Single Men It's Time to Step Up!

[seoulsearch]

I don't mean to derail the thread, so this is all I will say about this particular subject. If the primary problem is women giving men the heave-ho and demanding financial compensation, why is it that in at least 97% of cases I can think of from the people I know or have known/worked with who either are single parents or were raised in a single-parent home, they were raised by their mothers, with little to no compensation or time from their fathers?

Maybe I'm among the minority but I've lived and worked in 3 different states and I always seem to run into this situation. I know we have good fathers out there and I applaud them, but I can think of dozens of single moms I've met who are raising their kids without help from the fathers (along with people who were raised by single moms themselves) and I'm trying to think of fathers I know who are in that position... I know they're out there but in my experiences, are a bit more rare.

I know of one, and he was raising his kids because the mother had died.

 

[Lynx]

seoulsearch: In their defense I have to mention that you DID say "I can't find a guy who isn't hooked on porn" and "every guy I've dated has had an issue with it." Then in the next paragraph you say "Not every guy I've met has a problem with it..." There's bound to be a little confusion as to what you mean. It sounded to me like you were saying every guy has a problem with porn, because you can't find a guy who isn't hooked on it.

 

[Chopper]

I'm not hooked on porn, in fact I hate it. I have no issue with money, other than I have none...LOL. If I did have money, it still wouldn't matter to me, and I'd gladly use it to help the family, because there's no treasure on this earth that I look for, but the love of one another.

 

[Oncefallen]

I thought Hooters was a restaurant?

It's a restaurant/sports bar which is best known for hiring well endowed waitresses whose uniform is a bit less than modest.

 

[Lynx]

BananaPie: See, this is one instance where having worldly coworkers comes in handy. Sure I have to stay at my station and can't help hearing some questionable stories, but I already know what Hooters is and not to go there.

 

[Desdichado]

Encouraged by LOVE, respect and sacrifices, both parties plus their children (not everyone has the chance to marry virgin men or ladies) at certain age (after 30's), any of the spouse may have had a red record, a sad lesson and a child.

You're absolutely right. Heck, even if you seek to marry in your mid 20's, you are confronted with similar prospects.

 

[seoulsearch]

seoulsearch: In their defense I have to mention that you DID say "I can't find a guy who isn't hooked on porn" and "every guy I've dated has had an issue with it." Then in the next paragraph you say "Not every guy I've met has a problem with it..." There's bound to be a little confusion as to what you mean. It sounded to me like you were saying every guy has a problem with porn, because you can't find a guy who isn't hooked on it.

Clarifications:

1. I've been part of the online dating world for several years. Every guy I've met in person from an online dating site eventually talked about his porn/sexual addiction issues. This is just my own experience. I haven't met that many guys in person--it usually doesn't get that far. After a few conversations we generally already know we don't have anything in common.

2. Not every guy I've met is hooked on porn: I've had good guy friends in the past who are into that genre, or at least, told me they weren't... I guess that's between them and God. We didn't date though because we either weren't attracted to each other (at least, not at the same time--I've been rejected plenty of times in my life as well) and saw each other as friends.

Nope, I don't think every guy has a problem with porn. I try very hard not to judge and understand what they're going through. Some say they're stressed and that's just the way they cope, and all of us have some kind of habitual sin we struggle with. But at the same time, it's not what I'm interested in at all in regards to a dating situation either.

Thanks for clarifying in order to help ME clarify.

 

[Oncefallen]

I thought Hooters was a restaurant?

Hooters is a restaurant/sports bar. The name is also US slang for a woman's breasts. Shall we say the restaurant has made a name for itself because they predominantly hire waitresses that are well endowed and their uniform doesn't leave much to the imagination.

 

[Desdichado]

I don't mean to derail the thread, so this is all I will say about this particular subject. If the primary problem is women giving men the heave-ho and demanding financial compensation, why is it that in at least 97% of cases I can think of from the people I know or have known/worked with who either are single parents or were raised in a single-parent home, they were raised by their mothers, with little to no compensation or time from their fathers?

