was one of the team leaders and the women learned to avoid him cos he would leer at them. You just learned never to be in a room with him alone.

Anyway its just far too common for most people to bat an eye now. This is most workplaces. almost every female can share stories of when some guy they didnt even know tried to feel them up.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,786
1,884
113
#5
While we're on the topic, a lot of men in the workplace are intentionally avoiding their female coworkers because of the risk of being "metoo'd". And a lot of vocal women in the media are claiming that men are "punishing" women for the whole metoo thing. They can't possibly fathom that men by and large are doing a risk-assessment. Why put your career and reputation on the line because your well-meaning behavior is misinterpreted?

We men were told to improve our behavior around women and to stop being so boorish. Most of us listened. And now, women are upset that we won't approach them or talk to them. Well what did you think would happen?

:cautious::unsure:
I dont think they are upset I havent heard of that but its right to keep ones distance if they cannot control their own behaviour.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,786
1,884
113
#6
Most women know that if someone is a christian they treat them like a brother and the brother treats them like a sister. Simple.

A lot of people dont understand those simple sibling relationships. And try to make it something else. They try to cross boundaries or violate them.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,905
2,024
113
#7
I’m grateful I’ve never encountered this kind of male attention. Then again, I rarely had male attention in the work place, whether it be coworkers or clients. I think it has to do that I go to work, work, go home. I never really socialized with others unless it was work related.

In the show Seinfeld, George Constanza said that if you look busy, people don’t bother you. I think that’s true lol!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,786
1,884
113
#8
I’m grateful I’ve never encountered this kind of male attention. Then again, I rarely had male attention in the work place, whether it be coworkers or clients. I think it has to do that I go to work, work, go home. I never really socialized with others unless it was work related.

In the show Seinfeld, George Constanza said that if you look busy, people don’t bother you. I think that’s true lol!
Thats good Although its rare, one of my friends said she had to wear a ring so guys, particularly clients wouldnt bother her.
One female co worker said she would get unwanted attentions from elderly men in the retirment village. Thats creepy.

Its annoying to have to deal with when all you want to do is get on with the job!
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
4,786
1,884
113
#9
Often you can just say NO Im really not interested in sleeping with you.
But othertimes you need to be more forceful or just avoid them but in some situations thats difficult.

Men just need to learn some respect and honour. If a man is actually interested in a lady they can show it by giving flowers or doing an act of kindness you know, nor staring or leering or harassing someone.
 

oldethennew

Senior Member
Feb 28, 2016
9,624
1,906
113
#10
happened to click on this in curiosity,
but,
this sounds like an old sit-come when we had TV many years ago -
can this really still be happening and have any real meaning???
of course it is and can, for man is his owe worst enemy...

'Fear God and Keep His Commandments, for this is the whole DUTY of MAN!!! =
'For every single work of ours shall 'come into JUDGEMENT'
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,905
2,024
113
#11
I’m just not a nice person in real life. I think this is why I don’t receive much attention from the opposite sex. :cool:
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,843
5,532
113
#12
I can say this...

My insatiable curiosity + my desire to make others know they matter has definitely creeped ppl out. I have often had ppl thinking, probably, after five minutes of getting to know me...

restaining order alert, lol.

I had to learn boundaries and to respect the space each individual person has a right to, regardless how harmless or sincerely loving my intent is. Relationship takes time and respect.

Not knowing what the persons intent or attachment they may feel upon partaking in casual conversation causes one to be circumspect. I do think no matter what, kindness is always good, but lavishing it on everyone can be a bit much and miss the mark as it can be misunderstood. We can be clear, direct and kind at the same time.

  • T – Is it Truthful?
  • H – Is it Helpful?
  • I – Is it Inspiring?
  • N – Is it Necessary?
  • K – Is it Kind?
 
Sep 17, 2019
2
0
1
#13
Well there was this one guy who wanted to divorce his wife who he had a baby with and implicate me in his affairs.
Another time in the last job I had one of the guys was asking way too many personal questions on my very first day of the job, he did that to all the women, and was 'sleeping' with some of them and boasting about it. He also told me he had wet dreams about me.

Another job i had it was one of the team leaders and the women learned to avoid him cos he would leer at them. You just learned never to be in a room with him alone.

Anyway its just far too common for most people to bat an eye now. This is most workplaces. almost every female can share stories of when some guy they didnt even know tried to feel them up.
Girl , are you crazy beautiful? Cause that never happened to me. I am still in college by the way. That was a joke. Just ignore them. Men are trash. Yesterday I had one follow me one . I almost called the police. I got out of my car and made a scene. That scared him.
 

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
2,706
558
113
#14
I’m grateful I’ve never encountered this kind of male attention. Then again, I rarely had male attention in the work place, whether it be coworkers or clients. I think it has to do that I go to work, work, go home. I never really socialized with others unless it was work related.

