Help! I Think I Might Be Addicted to... Prom!!!
I can see it now. The scene is the weekly meeting of the local chapter of PromAnon.
"Hello. My name is Kim. And I'm a promaholic."
CHORUS: "Hi Kim."
"It started innocently enough of course. I wanted to go to my big brother's prom and I nagged him so much until he finally said I could go. I put on makeup, wore really high heels and stuffed my shirt. It was a big city, not one of those small towns where everybody knew everybody, so my brother could get away with saying I was his date. I guess it was kind of weird that I practiced every day for two months walking in those heels just so I could pull it off at the prom, but all I could think about was how exciting it would be."
*A few other people in the group nod their heads as if to say "know where you're coming from."
"But by the time I was sixteen I was keeping a calendar of prom dates for all the high schools in five counties. I wore different wigs and I got really good at applying makeup so people wouldn't know I was me, and I found out I have a genius for talking guys into doing things, so I could always get one of them to take me as a date. I can't even guess how much I spent on prom dresses, because I had to be careful not to wear the same one to proms that were too close together or someone would notice. I still don't really know why I started getting hooked on proms. Maybe it was the excitement of seeing all the dresses the girls almost had on, or maybe it was the dancing, or maybe I just liked the punch made from orange sherbet and ginger ale. Whatever it was, I was hooked. I had to keep going to any prom I could get to. When the prom season was over I was so worn out I would sleep for three days or so, and my hands didn't stop shaking until almost July."
*A scattering of sniffles can be heard among the group as others relive in memory their own experiences with this addiction.
"And now here I am, way too old to be a prom queen, but I just can't stop going to proms. Sometimes I sneak in and pretend to be a teacher until the other teachers realize they don't recognize me and they throw me out. I don't care, I just have to be there. A few times I've snuck into the school gym two days earlier and lived like a hobo up in the rafters, just so I could watch the prom from up there. All the people I know have told me to stay away from their children because they know I'll ask their kids if they can smuggle me into their school building on prom night. *sob* I even still buy fancy prom dresses, though I know I'll never be able to wear them and blend in with the kids at the prom anymore. Prom addiction has just made a mess of my life! I don't have any friends anymore, my car is worn out from traveling to different schools and all my credit cards are maxed out from those dresses. *shuddering sob* I just can't go on any longer like this!
*Kim collapses in tears as the group leader pats her awkwardly on the shoulder.