Meeting Your Online Crush: Daydream Come True or Sleepless Nightmare?
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seoulsearch: The way you state it in your first post, every road leads to disaster. The only way to avoid disaster, according to the way you put it, is to never have an online crush to start with. I think you worry too much.
In the meantime, you reminded me of this:
In the meantime, you reminded me of this:
From the time I was a kid, people have told me, "You worry/think too much." When I made an appointment to talk to our pastor's wife, she would have her secretary clear all her other appointments for the rest of the day because she said talking to me made her head spin! And my mentor always called me a "challenge". I've come to see it as a compliment. My mentor once told me, "I know one reason why God loves it when you spend time with Him... because you ask questions that no one else asks." I had a pastor once who reassured me, saying, "Jesus's entire ministry consisted of asking and answering questions." I might not have the answers, but I know who to ask. And I like to see what my fellow CC Singles are thinking as well.
I don't wring my hands in agony or spend much time agonizing about these types of things. If I had a CC crush and the opportunity to meet him, I would GO, of course!!! (And, only if it was a mutual feeling, naturally! I'm not a stalker! Well, not on Sunday at least, unless he happens to be free on a Sunday... Er...) I just have a mind that refuses to shut down and a system that refuses to sleep most nights so I have a lot of time to break things down in my head.
Add to the mix that I once studied behavioral psychology... and my mind is always breaking things down into components: antecedent, possible SD (discriminative stimulus), behavior, consequence. Soon, each component breaks off into its own set of questions... I used to have to think that way when writing research papers, and my mind kind of took that up as a model of operation. Now days, the questions then turn into prayers and posts.
These are the kinds of things my brain then spits out in conclusion. It's not a crisis or obsession or anxiety issue or anything like that. It's just one of the prominent thoughts I've been kneading in my mind that past few days, and when I have lines of thought that I think might make for an interesting conversation, I turn them into the threads I post here. No worries, just hopefully good conversation!
Things have changed so much with how we meet people now. I remember when I was in the dating world on line dating wasn't really a thing yet. I'm sure there were forums and things like that but I never went to any. I met other single people through work or friends or going out. I met my Husband through mutual friends. He was in college 3 hours away so the majority of our communication was on this little chat site he made. We didn't have cell phones and long distance was super expensive then. We really got to know each other better just talking to each other on line and email. This was only 18 years ago, technology changes quickly. If it had been in today's world we could have Skyped and called each other more often.
I think it's amazing what we have now to stay connected. I remember email at first, it was pretty amazing to me. I would just say be very careful. I would never go alone, you never know. One of my friends met her Husband on line and the first time she met him she brought her Mother along. I think having a friend with you is a good idea, hopefully they wouldn't feel like a third wheel.
I think it's amazing what we have now to stay connected. I remember email at first, it was pretty amazing to me. I would just say be very careful. I would never go alone, you never know. One of my friends met her Husband on line and the first time she met him she brought her Mother along. I think having a friend with you is a good idea, hopefully they wouldn't feel like a third wheel.
Hey Everyone,
How do you feel about meeting someone you've been crushing online in person? Would you have any specific concerns or fears?
This topic is something I'd thought about for a while and another poster was able to better put into words some of the things I'd been thinking of.
A few of my concerns would be:
1. Would he even... like who I am in person? I currently don't have a CC crush but there are several users I'd like to meet and become real life friends. Now, if by some chance, something worked out with a special someone, great, but in the meantime, here are some things I think about.
For some reason, I've been told that I look better in person than pictures (apparently I must come across in pictures as a total troll
), but I'd still be a little nervous and insecure.
What if he finds out I'm really not all the clever or funny or even interesting? That all in all, I'm just a very, ordinary plain person with an occasionally off-the-wall view of life...
Which would be especially crushing if he had seemed totally into talking to me... until we actually met... and then he was like, "Uh... nice meeting you..." and promptly found a way to flee the scene.
And if for some reason it was me who no longer felt an attraction to him once we met... How would I handle it gracefully and with as much respect as possible?
2. As Catherder wrote in another thread, while I'd really be looking forward to meeting that special person, at the same time, I'd almost be afraid of hitting it off in person, because if we had an amazing connection and were on opposite sides of the state, country, world... I'd be totally heartbroken that I couldn't spend more time with this astonishingly wonderful person. I hate the feeling of absolute longing for someone due to distance or circumstance and would be afraid feeling that way all the time once I had to leave that person. And I wouldn't want either of us to move UNTIL we'd had plenty of real-life time together.
