Midnight Confessions
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You are not the only one. May I suggest the Pain Management Clinic thread. That is where I go for treatment. Sadly, the clinic is currently out of M & M's because one of the patient's scarfed them all but you may have one of the multi-colored balloons that are floating below the ceiling. Be careful not to pop it because it will make a large bang.
J
I still cuss a little in the company of old friends/family, Christian ones at that. And then they slip and I feel responsible. I just get so excited to have like-minded people I know, to talk to. My last marriage just didn't allow for "friends" on my part. but I make it a point to never cuss around my fellow church people. And I feel so good for it!
My other confession is, that I am lonely sometimes...
My other confession is, that I am lonely sometimes...
I am going to live today as if it is the last day of my life. It is now time to be serious yet I will find no difficulty enjoying life as God intended in His plan for my life. I will be a little playful and affectionate as well and take time to appreciate the beauty of the flowers of God's creation for that is my nature. Maybe sing the song that is in my heart too. No, perhaps that will come later for I am romantically inclined with intimate and honorable intentions. It is time to open the cage that I reside in and fly away. I must take life one day at a time so that I do not get ahead of schedule and upset God's itinerary for what may take place in my future if I keep my heart open and trust God until the fear in me subsides.
I confess that I am beyond help. While my intentions are good my efforts just seem to cause turmoil. I am hungry to please yet I am starving myself. Perhaps I will eat a dessert to satisfy my craving. I will take a couple Tylenol as well to alleviate the pain. I will pray for compassion so that I may provide comfort and tender loving care to the one who is close to my heart and that I hurt the most.
It is now summer but I am looking forward to winter. All of the days are blending together and I did not realize that today is Saturday. In Florida it is summer all year round. I miss the change of seasons. Orlando is all about Walt Disney World. I am tired of living in a fantasy world. I desire that which has lasting meaning and is enduring. Happiness for me is fleeting and elusive. Now, I just want to escape my cage and fly away. I will buy winter clothing if the need arises to keep warm but at the moment I am just burning up inside.
It's not midnight but my confession is I don't confess, I just keep everything stuffed inside hoping to eventually find someone I'll trust enough to be that real with. But the real million dollar question is what do you do when you get everything you thought you wanted in life and still feel disappointed with it?
I sincerely hope that God will provide to you a man that you trust enough to confide in. I have said this prayer for you. For someone who does not confess you were quite open in what you have wrote. The only thing that I ever wanted was to be happy. God provided this for me for a season and now I am alone again. The happiness remains but there is only a shred left. I guess that I will have to be brave like you are.
My suggestion would be to get yourself a devotional book. I read mine every morning and what ever bible verse they give that goes with the story I read the whole chapter. I was a rotating door Christian meaning I was in and out of church, but the last time I left church I determined I would not leave God so I kept reading my devotional daily I just didn't think I could live without God in my life. I didn't understand what salvation was and now I do and have been back in church for the last 4 years. It only takes a few minutes a day but of course if you want to read more of the bible don't let anything stop you - that's Satan's job.
I feel the heat pain of the Florida summer as every year I ask myself why I moved here (since 1979), but then we have winter and I remember why I moved here as I did not like scraping ice off the windshield of the car. Just continue to take one day at a time and rest in Jesus. He knows the desires of your heart and will answer in His timing and if you are anything like me you want it as of yesterday, but God's timing is perfect we just need to learn patience.
I appreciate your concern. My late wife used to read her devotional bible every day. I am sure that I can find a bible somewhere in the house. My personal bible was inadvertently left in Maine. I left for Florida the next morning after the service and some stuff got left behind. My life is still in shambles. My daughter in Michigan is struggling bad and wants me to live with her. I think I will just put some clothes in my travel bag and go. My heart is just not into settling down in Florida anymore. I have a few job apps out but the truth is my depression is dragging me down.
I need a fresh start. I am glad that I was able to spend time with my family but it is getting time to be hitting the road. I am dying here. I have 4 brothers and one sister and my mom is still alive and all live in the Orlando area. Out of all the siblings I am the only one that has spent years living apart in several areas of the country. I used to be so homesick when I was young but I have learned how to adapt and survive. God is always with me and still is in this dark place that I find myself in.
