Does he like me or is he just being a gentleman?

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Ugly

Guest
#161
#161
spiritleadme23 said:
I'm afraid he will seriously detract from our friendship if he doesn't feel the same because now it's out in the open that I have feelings for him and he won't want to lead me on so he'll stop talking to me as much or he'll feel awkward around me.
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There is no magic answer. You either take the risk to say something to him or you take the risk to say nothing. You have to risk something one way or the other. That is what romance is all about. That's what love is all about. Risk and vulnerability. If you aren't willing to take risks and be vulnerable then don't expect much to happen with relationships.
 
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Nice_Lady

Senior Member
#162
May 13, 2014
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#162
spiritleadme23 said:
He's opened up to me a little that he hasn't had a lot of girl friends over the years and he's 27 I'm 23 so maybe he just doesn't know how to differentiate? Except he has three sisters so he could just treat me like he treats his sisters? He's also told me he's struggling with some stuff right now it's not my place to ask but I've let him know I've been praying for him and all that and we pray together sometimes when he's dropping me off at home but not about us together, so besides me praying about our relationship alone I have no idea what he's doing. I've just been seeking out Godly advice from friends and on here.
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I could be wrong but is it possible his "strugglings with 'some stuffs'" means he just got through separation with his girlfriend and he is in pain? (And he finds his comfort in u because his still miss her? - i mean before when i was young and wanted to play cards after school i didnt mind if the person is good enough to marry me - i just wanted to play cards...anyway.. that was hundreds of years ago..). I would advise u to check his facebook. Be wise.
 
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spiritleadme23

Junior Member
#163
Apr 30, 2016
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#163
Nice_Lady said:
I could be wrong but is it possible his "strugglings with 'some stuffs'" means he just got through separation with his girlfriend and he is in pain? (And he finds his comfort in u because his still miss her? - i mean before when i was young and wanted to play cards after school i didnt mind if the person is good enough to marry me - i just wanted to play cards...anyway.. that was hundreds of years ago..). I would advise u to check his facebook. Be wise.
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It's pretty presumptuous of you to assume that of all the struggles someone could have you assume his is a relationship. I know that's not what it is based on the nature of our talks and I'm not going into detail because that's a violation of his privacy.
 
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Nice_Lady

Senior Member
#164
May 13, 2014
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#164
spiritleadme23 said:
It's pretty presumptuous of you to assume that of all the struggles someone could have you assume his is a relationship. I know that's not what it is based on the nature of our talks and I'm not going into detail because that's a violation of his privacy.
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I was just guessing... Dont be indifferent, the last time i guessed that he will tell about u "we r just friends...nothing more"... sometimes its good to reason not just to let ur emotions wild.
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#165
Jun 15, 2014
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#165
spiritleadme23 said:
Do you take them out to dinners one on one and pay for their food a lot?
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Good question and I may have to agree with Tintin.

But how much is a "lot"? Three times in 2 months? I do that, though we always split. Three times in a week? Not unless they are helping me with something.

Actually.. the only time I did that was when my friend was helping me study for an exam. We met thrice in 2 weeks (?) and I paid because she was helping me. Was it something similar?

If not, then he may have been leading you on.
 
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spiritleadme23

Junior Member
#166
Apr 30, 2016
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#166
Roh_Chris said:
Good question and I may have to agree with Tintin.

But how much is a "lot"? Three times in 2 months? I do that, though we always split. Three times in a week? Not unless they are helping me with something.

Actually.. the only time I did that was when my friend was helping me study for an exam. We met thrice in 2 weeks (?) and I paid because she was helping me. Was it something similar?

If not, then he may have been leading you on.
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We went out for dinner twice in a months time. Then one night at church he bought my dinner. And two other occasions he's offered and I kindly declined and this is all over the course of six weeks.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#167
Jan 26, 2013
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#167
Whatever happens Spirit I wish you luck.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#168
Dec 7, 2013
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#168
spiritleadme23 said:
We went out for dinner twice in a months time. Then one night at church he bought my dinner. And two other occasions he's offered and I kindly declined and this is all over the course of six weeks.
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Christianchat members:

Was the OP being led on?
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#169
Aug 2, 2009
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#169
spunkycat08 said:
Christianchat members:

Was the OP being led on?
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My honest opinion.... and I hope it doesn't offend the OP, but from my own experience, I think that maybe they both are afraid to make the first move. Of course I could be wrong, but that's what it looks like to me. Please don't shoot me. :rolleyes:
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#170
Dec 7, 2013
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#170
zeroturbulence said:
My honest opinion.... and I hope it doesn't offend the OP, but from my own experience, I think that maybe they both are afraid to make the first move. Of course I could be wrong, but that's what it looks like to me. Please don't shoot me. :rolleyes:
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Yeah...

I can see that.

But one of them has to do this.
 
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spiritleadme23

Junior Member
#171
Apr 30, 2016
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#171
zeroturbulence said:
My honest opinion.... and I hope it doesn't offend the OP, but from my own experience, I think that maybe they both are afraid to make the first move. Of course I could be wrong, but that's what it looks like to me. Please don't shoot me. :rolleyes:
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Of course I'm afraid. I could lose a great friendship if he doesn't return the sentiment. I want answers and it's eating away at me to be in this situation but I've known him for three months so how am I entitled to get them after such a quick time? It makes me seem desperate. Or if I don't say anything I'm a coward it's as if there's no in between here.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#172
Dec 7, 2013
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#172
spiritleadme23 said:
Of course I'm afraid. I could lose a great friendship if he doesn't return the sentiment. I want answers and it's eating away at me to be in this situation but I've known him for three months so how am I entitled to get them after such a quick time? It makes me seem desperate. Or if I don't say anything I'm a coward it's as if there's no in between here.
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So how long are you going to wait for his answer?

