How Much Is Appropriate to Spend On an Engagement Ring?

[seoulsearch]

Thank you for that, Siberian!

Artsie, just saw your post... A pearl ring!! How fabulous!! You are the first woman I've ever heard who wanted a pearl--kudos to you. I am way too clumsy for something so delicate and fragile, but you go girl!!!

It's interesting to me how much styles have changed, too. When I was growing up (or maybe it was the area I was in) almost everyone had yellow gold rings, which I still prefer--just my own thing. It was very, very rare to see anyone with a silver-colored wedding set or ring.

But now days yellow gold rings are nearly impossible to find in many of the most modern sets, at least from what I've seen. The website that inspired this thread, and several others I've seen, only offer rings in silver (white gold, platinum, titanium, etc.)

Here's another question I should have included in the original post:

Who pays for the rings? Is the man expected to pay for both his and her rings? Do they split the cost?

What do you consider to be modern etiquette in deciding who pays, especially if the rings are going to cost several thousand dollars? Is going to the bank for a loan appropriate? Should an engagement be proposed until the couple (or man, if he's expected to pay) can actually afford the ring?

After all, I'm guessing not many people can just pull $3000 out of their back pockets for a ring set... This is not meant to discourage anyone at all (I used to want a pretty hefty-sized ring myself, back in the day, but now I'd get another CZ), but rather, I'm interested in what people think about the practical side of affording their dreams.

 

[Olerica]

The reason you don't see much by the way of pearl rings for wedding sets is that pearls are fragile and degrade. I wish it weren't so, but it is. They are SO beautiful though.

 

[melita916]

speaking of pearl, i have a friend who has the pearl engagement ring. well, her 1st engagement ring was something different, but then her husband got her the pearl one after they got married.

 

[Faithful_Fay]

My thought has always been getting whatever is within your means. Going into debt for a ring doesn't seem all that practical. If you can't afford a ring, it shouldn't be a big deal. But, as a girl, I don't know how one would go about approaching your guy about cost. I've always thought of the ring as strictly guy territory. Is it also an American thing? In my culture, the guy and his family shoulder the cost of the wedding and rings.

Personally, I'm not a jewelry person. I don't wear rings or earrings just because I never think to put them on. Being suddenly responsible for a few thousand dollars worth of rings on a daily basis gives me hives.

 

[tourist]

Why, Lynx, didn't you get my PM about the exact kind of ring I'm expecting you to buy???!!!

No wonder it hasn't arrived in the mail yet...

He will probably deliver it to you in person.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

I think I would know I'd captured a guy's heart if the ring was a family heirloom - as in Prince William giving Kate his mother's ring - I found that very moving. If the guy had taken the trouble to design one that would also be pretty amazing! However if it were a bought ring I would say around the $1000 mark would be appropriate, I think that's middle price bracket. I wouldn't want him to think I come cheap! LOL

 

[Shouryu]

*waits patiently for Angie to post her answer before responding*

*twiddles thumbs*

 

[Shannon50]

I think if someone had like an old family ring that was precious to them and they wanted to use that I think that would be really sweet. Otherwise I would love like a pearl engagement ring, and those are like barely $200

-- I have a beautiful diamond engagement ring from my marriage that I don't know what to do with now. It was precious to me, because the person who gave it to me sacrificed to buy it for me. It was an extravagance that wasn't practical, but everyday it made me feel special. It's not needed, it's just a beloved tradition, and as a young girl, I would dream about someone asking me to marry them and presenting me with an engagement ring. It doesn't matter how much it costs, as long as it feels special to the recipient.

I actually looked at doing something with it, but I don't think I could bear to wear the diamond, or reuse the setting-- maybe trade it in or something. I asked at the jewelers about a pearl, but she said that pearls are very fussy, and you can never get them wet.

 

[seoulsearch]

*waits patiently for Angie to post her answer before responding*

*twiddles thumbs*

Now I think the entire forum is going to be waiting, and not-so-patiently, for Angie's answer.

I have every confidence though. Shour definitely does NOT seem like a "Cracker Jack ring" kinda guy.

I can totally see him fishing for one in one of those fancy prize machines with a claw.

(Shour, I hope you know I'm joking. I remember some of your old posts and I know you're definitely a 1st-class-plus kinda guy.)

