Fear of marriage

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Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
449
412
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Strange how we always thing we are missing something and when we get it, we realize we weren't really missing anything after all.

Marriage is a lot of work.
Well wanting something is not the same experience as finally having it.
The desires linked with wanting something are a complete different set if emotional drives and wants....when you finally get it..those emotional drive's and wants automatically stop and get replaced by a complete different set of emotions and desires..
Sometime wanting something has a certain sweetness to it that finally getting it may not have.....coz you got it now..😊
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
1,316
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And if not I just get a divorce....
Lol
really?
That’s what scares me too, a divorce. I would only marry once and might not even divorce after adultary. Which is the only legitimate reason to divorce (according to the new testament).
Well yes it's quite possible that I wouldn't get divorced, since I would not get married again. But I would definitely live separately.

When people get married they usually think they'll live happily ever after. They never think what they'll do if it doesn't work out. I'm a little weird in that I do think of worst case scenarios where marriage is concerned. So I guess that's why I'm not fearful.

People tend to get bitter and spiteful when a relationship comes to an end. I think at the start of the relationship people should discuss how they will behave incase things don't work out. For instance, who will get custody of the kids? How will they deal with their possessions?
I don't think anyone should enter into marriage before sorting out these and other important questions. When you do that you won't have any fears.
 

Fundamental

Active member
Aug 10, 2020
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Strange how we always thing we are missing something and when we get it, we realize we weren't really missing anything after all.

Marriage is a lot of work.
Life is a lot of work.
 

Treeboy

New member
Apr 3, 2020
7
5
3
My fear would b of signing a govt contract marriage which i will not do again. Not loosing my entire net worth for the second time is high above pet peeves.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,153
2,967
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Is that still the case in America? Because in Europe none married couples have equal rights to married couples. But they have to register at office too that they live “legal” together.
Non married fathers can recognize their kid before birth and have equal rights compared to married fathers.

It would be insane if none married couples had no civil rights....
no idea I dont live in america. de factos in nz have pretty much the same rights as marrieds in nz except when it comes to property for their children. a lot of unmarried women do NOT put their father on their childs birth certificate, just says 'unknown'.

if you register at an office, that still counts as marriage in nz. You dont need a church wedding or have it recongised by a minister, some people choose a celebrant, or a JP, if they are unbelievers.

I dont know all the legal ins and out though, but there is a actually difference between legitimate and illegitimate children, although its not so marked these days. In general though, legitimate children are in a better position to inherit blessings.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,153
2,967
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mm I was a bit nonplused that one CC poster said its helpful in a solid marriage to have guns.

um ok. Like he assumes everyone just has the urge to go out hunting and shooting. The number of marriages where either the hsuband or wife went crazy with a gun murder or suicide I dont really want to know, but apparently its quite high.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
8,153
2,967
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Well yes it's quite possible that I wouldn't get divorced, since I would not get married again. But I would definitely live separately.

When people get married they usually think they'll live happily ever after. They never think what they'll do if it doesn't work out. I'm a little weird in that I do think of worst case scenarios where marriage is concerned. So I guess that's why I'm not fearful.

People tend to get bitter and spiteful when a relationship comes to an end. I think at the start of the relationship people should discuss how they will behave incase things don't work out. For instance, who will get custody of the kids? How will they deal with their possessions?
I don't think anyone should enter into marriage before sorting out these and other important questions. When you do that you won't have any fears.
I wonder if people that get married rewrite their will at the same time. That will get them thinking, well what if my future spouse just DIED. Never mind thinking about divorce. Maybe that might show peoples true colours.
 

Belka

Junior Member
Aug 24, 2017
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I will speak from my heart. I am no longer married but I think that marriage can be a beautiful thing. Marriage by itself is not good or bad on its own. It depends what both people bring to the relationship. It is like friendships. You can be terribly hurt, grow apart or find that friend who helps you see the beauty in yourself that you've never seen or forgotten.
The difficulty is that a marriage is a union of two flawed people. There are no other options. If both of you are sincere in wanting to grow in Christ, if you want the happiness of the other person, if you are kind, gentle, honest, faithful, hopeful, living the fruit of the spirit, it can be phenomenal. One of the keys is each person's ability to forgive, because there are times when we will disappoint each other. We will not always be at our best or meet the other person's expectation. There will be pain. There will be crisis. Why do it? Because it is amazing to know that to someone else, you are the sun, moon and stars. It is wonderful to know that you have a hand to hold to face the world, to know that that person wants to cheer your victories and hold you in the dark times. It is great to explore the world together and to share it all. It feels great to have someone who knows what makes you laugh, what will encourage you and help you to reflect.
One of the hard parts of marriage is that it holds a mirror up to you when you least expect or want it. That is also one of the most valuable things. It is how we grow. When it is done with love, it makes you a better person. We need the encouragement, support, challenge and responsibility. We need lives that are not all about our own wants. We need to learn to give and compromise. A life with sacrifice grows us as Christians. It can't be a power play. Love, pray,forgive, grow, laugh and love some more. Marriage can be a beautiful things if it is a commitment to do the hard and precious work of love.
This is so beautiful and true it made me tear up. You have a gift for speaking beautiful words that encourage and bless others. Please never stop. 💗
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
449
412
63
This is so beautiful and true it made me tear up. You have a gift for speaking beautiful words that encourage and bless others. Please never stop. 💗
Hi i have seen you post many likes ect throughout this thread of which i am very blessed to see.You have also contributed much for which I do thank you..👍👍😊😊😊
 

