Fear of marriage

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Mar 21, 2009
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#81
The laws are different here in Canada. Common law couples are largely treated as being legally married in the case of separation, especially regarding issues related to children. Where the two types of marriage differ the most is with respect to the issue of property. The exact laws of a common law marriage, and even the criteria needed to qualify as one, vary by province or territory across Canada. To be considered in a “common law marriage,” a couple must live together for a specific period of time as outlined by the provincial legislation of the province they reside in. More info here:)
I understand that these are the conditions for qualifying. However, wouldn't there be some sort of application process to be recognized as such? A form or two to submit proving that you meet the requirements and want to be considered common law married? That was my point. Both parties have to request it. And if they qualify i.e lived together for x number of years and both sign off on the request they can recognized as such? Otherwise you could have some girl or guy going about claiming they were married to you when you did not want or intend that when you let them live with you. Everyone would be skittish and looking at their calendars... You've got to be out by tomorrow lest someone says we are now automatically a married couple. See the confusion?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#82
What are your thoughts?
My thoughts are that there are two main fears for those that may be anxious when contemplating marriage, the fear of rejection and the fear of commitment. You have touched on the fear of commitment aspect. A

s for having to share a bed, I don't consider that to be a bad thing but rather a good thing. Getting married does indeed entail a major life style change, you go from just taking care of yourself to taking care of your spouse. Having known both worlds for years I would have to say that taking care of your spouse is more rewarding instead of just looking after your own needs, because at the end of the day there is no one else there that cares about your needs besides yourself.

I have found that one is a lonely number.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#83
Yes, I have a slight fear of being in a bad/unhappy marriage. Even in the happy marriages there is some level of compromise both spouses have to make (if one likes to travel, the other doesn't; one wants to have sex a lot; the other doesn't; even daily schedules, etc.). You also have to put up with the mood of the other person.

I think if you find the "right" partner, marriage can be great.

There is a downside to being single too as we have to do everything on our own. But, we also have the freedom to do what we want when we want.
Having known the single life for years I would say that the freedom eventually turns into a form of solitary confinement.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#84
Marriage is a triangle with God at the top and each partner is at each side of the bottom and the close you both are to him the closer you are with each other.
/QUOTE]I agree with your estimation. It is a love triangle.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#86
I am assuming that most churches do offer pre marriage counselling for couples which should give a more realistic perspective.
From my own personal experience I highly recommend it. The counseling is usually over a period of several visits and provides an insight on who each other really is and what they are about and counsel is offered about what to accept and what not to.
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
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#87
From my own personal experience I highly recommend it. The counseling is usually over a period of several visits and provides an insight on who each other really is and what they are about and counsel is offered about what to accept and what not to.
Most definitely..👏👏
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#88
er obviously you not talking to me

who are you talking to?
Im not marrying anybody lol.

I think one of the posters is living with an unbeliever. I dont think believers should marry unbeliever. NO WAY. thats just MHO though. Some believers think why not, maybe they already have or going to have children. They must have a lot more faith than any of us in their spouse over Jesus.
Maybe you should elope.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#89
How would this work then as you wouldn't be husband and wife you would just be a couple ?So things like living together,sexual intimacy ect wouldn't be appropriate then as your not married..you would both be in a bit of a dilemma long term then.
Yes I know theres lots of stresses for planning weddings etc..but I am sure God will help you both find a way because just remaining as just engaged would be a hinderance.
I agree with your estimate. There is a big difference between being engaged rather than the commitment of marriage. Never could understand long engagements. What a waste of precious time. You either know what you want or you don't. If you don't then you shouldn't get engaged. If you do know what you want then go ahead and get married.
 

Encouragement

Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
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#91
I agree with your estimate. There is a big difference between being engaged rather than the commitment of marriage. Never could understand long engagements. What a waste of precious time. You either know what you want or you don't. If you don't then you shouldn't get engaged. If you do know what you want then go ahead and get married.
I know a couple in my church were engaged for around 3 years.yer this was because they were both living with their parents ans dudnt wanna get married and be living with parents.. so it took a while to find an affordable house then save up the deposit for the property ect..I guess occassionally such things can extend the duration of an engagement.....
....finances
If i got to the stage of asking someone to marry me...then marriage wouldn't be that far away at all.👍💏
 

Fundamental

Active member
Aug 10, 2020
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#92
But what is marriage from Biblical perspective? Where does it say we need to register at the state? That we should meet up with all these people in places that some couples are not comfortable with?

What about people having had relations before? While having kids but then seperate? Later turn to God ? Finding peace with those from previous relationships? Is that a place of demons? I think not.

We are all nice with rituals and ceremonies, but does it still have value? Marriage from Biblical perspective (from what I read out of the Bible) is 2 people being brought together by God. Also we see a lot of laws protecting family bloodlines. But that was in days before the Word of Christ reached the places we lived. I highly doubt most christians have Jewish heritage these days. The gospel has spread now.

But still marriage has no specific guidelines only the expectations (from God) about marriage are reflected in the Bible. Nowhere does it say we need rings, we need to meet a mayor we don’t like before going to church, ...

Why would 2 people taking their vows between God and them and close friends not be enough? Why would 2 people need a state when they are perfectly fine not being settled by laws of this world?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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#95
I must have missed that episode but I agree with his conclusion.
It was the episode where Wesley was mega-stressing about his Starfleet Academy tests. There was one that tested you on something you were afraid of. He went to Worf for advice. Worf said the Academy psychological profile system was very good and they would probably know better than Wesley himself what he was afraid of. Then Worf said darkly, "They were VERY accurate with mine."

"You? I thought you weren't afraid of anything."

"Only a fool has no fear."
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#96
It was the episode where Wesley was mega-stressing about his Starfleet Academy tests. There was one that tested you on something you were afraid of. He went to Worf for advice. Worf said the Academy psychological profile system was very good and they would probably know better than Wesley himself what he was afraid of. Then Worf said darkly, "They were VERY accurate with mine."

"You? I thought you weren't afraid of anything."

"Only a fool has no fear."
Maybe I did see that episode after all. I thought that Worf was the best character on that show. Data was the second best. Dr. Crusher was the third best but only 'cause she was hot.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
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#97
im not dating anybody where did you get that idea.
so nosy! sorry.
My apologies. I withdraw the question. If I thought that you would be offended I wouldn't have asked.
 
Mar 21, 2009
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#98

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#99
Strange how we always thing we are missing something and when we get it, we realize we weren't really missing anything after all.

Marriage is a lot of work.
That's a statement of truth for sure. Anything worth doing, including marriage, is worth doing well.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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im not dating anybody where did you get that idea.
so nosy! sorry.

dating is just going out for fun in my book. I make that clear. If I was going to marry I would just get engaged first. so nobody is stupidly confused about it.
Dating, becoming engaged, and getting married is the usual routine. I really don't think that you would date just anybody. Just an idea. :)