Crippled, Cannot Work,Cannot Marry, living miserably with sexual desire

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Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
25,511
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#21
See? That's why I don't accept those starting conditions as true. :cool:
 
R

Ruby123

Guest
#22
I could not have wished for more. I have a wonderful husband who is very understanding of my issues. When I am unable to do housework he never complains and just takes up the slack. I have a beautiful two story home, I never could imagine I would own anything like it in my life. The Bible says that God would give us the desires of our heart. It came later in life for me, I was in ministry for many years. My younger sister was married and had children long before me. I'm not going to say it wasn't hard and I didn't trust God like I should have. But I had a praying mother who saw me through. She adores my husband and calls him her son. We have traveled so many places together, that's how well she and he get along. I am truly blessed.
Thanks for being open and honest. Often it can be difficult to trust God for certain things. I know I find myself wondering at times if he has even heard me. Your husband does indeed sound wonderful but you also seem nice with the encouragement I often read you giving to others.

@ChristianPerson I hope you are encouraged and find the peace and help that you are seeking and that the Holy Spirit will guide and speak to you and give you strength.
 

Tararose

Well-known member
Sep 30, 2020
753
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www.101christiansocialnetwork.com
#23
Thanks for sharing more.

I get why it’s so frustrating to have to share facts over and over again, but without a word of knowledge from heaven all we can go on is the words you give us and that is why so many people were lost as to what to say. It was very vague to us, though I am sure you felt it was more than enough, as you are likely quite tired of explaining to everyone.

Now Though, we can relate and understand why You feel it is so futile, though we may not agree, that is not the point. I personally know that although nothing is impossible, it doesn’t Always mean God will Choose to fulfil our desires or rescue us from them.

After a while it is easier to assume the answer is no and it can feel like the only thing Left to do is Just Leave it and try to move on. I get that, I really do.

There is a cross we each alone can carry, perhaps this is to ur a for now, but we can thankfully at least bear one Another’s burdens.

We can pray for you now we understand the situation. I hope that the sessions go well and will pray the Lord grants you wisdom and revelation Through those experiences, and peace too.
 

christian74

Senior Member
Oct 1, 2013
594
280
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#24
Stop keep sealing your destiny with all these negativies comning out of your mouth.

Let the redeemed of the LORD say so (Psalm 107:2)
Are you saved and redeemed by the blood of Jesus?
If so, say so and start speaking changes into your situation.

Ezekiel 37 - The Dry Bones Live
You may find your situation as dry as the bones Prophet Ezikiel found that's been sitting there for a long long time.
Keep speaking into your seemingly hopeless situation, keep speaking until it happens - it's MUCH better than what is coming out of your mouth. Do what you gottta do - keep pushing yourself down into a hopeless circumstances or start speaking and commanding as the LORD's redeemed.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,179
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#25
Jesus redeems each and every one of us.
whatever you are facing, He understands. He will give you a new heart. He will heal whatever is broken.

You just are looking at all your problems and thinking you got to do this all on your own, which of course, is futile. We cant help you, but Jesus can.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,179
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#26
Ok heres the thing, when Jesus was on the cross a lot of people were like if you are the son of God save yourself. Of course, Jesus couldnt un-nail himself and climb down. He was stuck there.
And he couldnt ask any of his disciples to help him...he had to go through what he went through. and yes it was a huge amount of suffering.

And nobody looking could stop him from dying, although some actually tried to give him drugs to end it sooner. But see Jesus knew something nobody else did.

Jesus was a living sacrifice, and He knew he he had to go through that pain because it was His fathers will. And He knew he would rise again. But of course, nobody did at the time or even believed it was possible.
 
Mar 4, 2020
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#27
I have tried elsewhere to seek help. I am asking the users in this forum to trust what I'm saying. I explained my situation, but people only offer me solutons which are not possible. I am asking, and i DONT mean to be offended, that you accept all of these premises as true. I once wanted a female companion. That is long passed. There is no chance of it. I'm in my 30s now.



I need help and I don't need help from people telling me to do things which I cannot do. Please I ask you to accept these immutable premises:

  1. I cannot get married.
  2. I cannot work.
  3. Society is so corrupt its impossible to marry and even if it were it would be an unacceptable risk (metoo), as the likelihood of it destroying my life is high.
  4. I am desperate for a woman's touch. I'm miserable, having no outlet, and pornography is sin.
  5. The above premises are not changeable.
If you are unwilling to accept these premises, then you can't help me. I promise I am telling the truth.
I have not experienced exactly what you're going through, but I am no stranger to struggle. I think some of your limitations exist in your mind while others are real and tangible.

