How Often Does a Woman Expect a Man with a "Good Salary" to Actually Be Home?

[SoldierofChrist]

Yeah I tried that. She refuses to work with or for me. I even begged. She has the great ability and skills to be a phone answerer and scheduler. Awesome in fact, but there are other issues from her past that she can't let go of. Please pray.

What I was trying to convey is that this attitude is very common today in our society and relationships. So much more could be accomplished by being a team and then more time could be spent together.

And I think I will repost my previous post in another thread where a young lady was wondering why people look askance at her for wanting a man who makes more than her.

 

[Lanolin]

hmm the whole Im not into Asians is funny
I dont think it means you just say well Im not actually asian Im a transplant. You cant change peoples fixed ideas of where you are from as if theyve never heard of a thing called global migration and that people should just never leave the land they are born for any reason whatsoever. Ok there may have been a huge mountain or sea thats divided east and west in the past but fact is, people are humans and come in all different shapes, sizes and colours and you never know what will fit sometimes when geography has served to kept people apart for so long. Does the land belong to you or do you belong to the land?

A question to consider, or does it matter? We arent in heaven yet

 

[Lanolin]

Yeah I tried that. She refuses to work with or for me. I even begged. She has the great ability and skills to be a phone answerer and scheduler. Awesome in fact, but there are other issues from her past that she can't let go of. Please pray.

What I was trying to convey is that this attitude is very common today in our society and relationships. So much more could be accomplished by being a team and then more time could be spent together.

And I think I will repost my previous post in another thread where a young lady was wondering why people look askance at her for wanting a man who makes more than her.

are the children young or what else does she do, if she doesnt work outside the home, is it a big house to maintain? Big houses or mansions just mean MORE housework. Does she garden? Is she in the PTA if children are in school or does she homeschool?

 

[seoulsearch]

I'll end with this. My business did 300k last year if I could increase that by 10% that's an extra 30k. What could a woman do to increase her man's productivity by 10%?

I admire your tenacity and voracious work ethic; I hope you don't burn yourself out, and I myself am the child of two workaholics.

I'm also always interested in the flipside of any given situation.

If turned around, what would you do to increase your wife's productivity by 10% besides taking a larger salary?

 

[Lanolin]

sure I can pray

I was sad to hear my car mechanic passed away last year, not sure if it was from overwork or not related to work. His wife worked in the office while he worked on the cars and sometimes I would see their children when they were off school hanging out near the garage. The business is now run by someone else which is a shame. I thought they were a good team and she could always have lunch with him when they worked together.

Though answering phones and being at a desk all day may not suit some women they dont want to be secretaries, but then wonder why their husbands start being attracted to young secretaries. Young secretaries are often put off by bosses advances. I dont think I could be just secretary though theres just too much other things I would want to do if I was part of a business.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

lanolin: teenagers, oldest just left the home. She volunteers on our local fire department. 3 bedroom 2 bath

seoulsearch: I did that for a bit. We tried switching roles. I made sure she had meals made, could relax when she came home, the kids taken care of, home schooled, massages...everything I would desire hope for. That was about a month trial.

 

[seoulsearch]

Seoul do you have brothers and sisters in your family and are they adopted as well or are you the only child? Just wondering.
I have a christian friend whos parents adopted her, they very active in youth for christ ministry but it was within the family adoption not a cross cultural country adoption.
Maori and pacific peoples usually have a whangai adoption which is kind of like fostering to relatives or extended families. Not to people they dont even know.

But even in that adoption she said her parents failed to protect her because some relatives seeiing she was adopted thought they could abuse her or were into grooming her. This is something that happens when children are young vulnerable and they dont have power to say NO.

Rejection from an early age is hard to deal with. I can sort of understand why some people feel they have to choose abortions because the trauma of being an unwanted child is HUGE. But its usually richer people who can say that as was case in Roe vs Wade the original case Jane Roe was kind of used as a pawn for liberal rich lawyers as an excuse to get on with their high powered careers. Most non wealthy people have to deal with their own mistakes cant just buy them out or get bailed out like rich people can just use money to smooth their problems or even make them go away.

Hi Lanolin,

I thank you for your questions and your interest. I used to speak more openly about my family but don't as much now, because I feel God convicted me of being more respectful of their privacy.

Like any family, we have our ups and downs and issues to work through, so I can only speak for myself.

I love my adoptive parents immensely and have often said that if God allowed me to choose my own parents, I would have made the wrong choice.

This isn't to say it was smooth sailing though. Once I hit about 12 I went into full-blown rage mood and it lasted probably through most of my 20's. There were swings between explosive fights and the ultimate silent treatment; my poor parents never knew which one I'd be acting out at any moment.