3. With some things in life... I almost wonder if the fantasy is better than the reality. Sure, I can think about what a fun, awesome pair we might be... without facing any of the harsh realities or heartache.
But overall, depending on the person and the situation, to me, the risk would totally be worth it if it the chance was there to take.
I just might be shaking in my neon-colored sneakers the entire time... but I'm sure I'd get through!
How about the rest of you?
How do you feel about meeting someone you've been crushing online in person? Would you have any specific concerns or fears?
This topic is something I'd thought about for a while and another poster was able to better put into words some of the things I'd been thinking of.
A few of my concerns would be:
1. Would he even... like who I am in person? I currently don't have a CC crush but there are several users I'd like to meet and become real life friends. Now, if by some chance, something worked out with a special someone, great, but in the meantime, here are some things I think about.
For some reason, I've been told that I look better in person than pictures (apparently I must come across in pictures as a total troll
), but I'd still be a little nervous and insecure. What if he finds out I'm really not all the clever or funny or even interesting? That all in all, I'm just a very, ordinary plain person with an occasionally off-the-wall view of life...
Which would be especially crushing if he had seemed totally into talking to me... until we actually met... and then he was like, "Uh... nice meeting you..." and promptly found a way to flee the scene.
And if for some reason it was me who no longer felt an attraction to him once we met... How would I handle it gracefully and with as much respect as possible?
2. As Catherder wrote in another thread, while I'd really be looking forward to meeting that special person, at the same time, I'd almost be afraid of hitting it off in person, because if we had an amazing connection and were on opposite sides of the state, country, world... I'd be totally heartbroken that I couldn't spend more time with this astonishingly wonderful person. I hate the feeling of absolute longing for someone due to distance or circumstance and would be afraid feeling that way all the time once I had to leave that person. And I wouldn't want either of us to move UNTIL we'd had plenty of real-life time together.
3. With some things in life... I almost wonder if the fantasy is better than the reality. Sure, I can think about what a fun, awesome pair we might be... without facing any of the harsh realities or heartache.
But overall, depending on the person and the situation, to me, the risk would totally be worth it if it the chance was there to take.
I just might be shaking in my neon-colored sneakers the entire time... but I'm sure I'd get through!
How about the rest of you?
I'd like to tell you a little story. This isn't a story about internet dating, internet crushes, or the fear of meeting such a person. This is a story about God's goodness. It is a true story, and one that still amazes me to this day.
Let's set the stage a little. It's the year 2011, nothing particularly special about this year. Kind of a boring year actually, but that means lots of time to spend on CC; lots of new people to meet. The new YouTube room is pretty fun. Sharing music and the occasional sermon with others. Maybe you already guessed it, here comes the girl. She doesn't really stand out, but she's a lot of fun to talk to. Finally the first jump is made, things move out of CC, and then Facebook. Really? That can't be, how can you trust her, what if she just wants to steal your monies? Well, what can it hurt, she lives so far away.
And years go by, talking every couple of days, following each others posts on CC. When suddenly, tragedy strikes. Her sister is very sick and in need of help, but there isn't enough money to pay. Here it comes, stealing the monies! But no, there is trust there now, God is there in that moment. The money is sent, and the healing begins. Ok, a little money to help heal someone, no big deal. She promises to never ask again.
And months go by, and suddenly tragedy strikes again. She is deathly sick, in the hospital for days. The fear starts building, what is happening? Why isn't she getting better? And yet, she doesn't ask for help. God, please heal her! But there is only one way, surgery, expensive surgery. Ok God, are you sure about this? Success! She is healed. She promises to never ask again.
And time goes by, talking daily now. A desire is building, an impossible thought that can't be acknowledged. There is love there. It has been growing all of this time. Slowly at first, but gaining momentum as more and more things are shared. Then the prayers begin. God, you're gonna have to make this very clear. It's so crazy, impossible even. And then peace, peace that grew, and was nurtured by friends and family and pastor. This is real, it's not crazy, it is possible. A relationship, a ring, a promise. But there is still so much more to do. A meeting, in person, is the only way.