I think you should pray about it and put yourself out there to see what happens. Try to drop some of the preconceived notions that relationship failures are forgone conclusions due to "metoo." It was just a propaganda campaign and most people didn't take the bait as far as I can tell.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,179
113
#28
Jonis story is one that has touched a lot of people.
Joni at the age of 17 had everything set, a loving family, horses to ride, a boyfriend, a carefree existence. Till one day she broke her neck in a diving accident and got paralysed.

The doctors said she could never walk again. sHe had to get rehabbed and live in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Now this is where it gets interesting.

Joni wanted to know who God was that put her in that situation. I reccomend you read her testimony. The name is Joni Earackson-Tada.
 
Feb 24, 2019
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#29
hey man.

I feel you.

i get you.

I love you.

**Personal contact info removed, this site is google searchable**

And, trust me, I really do get where you're coming from and empathize with you.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Nov 26, 2012
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#30
I cannot work due to disability. I am not a viable partner. I live in a bad area. I really on extremely expensive medical treatment to keep alive. I want all of my lustful desires to go away. I just don't want to deal with them. Castration is not an option and that will only lead to severe mental and health problems. I'm not homosexual. Women are attractive. I wanted to know if anyone had any advice, or knows something I do not. It's open-ended because I have no clue what to do. The parameters are my situation which can't be changed outside of a miracle. I've gotten less bad responses by giving out more information, but I don't want to do that anymore. I'm going anywhere for guidance. tomorrow I'm calling a Bible teacher on the phone, and I'm probably going to schedule an appointment with my shrink (who is a Christian) in the near future. I'm responding to Lynx. Thank you Kay. I'm used to getting negative responses.
Perhaps my comment on castration seemed like a harsh jest. The Bible has multiple instances with eunuchs as commonplace. It’s an effective way to eliminate sexual urges. If you really have given up all hope then why is it ridiculous. As someone who thought marriage would be the answer to sexual fulfillment I assure you I was wrong.

There is also meditation and praying in the spirit. That’s what works for me.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,522
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Tennessee
#31
I do hope you find some answers. I can't tell you I have anything to say that will help much. But my story is that I was living at home with my parents at 40 yrs old. I have a disability where I cannot work a regular job. I was in ministry and then that ended. So here I was, unable to provide for myself and on the good graces of my parents. I didn't drive, I was stuck at home. I fell into a deep depression. Behind my back my family was saying they were going to have to put me away somewhere in an old age home if anything happened to my parents. I was treated like a child. My BIL made fun of me and said if no one kissed me by my 40th birthday, he'd do me the favor. I was so low, so devastated, and just like you I wanted someone to love.

Well long story short I met a man online. We talked for some time and decided to meet in town. He was an hour away from me. We met a few times and before long we were dating. Then he moved to my town to be closer. On Christmas eve he took me to our favorite park and knelt down and asked me to marry him. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to tie himself down with me. I said yes of course. My mother was so shocked when I walked in with a diamond ring on my finger, she thought it was fake. She was the only one who stood beside me and kept me from doing something really stupid. So I do understand much of what you are feeling and I hope you find someone who can give you some help and some answers. Blessings. <3
I enjoyed your wonderful testimony very much.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#32
I enjoyed your wonderful testimony very much.
Thank you brother. I felt it might be helpful in this situation. Sometimes we focus so much on our own problems that we're our own worst enemies. If someone would marry me, there's hope for anybody. lol
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,522
16,405
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Tennessee
#33
Thank you brother. I felt it might be helpful in this situation. Sometimes we focus so much on our own problems that we're our own worst enemies. If someone would marry me, there's hope for anybody. lol
I am positive that your story will inspire others and offer great hope. I believe that your story is most helpful in the situation that was outlined in the OP.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,392
2,393
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#34
I cannot work due to disability.
I have to admit that I like Dave Ramsey's response when people give him that line. He asks them "what is the nature of your disability?" and makes them specify why they can't work (or what types of jobs they can't do). While I can believe that some people have conditions that make holding down a regular job difficult to impossible, that doesn't mean they are incapable of doing anything productive and contributing.