Much of it had to with identity issues, but I can only speak for myself. In the end, I'm grateful that God gave my parents and I to get past the rougher parts and rebuild a relationship, though who knows what's ahead. There's always storms brewing; I just try to make them much less because of me!

I've spoken with many adoptees over the years with a whole span of varying experiences. I know when international adoption started, it was thought to be a terrible mistake for a host of reasons, including what you mentioned about being an unwanted child. I go back and forth with this myself, and it's something that's never left me, even well into my adult years.

But I would never trade my adoption for the world. God made that choice, and my parents and I always say He brought us together.

However, we were just one set of parents and child. I have talked to many of the years who unfortunately, have not had a positive experience, but it's the same of any mix of families, whether biological, adopted, or blended (including today's modern blended families with children from both parents.)

 

[SoldierofChrist]

Lanolin: it's deeper than that, it's not fair to her to get into the depths but it's ugly.

 

[Lanolin]

the reality of being a housewife is, you spend all day at home making it beautiful only to have children mess it up again lol
if you dont have children it might be easier but it can be very boring doing housework day after day with nobody else to talk to. You want to do anything else rather than stay at home. Waitng for husband to come home can be a drag and then he may criticise you for not having everything perfect. Home cant always be a hotel.

This is just a common thing most housewives experience.

 

[seoulsearch]

lanolin: teenagers, oldest just left the home. She volunteers on our local fire department. 3 bedroom 2 bath

seoulsearch: I did that for a bit. We tried switching roles. I made sure she had meals made, could relax when she came home, the kids taken care of, home schooled, massages...everything I would desire hope for. That was about a month trial.

I think (speaking from past experience, and just my own,) the worst loneliness in the world is the loneliness some may find within marriage, when the other person just isn't on board with anything you try to do.

I apologize, I'm not trying to speak for you in any way. I'm just saying, I relate to what you're saying from some of my own experiences, but as the wife. In my case, he found someone he felt better suited to what he was looking for.

God bless you for being such a dedicated, loyal, and hard-working husband -- I hope your wife's heart turns around and she is able to recognize what she truly has.

I will definitely pray for you as a couple and for your family.

 

[Lanolin]

I was just thinking more in terms of who you feel are your brothers and sisters rather than a kind of individual adoption thing as regarding parents. Most teens have difficulties with their parents because they are experiencing hormones and wanting to be adults and equal and also contribute to their family (or maybe start their own) whether adopted or not.

But if you the only child then its can be said you are it and definitely wanted! the identity thing is often not really to do with parents but actually who your brothers and sisters are it seems to me and how you get along with others. The very first family in the Bible was dysfunctional in that Cain didnt think he was his brother keeper. It wasnt so much to do with adam and eves male/female misunderstandings. Then later Joseph family of 11 brothers and one sister...it was more about the dynamics of this rather than Jacob and Rachels (and Leah and handmaids) relationships. wives and husbands may come and go, but brothers and sisters stick together in thick and thin.

 

[seoulsearch]

I was just thinking more in terms of who you feel are your brothers and sisters rather than a kind of individual adoption thing as regarding parents. Most teens have difficulties with their parents because they are experiencing hormones and wanting to be adults and equal and also contribute to their family (or maybe start their own) whether adopted or not.

But if you the only child then its can be said you are it and definitely wanted! the identity thing is often not really to do with parents but actually who your brothers and sisters are it seems to me and how you get along with others. The very first family in the Bible was dysfunctional in that Cain didnt think he was his brother keeper. It wasnt so much to do with adam and eves male/female misunderstandings. Then later Joseph family of 11 brothers and one sister...it was more about the dynamics of this rather than Jacob and Rachels (and Leah and handmaids) relationships. wives and husbands may come and go, but brothers and sisters stick together in thick and thin.

I was only 6 months old when my parents adopted me, so I see all family members as being family members.

Except for factual information, I don't make any kind of distinction, because I automatically grew into every situation, like any other child in any other family. When I got older, I learned the "differences," but they were mostly just definitions.

But again, that's just strictly me. And I definitely think age at the adoption is a crucial factor. This, of course, is why most adoptive parents want infants -- because it's believed they will blend more seamlessly into the family, which can be true.

But I've known many adoptees who were also adopted as infants and never fully bonded with their families or siblings either.

 

[Talljake]

Idk..... It's hard to find a good woman who's single. Maybe I should have liked that one photo on Myspace that said " if you don't like this photo you will be single forever". Stupid Myspace lol

 

[tourist]

Karoshi - death from overwork

What's the opposite of karoshi?

 

[tourist]

.