Maybe I'm among the minority but I've lived and worked in 3 different states and I always seem to run into this situation. I know we have good fathers out there and I applaud them, but I can think of dozens of single moms I've met who are raising their kids without help from the fathers (along with people who were raised by single moms themselves) and I'm trying to think of fathers I know who are in that position... I know they're out there but in my experiences, are a bit more rare.

I know of one, and he was raising his kids because the mother had died.

Reread Ageofknowledge's post and let us know what you think of it. I think he gives a decent analysis on that problem.

I would also bet he agrees with you on the premise that it boils down to personal responsibility.

If it makes you feel better, you were not the first to derail it. It seemed the OP's call to question had more to do with single men not asking single women to marry them than it did men siring children and running away, but the two subjects are not completely unrelated, so ya'll get a pass.

 

[biscuit]

[h=1]Are more women OK with watching porn?[/h]

• STORY HIGHLIGHTS
• Porn reviewer: For me, the real problem with most porn is its hokeyness
• Hustler video exec: Women account for 56 percent of business at company
• Critic: Porn exploits and discriminates against women, and encourages rape

updated 10:23 a.m. EDT, Fri July 24, 2009

• Next Article in Living »

• 
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By Violet Blue

(OPRAH.com) -- Personally, I like my pizza deliveryman to do one thing: bring me my dinner. But mention this guy to a group of women, and, while most of us will think of cheesy pies with tomato sauce, a good number of us will conjure up that hilariously bad porn cliché, the randy fellow who's always ready to accept sex in exchange for a medium sausage and mushroom.

Some pornographers are marketing to women.

Notwithstanding how lame the cliché is, or how simply bad most porn is (and after ten years as a professional reviewer of the stuff, I can report that much of it is very bad), the fact is, millions of women use and enjoy "explicit sexual imagery."
What's perhaps more surprising, given the latest scientific research, is that more of us don't.
In the first three months of 2007, according to Nielsen/NetRatings, approximately one in three visitors to adult entertainment Web sites was female; during the same period, nearly 13 million American women were checking out porn online at least once each month.
Theresa Flynt, vice president of marketing for Hustler video, says that women account for 56 percent of business at her company's video stores. "And the female audience is increasing," she adds. "Women are buying more porn." (They're creating more of it, too: Female director Candida Royalle's hard-core erotic videos, made expressly for women viewers, sell at the rate of approximately 10,000 copies a month.)