And so, on that January day, I leave the cold frozenness of the midwest on a journey unlike any that I'd taken before. From the US to the Philippines. To a world so different that it might as well be mars. But my Fiancee is there, living on Mars, and praising and worshipping God there. As we first meet, we hug, and awkwardly exchange greetings. For the first time that little fear starts to return. How silly we were. On the way home, we start talking and things suddenly snap into place. It's like we had been together, and I had to take a long trip and had returned home to her. There was absolutely no fear left. She was amazing, together we were more amazing that I ever could have imagined. God brought us together, neither of us had any doubt. Nothing is impossible through God, who made the world and everything in it. Who loves us deeply and knows how to lead us. Good has been so good to me.
Cliche as it may sound, crazy as it would have sounded to me a year or two ago, God does use the internet. When it's not about who or when or how, when it's truly about following God, that is when meeting can happen without fear. In those times, reality can be so much better than fantasy (I couldn't imagine it).
I hope this wasn't too long for you Kim. I hope that God continues to bless you and give you peace!
F
In the past online dating was nice because it was something new and people embraced it. Now the dating sites are filled with broken people. People who are still married, separated, newly divorced, and they are transferring that hurt onto the new people they meet. I've given up online dating it's too dangerous.
My advice be extremely careful.
My advice be extremely careful.
in person, i'm an introvert. so talking to new people can be scary for me. but if the other individual keeps talking, i eventually start talking and don't hush lol chatting is comfortable for me. but thinking of doing the transition from words on a screen to in-person makes me super nervous. i wonder if the person would be patient enough with me to make the transition.
the one relationship i had was from someone i met online. but when we met, we were just friends. it eventually developed into a relationship, so yah.
the one relationship i had was from someone i met online. but when we met, we were just friends. it eventually developed into a relationship, so yah.
Aren´t they outside too? I bet there are dozens of them (me included) but, as for those words I colored, I think that some of them, who have been hurt (few who are hurting or that are real troublemakers) are transfering those lessons to spare people problems and those deceptions they learned (same way your mom or dad could be giving you pieces of advice to avoid our heart broken).
If I have to choose, profilactically, I rather approach people online (what I´ve done and keep reluctanly doing) because in person to person relationships I know how we could be.
So you, ourself, have given a good advice (My advice be extremely careful) and those are the same I could give my daughter and she´d not pay attention to them.
Nothing is dangerous! Except I believe my fears.
If I have to choose, profilactically, I rather approach people online (what I´ve done and keep reluctanly doing) because in person to person relationships I know how we could be.
So you, ourself, have given a good advice (My advice be extremely careful) and those are the same I could give my daughter and she´d not pay attention to them.
Nothing is dangerous! Except I believe my fears.
I don't know that I have a lot to say about this, but I'd say it would be a dream come true. I'd be excited and nervous all at once, and I'm confident enough in my ability to create conversation and in my knowing them well to know that things won't be terribly awkward
Or am I just reading too deep into it? Ha.
While I don't have any particular crush in the works, I WILL admit to currently and regularly stalking a few people here on CC... in the hopes of meeting them within the next year.
No nervousness (well, maybe a little...) but just mostly a lot of eager excitement!
I just have to get around all the restraining orders, and I am GOOD TO GO!!
I'm just that stubborn (or crazy), and I don't let little things like legal obstacles get in my way!
No nervousness (well, maybe a little...) but just mostly a lot of eager excitement!
I just have to get around all the restraining orders, and I am GOOD TO GO!!
I'm just that stubborn (or crazy), and I don't let little things like legal obstacles get in my way!
S
Wheeere did my post go??
Having met a previous crush here, I'm of the opinion that the dynamic doesn't change much, if at all, as long as you've done more than had exchanges strictly in text. Video chatting eliminates some of the mystique and opens up a little more insight into how the person is offline.
I don't have any current online crushes per se, but there are a couple of ladies on CC that I find charming and intriguing. Meeting them in person? I don't know them well enough to say how that would go! But I'd be open to it all the same, as I would with meeting most anyone here. I've enjoyed the company of everyone I've met in person from CC thus far, at least.
Having met a previous crush here, I'm of the opinion that the dynamic doesn't change much, if at all, as long as you've done more than had exchanges strictly in text. Video chatting eliminates some of the mystique and opens up a little more insight into how the person is offline.
I don't have any current online crushes per se, but there are a couple of ladies on CC that I find charming and intriguing. Meeting them in person? I don't know them well enough to say how that would go! But I'd be open to it all the same, as I would with meeting most anyone here. I've enjoyed the company of everyone I've met in person from CC thus far, at least.
