So Just What IS Loneliness, Anyway? (Loneliness Defined.)

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Loneliness... What Is It and When Do You Feel It?

  • I feel lonely when I'm by myself.

    Votes: 7 35.0%
  • I don't feel lonely when I'm by myself.

    Votes: 6 30.0%
  • I feel lonely when I am around other people.

    Votes: 7 35.0%
  • I don't feel lonely when I am around other people.

    Votes: 1 5.0%
  • I feel lonely all the time, with or without people. (What would change that?)

    Votes: 4 20.0%
  • I don't feel lonely very often. (What's your secret?)

    Votes: 3 15.0%
  • Loneliness is a situation (such as, being around people vs. being alone.)

    Votes: 2 10.0%
  • Loneliness is a state of mind (feeling lonely no matter what your situation.)

    Votes: 7 35.0%
  • Loneliness is something I can change.

    Votes: 5 25.0%
  • Loneliness is something I have no control over--it's just there, or it isn't.

    Votes: 4 20.0%

  • Total voters
    20
C

CandieM

Guest
#24
I feel lonely when I don't feel capable of connecting with other people and my personal definition of loneliness is a lack of interpersonal connection.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#26
I feel lonely when I don't feel capable of connecting with other people and my personal definition of loneliness is a lack of interpersonal connection .
My name is Tommy. How are you doing today?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,481
5,421
113
#27
I feel lonely when I don't feel capable of connecting with other people and my personal definition of loneliness is a lack of interpersonal connection.
Candie,

I've read several of your posts and from what I understand, you seem very content with, and prefer to be alone.

I have to admit, I kind of envy you and wish I could be a little more like that.

With so many of us pining away for a significant other, it's interesting (and in my case, a bit comforting) to hear a different viewpoint.
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#28
Candie,

I've read several of your posts and from what I understand, you seem very content with, and prefer to be alone.

I have to admit, I kind of envy you and wish I could be a little more like that.

With so many of us pining away for a significant other, it's interesting (and in my case, a bit comforting) to hear a different viewpoint.
I feel loneliness like everyone else. I am only content with that loneliness because I'm tired of people trying to date me so they can get me into bed. What hurts me the most is that I cannot connect with people in a deep way that's also platonic. What I'd like is a mother figure or a sister figure in my life, not a husband. In short, I do not ever want to have sex, so this is where me being alone seems to be a lifelong sentence that I have to contend with.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,481
5,421
113
#29
I feel loneliness like everyone else. I am only content with that loneliness because I'm tired of people trying to date me so they can get me into bed. What hurts me the most is that I cannot connect with people in a deep way that's also platonic. What I'd like is a mother figure or a sister figure in my life, not a husband. In short, I do not ever want to have sex, so this is where me being alone seems to be a lifelong sentence that I have to contend with.
I'm so sorry that people keep trying to use you. :(

I hope that God brings healing into your life, and also the healthy family figures that you are longing for. <3
 
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CandieM

Guest
#30
I'm so sorry that people keep trying to use you. :(

I hope that God brings healing into your life, and also the healthy family figures that you are longing for. <3
No one is trying to use me. People date to mate. I don't date because I don't want to mate. If I don't date and I don't get married, then I definitely wouldn't haven't sex, but I don't want sex either way. Isn't that how romance goes? Sex is a part of a romantic relationship most of the time. Also, I don't like men, but I'm definitely not homosexual either. Sex isn't something I want, period.

Why is this such a bad, bad thing?
 
C

CandieM

Guest
#32
I really wish people didn't view me as being broken because I do not want to have a sexual relationship with someone.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,345
9,364
113
#33
No one is trying to use me. People date to mate. I don't date because I don't want to mate. If I don't date and I don't get married, then I definitely wouldn't haven't sex, but I don't want sex either way. Isn't that how romance goes? Sex is a part of a romantic relationship most of the time. Also, I don't like men, but I'm definitely not homosexual either. Sex isn't something I want, period.

Why is this such a bad, bad thing?
For some reason I am getting the impression here that loneliness is an expression of sexual frustration...