And in a world that has included disabled people of the success levels of FDR, Stephen Hawking, Joni Erickson Tada, (and others that I didn't know off the top of my head but google lead me here if you need more inspiration https://www.disabilityfriendlylv.com/15-inspiring-famous-people-disabilities/ ), well challenges are not automatically limitations. Bottom line is the life you've been given is one that includes your disabilities; it's your choice if you want to spend it mourning the fact that you can't easily do all the things many other people can easily do or spend it finding things you can and do enjoy and enjoying them to the full. The choice is yours, but I'll just let you know that most women find the second one much much more attractive than the first.
 

GaryA

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage
Aug 10, 2019
9,241
4,037
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mywebsite.us
#35
The only way forward, if you remain single, I to focus on the needs of others and do what you can to elevate their difficulties in any way you can, however big or small.
Is this a good time to inject a bit of humor?

Somehow, I am thinking that you really meant to use the word 'alleviate' instead of 'elevate'?

:unsure:

:)
 
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
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#36
I have to admit that I like Dave Ramsey's response when people give him that line. He asks them "what is the nature of your disability?" and makes them specify why they can't work (or what types of jobs they can't do). While I can believe that some people have conditions that make holding down a regular job difficult to impossible, that doesn't mean they are incapable of doing anything productive and contributing.

And in a world that has included disabled people of the success levels of FDR, Stephen Hawking, Joni Erickson Tada, (and others that I didn't know off the top of my head but google lead me here if you need more inspiration https://www.disabilityfriendlylv.com/15-inspiring-famous-people-disabilities/ ), well challenges are not automatically limitations. Bottom line is the life you've been given is one that includes your disabilities; it's your choice if you want to spend it mourning the fact that you can't easily do all the things many other people can easily do or spend it finding things you can and do enjoy and enjoying them to the full. The choice is yours, but I'll just let you know that most women find the second one much much more attractive than the first.
I agree with your post completely. We set our own limitations. There is however reality and sometimes what we can do, isn’t what we should do. In this particular instance, you are correct, there are many occupations that are adaptable to accommodate restrictions. As the Bible states, “If a man does not work, he shall not eat.” Striving to become less dependent and gain mastery over shortcomings, and find a way to contribute may in fact be the welcome distraction the OP requires to divert his attention from his sexual lust. Even if this favourable outcome brings him self worth and satisfaction, does that automatically grant him a reason to marry. Marriage is not a cure to loneliness and sexual unfulfillment. It is the binding of two to become one. This is for the purpose to create new life and rear a family. I applaud people who make the hard choice to live in solitude because they know getting married is a bad decision. When you become one flesh you bare their burdens and gain their strengths. When they get a promotion, you get a promotion and if you get cancer, they get cancer. Having children is hard for perfectly capable individuals. Can severely debilitated people get married and have children? Yes, it’s possible, but is it prudent? You can find many people who are married to or children of disabled people. Many of them can tell you stories about how those people are an encouragement and it gave them strength to persevere. Still there is a majority who are bitter. They struggled unnecessarily. Not everyone who struggles gains strength. Many seek things to ease the pain. Absolutely everyone thinking about getting married and starting a family should think about such things. A family isn’t something you start, it’s something you grow, and nurture. If you can’t finish it, don’t start it.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
25,511
8,421
113
#37
I have to admit that I like Dave Ramsey's response when people give him that line. He asks them "what is the nature of your disability?" and makes them specify why they can't work (or what types of jobs they can't do). While I can believe that some people have conditions that make holding down a regular job difficult to impossible, that doesn't mean they are incapable of doing anything productive and contributing.

And in a world that has included disabled people of the success levels of FDR, Stephen Hawking, Joni Erickson Tada, (and others that I didn't know off the top of my head but google lead me here if you need more inspiration https://www.disabilityfriendlylv.com/15-inspiring-famous-people-disabilities/ ), well challenges are not automatically limitations. Bottom line is the life you've been given is one that includes your disabilities; it's your choice if you want to spend it mourning the fact that you can't easily do all the things many other people can easily do or spend it finding things you can and do enjoy and enjoying them to the full. The choice is yours, but I'll just let you know that most women find the second one much much more attractive than the first.
Did somebody mention Joni? :D :D :D

Spirit wings
You lift me over all
The earth-bound things
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
25,511
8,421
113
#38
Sorry. Music nerd reflex. Carry on.
 
S

SigP226

Guest
#40
Seek the help of a professional Christian counselor. That's it.