Hard to admit loneliness?

[Lion222]

In the old days it was considered proper to date only one person at a time. But oh my, times have changed.

But i think its important to define what is dating. Nothing wrong with spending time with someone to get to know them as a friend. But it should be clearly stated that it's not a date, and both persons are free to spend time with others. And no one should get jealous or clingy.

I'm all for making friends of multiple people of the opposite sex, it keeps things from getting serious too soon and keep them in perspective.
Just don't touch, as in affectionate touch.
For me that is choosing one of them at which point you need to let your other friends know you made a choice.

 

[Lion222]

I almost did die in it. For love. I tried to keep my vows. For years. I gave all but my last breath. My ex turned out to be a narcissist sociopath. He also turned into a drug addict. It was abusive, toxic, controlling and awful. So yes, I have all I could, but for the sake of my family I chose to not give my last breath.

I can relate. Toxic jealous insecure judgmental ex. You can give it everything you have but they just cant receive it because they don't have faith. I understood why God requires faith, because without it you can never believe in love only judge it.

 

[tourist]

That's what I did. I never dated. Saved everything for one person. I was so careful. But you can only control your own choices. You can't stop someone from ruining their life (and subsequently yours) no matter how long or hard you try.

What you have said is quite true.

If one is inclined to get married it is best to pray for God to search and find the one of your heart's desire. That is what I did for the last 2 marriages. Not the first. 'That one was on me, poor choice. My bad. Believe me, the nightmare did not end with the divorce (she wanted) but I no longer had to put up with her verbal and physical abuse, laziness and marital infidelity. My one and only child, a daughter was the only thing good that came out of that horror show.

Regarding my first marriage though, there was really only 1 day that I regretted and that was the day that I got married.

 

[Beloved132]

What you have said is quite true.

If one is inclined to get married it is best to pray for God to search and find the one of your heart's desire. That is what I did for the last 2 marriages. Not the first. 'That one was on me, poor choice. My bad. Believe me, the nightmare did not end with the divorce (she wanted) but I no longer had to put up with her verbal and physical abuse, laziness and marital infidelity. My one and only child, a daughter was the only thing good that came out of that horror show.

Regarding my first marriage though, there was really only 1 day that I regretted and that was the day that I got married.

I did pray about that marriage. And he was an imperfect (but we all have issues) person when I met him. But nothing could have warned me of how he would change....what he would turn into.

 

[tourist]

I did pray about that marriage. And he was an imperfect (but we all have issues) person when I met him. But nothing could have warned me of how he would change....what he would turn into.

Yours is a sad story for sure. The thing is, as bad and horrible that marriage was I believe that you are a survival type. I believe that the saying, "What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger". I'm a survivor type too and I believe that the struggle plays a huge part in defining who we are and what we are about. Perhaps you are stronger than you were before having survived a bad marriage. I believe this to be true for you as well.

 

[Kim82]

A lot of Christians don't want to admit that they are lonely or sad for fear of seeming unspiritual or unchristian.

But when a Christian can remain patient despite being lonely, or whatever they are going through it shows strength of character.

A Christian is not without hope, so we must remain hopeful that one day we will get our heart's desire.

 

[tourist]

A lot of Christians don't want to admit that they are lonely or sad for fear of seeming unspiritual or unchristian.

But when a Christian can remain patient despite being lonely, or whatever they are going through it shows strength of character.

A Christian is not without hope, so we must remain hopeful that one day we will get our heart's desire.

I pray for this for you. I also agree with you in regards to patience. I believe that when Jesus walked the earth that He knew loneliness too. Jesus wept.

 

[Ruby123]

All this lonely talk is making me feel lonely

 

[Beloved132]

Yours is a sad story for sure. The thing is, as bad and horrible that marriage was I believe that you are a survival type. I believe that the saying, "What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger". I'm a survivor type too and I believe that the struggle plays a huge part in defining who we are and what we are about. Perhaps you are stronger than you were before having survived a bad marriage. I believe this to be true for you as well.

I had been through tough stuff before it also sadly...but yes...this was even tougher. I am definitely a survivor type as well.

 

[Lion222]

I did pray about that marriage. And he was an imperfect (but we all have issues) person when I met him. But nothing could have warned me of how he would change....what he would turn into.

You get caught up in it, once it gets a little physical and romantic you get blinded to whats really there. If you have godly people i your life let them see for you.
My daughter would bring me to meet boys that she we just thinking about.
Did it on her own.
I have been praying for her man since she was two.
I did not want her to have any more brokenness of home and family in her life then I had given her in choosing her mom.