1. I get up at 0500 most every day and try leave the house by 0600
2. I get home around 2000 so I can spend an hour with the kids. They are all teenagers now so getting them to talk is like pulling teeth.
3. I never get hugs or kisses from my wife
4. I rarely get encouragement.
5. I have to pay my wife to make lunches for me.
6. Breakfast is rarely made for me.
7. I try to start a conversation with her and am usually ignored.
8. Kind words only come when she wants something.
9. Etc.

During my horrible first marriage many years ago I experienced all of the above including verbal and physical abuse, and infidelity. By the grace of God, I am now happily married to a wonderful, spiritual woman. She goes out of her way to treat me nice and always is quick with a word of encouragement on my down days.

Believe me, I felt the pain you are now going through on a daily basis. Please know that you are not alone in this, there are others here on this site who are in the same kind of pain that you are in.

I found your honest candid post to be sad.

Please also know that God is fully aware of your horrible situation.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

Thank you for the words of encouragement

I now feel like I have thoroughly hijacked this thread

Starting a new thread called: Marriage is Hard

 

[melita916]

my love language is quality time, so that probably says what my preference is lol.

before we had our baby, we were both working 40 hours a week, but our schedules were a little off. no biggie because we had the weekend. every now and then, he would work a Saturday morning for overtime, but we always agreed together about that.

after baby, i now stay home, and he works 4 - 10 hour days. also, we had to make major adjustments to our budget since going down to 1 income and adding another resident lol. BUT the Lord is faithful. we live within our means. he’s considered getting a part time job for the day he’s off from work, so we could have some wiggle room in our budget, but that would mean he would spend more time outside the home or away from us. i rather have him here.

are we always tired? yes lol. did we have to forfeit some things? yes. have i cried about it? yes. one time i cried because i wanted chick-fil-a but had food at home (which is a blessing yes!), but i wanted something different. BUT! we are blessed.

i hope i’ll be able to do something from home that will help bring in something, but currently, i’m chasing after a toddler, and we all know, they can’t be left alone for a second

 

[seoulsearch]

my love language is quality time, so that probably says what my preference is lol.
before we had our baby, we were both working 40 hours a week, but our schedules were a little off. no biggie because we had the weekend. every now and then, he would work a Saturday morning for overtime, but we always agreed together about that.

after baby, i now stay home, and he works 4 - 10 hour days. also, we had to make major adjustments to our budget since going down to 1 income and adding another resident lol. BUT the Lord is faithful. we live within our means. he’s considered getting a part time job for the day he’s off from work, so we could have some wiggle room in our budget, but that would mean he would spend more time outside the home or away from us. i rather have him here.

are we always tired? yes lol. did we have to forfeit some things? yes. have i cried about it? yes. one time i cried because i wanted chick-fil-a but had food at home (which is a blessing yes!), but i wanted something different. BUT! we are blessed.

i hope i’ll be able to do something from home that will help bring in something, but currently, i’m chasing after a toddler, and we all know, they can’t be left alone for a second

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I now feel like I have thoroughly hijacked this thread. Starting a new thread called: Marriage is Hard

I loved these posts.

Thank you so much for the HONESTY. I truly think these are the raw, honest stories singles need to hear. I really wish more married people would teach us about the hard times and when it's hard to stay together, and how they get through. We singles need the unedited truth that getting married and having a family requires a whole lot of sacrifice, not the highly polished (i.e., edited for social impressions) testimonies we're often given.

As singles, we are trying to set ourselves up for "success" in marriage -- hence all the "requirements" many singles are setting for incomes, etc.

But I think there are a lot of disillusioned singles who don't realize that at some point, serious, tear-wrenching sacrifices are necessary, and instead, what should have been expected will in turn be interpreted as "shortcomings" -- "My wife/husband didn't live up to her/his end of the deal," leading many to head for divorce court.

Even though I'm a woman, I feel a little bit sad for young women who write about wanting husbands who provide and have certain salary levels, because for some reason, they don't seem to have any awareness that this will almost ensure that they will have to choose between more money, or less/little time/help from their husbands outside of finances and basically raising their children alone.

And how many people grew up with a father who felt he was doing his part because he provided, but was never there, whether physically, or emotionally, because he was always at work or too exhausted to pay attention to you?

I'm just fortunate that God gave my family enough time to build some of these relationships, but it was several decades later, and sadly, many families never get that chance.

 

[TabinRivCA]

Idk..... It's hard to find a good woman who's single. Maybe I should have liked that one photo on Myspace that said " if you don't like this photo you will be single forever". Stupid Myspace lol

I know where a bunch of them are....just scroll down the romantical Threads here😂

 

[Karlon]

i endured a most difficult time finding a Christian gal when i was single!