Horrors of Dating

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Mar 4, 2011
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#1
I don't know why but i just can't seem to understand why people are not genuine or even wanting to communicate properly and just plain shady. I met someone whom i really thought i could click with but after a while she just started to ignore my messages.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,105
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#2
To paraphrase the movie title, "Maybe She's Just Not That Into You."
 

Leastamongmany

Well-known member
Jun 2, 2019
3,270
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Usa
#3
Hello! We haven't met yet but I do know and understand your position. May I ask have you prayed and asked God what He wants for your life? I'm assuming you are a younger man and wish to find a mate. I would take her " not returning messages" as a no and move on. If we ask Him and seek His face,He gives GOOD GIFTS to His children! It's in us singles best interest to allow His guidance and then simply trust He knows best for us. Blessings!
 

Subhumanoidal

Well-known member
Sep 17, 2018
2,460
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#4
I don't think he has trouble understanding that she's not into him at this point. Nor do i think he hasn't taken the hint to 'move on'. He's referring to her behavior and way going about thing. No doubt it was upsetting as well, that she wasn't interested, but by ghosting someone you lose interest in is a rather cold way of doing things. Being rejected is bad enough, but being disrespected at the same time makes it worse. So i'm not sure reiterating to him what this woman already made clear is what he came looking for.
Though i will admit 'horror' is quite excessive.

To the OP, it's a common reality anymore. I've spoken with so many people who have had the exact same thing happen to them. And i've known one person that did that. She only rushed to get to know a guy to decide if she was really that interested or not. Then out of nowhere, after a month or two, she'd just tell them she wasn't interested. To the guy's things were going well and something was forming between them, to her it was just an interview. But i will give her the credit of not ghosting them. But she also got called a lot of names for doing this so often. And had some revenge taken against her as well.
If you're going to date or look for someone, hope for the best, expect the worst.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
17,178
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#5
Ghosting is appropriate when dealing with a narcissist; it's also called 'going no-contact'. Otherwise, it's rude and inconsiderate.

There's a saying: if you lend a friend $20 and never see that friend again, it was a good investment. Looking at this in the context of dating, if a potential mate ghosts you, it's adequate proof that person is not a good choice for you. Be thankful that God has spared you a bad relationship.

Yes, it might be painful, especially if you have built a connection with that person. If you're ghosted, just use it as an opportunity to connect more deeply with the One Who will never leave you.
 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#6
Sometimes guys keep talking and talking to you. You try to be nice and tell them they're a good friend and you love them like a brother but they still want to talk all the time. So in those cases, I have ghosted before.
I also think it's healthy if the guy is a bad person. Sometimes, when you break up with someone, they will literally threaten you and cuss you out for days. I had this happen to me two years ago with a man I was getting to know. Eventually, I just decided to block him.
I think a lot of men and women ghost because it's much easier to just push it away and not have to deal with someone calling you names or trying to make things work. If someone ghosts you, don't take it personally. They are probably just afraid. I know that sometimes we feel we need closure..but try to find closure in their ghosting.
I've had a guy ghost me once and I had to learn to find closure in that.
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
1,695
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#7
The title of the thread, says it all.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,105
4,200
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#8
Going out into the social world and dating is like going out into the wide, cold expanse of snow in the deepest, most bone-chilling part of winter to play. Some kids like to go out and play, then come inside and thaw out in front of a nice warm fire with a mug of hot chocolate.

Then there are those of us who say, "Why go outside in the first place?" It's warm by the fire with a good book and a mug of hot cocoa. Why bother going out in the cold? The rest of the world calls us introverts, but I have noticed I usually seem to be happier than all the people I know who are always looking for and going on dates.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
17,178
9,400
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#9
Sometimes guys keep talking and talking to you. You try to be nice and tell them they're a good friend and you love them like a brother but they still want to talk all the time. So in those cases, I have ghosted before.
If you have already told them that a romantic relationship is not going to happen, you aren't ghosting them. You're merely enforcing a boundary that they don't want to respect.