Watch man fired over porn-star wife »
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Meanwhile, science is finally buying into the idea that women are at least as stimulated by porn as men.
In a 2006 study at McGill University, researchers monitored genital temperature changes to measure sexual arousal and found that, when shown porn clips, men and women alike began displaying arousal within 30 seconds; men reached maximum arousal in about 11 minutes, women in about 12 (a statistically negligible difference, according to the study).
Even more compelling were the results of a 2004 study at Northwestern University that also assessed the effect of porn on genital arousal. Mind you, a copy of "Buffy the Vampire Layer" and a lubed-up feedback device isn't most girls' idea of a hot night in. But when the researchers showed gay, lesbian, and straight porn to heterosexual and homosexual women and men, they found that while the men responded more intensely to porn that mirrored their particular gender orientation, the women tended to like it all. Or at least their bodies did. Oprah.com How to feel good naked
But that's the hitch: Even when our bodies respond to what we're seeing, not every woman feels empowered to enjoy the show. For years we've been told that we won't -- or shouldn't -- be turned on by porn, end of story, sleep tight.
The message has come from all sides -- from conservative Christian organizations ("Traditionally, women are far more likely to engage in wistful, romantic fantasies than crude scenes of people engaging in sexual acts," Kathy Gallagher, cofounder of Pure Life Ministries, has written) to the radical feminist Catharine MacKinnon (who says porn exploits and discriminates against women, and encourages rape).
When everyone tells you that what you might be curious about, or even secretly like, is wrong, bad, sleazy, and shameful, you don't have to cast a line very far to land a set of inhibitions.
And, indeed, many a smart, strong, sexually self-reliant girl has popped in a porn DVD and ejected it just as quickly because she saw something that offended her or made her uncomfortable.
I've heard from many women that they don't like the sense of being "out of control" they get from watching porn -- that disconnect between how their body is feeling and what their brain is telling them is acceptable. I like to remind these women that porn won't make you do anything you didn't already want to do before you pressed Play on the "Edward Penishands" DVD. Oprah.com: What you still don't know about sex
I've also heard, plenty of times, that porn degrades women. That argument always makes me wonder about gay male porn, which lots of women appreciate for all its hunky hotties in flagrante. If heterosexual porn degrades women, does gay porn degrade men? What about porn made by women -- is that degrading, too?
For me, the real problem with most porn is its hokeyness -- the ridiculous costumes, the awful cinematography, the ludicrous story lines, the terrible acting (not to mention how scary the close-ups sometimes look, how fake the boobs are, how some starlets really sound like injured animals...).
And yet in my research and experience, the biggest roadblock for women (and men) to enjoying explicit imagery is the fear that they don't "stack up" to the bodies and abilities of the people onscreen. Erotic models and actresses bring up a whole range of adequacy issues, from breast size to weight, from what you look like "down there" to the adult acne we all periodically fight.
But it's worth remembering that if porn performers looked like you and me, they'd be out of a job. They're abnormally thin, they get cosmetic surgery literally (and sometimes frightfully) from head to toe, they have makeup in places you'd be surprised makeup can be applied, they shave and wax everything imaginable, and they're weirdly flexible. They occupy a tiny end of the gene pool, and that's why they're capable of acting out fantasy sex. Oprah.com: 5 secrets of the female orgasm
Though I've sometimes felt that my job as a porn reviewer (for Web sites like FleshBot.com) is akin to being a canary in a bad-taste boys' club mine shaft, I've seen a change in quality in the past few years that I think is a direct reflection of the growing female audience. As more discriminating viewers, we've demanded better porn -- and lo, it is being made.
Women are changing the market. Director Maria Beatty's gorgeously shot movies (all of which feature strictly lesbian action) look like 1920s noir films with sex, but not explicit sex -- just a lot of tease and dreamy outfits and music. And Comstock Films, maker of high-quality, documentary-style, real-couples videos, aggressively markets to women with the simple tagline "Women love real sex."
So just what do we love about it? First, the way it lets us satisfy our very normal, very human sexual curiosity. If you're like me, you're the kind of woman who'll peep at Pam Anderson's new boob job just to see the latest installations. But it's not just what the bodies look like, it's what they look like aroused -- and what they can do. Watching people have sex can be fascinating.
Porn is also a fun and versatile toy. Sure, I sometimes feel like I need Google Earth to show me where the good porn is, but once I find it, I can figure out what to do with it faster than you can click Zoom In.
Explicit sexual imagery is an aphrodisiac; it sends a direct current buzzing from our brains to our groins. Like a reliable vibrator, it can be a great tool. With porn, women like me get to experiment with making adult choices and trying on new fantasy ideas, just as we might try a different brand of condom for a change.
We don't have to think of rationality and animalistic urges as mutually exclusive. If we desire, we can let them play together like tennis doubles. Porn is one more pleasure to add to life's sexual buffet, one that can be enjoyed with a partner or alone. And if "Shaving Ryan's Privates" winds up giving you more giggles than orgasms, then the only casualty is...Ryan's privates.
By Violet Blue from O, The Oprah Magazine © 2009
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[Oncefallen]

This. All too often young men in the church have no one (including their own fathers) raising them up to become Godly men so they default to the behaviors of their peers which tends to leave us with overgrown boys. In our not so distant future boys looked forward to manhood and it's responsibilities whereas many today shirk that ideology in place of having fun.

OOPS, that was supposed to say "In our not so distant past."

Please don't think that just because I honed in on men in my post does not think that I don't see serious issues in the way that the church is bringing young ladies into womanhood, I just figure that my biggest concern as a man is the flaws of my own gender.