To the OP
1. It is easier to meet someone you are just friends with than someone you're interested in. The other key is the longer you've known them (the more you know them), the easier it is. A lot of those fears melt away. I recently met a friend who I've known online for 11 years! Since I was 16. Other people... well just be yourself... And show them pictures.... and talk often to the point you're comfortable.. Unless you try to make yourself out to be someone you're not... then you really don't have anything to worry about. I've never had a negative experience meeting an online person in person.
It's usually just fun to get to hang out with them. Yes it can be a little nerve wracking at first..It might even seem strange if you've never webcam chatted with them because seeing all their facial expressions and body language adds a whole new element to communication... but after a couple hours, you get used to it and warm up. =)
If you're open and honest, you have nothing to worry about. =) Do it!
If you were to meet a jerk like this, then I would say it's a safe bet you didn't know him all too well before meeting him. I can honestly say.. this has never been a fear of mine when meeting an online person. Maybe fear they won't like me that much... but just running away? Lol. Most people aren't that cruel. I can only see this being a rational fear, if you were completely dishonest about the way you look and who you are.
Really? Lol. I know people who've develop crushes on people they barely know. Talk to someone everyday for hours and believe it or not, it's possible. Feelings typically come with getting to know the person (That's how it's always worked for me), not just being able to physically touch them. To think you must be physically present with someone in order to develop feelings for them...well hmm... Have you ever gotten close to someone online? I mean some people make best friends online with people they know for years. I guarantee there are people on CC who have gotten very close to other members whom they have never actually met. Granted, I think one should meet someone in person before ever getting serious... simply because it is slightly different in person and people can lie about things online easier. And because like the OP said This is true.
1. It is easier to meet someone you are just friends with than someone you're interested in. The other key is the longer you've known them (the more you know them), the easier it is. A lot of those fears melt away. I recently met a friend who I've known online for 11 years! Since I was 16. Other people... well just be yourself... And show them pictures.... and talk often to the point you're comfortable.. Unless you try to make yourself out to be someone you're not... then you really don't have anything to worry about. I've never had a negative experience meeting an online person in person.
It's usually just fun to get to hang out with them. Yes it can be a little nerve wracking at first..It might even seem strange if you've never webcam chatted with them because seeing all their facial expressions and body language adds a whole new element to communication... but after a couple hours, you get used to it and warm up. =)
If you're open and honest, you have nothing to worry about. =) Do it!
If you were to meet a jerk like this, then I would say it's a safe bet you didn't know him all too well before meeting him. I can honestly say.. this has never been a fear of mine when meeting an online person. Maybe fear they won't like me that much... but just running away? Lol. Most people aren't that cruel. I can only see this being a rational fear, if you were completely dishonest about the way you look and who you are.
Really? Lol. I know people who've develop crushes on people they barely know. Talk to someone everyday for hours and believe it or not, it's possible. Feelings typically come with getting to know the person (That's how it's always worked for me), not just being able to physically touch them. To think you must be physically present with someone in order to develop feelings for them...well hmm... Have you ever gotten close to someone online? I mean some people make best friends online with people they know for years. I guarantee there are people on CC who have gotten very close to other members whom they have never actually met. Granted, I think one should meet someone in person before ever getting serious... simply because it is slightly different in person and people can lie about things online easier. And because like the OP said This is true.
K
Personally, it's a mixture of both a daydream and a nightmare. I'm about to have my second...er...meeting with a guy I met online in October. Nervous doesn't even begin to describe the way I felt before I met him in person the first time. I'm an extremely introverted/socially anxious person, so talking to people through writing has always been easier for me. It allows me to really think about what I want to say, instead of having to string words together on the fly. That's never been my strong point. So, the day of our meeting arrived and I was physically shaking, but I went through with it. And actually, within about 10-15 minutes, I was able to relax. I think the worst part is the build up. You overanalyze it, and you play every possible scenario in your head. What if this happens? What if that happens? It consumes your thoughts. But once you're in the situation, you're forced to get out of your head and focus on what's happening instead of what MIGHT happen. Yeah, it's awkward at first, but after a little while you realize, "Oh, yeah. This is the person I've been getting to know." And hopefully, if you have been talking to them for a while, you'll already know quite a bit about each other and be in a place comfortable enough to continue that.
Now if I can just remember my own words when this weekend rolls around. I can already feel that familiar clench in my stomach.
Now if I can just remember my own words when this weekend rolls around. I can already feel that familiar clench in my stomach.
