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J
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
Well, maybe there a lovely girl who waits for you to tell her that you like her? Most girls still think that its up to the guys to tell the girls first
For me, i wouldnt like it if i had to ask a guy, it wouldnt feel right. So i hope that the one thats going to be my future husband doesnt have the same ideas about it as you have :O Then ill be waiting forever xD And im not really good at waiting
Well, maybe there a lovely girl who waits for you to tell her that you like her? Most girls still think that its up to the guys to tell the girls first
For me, i wouldnt like it if i had to ask a guy, it wouldnt feel right. So i hope that the one thats going to be my future husband doesnt have the same ideas about it as you have :O Then ill be waiting forever xD And im not really good at waiting
1
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
I have no idea what the main post is getting at, so I'll answer the thread title.
What I'm about to say, does not apply to people in highly nuanced, extremely extenuating circumstances.
If you're in your mid 20s or older, and you're single/unmarried, it's because you've chosen it.
This world is awash, and flooded with perfectly marryable single people. If you have access to the Internet, then you have access to an almost limitless index of perfectly marryable single people. There are entire websites dedicated to single people who are saying, "Hey I'm single. Marry me." Your singleness is certainly not due to lack or shortages, or lack of access to perfectly fine marryable single people.
Oh,you want the "perfect" one? Guess what. There is no such thing as a perfect person.
Love is work.
So that's my theory.
I have no idea what the main post is getting at, so I'll answer the thread title.
What I'm about to say, does not apply to people in highly nuanced, extremely extenuating circumstances.
If you're in your mid 20s or older, and you're single/unmarried, it's because you've chosen it.
This world is awash, and flooded with perfectly marryable single people. If you have access to the Internet, then you have access to an almost limitless index of perfectly marryable single people. There are entire websites dedicated to single people who are saying, "Hey I'm single. Marry me." Your singleness is certainly not due to lack or shortages, or lack of access to perfectly fine marryable single people.
Oh,you want the "perfect" one? Guess what. There is no such thing as a perfect person.
Love is work.
So that's my theory.
G
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
I think, we can get into that kind of mindset, liam, and, it will come true.
I caution you to look to Christ with that above said in mind
As I've said before, your an extremely desirous fellow for a girl out there, I just don't know what your red lights are, but, all I see is 'go.' Go out there and give Love a real chance, ARMED with the knowledge you have now learned from ALL your other girlfriends and girl friends and guys, too, KNOWLEDGE given you, both from c.c. girls and the girls you actually had short and longer term relationships with.
YOU are seasoned, by what you said, you have had dating relationships for short term of 3 weeks, which is long term if I'm the comparison, and, even up to a YEAR, think it was you said, or, was it two. Anyway, the Lord leads. Verbalize to God your desires and then, maybe, just take it easy some, regarding going serious, just go to singles groups for your church or area where you are, my church has a huge singles group, I've gone at three points in my life , age 22-23 , age 26-27 and age 34-37 . So what, didn't work out, I just keep on keeping on, and, doing whatever ELSE God wants me to do. It's OK, IF you just don't think girls are for you or you won't meet one to your standards, then, just work on following the Lord in your life, reading His word, praying, hearing what He wants you to hear.
A little long ^ , hope, pray, it's all said in Love, not condescending whatsoever meaning, brother, God bless you, liamsON And, when it comes to girls on c.c., they often, I see, like the way you speak your language to them . So, that right there, is a clue to me, you're desirous, and, 'that,' my friend is a gift from God, some guys can't get out of the gate in a social website network talking to girls, let alone, sustain a relationship with a girl for a week, let alone, three
God, indeed, has gifted you many ways, liambro, and being a light to girls, of understanding of guys--and who we are more-- is definitely not something God's kept you in the dark from knowing That's cuz you speak from your heart and your heart is painstakingly after Him in the midst of your pain that's been your past. And, God likes that vulnerability that we share like you do, have done. He will, as you follow Him, continue to use you in this ways with the ladies.