Belka

Junior Member
Aug 24, 2017
182
168
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@Encouragement

Aw, thanks for that! It doesn't take much to just click on a reaction emoticon though, haha.

But I've really appreciated reading this thread, so thanks for creating it!

Definitely relatable, and many good insights here too. It's a great community of people.
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
449
412
63
@Encouragement

Aw, thanks for that! It doesn't take much to just click on a reaction emoticon though, haha.

But I've really appreciated reading this thread, so thanks for creating it!

Definitely relatable, and many good insights here too. It's a great community of people.
I know that it doesn't take much to click on a reaction..buy clicking a reaction is the result of you taking time to read the comments and various responces which I do appreciate.👏👏It we a real eye opener to hear different peoples views coz most of the time one can just assume that most single ChristI and wouldn't have many fears associated with getting married.😊😊
Your presence here is a blessing..👍👍
 

SoulWeaver

Senior Member
Oct 25, 2014
4,027
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Hi Gods precious people does anyone have a fear of marriage..or any anxious thoughts associated with marriage life?
I have thought about this the other day and there are certainly big lifestyle changes that happen when you're married.
Examples..
You are no longer living on your own.So the independence you once had is no longer there..when married you have to share every day life with some else regardless of your temperament.Also things you did domestically when single now may come into more scrunity.

When single you had a nice spacious bed to sleep in to lay down in and roll about ect..when married you have half the space you once had...do you snore?Constantly fidget in bed till you fall asleep?
Such things could disrupt the sleeping patterns of your spouse..
Those are just a few examples..
What are your thoughts?
I think it's better to have some fear of marriage and deeply think your decisions through, than marry too fast, recklessly and irresponsibly.
As a married person, yes married life is different than single life and there will be some adjustments. And as a perfect person doesn't exist, there will be some small stuff that will annoy you, or annoy your spouse. But ultimately you show one another grace and at the end of the day, it's not a big deal, unless you decide to escalate it onto one. It's important to be solution oriented if problems appear, instead of blaming or nagging. To always show appreciation, when you notice they are making an effort for your sake. (SUPER important!) And never speak negatively about them before others, unless warranted by some extreme situation. If you have the willingness to directly work your problems out when they happen (as opposed to fruitless venting), you most likely will.
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
449
412
63
I think it's better to have some fear of marriage and deeply think your decisions through, than marry too fast, recklessly and irresponsibly.
As a married person, yes married life is different than single life and there will be some adjustments. And as a perfect person doesn't exist, there will be some small stuff that will annoy you, or annoy your spouse. But ultimately you show one another grace and at the end of the day, it's not a big deal, unless you decide to escalate it onto one. It's important to be solution oriented if problems appear, instead of blaming or nagging. To always show appreciation, when you notice they are making an effort for your sake. (SUPER important!) And never speak negatively about them before others, unless warranted by some extreme situation. If you have the willingness to directly work your problems out when they happen (as opposed to fruitless venting), you most likely will.
Hi thanks for contributing to this thread.So lovely to read you comments.WELL said..👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻😊😊😊
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
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I don't have a fear of marriage, I have a fear of failing the marriage. Divorce is such a painful thing to go through. I will wait as long as it takes to have total peace. Is this possible?
 
Mar 21, 2009
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New York
I don't have a fear of marriage, I have a fear of failing the marriage. Divorce is such a painful thing to go through. I will wait as long as it takes to have total peace. Is this possible?
There is no guarantee that they won't backslide 25 years down the road and divorce you. You just have to trust God will make you strong enough to endure it without taking up drinking and country music. Turn to God in your pain instead of a bottle.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,106
1,246
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There is no guarantee that they won't backslide 25 years down the road and divorce you. You just have to trust God will make you strong enough to endure it without taking up drinking and country music. Turn to God in your pain instead of a bottle.
I always turn to God for restoration. He is my comfort in the storms. I see them as lessons from God to make us stronger. They could backslide but instead of ignoring red flags and settling for less, I will worship as I wait and be very careful. I am trusting His will is being done 👍
 
Sep 24, 2020
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Fear of marriage is widely discussed issue on many internet platforms. There many youtubers and groups on social encouraging individuals, especially men to avoid marriage. I understand why many individuals feel that way. But ultimately society will be affected negatively by this increasing trend.