I would not put my life on hold for him either.
 
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cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#174
Mar 26, 2014
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#174
spiritleadme23 said:
Of course I'm afraid. I could lose a great friendship if he doesn't return the sentiment. I want answers and it's eating away at me to be in this situation but I've known him for three months so how am I entitled to get them after such a quick time? It makes me seem desperate. Or if I don't say anything I'm a coward it's as if there's no in between here.
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Sooner or later you guys are going to have to talk this out and get on the same page. And if you are both mature about it and willing to be in that awkward place of ok so this is where I stand, where do you stand for a little bit, you aren't likely to completely lose the friendship unless that is your choice. May be awkward for a bit, but usually the anticipation of awkward is worse than the actual awkward. And I'm all for writing him a letter or an e-mail and basically saying what you've said in this thread: that you aren't sure how to interpret his behavior and you'd be open to a relationship but you don't want to pressure or rush him in to anything. Frame it as more of a you're inviting him to consider this possibility rather than demanding clarification and answers. And if it is going to be just friendship, do take some time to think about what your limits and boundaries are so that you can have a healthy friendship and you don't end up in a friendship where you're continually wishing it would become more, but feel like you can't bring it up because you agreed to be just friends.
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#175
Jun 15, 2014
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#175
spiritleadme23 said:
We went out for dinner twice in a months time. Then one night at church he bought my dinner. And two other occasions he's offered and I kindly declined and this is all over the course of six weeks.
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spunkycat08 said:
Christianchat members:

Was the OP being led on?
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Right. That was too chivalrous of him, so there should have been an interest. So I am with Tintin on that.

But I don't have information to say whether he led you on or he was only infatuated. We all pursue romantic interests and sometimes it fizzles out. I don't think that is equivalent to leading the other person on.

Let's not paint this guy bad by saying that he led her on. :)

Edited to add: Spirit, if you are going to be in a friendship with him, you have to accept the possibility that he may never be romantically interested in you in the future. Would that affect you and make you feel undesired? If it would, then you should consider turning down his friendship until you are "healed".

Sorry, I am being very blunt here. I don't think you should get into a friendship if a part of you hopes it to materialize into a romantic relationship.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#176
Dec 7, 2013
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#176
Roh_Chris said:
Right. That was too chivalrous of him, so there should have been an interest. So I am with Tintin on that.

But I don't have information to say whether he led you on or he was only infatuated. We all pursue romantic interests and sometimes it fizzles out. I don't think that is equivalent to leading the other person on.

Let's not paint this guy bad by saying that he led her on. :)

Edited to add: Spirit, if you are going to be in a friendship with him, you have to accept the possibility that he may never be romantically interested in you in the future. Would that affect you and make you feel undesired? If it would, then you should consider turning down his friendship until you are "healed".

Sorry, I am being very blunt here. I don't think you should get into a friendship if a part of you hopes it to materialize into a romantic relationship.
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Roh_Chris:

Regarding the bolded part, he could have unknowingly led her on by taking her out to dinner and having an intimate one on one conversation leading her to believe that he wanted to date her.

That is possible.

If I was in her shoes, I would be asking him "what is going on here?"
 
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Keziah20

Guest
#179
#179
It seems like he likes you, or is interested. But I truly believe people should be totally up front about this stuff. Also, it isn't wise to be 'friends' (like, pals or close buddies) with someone of the opposite sex. So I'd get it out in the open right away. It isn't good to get attached if the other person isn't feeling it. If he turns you down, say he was only interested as a friend (which isnt very likely, generally guys don't treat a girl like that unless they like her) then you can move on. Otherwise you're only dragging it out, hurting yourself in the end. God has the right person for you, maybe it's him, maybe not. Just seek God first in all things. You don't need a dating/married relationship to be fulfilled. Let God lead your footsteps:)
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#180
Jun 15, 2014
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#180
spunkycat08 said:
Roh_Chris:

Regarding the bolded part, he could have unknowingly led her on by taking her out to dinner and having an intimate one on one conversation leading her to believe that he wanted to date her.

That is possible.

If I was in her shoes, I would be asking him "what is going on here?"
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This is what I infer - a guy is not supposed to take a girl out, pay for her dinner and have an intimate conversation with her without asking her out first. I think that's an unfair expectation on the guy.

Secondly, had he flirted with her or actually asked her out on a date, I would have agreed with you. But the guy did nothing of that sort. He is probably a very nice and sensitive "feeler" whose actions got misinterpreted.

Again, I am not saying that he did not have feelings for her. It appears to me that he did have an interest in her. If that be true, it is all the more reasonable why he did not lead her on.

Leading someone on is when you don't have any romantic feelings, but still drop obvious romantic signals, possibly to get some benefit out of them. I am not sure he intended to receive any benefit from her.

Anyway.. I don't find any reason to argue on this further. It is highly likely that you will stick to your stance.

Peace out, sister. :)
 
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