The Lord leads. "...you follow Me."
I think, we can get into that kind of mindset, liam, and, it will come true.
I caution you to look to Christ with that above said in mind
As I've said before, your an extremely desirous fellow for a girl out there, I just don't know what your red lights are, but, all I see is 'go.' Go out there and give Love a real chance, ARMED with the knowledge you have now learned from ALL your other girlfriends and girl friends and guys, too, KNOWLEDGE given you, both from c.c. girls and the girls you actually had short and longer term relationships with.
YOU are seasoned, by what you said, you have had dating relationships for short term of 3 weeks, which is long term if I'm the comparison, and, even up to a YEAR, think it was you said, or, was it two. Anyway, the Lord leads. Verbalize to God your desires and then, maybe, just take it easy some, regarding going serious, just go to singles groups for your church or area where you are, my church has a huge singles group, I've gone at three points in my life , age 22-23 , age 26-27 and age 34-37 . So what, didn't work out, I just keep on keeping on, and, doing whatever ELSE God wants me to do. It's OK, IF you just don't think girls are for you or you won't meet one to your standards, then, just work on following the Lord in your life, reading His word, praying, hearing what He wants you to hear.
A little long ^ , hope, pray, it's all said in Love, not condescending whatsoever meaning, brother, God bless you, liamsON
And, when it comes to girls on c.c., they often, I see, like the way you speak your language to them . So, that right there, is a clue to me, you're desirous, and, 'that,' my friend is a gift from God, some guys can't get out of the gate in a social website network talking to girls, let alone, sustain a relationship with a girl for a week, let alone, three God, indeed, has gifted you many ways, liambro, and being a light to girls, of understanding of guys--and who we are more-- is definitely not something God's kept you in the dark from knowing
That's cuz you speak from your heart and your heart is painstakingly after Him in the midst of your pain that's been your past. And, God likes that vulnerability that we share like you do, have done. He will, as you follow Him, continue to use you in this ways with the ladies. The Lord leads. "...you follow Me."
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
I dont see the point in me asking anyone period. all those years ago when I was stupid and thought you know yeah ill just ask.. only to hear no you are not good enough. Instead of wasting my time asking when the obvious answer was i was not good enough I could have. I should have not said a thing would have saved me a lot of problems. If I really wanted to be hurt I could have just went down to the highway and played chicken with the autos rolling by at 50mph
Well, maybe there a lovely girl who waits for you to tell her that you like her? Most girls still think that its up to the guys to tell the girls first For me, i wouldnt like it if i had to ask a guy, it wouldnt feel right. So i hope that the one thats going to be my future husband doesnt have the same ideas about it as you have :O Then ill be waiting forever xD And im not really good at waiting
For me, i wouldnt like it if i had to ask a guy, it wouldnt feel right. So i hope that the one thats going to be my future husband doesnt have the same ideas about it as you have :O Then ill be waiting forever xD And im not really good at waiting
G
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
The question then is, beardedone, is 'How can we improve ourselves?' In other words, what (accretive) VALUE can I add to myself to make myself good enough to pursue a relationship. And, we don't ask ourselves this question, do we? No, silly, that's silly to believe that EVER truth for us Because we believe God saved us, is taking care of us through our adherence to His leading of our life through His Truth, right? So, we ask not ourselves what we can do to become more of value (accretive), we ask God, through praying to Him. Bearded one, what about yourself now can you have become more clear understanding of yourself? Don't answer that question for me, per se here (but you can), but bring that humbleness of becoming response to God, being while speaking, down on your knees. In this state, things that seemed hard to decipher become perfectly clear . The Lord leads, just follow Him, He is always saying these words to you, too, brotherBO: you are not good enough by yourself, but my grace is sufficient and with belief in My work, through faith, you are and always will be perfect and that is being forever better than just being 'good enough.' .
