Hard to admit loneliness?

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May 9, 2020
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#41
Same here, I think we all experience the same when we don't connect with someone aka relationships with others, like what roughsoul said. But of course we introverts also prefer our own spaces, I could live without talking, sometimes I count the words I say in a day- not very much, it is challenging to be alone and I guess it is also a choice for some, I like the peace and quiet and yes there were days it gets lonely too. I can relate too, you're not alone in this.
Good to know I am not alone!
 
Sep 17, 2016
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#42
I just hate that I see men...in such a negative light. I love them as my brothers in Christ...but after the way my heart was broken, after the destruction of my life that has taken years to rebuild, my heart has such a hard time believing that some men actually treat women well. This is not a man hating post haha. This is just me being honest. I pray often that God would send a man into my life, even just as a friend, who could show me that one can be trusted. One to show me that I don't need to fear and avoid men. Well...he did give me my dog. And he's the greatest guy on the planet...but it's not quite the same. :D
We sometimes step into a relationship with excitement, confidence, and possibly anxiousness for how it will play out. Our fortress is strong and we feel confident in our situation. But some relationships are like a bombardment and you become cannon fodder. Your walls of self-security are completely destroyed. And the fortress of your heart is open to the enemy. You may have finally eradicated the foreign threat but now you were left with the smoldering mtns of rubble where the walls once stood.

It can take years to rebuild but never lose focus on your surroundings. Just as Nehemiah understood the walls would need rebuilding before the temple. And he instructed the workers to work with tool in one hand, and a sword in the other.

Basically, in the time of rebuilding and healing, you must work diligently and protect yourself from outside distractions or threats. Do not accept your reality as the new and only reality. No. God doesn't want you to stay in the rubble. He wants you to rebuild His Holy temple where the Holy Spirit resides in you.

As time progresses, there will come a day you will feel ready. Nehemiah didn't just build walls but also giant gates. Those gates controlled who was allowed in and who was allowed out. It didn't just open for anyone. On that day, you will become the gatekeeper. And your conscience will be the watcher who sounds the alarm in case of danger. You will control who enters into your life, who can stay, and who must leave.

Possibly find an ideal image of a good man may be your dad, brother, a friend, or simply the biblical attributes that God calls men to be.
 
Aug 12, 2011
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#43
i remember an incident that happened after my 1st break up. i read a news article that was very interesting to me! i remember reaching for my phone to text the article to others, and then i realized none of my friends were going to find this article as interesting as i did. it was the first time i felt alone. not necessarily lonely, but alone. as in singular. i was blessed to be close to my family and have a handful a friends, but i didn't have that special connection, ya know?

but the Lord is faithful! i'm glad we can be completely honest with Him on how we feel.
 
May 9, 2020
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#45
We sometimes step into a relationship with excitement, confidence, and possibly anxiousness for how it will play out. Our fortress is strong and we feel confident in our situation. But some relationships are like a bombardment and you become cannon fodder. Your walls of self-security are completely destroyed. And the fortress of your heart is open to the enemy. You may have finally eradicated the foreign threat but now you were left with the smoldering mtns of rubble where the walls once stood.

It can take years to rebuild but never lose focus on your surroundings. Just as Nehemiah understood the walls would need rebuilding before the temple. And he instructed the workers to work with tool in one hand, and a sword in the other.

Basically, in the time of rebuilding and healing, you must work diligently and protect yourself from outside distractions or threats. Do not accept your reality as the new and only reality. No. God doesn't want you to stay in the rubble. He wants you to rebuild His Holy temple where the Holy Spirit resides in you.

As time progresses, there will come a day you will feel ready. Nehemiah didn't just build walls but also giant gates. Those gates controlled who was allowed in and who was allowed out. It didn't just open for anyone. On that day, you will become the gatekeeper. And your conscience will be the watcher who sounds the alarm in case of danger. You will control who enters into your life, who can stay, and who must leave.

Possibly find an ideal image of a good man may be your dad, brother, a friend, or simply the biblical attributes that God calls men to be.
This was worded so beautifully, and so full of truth. I was so so so careful about who I let in, I guarded my heart, let one man in only, and it was, yes, destroyed. So it's terrifying to know how careful you can be, but still someone can do something like choose drugs and go insane. How a person can change into something awful right in front of your eyes. So yes, my walls are even higher than they were before. But love the points you made here.
 
