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K
Totally agree with you. Thats my parents story. They have a traditional marriage and my dad,who is bad with money,runs the finances. Ive had to help them out over the years with money I have saved.I dont mind but Ive told my mother,"step up and take control of the bills!" She just says "oh you know your father". Which means "I cant get him to budge on anything".Mom is good with money and would have their debts paid off in no time but he wont give her the control to do that.He says "your mother spends all my money" I give him a look and he knows I know thats not true.
I think Mitspa is going to make someone a great husband,Im not saying anything against him at all. But as you said,for other men this "traditional woman" bit can be a way to take control and use the Bible to misuse or abuse their wife.Ive seen it many,many times. And so I think we need to be very careful when we teach the man is the head of the household.It can be carried too far and become abusive. I had a friend who married a "preacher" and we were getting ready for service together one night. She took off her dress and was wearing a slip underneath. Just a plain black slip you'd by at Wal Mart and she looked at me with fear in her eyes and said "oh dont tell him Im wearing this! He'd be so mad!" I was surprised,before this lady married she was so full of life and talented,nothing she couldnt do.I promised not to tell and she said "he'd think I was trying to be too sexy." He was telling her what underwear to wear !!!! It was a slip to protect people from seeing through her dress! I mean I bit my tongue but I did say that was a little bit much. Years passed and we lost contact.I saw her on facebook recently,remarried. So this is my point,you have to be careful how you teach the man is the head of the home. Some men aren't mature enough to handle that kind of responsibility and the mature men of the church ought to be teaching them what it means to be a Godly husband.
M
Lol!! That funny you say that.My husband is southern and married me,Im a Canadian. I moved to the south 15yrs ago. I guess you usually want what you dont have. haha Hey the Beach Boys said northern girls keep their boyfriends warm at night, so we arent all bad. 
I know my beloved sisters in Christ here are going to holler at me , but honestly the only reason I haven't posted in that thread is because, if you take out the "calling him Master" part, the original post honestly describes my own parents.
, but honestly the only reason I haven't posted in that thread is because, if you take out the "calling him Master" part, the original post honestly describes my own parents.
Both of my parents are more passive, non-confrontational people. They are extremely companionable--they hold hands as they walk through WalMart. While they have differing hobbies, they're often found pursuing them quietly together--my mom usually doing some kind of handcraft while my dad reads, etc. They are far more likely to be quietly praying about a concern they have regarding their children, then voicing that concern aloud. They are very kind and patient. When my friends meet them, they always say, "Your parents are the nicest people on the planet." Yep.
In November they celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. When I asked my mom recently about what she'd like to do to celebrate--I suggested a party, or a weekend getaway--she said, "I'd like for us to renew our vows." (Because that's how awesome she is).
I know that my mother appreciates the fact that my sister and I aren't so passive as she is. She often wishes she would say things, but hesitates to do so. She likes that we know how to advocate for ourselves.
I don't think it's "offensive" to want any particular type of girl.
However, I do think too often that people idealize the "previous generation" and make it into something that it actually wasn't.
For example, the "submissive" wives of say the 1950s had far fewer choices. Were they actually submissive or were they simply constrained by society and particularly dependent on the financial resources of a husband?
Or, let me put it this way, if you're in a job with a tyrant of a boss, do you submit to that boss out of love, or do you submit because you need your paycheck?
I think it's a mistake to idealize a past that was really fraught with a lot of unbiblical behavior and injustices. I know many, many loving women who have a true heart for God. Their heart's desire is to serve Him well. Many of these women are single, but based on their heart toward God, I can only imagine how they would lovingly honor and serve their husbands. Additionally, many of these women are very strong-minded, strongly principled, and know their own giftings.
Part of the problem is that men are caught up in the "trappings" of these ideas. A woman can say, "yes, I'll be a stay-at-home mother," "yes, I'll submit to my husband," etc., because she knows it's the right thing to say to hook a man. As you date, she can simper, and purr, and defer to "the big strong man." And the men eat that up with a spoon. But it often changes once the marriage happens. Plenty of men have married "traditional" women, only to discover that these same women have a great desire to manipulate behind the scenes.
So, here's my point: The elevation of some idea of "traditional" seems wrongly prioritized. Why not seek the women to truly loves and serves God? Wouldn't THAT woman be the prize?
However, I do think too often that people idealize the "previous generation" and make it into something that it actually wasn't.