 

[NFD33]

For my ex, I spent a decent amount (probably too much obviously!!) but I was more concerned about the thought I put in it than the price. And she at the time I think appreciated that too. She had pointed out a style she liked several times. So, of course, I could have gone and picked up that exact ring and been done with it. But I didn't. I got pictures of that ring and took it to a local jeweler and said this is what I want, build it for me. I was involved in every step of the process. Once he had it designed, I approved it. Once he had the mold, I approved it. Once it was made before even being polished up, I approved it. I picked each diamond (with his guidance) that would go into the ring. It felt really good to not just walk in and say "hey, give me that one." I really enjoyed planning it and going through the process. It didn't work out for me, but I don't regret doing any of that.

The new girl I dated (which has been written about on here) I had an idea for if we ever made it to that point. We met at a baseball game on Valentine's Day (we were working). That day, a former baseball player from the university proposed to his girlfriend and he used a baseball for a ring box. Best I can tell, and I spoke to another guy I know that did this at a later date, you can't really find already made baseball ring boxes. So, at least the guy I know, got an old baseball and cut it apart and fixed it up really nicely to make a ring box. I thought it was a great idea if baseball is important to your relationship...like say meeting at a baseball game. Again, maybe its the sentimental side of me, but I think the thought goes a long way with a nice ring as well, not necessarily an expensive ring. And yes, I'll turn in my man card now.

 

[seoulsearch]

NFD, that has to be one of the most awesome stories I have ever heard. You also hit the nail on the head (or the ball right out of the park.) For most women, it's not so much about the cost but rather, the love and effort that went into it... because women translate time and effort as an expression of love.

Wow. After a disastrous week in the world of online dating (I may write about it later), your post has given me new hope.

Kudos to you, and the most blessed girl who marries you.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Who pays for the rings? Is the man expected to pay for both his and her rings? Do they split the cost?

Oooooh good question. I guess it depends if the husband wants it to be a surprise or not. If yes, then I would hope he paid for it. If not, I would be totally fine with paying half

 

[Olerica]

Wow. I needed a little shot of romantic hope. Thank you to the gents who provided it for me, even if it wasn't directed to me.

 

[tourist]

And yes, I'll turn in my man card now.

No need to turn in your man card. You obviously pay attention to detail and romantically inclined. That's a good thing.

 

[NFD33]

I've always been one to try to pay attention to details to show how I care for whoever I am with at the time. I'm not one that jumps into a relationship so if I'm in a relationship with someone, they are really special to me. I just want them to know how special they are and how much I appreciate them.

 

[MissCris]

*waits patiently for Angie to post her answer before responding*

*twiddles thumbs*

Wait! What?!?! I feel like I missed something important...

 

[ServantStrike]

Somehow I never ended up with my grandmother's ring. I'd have loved to have that - she was a very special lady. So I'm going to have to do something different (or at least I hope so lol).

What I'd really want to buy a woman is something with a really nice ruby in it. I'm attracted to the color red and I'd get a kick out of seeing the woman I marry wear red. Every. Single. Day. Hopefully she'd be cool with that, because if she was, she'd probably get a lot of attention from me (what, I like red).

Honestly what I've seen a lot of is couples who spend so much money on the ring and the wedding that they could have bought a house - and then they go back to a crummy apartment. I'm not really cool with that line of thinking, but I'm also not cheap about buying people gifts.

I think in the Christian community, there is so much pressure to have this perfect wedding that people lose their minds about money. They are trying to compete with couples who cohabitate together for several years before begrudgingly getting married - that's a lot of buying power since housing is a significant portion of most people's expenses.

I'm not going to shack up with someone and cohabitate for a couple of years so we can afford to have the dream wedding and buy a house right afterwards. We're going to do something more reasonable so I can enjoy being married to them for a year or two before having children, which I also want.


*shrug* We'll see.

 

[JonahLynx]

I don't plan on buying one. Not that I wouldn't if that's what was most meaningful to her, but for me it's too cliche and I'd only be doing it because everyone else does. I'd rather give or make something that had more meaning than how much money I have and am willing to spend.

 

[PopClick]

He must give up his immortal soul.

 

[seoulsearch]

He must give up his immortal soul.

I guess those who don't have one are just out of luck.