Single Men It's Time to Step Up!

[secularhermit]

Clarifications:

1. I've been part of the online dating world for several years. Every guy I've met in person from an online dating site eventually talked about his porn/sexual addiction issues. This is just my own experience. I haven't met that many guys in person--it usually doesn't get that far. After a few conversations we generally already know we don't have anything in common.

2. Not every guy I've met is hooked on porn: I've had good guy friends in the past who are into that genre, or at least, told me they weren't... I guess that's between them and God. We didn't date though because we either weren't attracted to each other (at least, not at the same time--I've been rejected plenty of times in my life as well) and saw each other as friends.

Nope, I don't think every guy has a problem with porn. I try very hard not to judge and understand what they're going through. Some say they're stressed and that's just the way they cope, and all of us have some kind of habitual sin we struggle with. But at the same time, it's not what I'm interested in at all in regards to a dating situation either.

Thanks for clarifying in order to help ME clarify.

An explanation is not needed but, the reason to be "hooked" on anything is NO ONE wants to die or miss earthly good things we have enjoyed.

I have heard OLD men of 70 and 80 (and ladies) who poured out what they felt when getting old and feeling despised or left behind so, another reason is "biologically" we are addicted to it, same way as to food or other habits.

 

[Desdichado]

ONe can go to a bar for numerous reasons. Personally sometimes after a long shift(sometimes upwards of 13-14 hours) I like to go their with co-workers and relax with a cold beer or a glass of whiskey. BUt then having a drink is on a completely different level than going out and trying to hook up.



Since I started college.

I mean I can go enjoy a drink with friends and participate in none of the grinding and dry-humping that some people do on the dance floor section.

A bar does not a place of ill repute make.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Everything I stated was true and this can be shown statistically and so is reflected in the scholarly literature (here for example). Of course there are factors at play too and one of them is the denial of reality that people in society like yourself exhibit.

AgeofKnowledge: Part of what you say is true, part is hyperbole. But all of it sounds a whole lot like the old guys sitting at the diner here in town complaining about politics, society and life in general. Every day they go to the diner for breakfast, coffee and the morning depression session. :-/

 

[Nautilus]

My question is what were you doing at the bar?
This just amused me that's all.

This reminds me of my Hooters experience-of-a-lifetime.

So, I'm in my early 20's, and I'm part of the youth team. On one of our outings, someone from the team sees the Hooters owl, which was a new restaurant in town at the time, and we're, like, "Cool. Let's grab Mr.Owl sandwiches for lunch..."

But to our ultra-grand-mega-cultural SHOCK! upon entering, we were, like, "Yikes, Lord!! HELP!!" We couldn't wait to get off their parking soon enough.

Then one of the brethren told another brother of our experience, the brother is like, nonchalantly, "Oh, I have lunch there almost once a week..."

** FACEPALM **

To be fair the food isn't that bad and they are more covered up than your standard one piece bathing suit, so I'm not sure what the issue is. THe uniform is basically volleyball shorts, a tank top, white socks, tennis shows, and stockings/pantyhose. It easily covers more than average swimsuits even "modest" ones. How do I know, I worked at one. You see people at a gym in less modest workout gear.

 

[biscuit]

Reality is, we live in a culture where this is often true.
Not always, but often.

1. Statistically, women in the U.S. now cheat as much as men, and possibly more.
Yep.
They no longer get any "moral high ground" as a given.
That's the past.
In the dating world, women have to be viewed with just as much caution and suspicion as men.
They aren't any better.
They have no moral high ground by virtue of their gender.

2. On CC whenever there's a thread about "bad boys", all the ladies jump in and gush over them, and say how a "bad boy" is their biggest fantasy.
Really?
Your biggest fantasy is a thug?
Nice.
And you wonder why nice Christian men won't approach you?
I have no trouble talking to women, but there are a LOT of women I'm just not interested in talking to.


The above things are issues of our culture at large, not every individual.
I realize that.
But the playing field isn't one-sided... it's bad for EVERYBODY, lol.


Even with things as bad as they are,
I'm still going to find a sweet Christian girl,
and dote on her like an idiot,
and treat her like a princess.
I'm not going to let this twisted culture wreck my dreams.
: )

Great Post !!!!!

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Read: https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/11/18/she-needs-more-men/

To seoulsearch:

So all the men you date have problems with porn, but the ones who don't have a problem are not attractive to you. Is this mens fault or yours for picking these men? If ALL men had this problem then yes you can complain about it, but they don't so its not really an issue is it, its just a bad judgement call each time. Maybe that says more about the taste in men you have, in that you like the personality types who are going to look at porn. It is like the women who always go with the "wrong type", that is the ones who abuse and cheat.

