Cheer up m8 oneliners

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Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#61
Aug 15, 2009
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#61
Because light travels faster than sound, some people appear to be bright 'till you hear them speak.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#62
Aug 15, 2009
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#62
It's amazing how one careless match can start a forest fire when you can't start a grill with a whole box of 'em.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#63
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
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#63
We don't need gun control..... what we really need is idiot control.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#64
Aug 15, 2009
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#64
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#66
Aug 15, 2009
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#66
kleptomaniacs take things literally
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#67
Mar 2, 2016
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#67
Did your parents have any kids that lived?

I know...it's kinda mean. :)
 
C

coby2

Guest
#68
#68
Tell me about the accident.
What accident?
You don't want to tell me you were born with that face.

That was a joke from my ex, he was a real flatterer.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#69
Aug 15, 2009
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#69
If you want a crash course in self defense, walk into a spider web..... you'll become an instant karate master.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#70
Aug 15, 2009
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#70
Do you know why it's impossible to solve a redneck murder? All the DNA matches & there's no dental records.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#71
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
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#71
When people are always trying expose what's wrong with you, it's because they can't handle what's right about you.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#74
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
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#74
Of course I talk to myself..... sometimes I need expert advice!
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#75
Aug 15, 2009
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#75
Not all women are crazy..... some are dead.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#76
Aug 15, 2009
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#76
A homeless man said he hadn't had a bite in days..... so I bit him.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#77
Aug 15, 2009
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#77
The real secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.
 
AsifinPassing

AsifinPassing

Senior Member
#79
Jul 13, 2010
3,608
40
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#79
Hey, cheer up. Things could always be worse, and if they can't get any worse...that means they can only get better. ^_~

*I like to think of this like optimistic pessimism or visa versa. Kinda like the theory of superluminal travel as a time paradox... (Lay person's terms, if you move fast enough forward in time, you'll begin to travel backward in time if surpassing the greatest speed barrier...the speed of light...) ...if you always look for a way things could be worse, then your present circumstance doesn't seem so bad. If it is the worst it can possibly be, then cheer up, because it can't get any worse.*
 
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coby2

Guest
#80
#80
Food is no good?
The kids in Africa have nothing to eat.

In the war they were happy with that food.
Yes but then it was still fresh.
 
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