The question then is, beardedone, is 'How can we improve ourselves?' In other words, what (accretive) VALUE can I add to myself to make myself good enough to pursue a relationship. And, we don't ask ourselves this question, do we? No, silly, that's silly to believe that EVER truth for us
Because we believe God saved us, is taking care of us through our adherence to His leading of our life through His Truth, right? So, we ask not ourselves what we can do to become more of value (accretive), we ask God, through praying to Him. Bearded one, what about yourself now can you have become more clear understanding of yourself? Don't answer that question for me, per se here (but you can), but bring that humbleness of becoming response to God, being while speaking, down on your knees. In this state, things that seemed hard to decipher become perfectly clear . The Lord leads, just follow Him, He is always saying these words to you, too, brotherBO: you are not good enough by yourself, but my grace is sufficient and with belief in My work, through faith, you are and always will be perfect and that is being forever better than just being 'good enough.' .
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Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
Been going to college/university for eight years now. I think "my problem" is that I still don't have a steady place to live, a job, a car, and can only meet the kind of woman I'm looking for online at the moment. And women aren't big on long-distance or emailing. Usually when I tell them I don't have a job, I'm technically homeless, will be living in three different states and two different countries in the next four months it's an automatic deal-breaker.
Nevermind consideration for being friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. After I break that news they don't even care to know me.
Been going to college/university for eight years now. I think "my problem" is that I still don't have a steady place to live, a job, a car, and can only meet the kind of woman I'm looking for online at the moment. And women aren't big on long-distance or emailing. Usually when I tell them I don't have a job, I'm technically homeless, will be living in three different states and two different countries in the next four months it's an automatic deal-breaker.
Nevermind consideration for being friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. After I break that news they don't even care to know me.
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G
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
No, catherdinghornplayer, thread is about understanding who God made you to be and doing things faith-fully in all areas of your life, including pursuing relationships, which should be done with an understanding that God provides differently for some than others but God's goodness is always there in our life and what He has before us--be it a opposite sex relationship or whatever--is His perfect way for us to grow closer to Him, which will perfectly make our lives, which, wholly, should be found in Him first, Love, trust, commitment to His plans for our life
" For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not calamity, and, for a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
No, catherdinghornplayer, thread is about understanding who God made you to be and doing things faith-fully in all areas of your life, including pursuing relationships, which should be done with an understanding that God provides differently for some than others but God's goodness is always there in our life and what He has before us--be it a opposite sex relationship or whatever--is His perfect way for us to grow closer to Him, which will perfectly make our lives, which, wholly, should be found in Him first, Love, trust, commitment to His plans for our life
" For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not calamity, and, for a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
G
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
Keep you eyes soully focused on Him, wholly, mindfully beating your life after His heart. "...David to be their king; to whom also he gave testimony, and said, I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will." Be after God's heart, check out my profile and Isaiah 66:2 verse to see what doing that entails, this is to edify and build you up, royalfeline, brother, just follow Him, no guilt, no shame, just Love, His, toward you I Love you, too, brother, with His Love to you, I hope, pray shown. The Lord leads, confined your suffering servanthood (which we all do who are His) for His cause, for His glory, always, in Him, Ed
Keep you eyes soully focused on Him, wholly, mindfully beating your life after His heart.
"...David to be their king; to whom also he gave testimony, and said, I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will." Be after God's heart, check out my profile and Isaiah 66:2 verse to see what doing that entails, this is to edify and build you up, royalfeline, brother, just follow Him, no guilt, no shame, just Love, His, toward you I Love you, too, brother, with His Love to you, I hope, pray shown. The Lord leads, confined your suffering servanthood (which we all do who are His) for His cause, for His glory, always, in Him, Ed
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Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
Divorce has always been a difficult subject to understand biblically for me. I think if I were divorced my current priority would be in understanding whether or not I am "damaged goods" as you put it. Marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman for life. The way a lot of Christians look at it is that you get second, third, and fourth chances. Or you don't get a second chance unless it happens to you, personally. Or victims of divorce get as many second and third chances as they want, because it offends people's sensibilities to think that others' sins can affect innocent lives and that God would ever allow that.