I also think it's healthy if the guy is a bad person. Sometimes, when you break up with someone, they will literally threaten you and cuss you out for days. I had this happen to me two years ago with a man I was getting to know. Eventually, I just decided to block him.
Again, that isn't ghosting. He earned the 'no contact' the first time he threatened you.

Ghosting is ending all contact with no prior explanation and no apparent reason, particularly when you had every reason to think things were going well.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#10
Shake the dust off your feet and keep it moving.

I wonder if ghosting is more popular with online dating than someone you already know in real life?
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,151
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#13
Being ghosted is not a fun feeling. But in the end, it went better for me that the guy ghosted me.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
10,357
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#14
Depends on how often you contact them and what for. If its practically every day, then no. I think there is a place for ghosting if one feels being harassed and the other person wont stop.
I remember one guy ringing EVERY HOUR, not bothering to leave a message, that I had to block the phone. He was wanting to borrow money and stole money from me as well. Very shady. Yes I called the police.

Not saying this is what you experience but, you might have said something that offended her or asked a real personal question or just assumed something that wasnt true. That can put someone off trying to have a conversation with anyone cos they wont listen. Sometimes its easier to ignore.

If you just want to let someone know you like them and thinking of them, give her a card or flowers. Not a txt message. We dont want to be bombarded with txt messages all the time. Well I dont.
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
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#15
I will not lie, dating sites suck. But at the same time it’s nice to know someone could possibly be who God has for you.

It’s a weird balance.

But I am truly sorry that people are ignoring you. I get that a lot on dating sites, many people do actually both men and women.
 
Aug 11, 2019
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Indiana
#16
I do understand that feeling. It's quite common now, and to some degree has been for a long time.
Sometimes its hard for a woman to open up to herself how she feels...maybe she has certain expectations.

When I was a younger fellow I gave too many chances, too much "benefit of a doubt". One thing I've learned is that you have no control over someone's feelings, their prior or present experiences, etc. So, live life for you, with the Lord as your guide. Go into dates, etc with the attitude that you are getting to know a sister in Christ, or possibly of the world....don't take it seriously. Kind of, treat her like a little sister. Show your happy playful side, be lighthearted. But don't lose yourself in the moment. You're just getting to know each other. If it doesn't work out, consider that maybe you have just dodged a bullet. I have dodged several...lol!

I know this is a tough thing as a young man, women have no idea how we think about dating, and I'm sure they would say the same for their fellow women. Try not to take it all too seriously. There are plenty of books on this subject, do some looking and see what feels right for you. This decision you make, the possibility of who your life partner is.
 
Aug 11, 2019
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#17
Shake the dust off your feet and keep it moving.

I wonder if ghosting is more popular with online dating than someone you already know in real life?
That's a good point. I've heard it happens more online than real world. Online dating has made the same things easier for one gender, more difficult for the other.

I have not done online in many years, but this is what I am hearing from guys and gals who do date online.
Public approach and shared interests approach can many times be less scary, and not give the scared party such an easy way to "bug out". Just my 2 cents.
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
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#18
Honestly also God has us miss a BUNCH of things that could be an issue later. He knows all the everything, so trust He has the best plan. Because He does!
 

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2014
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#19
I made a similar thread that was like dating site stories XD I don't remember if it was specifically bad stories though...
 
Aug 3, 2019
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#20
In this day and age, people are not as polite or respectful as years ago. And with all the technology, dating sites, texting, etc. it's easy to "ghost" people. Perhaps people do it when they are uncomfortable saying something directly? Maybe they have been acting like something they are not, and if they don't disappear they will get caught. Maybe they are afraid of a first meeting, or of commitment. Maybe they are already in a commitment and just playing games. Maybe they feel you are pressuring or rushing. Maybe they like you but don't see you as long term potential. There could be all kinds of reasons. In dating, there will always come rejections, which do hurt. And with all the new ways of dating and communicating come new ways of rejecting. Just look at it as being one step closer to the right one. Let God lead, He knows where you belong. Blessings!