"Get your motor runnin'. Head out on the highway. Looking for adventure, or whatever comes our way..."
I just want to spend a few months with my daughter and 3 grandchildren. After that I want to take a little trip across Lake Michigan. In the spring I am planning on flying to Honolulu. I want to walk on Waikiki beach and watch the sun set. After that who knows.
I am not crazy just lonely. I am in the deepest rut of my life. I need a change of venue. I crave adventure. I need God.
I need a fresh start. I am glad that I was able to spend time with my family but it is getting time to be hitting the road. I am dying here. I have 4 brothers and one sister and my mom is still alive and all live in the Orlando area. Out of all the siblings I am the only one that has spent years living apart in several areas of the country. I used to be so homesick when I was young but I have learned how to adapt and survive. God is always with me and still is in this dark place that I find myself in.
"Get your motor runnin'. Head out on the highway. Looking for adventure, or whatever comes our way..."
I just want to spend a few months with my daughter and 3 grandchildren. After that I want to take a little trip across Lake Michigan. In the spring I am planning on flying to Honolulu. I want to walk on Waikiki beach and watch the sun set. After that who knows.
I am not crazy just lonely. I am in the deepest rut of my life. I need a change of venue. I crave adventure. I need God.
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I confess that I wish I could confess certain things that have bothered me over the years to other people but I am afraid to do so. I know I wanted to talk to someone after my divorce in 1979 but my father-in-law had been a pastor and I did not feel comfortable speaking to another pastor who would know my father- in-law and what they might think of the Roy family so I just kept to myself and I know that God knew how I felt that was some comfort.
There have been other secret sins that I wish I could talk about but I just can't not out in the open anyway too embarrassing, but again I wish I could talk to somebody about them. But again God knows I just hate the invisibility factor and the two way conversation with God a lot of times it is silence.
There have been other secret sins that I wish I could talk about but I just can't not out in the open anyway too embarrassing, but again I wish I could talk to somebody about them. But again God knows I just hate the invisibility factor and the two way conversation with God a lot of times it is silence.
It is really hard loosing the ones you love and I know you are still in pain from the loss of your wife.
I was on the Big Island in Hawaii back in 2008 for a family wedding and it was beautiful but I decided I could not live there as I felt I was stuck with all the water around and no place to go after the drive around the island. At least with the states you have the wide open spaces and lots of land to cover. Not to mention how expensive everything is over there very costly to live there. I enjoyed my vacation and was glad to come home.
I also feel restless since my layoff last June 27th and want to get out on the road myself, but think I will put it off until next year as I'd like to take an Alaskan cruise next summer for my 60th year thinking I will rent a car one way and drive back from that cruise and pick up some of the 13 states I have left to get on my bucket list for seeing all 50 states before I croak.
I was on the Big Island in Hawaii back in 2008 for a family wedding and it was beautiful but I decided I could not live there as I felt I was stuck with all the water around and no place to go after the drive around the island. At least with the states you have the wide open spaces and lots of land to cover. Not to mention how expensive everything is over there very costly to live there. I enjoyed my vacation and was glad to come home.
I also feel restless since my layoff last June 27th and want to get out on the road myself, but think I will put it off until next year as I'd like to take an Alaskan cruise next summer for my 60th year thinking I will rent a car one way and drive back from that cruise and pick up some of the 13 states I have left to get on my bucket list for seeing all 50 states before I croak.
I once preached many years ago on the subject of habits that if someone placed a 45 revolver to your head & told you to stop that suddenly you would find the right motivation to do so. Kinda goes along with this scripture:
2 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV) [SUP]15 [/SUP]And his inward affection is more abundant toward you, whilst he remembereth the obedience of you all, how with fear and trembling ye received him.
[HR][/HR]Philippians 2:12 (KJV) [SUP]12 [/SUP]Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
[HR][/HR]It seems to me that there's no fear/very little fear of God in the eyes of the modern church.
2 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV) [SUP]15 [/SUP]And his inward affection is more abundant toward you, whilst he remembereth the obedience of you all, how with fear and trembling ye received him.
[HR][/HR]Philippians 2:12 (KJV) [SUP]12 [/SUP]Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
[HR][/HR]It seems to me that there's no fear/very little fear of God in the eyes of the modern church.