In spite of passages dealing with David taking his wife back after his wife had been given to another man by Saul or Hosea taking Gomer back after her prostitution, I do believe at some point there is a point of no return. You just have to figure out if you've crossed it.
Divorce has always been a difficult subject to understand biblically for me. I think if I were divorced my current priority would be in understanding whether or not I am "damaged goods" as you put it. Marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman for life. The way a lot of Christians look at it is that you get second, third, and fourth chances. Or you don't get a second chance unless it happens to you, personally. Or victims of divorce get as many second and third chances as they want, because it offends people's sensibilities to think that others' sins can affect innocent lives and that God would ever allow that.
In spite of passages dealing with David taking his wife back after his wife had been given to another man by Saul or Hosea taking Gomer back after her prostitution, I do believe at some point there is a point of no return. You just have to figure out if you've crossed it.
G
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
You can do it, liamsON, that is , " Love again,' just put Him, first, that is the ONLY way we, as Christians, following Him will ever understand what Love toward another opposite sex person can be accretive Be brave, let Him lead you, broliam, trust in His way for you, live through faith, not easy (ask Abraham) but the result of this 'commitment' will make you a man many-times blessed
You can do it, liamsON, that is , " Love again,' just put Him, first, that is the ONLY way we, as Christians, following Him will ever understand what Love toward another opposite sex person can be accretive
Be brave, let Him lead you, broliam, trust in His way for you, live through faith, not easy (ask Abraham) but the result of this 'commitment' will make you a man many-times blessed
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
I do believe you have a point. Women are fully capable of and willing to let a guy know that she is interested in him if she likes him enough. It's happened to me before. Unfortunately the type of women who give me this kind of attention I usually wouldn't want to date. Not that I have something against them, personally, but they're atheist, they're Mormon, think that a 200 lb man would be perfectly fine with marrying a 300 lb woman, etc. Take your pick.
My only concern is that women might start thinking that because I talk to them first that I'm somehow desperate. If that's the case then they'd essentially be checkmating themselves. Not interested in men who are passive and think that men who are "aggressive" are desperate and undesirable.
I do believe you have a point. Women are fully capable of and willing to let a guy know that she is interested in him if she likes him enough. It's happened to me before. Unfortunately the type of women who give me this kind of attention I usually wouldn't want to date. Not that I have something against them, personally, but they're atheist, they're Mormon, think that a 200 lb man would be perfectly fine with marrying a 300 lb woman, etc. Take your pick.
My only concern is that women might start thinking that because I talk to them first that I'm somehow desperate. If that's the case then they'd essentially be checkmating themselves. Not interested in men who are passive and think that men who are "aggressive" are desperate and undesirable.
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J
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
Hmm i dont understand these girls.. To me you sound rather interesting, then that id say 'eww no he doesnt even got a car, oww no he moves a lot: thats not how i want it'. To me it sounds like your life is interesting, probably not always nice, easy and smooth but what would be the fun of that? I guess there are more girls like me (i hope :s) so please dont stop looking? Or hoping?
And guys i hear so often that you need to have some specific things before you feel like you could ask a girl, before you would start a family. Why? I understand that you'd like to give your girl everything she wants/deserves and that you want the best for your family. But having you as boyfriend/husband/father is way better then having things you can buy them by working all day and never see your family. Please dont think all girl are so materialistic that they need all kinds of stuff. First of all: your girl needs YOU.
Hmm i dont understand these girls.. To me you sound rather interesting, then that id say 'eww no he doesnt even got a car, oww no he moves a lot: thats not how i want it'. To me it sounds like your life is interesting, probably not always nice, easy and smooth but what would be the fun of that? I guess there are more girls like me (i hope :s) so please dont stop looking? Or hoping?