Sep 17, 2016
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#46
This was worded so beautifully, and so full of truth. I was so so so careful about who I let in, I guarded my heart, let one man in only, and it was, yes, destroyed. So it's terrifying to know how careful you can be, but still someone can do something like choose drugs and go insane. How a person can change into something awful right in front of your eyes. So yes, my walls are even higher than they were before. But love the points you made here.
Drug use and drug addiction have corrupted too many. I have seen families ripped apart by the aftermath. The drug becoming the biggest need and their loved ones who often fall into co-dependency. The addict loves them until they get the fix needed and then the hellish cycle repeats. While the loved ones have no idea how to tackle the monster. Often a train heading for derailment. It hurts to watch. It hurts, even more, when the derailment collides with everyone who is close to them. I'm sorry to hear this. Someone has already said this but be careful that those walls do not include gates or else it can very well feel like a prison of your own design. Be blessed.
 
May 9, 2020
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#47
Drug use and drug addiction have corrupted too many. I have seen families ripped apart by the aftermath. The drug becoming the biggest need and their loved ones who often fall into co-dependency. The addict loves them until they get the fix needed and then the hellish cycle repeats. While the loved ones have no idea how to tackle the monster. Often a train heading for derailment. It hurts to watch. It hurts, even more, when the derailment collides with everyone who is close to them. I'm sorry to hear this. Someone has already said this but be careful that those walls do not include gates or else it can very well feel like a prison of your own design. Be blessed.
Yes....someone else's choices can destroy not only them and their life..but also the people in their life. Agreed. And good point on the gates. I struggle with leaving gates haha.
 

Kim82

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2018
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#48
thing is you dont just date ONE person and then assume they are going to be yours all the time. with dating you date lots of different people
In the old days it was considered proper to date only one person at a time. But oh my, times have changed.

But i think its important to define what is dating. Nothing wrong with spending time with someone to get to know them as a friend. But it should be clearly stated that it's not a date, and both persons are free to spend time with others. And no one should get jealous or clingy.
 
Sep 17, 2016
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#49
Yes....someone else's choices can destroy not only them and their life..but also the people in their life. Agreed. And good point on the gates. I struggle with leaving gates haha.
Of course. That is a normal. Remember that these gates was not your typical gate. They were massive. They had guards, watchers, and different gates for different reasons.
 
Aug 2, 2009
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#51
I think it's a humbling thing to admit, as a "single" Christian woman who is never dating again, and only wants friendship, and as a woman who fancies herself very independent, and as a massive introvert on top of all of that....but heck, sometimes I feel lonely. Never alone, because Jesus is always with me. But sometimes, as much as I may want to deny it, just feel lonely. That is my truth today. Can anyone out there relate? (Or am I just a weirdo? :D Hahaha.)
Loneliness is like a dark cloud. I don't mean the kind where new parents and grandparents store all their adorable baby pictures... I mean the kind that blocks out the sun and makes everything look sad and gloomy. The good news is that above every cloud is an endless sky full of sunshine...
The cloud is but an illusion. It's like seeing a sad movie that makes you sad for awhile, but once it's over you realize that it was just a movie. So grab some popcorn and relish your next date with loneliness! ...or not. :geek:

 
May 9, 2020
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#52
Loneliness is like a dark cloud. I don't mean the kind where new parents and grandparents store all their adorable baby pictures... I mean the kind that blocks out the sun and makes everything look sad and gloomy. The good news is that above every cloud is an endless sky full of sunshine...
The cloud is but an illusion. It's like seeing a sad movie that makes you sad for awhile, but once it's over you realize that it was just a movie. So grab some popcorn and relish your next date with loneliness! ...or not. :geek:

Hahaha. I do love popcorn.
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
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#53
I believe my loneliness is mostly due to lack of close friends nearby and lack of fun activities. During my 20s, I had roommates and a larger social network and did not feel lonely. (They have either moved away, busy with family, or we have lost touch). Nowadays, I may go several weeks now where my only social activity is church. While I have several close friends nearby, we do not meet often or do not do fun activities. I meet up with one friend frequently, we meet for food but she doesn't like to go to the movies or shopping, etc. Similarly, with a couple of other friends we meet up for food. I do not have a group of friends from work (I am very close to the woman who sits next to me but we do not hang out after work). At church, I do have a couple of friends whom I mention here but most everyone is an acquaintance.

