Sharing with you as one who was in a really bad marriage.
Don't let the experiences of myself or others influence your thoughts as to what is a good or bad marriage for you.
When you're single you have your whole life in front of you. As a Christian God will send you the one that is meant for you.
Often times though we have to encounter a few bad apples along the way. That's why it is important to take your time. Don't rush yourself into any relationship much less marriage.
And whatever you do do not compromise your values just to land someone you think you want, is meant for your life, if only you can overlook certain issues in them. That's compromising your values. Don't do it. Trust experience having done that same thing in my life and living to regret it.
I had this idea of what was the ideal husband. Then I met this guy long years after I started dating. We talked for a long while and then I started to do that inventory many single women do when meeting someone they think may just be the one.
There they were, those qualities I was looking for.
As we talked more there were certain things in his past that I stupidly let myself think, oh, that's who he use to be!That's not who he is now.
Oh Lord, if we could go back in time and correct our mistakes.
In any case, don't do that! EVER!
If someone you're dating shows you a dark side, or has certain qualities you don't approve due to your spiritual place in the church whatever you do do not think you can change that about them. You can't. They were that person before they met you. That they have now met you and are showing you that side of themselves tells you they are comfortable there. And have no concerns about how it will appear to you or anyone else when they show that side of themselves.
Now, there are some people who are great Oscar worthy actors. And that's because they're narcissistic. They want what they want and they'll do what they know they need to do to achieve that goal. This doesn't change when they're dating.
Oh, they'll be everything you want in a man/woman. Great actors of that sort can meet you and in a very short period of time know exactly what they need to do to make themselves attractive to your wants and needs. They're salespeople.
When that works and they've hooked you it all changes. Because living fake takes a lot of energy.
It's like liars. There are the pathological type and there are the compulsive type. They're both bad news.
The thing about the truth? You don't have to work to remember it. The truth is. And always shall be.
The lie is a fabrication that can be manufactured in great detail. However, those details being untrue need to be recalled in order to uphold that lie as truth. And that takes work and one heck of a memory. As time passes the detailed memory fades.
When recalling that false truth the liar will slip. And if you pay attention and have a good memory yourself you'll see that. Don't excuse it. Take it as a sign what you're being told may be a lie.
There's an old wisdom that says, if you can't trust someone to tell you the truth you can't trust them.
Boy is that a fact! Personal experience there again.
Those salespeople I talked about are those type liars. Some are compulsive. Some are pathological. You don't want to date much less marry that.
Take your time. And follow your gut. If you get a bad feeling about that person you're dating, pay attention. Holy spirit God leads you into the light not the darkness.
And whatever you do, don't ever ever ever ever settle for less than you want or deserve just to have someone in your life. That's dating or marriage. Because when you settle you're selling yourself short. And most importantly, you're following your will over that of God's.
If you have to settle to be in a relationship that's God telling you that one is not the one.
Don't be afraid of marriage. There is nothing quite like that blessing of having the God given perfect person for your life. A friend, which is very important and should always come first before love. Because if you are friends first you're building a trust that leads to the deeper relationship that is love.
A friend, a lover, a life long companion whom you trust and that respects you. Respect is vital for both of you. If you don't respect one another you can't love one another. And if your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife doesn't respect you, or vice versa, that will always be an issue for everything else in your relationship. Which is a bad one without respect.
May each of you be blessed to find the one God has in store for you.