Come to think of it, when many people say they are lonely that is probably what they are really complaining about.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,345
9,364
113
#34
For me loneliness seems to be a feeling that your existence does not matter to anybody else and if you did not exist it would not make a difference in anybody else's life.

This would also explain why conspiracy theorists argue so strongly against the idea that the government is not controlling our lives and nobody in Washington DC cares whether we live or die. In their hearts they want to believe the government is paying close attention to them. It helps them not feel so lonely.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#35
For some reason I am getting the impression here that loneliness is an expression of sexual frustration...

Come to think of it, when many people say they are lonely that is probably what they are really complaining about.
You're probably on to something.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#36
For some reason I am getting the impression here that loneliness is an expression of sexual frustration...

Come to think of it, when many people say they are lonely that is probably what they are really complaining about.
I honestly believe this is the only motivation to develop artificial intelligence.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,176
113
#37
Permission to share my conundrum...

I have found that in order not to feel that all alone loneliness, I must embrace the blessing this state offers. Now here is the problem, when I am out and about with people, it does have its rewards, I enjoy the company of others, especially with His other created children. However, for some reason, it makes coming home to just me a wee bit more uncomfy.

You see, I find when I isolate myself, I become more acquainted with the ease of being single. However, too much of that is unhealthy in this world and offers little fruit here or for our eternal dwelling. Our salvation calls us to get plugged in where we can serve one another, right? But when I do so, I become acutely aware of the missing pieces that others possess. I start feeling less included with the couples, and sometimes, the logistics offerered to the table are also less because there is just me.

Now when I am home, kinda just hanging out for greater periods of time, in my humble little cabinesque abode, I don't mind it at all, I become immune to what seems to be missing when I am out and about.

Hmmmm, bless my poor little heart.

Don't get me wrong, I am beyond blessed with my Lord, and all that He brings with His life giving sword. If what He has for me now, remains my allotted portion, I still fall to my feet in complete admiration and praise for all He has given.
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,176
113
#38
Hey Everyone,

This is something I've been thinking about recently.'

Here in Singles especially, we often talk about loneliness, but what exactly IS loneliness in the first place?

A quick Google definition gave this answer:

"Loneliness" --

1. Sadness because one has no friends or company.

2. The quality (of a place) of being unfrequented or remote; isolation.

* How would you define loneliness for yourself?

* Are there different definitions of loneliness?

The reason I have been asking myself this lately is because I find that when I can define something, I can break it down and hopefully find better ways to cope with it.

I personally think that loneliness is pretty sneaky. I've felt loneliness both when I was with people or alone, and when I was in a relationship or single. Realizing this has made me ask myself, "Just what IS loneliness, since I've felt such deep pangs of it whether I am around another person or not?"

I think that for me, loneliness is the state of a lack of comfortable expression.

* If I'm alone, but feel I have a way of expressing myself in a meaningful way (usually through writing, creating, or learning), I don't feel nearly as lonely.

* If I'm with other people and for some reason, don't feel comfortable with taking a turn at expressing myself, then I tend to feel extremely lonely.

I know we've had a lot of threads about how to deal with loneliness, but in this thread, I would like to know what CAUSES people to feel lonely in the first place, because I know some people can be alone most of the time, but don't seem to have as many struggles with loneliness.

What is their secret? (Besides a relationship with God.)

If you'll give me a few minutes, I'm going to create a poll (anonymous and multiple choice,) but I hope it won't stop people from giving their own definitions of loneliness as well.

So, how would you finish the following sentences:

* "I feel lonely when _____________________________"
and
* "My personal definition of loneliness is _______________________________________."

I'll have the poll up in just a few, and thanks for sharing. :)
Whoa now, your reference to writing and creating easing loneliness alone, as well when taking your turn at expressing yourself is profound. This I will be chewing on and pondering for quite some time. For now all I can say is, BAM!!!
 

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,176
113
#39
One more thing, I know now since I work at home, don't get out too often, I might need to answer the door to traveling salesmen if I ever want or expect my current condition to change, hahaha
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#40
One more thing, I know now since I work at home, don't get out too often, I might need to answer the door to traveling salesmen if I ever want or expect my current condition to change, hahaha
Have some good food ready, you might be able to get him to stay.