There was one woman who I thought I would end up marrying who I met online in a Christian chat room. However she fell for someone who was "bad", after 6 months she was blubbing to me on webcam, apparently from day one he persuaded her to have sex. However one night she woke up in night to find him pleasuring himself on laptop with another woman.

She then fed me the usual story that I was a nice chap and would find someone soon, yes that was 10 years ago and I still have not found anyone, she thought I would make a good husband, but she had now gone off men and did not want relationship and she was deleting all her internet stuff and would not speak to me anymore.

 

[seoulsearch]

Read: https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/11/18/she-needs-more-men/

Contrary to popular belief, I don't collect men and store them in cabinets. I don't use them for money. I offer to pay my own way so no one can ever say I used him for anything.

If I get asked out twice a year, I consider myself to be lucky. The last guy I went out with was from a Christian site. We met for dinner, had a nice conversation.

As SOON as I got home, he texted me, asking, "So what are your thoughts on intimacy?"

Not wanting to be judgmental or misunderstanding, I wrote back that I was raised in a conservative Christian household and those are the principles I try to adhere to. I then asked him, as neutrally as possible, what his thoughts were.

The text came back, "Well, I think that when two people care about each other, it's ok to share their bodies."

UM, NNNOOO. On so many levels, no, no, and no.

I have encountered this type of thinking over and over again on Christian sites, because those are the only ones I visit.

If that's all that's out there, I'll remain single forever. Thank you.

 

[Mitspa]

Contrary to popular belief, I don't collect men and store them in cabinets. I don't use them for money. I offer to pay my own way so no one can ever say I used him for anything.

If I get asked out twice a year, I consider myself to be lucky. The last guy I went out with was from a Christian site. We met for dinner, had a nice conversation.

As SOON as I got home, he texted me, asking, "So what are your thoughts on intimacy?"

Not wanting to be judgmental or misunderstanding, I wrote back that I was raised in a conservative Christian household and those are the principles I try to adhere to. I then asked him, as neutrally as possible, what his thoughts were.

The text came back, "Well, I think that when two people care about each other, it's ok to share their bodies."

UM, NNNOOO. On so many levels, no, no, and no.

I have encountered this type of thinking over and over again on Christian sites, because those are the only ones I visit.

If that's all that's out there, I'll remain single forever. Thank you.

Can I ask how you dressed on the date? Because guys kinda try to judge things like that.

 

[Tintin]

Hooters is a restaurant/sports bar. The name is also US slang for a woman's breasts. Shall we say the restaurant has made a name for itself because they predominantly hire waitresses that are well endowed and their uniform doesn't leave much to the imagination.

Oh, my! I had no idea. Mr. Owl, indeed!

 

[gypsygirl]

The last sentence actually made me laugh but you are actually correct. IMHO, the majority of young Christian women aren't much difference than their secular counterparts. In reality, they played on both sides of the fence which makes them spiritually dangerous.

i think it's dangerous to paint any gender as "the majority" behaving in any fashion. the reality is, we are lazy, and when we encounter, one, two, even three who seem to fit a mold that is all too similar, instead of simply stereotyping the rest, perhaps it's time for us to examine our methods/approach for better, more worthy objects of affection, but ESPECIALLY, look within ourselves, and ask whether our "picker" needs to be better calibrated. are you REALLY looking for godly, or something else, in which you are disappointed that they aren't, ALSO godly?

by and large, we attract "like" types. that is true in science, and a basic rule of human behavior.

it's hard to look at ourselves and ask ourselves, "is my life one that attracts, and seeks a godly woman? and am i asking or expecting something that is not only reasonable, but in-kind with my own (godly) behavior?" i have been amazed talking to guys who seek a great, godly woman to help them overcome their own poor lifestyle choices, or be the "good influence" on them.

i have known some really great, godly men. while they may not necessarily be right for me, they are out there. they are indeed available, but they may not fit the criteria that you are looking for, meaning, they may not look, sound, or appear to the very things you are oriented to respond to. and, again, a major "picker" problem.

1There needs to be more discipleship in the Church, that and mentoring.

This. All too often young men in the church have no one (including their own fathers) raising them up to become Godly men so they default to the behaviors of their peers which tends to leave us with overgrown boys. In our not so distant future boys looked forward to manhood and it's responsibilities whereas many today shirk that ideology in place of having fun.

i also want to underscore tintin and oncefallen's point about a terrible lack of discipleship. we are now the generations, being raised by the generations that were single parents, broken and "blended" families, a total lack of great family examples, and many just have no clue what healthy relationships look like.

also, it's been my observation that much of discipleship (including the kind especially needed for these generations) has been pushed out of the way for much of the seeker/evangelism thrust of today's chruches. so we have churches full of babies, showing up for their sermonette or the rest of their "14% chrisitan regime", readily willing (and sometimes able) to define what christianity "looks like on others, (including the opposite sex) by how it looks on others (sometimes not even accurately) but at a total loss of how to get there THEMSELVES.

as a result, i think some of us may be relatively behind the curve because of this. we were raised on the ideals that were available, or the noisiest ones, and simply the ones that took hold. sometimes it takes quite awhile to overcome these deficiencies. and of course, there are the ones who don't care (or see the point), and simply keep doing the same thing over and over, complaining that one can't find a nice christian girl.