And guys i hear so often that you need to have some specific things before you feel like you could ask a girl, before you would start a family. Why? I understand that you'd like to give your girl everything she wants/deserves and that you want the best for your family. But having you as boyfriend/husband/father is way better then having things you can buy them by working all day and never see your family. Please dont think all girl are so materialistic that they need all kinds of stuff. First of all: your girl needs YOU.
T
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
I'll try to answer the question.
I have never experienced a date before, and in the past I have thought of wanting to do that. I mean, never having a girlfriend in a world full of couples is not the best thing, I guess. So I guess I have wanted to do that.
But at the same token, I also know that God has a purpose for singles and for celibacy. I know that the Lord doesn't think less of them (even though the world & even Christian culture does). There are still great things that could be done as a single guy for the Lord, too. It doesn't require marriage to validate people. And that is where I am at right now. I have always been stuck and fixated on a beautiful girl, chasing her, and ultimately being rejected. I really don't want to go back to that type of obsession again. It's so silly to me that I would inflict that pain on myself. Now I can finally see the benefits to being in a relationship like that. I'm not going to chase like that ever again. In no way will I ever fall into the idolatry called romance like that. Romance and marriage won't make me complete. Only God gives me that.
Maybe I am being led to celibacy (which may also lead me to being the 40 year old virgin). Maybe not. Right now it's just maybe someday.
I'll try to answer the question.
I have never experienced a date before, and in the past I have thought of wanting to do that. I mean, never having a girlfriend in a world full of couples is not the best thing, I guess. So I guess I have wanted to do that.
But at the same token, I also know that God has a purpose for singles and for celibacy. I know that the Lord doesn't think less of them (even though the world & even Christian culture does). There are still great things that could be done as a single guy for the Lord, too. It doesn't require marriage to validate people. And that is where I am at right now. I have always been stuck and fixated on a beautiful girl, chasing her, and ultimately being rejected. I really don't want to go back to that type of obsession again. It's so silly to me that I would inflict that pain on myself. Now I can finally see the benefits to being in a relationship like that. I'm not going to chase like that ever again. In no way will I ever fall into the idolatry called romance like that. Romance and marriage won't make me complete. Only God gives me that.
Maybe I am being led to celibacy (which may also lead me to being the 40 year old virgin). Maybe not. Right now it's just maybe someday.
F
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
I can relate to that wisebeardman.
This is exactly why I'm single approaching the mid 40s. Now I have some female friends wondering why I'm not in relationship. One of them has tried unsuccessfully to hook me up with a relative and I did go on date where I was told "why don't you get married and have kids". I have had one gf and got screwed over.
I regretfully have to say that if I am actually good enough then they had their chances when I was younger. If I'm not good enough then logic says don't bother. I don't find most women attractive these days anyway. Far too aggressive and masculine and lack kindness and compassion.
I can relate to that wisebeardman.
This is exactly why I'm single approaching the mid 40s. Now I have some female friends wondering why I'm not in relationship. One of them has tried unsuccessfully to hook me up with a relative and I did go on date where I was told "why don't you get married and have kids". I have had one gf and got screwed over.
I regretfully have to say that if I am actually good enough then they had their chances when I was younger. If I'm not good enough then logic says don't bother. I don't find most women attractive these days anyway. Far too aggressive and masculine and lack kindness and compassion.
R
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
To the Original Poster Green,
I don't understand why you had to go writing so much like that, but since I'm new here I'll try to answer your post as to why I'm single.
First off, I'm 25 years old.
Second, I'm a very rare personality type for a male, which most girls probably see as off putting because it's quite feminine.
For instance, I'm overbearing, needy and very indirect when speaking to someone about touchy subjects until I become comfortable with them. Like, if I approach a girl I like, I get overly needy for her attention, and more often than not this pushes the girls away. I don't know why I keep doing it, but it seems my opportunities to get the attention of a girl I like are few and far in between, partially I think it's because I'm not good looking, and the other part is because I really have to like a girl in order to approach her and I'm also very quick in determining whether I like someone but have an inconsistency in the way I act to get their attention. For instance, sometimes I move too fast, and often times I move too slow, either way, I'm not going at the appropriate pace.