 

[Dino246]

Thanks. I have amazing friends and family. But...no other gender companionship haha. My marriage was....traumatic. Left 3 years ago...haven't been on a single date. Pretty terrified of men....haha

Hi... reading your post, I wonder if there is something from your marriage that Jesus would like to heal. Have you considered Christian counseling? No need to respond, but if you haven't, I'd encourage it. I found it very helpful after my marriage ended.

 

[Beloved132]

Hi... reading your post, I wonder if there is something from your marriage that Jesus would like to heal. Have you considered Christian counseling? No need to respond, but if you haven't, I'd encourage it. I found it very helpful after my marriage ended.

I definitely have a LOT I need to heal from. I did go to 3 Christian counseling sessions but then couldn't afford it anymore. I may see if there is something I could afford at some point. There are just so many things that were so...traumatic, I don't know if I could open up about it to even deal with it. But thanks for the suggestion.

 

[Lion222]

I definitely have a LOT I need to heal from. I did go to 3 Christian counseling sessions but then couldn't afford it anymore. I may see if there is something I could afford at some point. There are just so many things that were so...traumatic, I don't know if I could open up about it to even deal with it. But thanks for the suggestion.

My particular peculiar advice would be to find a strong older christian couple and ask if you can rent a room from them for a year.
You need different experiences to build new truths in your heart.
If you can no longer get them directly you can get them indirectly

 

[cinder]

A lot of Christians don't want to admit that they are lonely or sad for fear of seeming unspiritual or unchristian.

Not sure how much it is fear of seeming unchristian and how much is just don't want to deal with all the "Christians" who will bombard them with spiritual sounding plattitudes that invalidate their feelings because those other people think they're lacking in faith.

Which reminds me of a great line from an old song: I know the doctrine and theology, right now they don't mean much to me... (probably lots of song lyrics out there about when feelings don't match up to creeds and beliefs).

 

[zeroturbulence]

All this lonely talk is making me feel lonely

 

[Ruby123]

Aww thanks Zero, and one back and a cup of coffee 😀

 

[Lanolin]

I definitely have a LOT I need to heal from. I did go to 3 Christian counseling sessions but then couldn't afford it anymore. I may see if there is something I could afford at some point. There are just so many things that were so...traumatic, I don't know if I could open up about it to even deal with it. But thanks for the suggestion.

sometimes writing it out can help release whatever it is..even if nobody else reads it.
Then it wont be stuck in your brain, and can be burnt or deleted or whatever. Or maybe if you do publish your experience can help someone in the similar situation not feel so alone.

Im guessing it was emotionally traumatic, what I've learned is one can heal from trauma, learn to be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself as well. sometimes we beat ourselves up for things we couldnt even see coming. But you couldnt have known, because you didnt possess hindsight before it happened.

example...Eve ate the forbidden fruit and in the back of her mind she knew God had warned her she would die. But since she had never even experienced death before she had no idea what death really meant. Of course when Cain killed Abel THEN she knew. But she couldnt have really known before that.

 

[Beloved132]

sometimes writing it out can help release whatever it is..even if nobody else reads it.
Then it wont be stuck in your brain, and can be burnt or deleted or whatever. Or maybe if you do publish your experience can help someone in the similar situation not feel so alone.

Im guessing it was emotionally traumatic, what I've learned is one can heal from trauma, learn to be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself as well. sometimes we beat ourselves up for things we couldnt even see coming. But you couldnt have known, because you didnt possess hindsight before it happened.

example...Eve ate the forbidden fruit and in the back of her mind she knew God had warned her she would die. But since she had never even experienced death before she had no idea what death really meant. Of course when Cain killed Abel THEN she knew. But she couldnt have really known before that.

Wow...there is so much truth here, and insight. Thank you very much for the kind and wise words.

 

[Kim82]

Im guessing it was emotionally traumatic, what I've learned is one can heal from trauma, learn to be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself as well. sometimes we beat ourselves up for things we couldnt even see coming. But you couldnt have known, because you didnt possess hindsight before it happened.

Amen.

​

 

[BrotherMike]

Isolation is often an impenetrable fortress that is really there to hide a broken heart.

No one gets in - but the person inside also never gets out - and so the shield that we believe is protecting our hearts simultaneously becomes a prison of our own design.

I’d rather be alone than being with the wrong company. I embrace being by myself as a strong introvert because that’s how I gain energy. I do love people though, and have times where I wish I was with others, but I don’t engage that much. What Seoul said though... wow... such great insight!