However, during this time, I believe I have drawn closer to God. However, I still have this sense of loneliness which I believe could be easily fixed if I had more close friends nearby.

While I love alone time especially during the weekdays after work, and some weekends, if I go multiple weeks without social activity except for church I feel lonely. It is also hard to be productive when I feel like this (laundry, cooking may get delayed, etc.).
 

Lion222

Active member
Jul 6, 2020
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#54
I was lonely once for a decade or so.
Nobody new me, because id did not know me.

When you are the same on the inside as you are on the outside you find yourself less lonely.
Because the people who are left in your life are actually a part of it now.
For good or for bad, like it or not, now everybody knows my heart.
Because I am my heart.
All in all out nothing held back take it or leave it.
 
May 9, 2020
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#55
I was lonely once for a decade or so.
Nobody new me, because id did not know me.

When you are the same on the inside as you are on the outside you find yourself less lonely.
Because the people who are left in your life are actually a part of it now.
For good or for bad, like it or not, now everybody knows my heart.
Because I am my heart.
All in all out nothing held back take it or leave it.
I am not lonely often. Honestly...maybe it's lonely for the me I was before....someone hurt me...destroyed me. Maybe I am lonely for I. Haha
 

Lion222

Active member
Jul 6, 2020
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#57
I am not lonely often. Honestly...maybe it's lonely for the me I was before....someone hurt me...destroyed me. Maybe I am lonely for I. Haha
I get it, you miss the way it was back when you where blissfully ignorant of the realities of life.
Life is hard, love is hard and if you are not ready to die for it you really dont know it or feel it the same way anymore.
When you loose faith you loose your ability to receive love and everything becomes a little more tasteless and numb.

You can learn to love again like that in a way that cant be taked from you by the failure of someone else.
Whey you faith is in God as you love others knowing what is in people and standing ready to love for Him and get hurt doing so
 
May 9, 2020
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#58
I get it, you miss the way it was back when you where blissfully ignorant of the realities of life.
Life is hard, love is hard and if you are not ready to die for it you really dont know it or feel it the same way anymore.
When you loose faith you loose your ability to receive love and everything becomes a little more tasteless and numb.
I almost did die in it. For love. I tried to keep my vows. For years. I gave all but my last breath. My ex turned out to be a narcissist sociopath. He also turned into a drug addict. It was abusive, toxic, controlling and awful. So yes, I have all I could, but for the sake of my family I chose to not give my last breath.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
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#59
can you not live with your family Im just wondering. But then you might have to give up some peace and quiet, which is equally precious. What about any pets or plants. anything God requires you to look after will make you feel less lonely as thats part of Gods plan. Churches always have minsitries and things you can do. Or if theres not anything God can call you to do something there.

I had feelings of being lonely only when I didnt have anything to do and wasnt part of Gods family. God wanted me to connect with people but not just to ONE person but many of His children.


regarding experience with dating well. thing is you dont just date ONE person and then assume they are going to be yours all the time. with dating you date lots of different people. Im not sure how dating is done when you cant see any red flags and just kinda assume that the other person is going to be automatically related or in relationship to you? especially if you dont really take the time to get to know someone on a date. hmm. You are NOT actually obligated to marry ANYBODY you date.

men can be pushy sometimes though, you just gotta tell them whats what if they push. If they cant be a friend they not even worth your time. I do wish men would stop preying on single women, and yes it can be lonely when every guy is only after your flesh.
My rule on dating is to never date someone that you would not consider marrying.
 
May 9, 2020
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#60
My rule on dating is to never date someone that you would not consider marrying.
That's what I did. I never dated. Saved everything for one person. I was so careful. But you can only control your own choices. You can't stop someone from ruining their life (and subsequently yours) no matter how long or hard you try.