 

[seoulsearch]

While um, informative...

I feel a bit traumatized after even just glancing through the "Oprah Winfrey: Porn Expert" post. *shudder*

 

[Lynx]

Er... thank you biscuit. Did we really need to know that?

I didn't make it through the whole article but I did find it hilarious that there is an official job of professional porn reviewer. And the person has been at the... um, job... for ten years.

 

[BananaPie]

I thought Hooters was a restaurant?

Nah, it's a Can-Can Saloon minus the music and minus proper clothes. Women were never meant to be decorations!

[video=youtube;4Diu2N8TGKA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Diu2N8TGKA[/video]

 

[biscuit]

While um, informative...

I feel a bit traumatized after even just glancing through the "Oprah Winfrey: Porn Expert" post. *shudder*

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Desdichado]

Er... thank you biscuit. Did we really need to know that?

I didn't make it through the whole article but I did find it hilarious that there is an official job of professional porn reviewer. And the person has been at the... um, job... for ten years.

"Some call it porn reviewing. Me? I call it 'quality control.' Hey! It's a necessary function in every industry!"

 

[seoulsearch]

Er... thank you biscuit. Did we really need to know that?

I didn't make it through the whole article but I did find it hilarious that there is an official job of professional porn reviewer. And the person has been at the... um, job... for ten years.

(Ok, sorry everyone, but I am trying to make a joke here...)

I can just see it now, seeing as we actually have had threads before with people asking if, as a Christian, they should work in a bar (which is fine to ask, but...)

I'm imagining someone writing a thread such as, "Should I Take a Position (no pun intended) as a Professional Porn Reviewer? Do You Think It Might Compromise My Faith?"

Super, double, TRIPLE X (again, no pun intended) facepalm.

Sigh.

I'll even throw in a footpalm for free.

 

[Nautilus]

My question is what were you doing at the bar?
This just amused me that's all.

ONe can go to a bar for numerous reasons. Personally sometimes after a long shift(sometimes upwards of 13-14 hours) I like to go their with co-workers and relax with a cold beer or a glass of whiskey. BUt then having a drink is on a completely different level than going out and trying to hook up.

Ouch! you know girls like this?

Since I started college.

 

[Desdichado]

(Ok, sorry everyone, but I am trying to make a joke here...)

I can just see it now, seeing as we actually have had threads before with people asking if, as a Christian, they should work in a bar (which is fine, but...)

I'm imagining someone writing a thread such as, "Should I Take a Position (no pun intended) as a Professional Porn Reviewer? Do You Think It Might Compromise My Faith?"

Super, double, TRIPLE X (again, no pun intended) facepalm.

Sigh.

I'll even throw in a footpalm for free.

"I review porn so I may know God's forgiveness, and officially warn my brothers and sisters to keep off the path that leads to unrighteousness."

 

[Nautilus]

My question is what were you doing at the bar?
This just amused me that's all.

I'm just curious--if you're seeing a Christian girl grinding at the bar, then that means you are at the bar.

So what exactly do God-fearing Christian men who are going to the bar expect to see in nice Christian girls there? Do they go to a bar expecting to meet lovely Christian women sipping ice water and trying to convert others to the faith? Or maybe performing acts of charity like offering safe rides home to those who've drank too much?

I'm not saying there's necessarily anything wrong with going to the bar. But I'm just saying... If the Christian women at bars are seen as participating in unChristian behavior... What exactly are the Christian men there doing? Reading their Bibles and trying to convert the bartender?

(I can count on both hands--barely--the number of times I've gone to bars/clubs. Mostly, people wanted me as a DD. I'm not a big drinker, if at all. And, funny enough, I did get into a conversation once with a guy about life, death, and God. But that's another story. And no, I most certainly wasn't grinding on anyone.)

To me, it's like the woman caught in adultery--only one side is being judged as wrong, when there are obviously two sides.

I mean I can go enjoy a drink with friends and participate in none of the grinding and dry-humping that some people do on the dance floor section.