 

[seoulsearch]

Can I ask how you dressed on the date? Because guys kinda try to judge things like that.

Yes, I guess it's always the good Christian thing to judge a woman by how she dresses. This annoys me to no end. Do we have to ask men how THEY dress on a date? I can't' tell you how completely irritated I am that you would ask me this and it's going to take me a few minutes of prayer to cool down.

I have stated many times that I am a jeans and t-shirt girl. And no, not a skintight Victoria's Secret t-shirt. If you ever met me in person, I'll be wearing jeans or the equivalent, like khakis, a t-shirt, and sneakers. Often, the t-shirt will have a cartoon character, such as Spiderman or Mickey Mouse. It's my everyday, real-life uniform. I own one dress and never wear it. I'm not some sex kitten trying to seduce or show off. In a lot of ways, I am very much a tomboy.

That particular day, I had on sneakers, a loose pink t-shirt with crew neck, and khaki shorts down to my knee because it was warm outside.

This guy and I had NEVER talked about the subject of sex in any way, shape, or form. I am pretty offended that you would just jump to the conclusion that I must have "brought it on" in some way.

The Bible says that as you judge... so shall that judgment be returned to you. Seriously. All the guys complaining about bad dates here... Should I ask them what they were wearing? I mean, maybe they showed off their wallet too much and that's why the woman expected money.

*RETCH*

 

[Lynx]

So, seoulsearch... what are your thoughts on the altec lansing imt 810?

 

[BananaPie]

...sitting there waiting for a Christ-centred man to approach [her],... Where are you guys?

Perhaps it's not about "where are the guys," but more about "where is she sitting."

How blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart is the way to Zion! (Psalm 84:5)
...that's where she ought to be resting.

How blessed is the man who trusts in You. (Psalm 84:12)
...that's where she ought to be sitting.

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8)
...that's where a godly man will find you also.

 

[Lynx]

"by and large, we attract like types. that is true in science, and a basic rule of human behavior."


Then I must be a nobody, because that's who I've been attracting... nobody.

 

[seoulsearch]

So, seoulsearch... what are your thoughts on the altec lansing imt 810?

If it's something I can blow up and cause a lot of destruction with, I'm all in.

 

[Mitspa]

Yes, I guess it's always the good Christian thing to judge a woman by how she dresses. This annoys me to no end. Do we have to ask men how THEY dress on a date? I can't' tell you how completely irritated I am that you would ask me this and it's going to take me a few minutes of prayer to cool down.

I have stated many times that I am a jeans and t-shirt girl. And no, not a skintight Victoria's Secret t-shirt. If you ever met me in person, I'll be wearing jeans or the equivalent, like khakis, a t-shirt, and sneakers. Often, the t-shirt will have a cartoon character, such as Spiderman or Mickey Mouse. It's my everyday, real-life uniform. I own one dress and never wear it. I'm not some sex kitten trying to seduce or show off. In a lot of ways, I am very much a tomboy.

That particular day, I had on sneakers, a loose pink t-shirt with crew neck, and khaki shorts down to my knee because it was warm outside.

This guy and I had NEVER talked about the subject of sex in any way, shape, or form. I am pretty offended that you would just jump to the conclusion that I must have "brought it on" in some way.

The Bible says that as you judge... so shall that judgment be returned to you.

Please forgive me I didn't intend to offend you but just to make the point that guys look for signs from girls and I believe "some" girls present things in a way that could allow that really dumb side of guys to go to work...so I just ask ...I wont ask again

 

[djness]

I came to the sad realization that I spent my time impressing unimpressive people.

 

[Lynx]

If it's something I can blow up and cause a lot of destruction with, I'm all in.

Well I suppose if you turn it up loud enough... It could shatter glass, or eardrums. I just thought it would be a nice change from the previous question you said that guy asked you.

 

[seoulsearch]

Please forgive me I didn't intend to offend you but just to make the point that guys look for signs from girls and I believe "some" girls present things in a way that could allow that really dumb side of guys to go to work...so I just ask ...I wont ask again

It's in very poor taste and character to automatically assume every woman is this way. I would have hoped you would know that already.

But I guess not.

 

[seoulsearch]

Well I suppose if you turn it up loud enough... It could shatter glass, or eardrums. I just thought it would be a nice change from the previous question you said that guy asked you.

Lynx, you get 20 bonus points! Sign me up, I'm all in.

I could use something earth-and-glass shattering right now.