For example, the "submissive" wives of say the 1950s had far fewer choices. Were they actually submissive or were they simply constrained by society and particularly dependent on the financial resources of a husband?
Or, let me put it this way, if you're in a job with a tyrant of a boss, do you submit to that boss out of love, or do you submit because you need your paycheck?
I think it's a mistake to idealize a past that was really fraught with a lot of unbiblical behavior and injustices. I know many, many loving women who have a true heart for God. Their heart's desire is to serve Him well. Many of these women are single, but based on their heart toward God, I can only imagine how they would lovingly honor and serve their husbands. Additionally, many of these women are very strong-minded, strongly principled, and know their own giftings.
Part of the problem is that men are caught up in the "trappings" of these ideas. A woman can say, "yes, I'll be a stay-at-home mother," "yes, I'll submit to my husband," etc., because she knows it's the right thing to say to hook a man. As you date, she can simper, and purr, and defer to "the big strong man." And the men eat that up with a spoon. But it often changes once the marriage happens. Plenty of men have married "traditional" women, only to discover that these same women have a great desire to manipulate behind the scenes.
So, here's my point: The elevation of some idea of "traditional" seems wrongly prioritized. Why not seek the women to truly loves and serves God? Wouldn't THAT woman be the prize?
M
I believe I have stated in a prior post that I would never want to come between or try to replace the relationship a woman has established with the Lord....I would admire and honor that I would want to draw from that. Having said that, I know the order of the Lord and the position He has given to a godly man as the spiritual head of the family and could never yield that to modern or liberal (unbiblical) thought that seems to rule our society.
K
Yea I think they are pearls of great price in every group...but some parts seem to have a few more pearls
You know a lot has to do with how you define roles. Some people say housework is womens work.Others dont feel that way.Over the years as women had to go to work,roles changed.I have no issue if you say you're looking for a traditional wife. I dont sense from you that you would abuse that role,I believe you would be a Godly husband and good to your wife.My issue is that I have seen women abused and men using the Bible to back up that abuse. Especially young men seem to misunderstand what their role should be. They become dictators and their wives are living in bondage.That is where I have a problem. But I dont sense that from you at all. Those not married really cant say much about marriage any more than I can tell my sister with two boys how to discipline them because I have no kids and no experience. Any parent gets quickly offended when people with no kids tell them how they are doing it wrong.Same with those of us who are married.
M
I agree with you that many have used the truth of God to abuse others and take advantage...we see this spirit of error at work all around us and even on this forum as it relates to every good truth and plan of God. It seems that the balance of this issue has gone way past trying to stop the abuse of biblical authority into a rebellious type attitude towards men and Gods family order. Thanks for your kind words and in truth, I know what I believe and have tried to present on this thread comes from a real love for God and is not motivated by the pride of the flesh(ego of a man). Thanks kaylagrl your cool with me
your cool with me
Which brings us to another seldom-discussed aspect of a lot of men who say they want a "traditional" wife--I'm speaking as an Asian women who is often approached by older Caucasian men who want a "traditional" wife.
We've talked about the viewpoint of wanting someone docile, subservient, and adoring.
I know this will make some people shift in their seat but from what I've seen, if you get straight to the heart of the matter--in addition to being a conservative, loyal housemaid...
They also want someone continuously sexually experimental and available to cater to every whim. I've been told that one of the reasons Asians are appealing is because of "traditional" values... and exotic, "adventurous" sexual appeal. Someone who will never say no and always agree to whatever they may want to try. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But it's funny to me, that they want "traditional" in all aspects except sex.
And what they're actually saying is that what they really want is... a nice, quiet, obedient, sex object.
AHEM.
I'm just trying to shed light on why some women are more than a little hesitant when they hear a man talking about "women with traditional values"...
We've talked about the viewpoint of wanting someone docile, subservient, and adoring.
I know this will make some people shift in their seat but from what I've seen, if you get straight to the heart of the matter--in addition to being a conservative, loyal housemaid...
They also want someone continuously sexually experimental and available to cater to every whim. I've been told that one of the reasons Asians are appealing is because of "traditional" values... and exotic, "adventurous" sexual appeal. Someone who will never say no and always agree to whatever they may want to try. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But it's funny to me, that they want "traditional" in all aspects except sex.
And what they're actually saying is that what they really want is... a nice, quiet, obedient, sex object.
AHEM.
I'm just trying to shed light on why some women are more than a little hesitant when they hear a man talking about "women with traditional values"...
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