In the show Seinfeld, George Constanza said that if you look busy, people don’t bother you. I think that’s true lol!
Uhh no, it is not necessarily true. I've had people bother me even though I made clear I did not want to socialize, I hate socializing at work and am honestly not interested to "know people at work better". I've been even accused for being "stuck up" and people huff and puff and make me into some bad guy because I want no socializing and gossip (because this is what socializing with coworkers inevitably turns into). I openly stated in the past I was engaged or married, in spite of this two guys at the same workplace tried to get me to go out and have a drink with them, and I say sorry I can't, I have to go home (since it was the first day at work, he invited a few more people so tried to put me on a spot to make it look a friendship thing and harder to refuse, but he did try to chat me up at work so I knew exactly what was it about) next time he invited me alone I said I can't I'm married, and he said so what (!)… How much more trouble there can be for the singles who are simply not interested, if being engaged or even married is not a sufficient deterrent for some. He asked a few more times he was really annoying and he pestered me at work, and was a daily aggravation. I tried to bring this up to the supervisor but it was laughed off and written off as just a joke and being friendly. I didn't try anymore but I didn't work there for much longer, thank God.

There was this another guy who was more subtle but invited me to visit his place after work and even though I refused he kept boggling me not at work, at work he was professional, but after work he was bothering me every day, as he was taking bus in my direction. I tried to defend myself with headphones to eliminate conversation, when that didn't work out I'd go to store or somewhere else, even travel in the opposite direction, while he leaves and then wait for the next bus which would take a while, I tried also walking home by foot but if I started walking home he would always try to join me. It took him some time to leave me alone.

I really hate familiarity at work. When people familiarize themselves with you, men or women, this is very bad for the work dynamics because their worst sides come out. The boundaries move, they think they have some rights over you, they don't respect you anymore, they feel entitled, and all the other good stuff... I dread working with people for this reason (that you constantly have to guard and fight to get the people off you), and I am so immensely grateful to work with my husband now on the weekends. I don't mind that it might be more physically intense labor, the peace of mind makes it 100% worth it.

On one occasion when I was much younger my boss tried to place his arm around my waist approached me from behind while I was standing and looking at the schedule to see when my shifts were. I just jerked away I was young and so shocked that I was at a loss for words, but I quit the next day. Another supervisor at a more recent job tried to make some lewd comment to me (he came buzzed to work) I just looked at him without saying words, just showing him I was not amused and that I would probably smack him in the face if he continued, and he shut up immediately. All this being said I don't hate men. Creeps will always be creeps. Any normal and especially Christian man would back off when you say you're married, engaged, already dating or simply not interested. Merely expressing interest is not wrong, only disrespectfully persisting when the other person doesn't return the interest is bothersome.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
4,843
5,532
113
#15
In my opinion... Men are not trash. I will agree that some of their thoughts and actions need to be thrown out with the trash. I think the same can be said of some if not all women as well, from time to time.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,258
2,953
113
#16
Hmm.... Creepy conversations......

I think it's really creepy when somebody starts every conversation with a complaint. I know a few people like that. When they are complaining to me about something, yet again, I always wonder what they say about me when I'm not around. It just creeps me out.

What is really creepy is how these people cannot take any complaints against themselves. They will complain about everything under the sun, but if you dare criticize them they will shut you off in a heartbeat. If you are talking to them in person they will deny everything you say and disengage as quickly as possible. if it's on the internet they will block you, put you on ignore or whatever the platform will allow to get your voice out of their life. It's just so creepy how good they are at ignoring any of the criticisms they liberally dispense.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
29,379
7,869
113
65
Florida
#17
I’m grateful I’ve never encountered this kind of male attention. Then again, I rarely had male attention in the work place, whether it be coworkers or clients. I think it has to do that I go to work, work, go home. I never really socialized with others unless it was work related.

In the show Seinfeld, George Constanza said that if you look busy, people don’t bother you. I think that’s true lol!
I have found that what you have said about George Constanza to be true.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
11,996
6,240
113
#18
"Creepy" is what the typical female thinks of attention from a man she finds unattractive. The same attention from a man she finds attractive is "charming" (or some other positive adjective).

There are some people, myself included, who don't have a keen 'ear' for subtle cues and who prefer straightforward communication. If you're not interested in a man who is showing you attention, you can quietly and respectfully say so. If he's like me, he'll probably be embarrassed and will avoid you thereafter; the ones who don't can be reported to HR.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
15,258
2,953
113
#19
In the show Seinfeld, George Constanza said that if you look busy, people don’t bother you. I think that’s true lol!
Only the people who aren't in the know. Not many people are aware of this, but... If you want to get something done, don't ask the person who has nothing to do. Find the busiest person in the place and as him to take care of it, because THAT is the person who knows how to get things done.
 
H

Hamarr

Guest
#20
"Creepy" is what the typical female thinks of attention from a man she finds unattractive. The same attention from a man she finds attractive is "charming" (or some other positive adjective).

There are some people, myself included, who don't have a keen 'ear' for subtle cues and who prefer straightforward communication. If you're not interested in a man who is showing you attention, you can quietly and respectfully say so. If he's like me, he'll probably be embarrassed and will avoid you thereafter; the ones who don't can be reported to HR.
I think there’s a bit of truth to this. This sketch come to mind:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/9qzldj
I try to make some effort to get out and socialize at work. I spend so much time around them. It does make me wonder if people think I am creeping on them when I am just trying to be friendly. I wouldn’t bother hitting on anyone at work. There’s just too much potential for awkwardness if things don’t work out. I’ve been around a bit of that with my co worker who dates others in the office.