So, in effect, I'm single because of that.
And I know it's easy to blame God for things like this but the truth is that God made me the way I am, and He knows I'm this way.
A lot of times I do feel something is wrong being 25, and almost 26 and waiting till marriage to do anything physical since almost everyone around me is telling me that living this way is not something that I should be doing. In a lot of ways even though I know better, I'm tempted to just throw this away and find a way to have fun. It's difficult trying to live for God.
You know what though, I'll tell you something.
Just because someone like me is struggling with being single has no bearing on my relationship with God, because God never made us to be single. It's true some people are strong and can be single and stay that way for God and more power to them, but I've tried that over and over. I've prayed to be asexual, to lose interest in women, to allow me to focus on other things, but it always keeps coming back to the question...
"Will I ever get married?"
The truth is, God might have planned for me to stay single.
It might be hard, and upsetting.
But everyone struggles, and if you say you do not struggle, I know you are lying.
The Bible is full of men of God who struggle with different things. Even Christ struggled though He did not sin, but struggling is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you are determined not to give up.
To the Original Poster Green,
I don't understand why you had to go writing so much like that, but since I'm new here I'll try to answer your post as to why I'm single.
First off, I'm 25 years old.
Second, I'm a very rare personality type for a male, which most girls probably see as off putting because it's quite feminine.
For instance, I'm overbearing, needy and very indirect when speaking to someone about touchy subjects until I become comfortable with them. Like, if I approach a girl I like, I get overly needy for her attention, and more often than not this pushes the girls away. I don't know why I keep doing it, but it seems my opportunities to get the attention of a girl I like are few and far in between, partially I think it's because I'm not good looking, and the other part is because I really have to like a girl in order to approach her and I'm also very quick in determining whether I like someone but have an inconsistency in the way I act to get their attention. For instance, sometimes I move too fast, and often times I move too slow, either way, I'm not going at the appropriate pace.
So, in effect, I'm single because of that.
And I know it's easy to blame God for things like this but the truth is that God made me the way I am, and He knows I'm this way.
A lot of times I do feel something is wrong being 25, and almost 26 and waiting till marriage to do anything physical since almost everyone around me is telling me that living this way is not something that I should be doing. In a lot of ways even though I know better, I'm tempted to just throw this away and find a way to have fun. It's difficult trying to live for God.
You know what though, I'll tell you something.
Just because someone like me is struggling with being single has no bearing on my relationship with God, because God never made us to be single. It's true some people are strong and can be single and stay that way for God and more power to them, but I've tried that over and over. I've prayed to be asexual, to lose interest in women, to allow me to focus on other things, but it always keeps coming back to the question...
"Will I ever get married?"
The truth is, God might have planned for me to stay single.
It might be hard, and upsetting.
But everyone struggles, and if you say you do not struggle, I know you are lying.
The Bible is full of men of God who struggle with different things. Even Christ struggled though He did not sin, but struggling is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you are determined not to give up.
G
Re: Seriously, WHO are you? YOUR AGE & single still ! What gives? What's the reason W
Well said, dead-on genuiness there, ringer. And wondering why I write so much when so little could, too, say it? idk, just hard being green getting off my Kermit hair every morning is sooo tricky, painstaking, I use 'Nair,' . Kidding aside, you are made just how God says, so, brotherring, just delight yourself in the Lord, daily, hourly, and, listen to Him speak back to your singleness questions, ok . God bless ya, ring :-
Well said, dead-on genuiness there, ringer. And wondering why I write so much when so little could, too, say it? idk, just hard being green
getting off my Kermit hair every morning is sooo tricky, painstaking, I use 'Nair,' . Kidding aside, you are made just how God says, so, brotherring, just delight yourself in the Lord, daily, hourly, and, listen to Him speak back to your singleness questions, ok . God bless ya, ring :-